MEMOIRS 

OF IRE 

LIFE AND TRAVELS 

B. HIBBARD, 

MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL, 
CONTAINING AN ACCOUNT j6 F HIS 

EXPERIENCE OF RELIGION; 

AND OF HIS 

€ALL TO AND LABORS IN THE MimSTRY, 

FGS 

NEARLY FIFTY YEARS: 

IN WHICH ARE RECORDED MANY IMPORTANT, CURIOUS AND 
INTERESTING EVENTS^ 

ILLUSTRATl'V^E OF THE PROVIDENCE AND GRACE OP GOD 

. ^-^X SECOND EDITION, 

■yi' ' Hi 1876. 




- Never hew blocks with a islzot.— Swift. ^>^>^^ 
He must be a truly honest man, who is willing to be alwaj's open to! 
inspection of honest men.— Dw/^e De La Roche^ 



NEW-YORK: 

PRINTED FOR AND PUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR. 
Piercy & Reed, Printers, 9 Spruce-StreeL 

1843. 



Entered according to act of Congress, in the year 1825, bj 

B. HIBBARD, 
in the Clerk's office of the Southern District of New-York- 



PREFACE. 



In a preface it is expected the author will give 
some reason for his publication : to meet this expec- 
tation I would remark, that having been so un- 
fortunate, about four years ago, as to rupture a 
blood vessel, while preaching in Forsyth-street 
Church, in New-York, which occasioned a hae- 
morrhage and inflammation of my lungs, and 
thereby rendered me incapable of preaching, ex- 
cept occasionally ; and my desire to benefit my 
fellow creatures being as great as ever, and 
having been requested by my venerable friend 
and 'father in the Gospel, Bishop Asbury, more 
than twenty years ago, to keep a journal of my 
travels, and note down the extraordinary occur- 
rences I might be called to witness ; I thought 
I could not employ my time more usefully now 
in my worn down state than by writing and 
publishing the memoirs of my life : and feeling 
a confidence of the truth and importance of the 
maxims I have taken for a motto, " Never to 
hew blocks with a razor," and that "He must 
be a truly honest man who is willing to be 



PREFACE, 



always open to the inspection of honest men 
I therefore present it, such as it is, to a candid 
public, hoping and ardently praying, lhat Christ- 
ians of all denominations may find it a means 
of increasing their faith in our Lord Jesus 
Christ, and of encouraging the timid, doubting 
souls to press into that kingdom that is not meat 
and drink, but righteousness, and peace, and joy, 
in the Holy Ghost. If these effects are pro- 
duced, then will be accomplished the ultimate 
desire of the author. 



M E M O I R S . 



OP 



B. H I B B A R D. 



I was born in Norwich, in the state of Connecti- 
cut, on February 24th, 1771. My father, Nathan 
HiBBARD, was by trade a tanner and shoemaker, and 
of good report for honesty among all his acquaintance ; 
he had married Mahetable Crosby, by whom he 
had ten children, of which I was the eighth. This 
woman was said to be very pious ; she died, how- 
ever, when I was about two years old. Her two last 
children were twins, they both died in a short time 
after they were born, and she followed them in a few 
days, in the assurance of faith and in hope of a bless- 
ed immortality. My father lived a widow^er about 
seven months, and then by the advice of many 
respectable neighbors, he married Miss Phebe 
Fitch ; and truly this was one of the best of women ; 
the first things of importance that I can remember, 
were the instructions of this good w^oman : she taught 
me my prayers, and to fear God and keep his com- 
mandments. 

In the year 1775 we heard of war; the British 
had sent Thomas Gage with ^ fleet and army to 



6 



Boston to reduce the colonies to subjection. In a 
little while we heard of the dreadful battles of Lex- 
ington and Bunker Hill, — all was bustle and noise of 
war ; soldiers were called out ; my father and four 
uncles went ; I asked my mother if the regulars 
would kill them : she said, I hope not, child ; but I 
saw tears in her eyes as she spoke. At night she 
instructed me to pray for my father, and to pity the 
regulars who were sent over by the king of England 
to kill us, if we did not submit to his tyrannical laws. 
But she hoped the Lord would save us from his 
tyranny. 

My mind was impressed with a sense of pity for 
the soldiers ; because they were forced to fight for 
the support of wicked rulers, and if they succeeded 
to enslave us in this land, as they themselves were 
enslaved in England, we too should be obliged to 
fight to support wicked rulers. But I prayed most 
earnestly, that God would deliver us from their 
power. My mind being occupied with these mat- 
ters, and hearing so much of fighting and war, I had 
many dreams of battles. I saw armies meet, and 
balls fly thick and swift. In one of these visionary 
battles I thought my brother v/as wounded ; he lay 
bleeding on the ground, I went to call my uncles 
who were in the ranks, firing at the enemy, to take 
my wounded brother away ; but as I drew near to 
them, I saw the enemy in great numbers, pouring 
down from a hill : their glittering armour and the 
awful clangour of arms, threatened immediate de- 
stRiction to our little army. I thought surely we 



7 



must all be destroyed, and none but the Lord can 
save us. I therefore raised my hands towards heaven, 
and cried out. O Lord deliver us from our ene- 
mies." That moment I saw smoke mingled with 
gravel stones and streaks of fire falling from heaven, 
between the enemy and our men, which spread 
over the enemy, and immediately all fighting ceased. 
There seemed to be but few of the enemy that came 
out of the smoke, and they all appeared friendly ; all 
the w^ounded were healed; the sky immediately 
cleared off, and a light, above the brightness of the 
sun, shone all over the firmament. 

By this dream I was encouraged to pray, and trust 
in the Lord : I believed God would fioht the battles 
of America, and that finally our enemies would 
become friends. So much for a mother's instruction, 
by which, while young, I learned to fear and hope 
in God, 

I went to school the principal part of the tim.e, 
from four until I was six years old, and met with 
no abuse ; but now the scene changed, for we had 
a very tyrant in school for a master, and it seemed 
he took pleasure in torturing me. I knew not why 
he flogged me so frequently, and so unjustly, until 
after he was turned out of school. But so it was ; I 
was so whipped and feruled, and kept to hard study, 
that T pined away to a mere skeleton ; and thereby 
excited the compassion of my parents and neigh- 
bors, so that they inquired the cause. But I dared 
not tell them for fear of violating the laws of my 
parents and my master, who had taught me, not to 



s 



tell tales oai of schoc! However, some scholars 
told their parents, so that the mailer canoe to ligbt, 
and he was soon expelled from ;he cisirict wiihoul a 
recoiiimendation. 

Notwithstanding that I suffered QRCommon hard- 
ships, I learned more in that school lhan any olher^ 
for the length of lime ; for, besides what knowledge 
I got of reading and English Grammar, and many 
pieces I could recite, I learned much of human 
nature. It would be expected that I should know 
the rules of this schoolj and remenr^ber those rules, 
especial]}" when I was so frequently flogged for trans- 
gressing them, such as *'not to look off my book, while 
studying or reading." Sometimes when I stopt to spit, 
or blow my nose, I was accused of looking off my 
book, and called up and flogged. Sometimes a scholar 
would whisper to me, so I would look off, and was 
flogged many times for this ; but nothing was said 
to the one that whispered. The master pretended 
that he had great difficulty to keep me in order, and 
to make his task the lighter, he told the scholars they 
must tell him when I did amiss or did not mind my 
book, and they must also watch me, when I was out 
of school, and if I transgressed any rule to let hira 
know. Thereby they would be good children in 
his opinion ; but as for me, he said I was a Tcry 
wicked boy. However, his reproofs nerer once 
couTicted my conscience of sin. But my poor back 
has felt the smart of his rod, five limes in a day, 
and for no other crime than looking off my book, or 
blowing my nose, or sitting cross-lei^ged on my seatt 



0 



Once he boxed my ears and made my nose bleed 
and then whipped nie, because one said I picked my 
nose and made it bleed. Another rule was to go 
directly home after school, and make no noise; this 
I transgressed once, for to be sure, I was the first to 
go home after school was out. One afternoon as I 
was running before the other scholars in a foot-path, 
near the wall, I trod on a snake that curlecl around 
my ancle : I screamed out once, before I thought of 
the master's law. I ran into the cart road and 
waited for the scholars, to whom I gave a true state- 
ment, and begged them not to tell the master ; but 
they said they did not believe me, for I was a wicked 
boy, the master had said so, and they should tell 
him ; so 1 slept but little that night, and the next 
day lie called me up and gave me one whipping for 
screaming, and another for telling a lie, as he said, 
about the snake. This made me more cautious, to 
look where I stepped, lest another snake should 
frighten me into disobedience to the master's law. 
After this, 1 made no attempt to plead my cause, for 
I found when accused, if I denied it, I was whipped 
for the thing accused of, and again for lying: — 
as to lying, 1 could not feel a conviction of mind 
that I was guilty ; and as for the lies of the master 
and his two or three favorites, I could not believe 
that an holy God would condemn me for their 
wickedness. But all the comfort I had, was, that if 
I died the Lord would take me to Heaven ; also a 
persuasion of mind that something would transpire 

to relieve me, and that the judgment of the Lord 

1 



10 



Would follow the master^ and the two that informed 
against me* This often rested with weight and 
assurance on my mind ; and afler I neglected to 
plead my cause, some of the scholars spoke for me 
and contradicted his two informants, which much 
displeased the master, and for which several of 
them were whipped. 

I have often heard my mother and others say, that 
one of the scholars (a man thirty-three years of age,) 
who attended the school ; had been one of my great 
friends ; and it was conjectured, if it had not been 
for him, the master would have killed me. This 
man I can well remember : he did not know a letter 
in the book when he first came to school ; and in 
four weeks he could read with a little prompting ; 
I contracted a great liking for him ; because he was 
so tender of me ; in the intermission, he would get 
me by him to teach him his letters and firbt sylla- 
bles : yet the master would not suffer him to have 
me to teach him in the school hours ; but assigned 
the office to one of his favorites. This man spoke 
for me several times, and I escaped several whippings 
by his means. He would also shame the master's 
little favorites, in the noon hour, for informing 
against me ; insomuch that one of them made his 
confession to me that he had done me WTong : but 
the other, like the master, repented not ; though they 
had like to have ended my days. Now the cause 
of all this, was said to be simply this : my father^ 
who was a tanner, and no barber by trade ; though 
rt was said he could shave well ; was desired by the 



11 



master, to shave him on a training day ; when he 
said he wished to appear to a good advantage among 
the ladies as spectator of the training. My father's 
razor was dull, so that he could neither shave close 
nor easy, and because of a little laughing at him 
about the girls, by my father and some others pre- 
sent, he became so enraged that, as they said, he 
looked more like a surly bull, than like a man. In 
this sour surly look, he went to training, to see the 
ladies, but they were too refined in sensibilities to 
be pleased with him, therefore they treated him with 
neglect ; and he charged all the blame on my father, 
for shaving him so. 

I have been the more particular in relating these 
occurrences, because I heard some years after, that 
this same master was hanged for forgery ; that one 
of his favorites died in prison, where he was con- 
fined for some crime ; and that the other was lost at 
sea, in his first setting out for himself. But notwith- 
standing they had been cruel to me, I felt sorrow for 
their unhappy fate when T heard of it, though I was 
confirmed in my opinion, that the spirit of malice 
practiced by the master upon me, and taught to his 
two favorites, w^ilh their habit of lying, was the cause 
of the curse. 

When I found my suffering excited the sympathy 
of parents and neighbors, it contributed to raise 
my drooping spirits. I soon gained my health, and 
enjoyed great happiness in my mother's instructions. 
My father's prayer I thought to be very good, be- 
cause I viewed him to be a good man, but as to 



12 



ihe prayer the master said over in school, though 
I could repeat it all verbatim, yet I never would use 
any of his expressions in my solemn prayers ; be- 
cause I thought he did not mean what he said in 
prayer; and therefore, it would be offensive to God, 
for me to use them. I must be sincere and mean as 
I said. 

I had an idea that lying was one of the worst of 
sins, and dared not be guilty of that crime. It hap- 
pened a little before we moved to Berkshire, I went 
to visit one of my school-mates, and we, in our 
rambles, came to a road near a neighbor's barn, 
w^here was a number of willow trees, — we were highly 
delighted with the willow sticks, and were breaking 
off some, when the owner, who was a stern man, 
came near and yelled out at us, you villians ! are 
you stealing my willow sticks, Vll hang you !" This 
frightened us so that we ran off and left all, and I 
continued on home. In calmly reasoning on this, I 
concluded that though I broke off some sticks, yet I 
could not view it to be stealing, because I did not 
know it to be wrong : but as for Mr. D — he must 
hang me, or he would lie, and that would be his un- 
doing for ever; so that I felt very badly, for I was 
not willing to be hung, and I was sorr}?- to have the 
man lie ; but I concluded to say nothing about it, as 
we were soon to move away, and I would keep at 
home, so I dispensed with going to see my grand- 
father because we had to go past Mr. D~ — 's house, 
and he might hang me. This worried rny mind at 
times, — but when I was seventeen years old, a cir- 



13 



cnmstance happened that settled the matter, as fol- 
lows : It had been proposed by my father that my 
sister and I should go to Norwich on a visit, and 
though my fears had subsided about being hanged, 
yet I felt sorry for the foolish man, that he should 
threaten what would be a sin to perform. My anxi- 
ety was great to visit my native place ; asleep or 
awake, I was intent upon my visit ; and one night as 
I slept in the chamber under the roof, I dreamed 
that 1 was at Norwich, and after visiting where we 
had lived, I started to go to see my grandfather. On 

my way, as I was near Mr. D 's, I thought of the 

willow sticks, and concluded that he could not scare 
me now as he did when I was a small boy ; just then 
I saw a m.an coming with a rope in his hand ; as we 
met, I knew him ; he looked at me as stern as ven- 
gearice, and asked, ^' are you not the boy that got 
sticks from my willows ?" I said, I got sticks from 
some willows in the road round the point of that hill," 
(pointing toward the place ;) well" said he, I said 
I would hang you, and now I shall do it," (fixing a 
noose in his rope to put over my head.) I said, you 
will if you are stronger than 1 am," and drawing 
back my fist I let drive at his breast a full blow ! He 
stood as one amazed, and afraid to stir ; and I felt 
as though I had broken all the bones in my hand. I 
put my fist down by my side and passed along, roll- 
ing my eye at him, expressive of readiness to give 
him a harder blow than that : he seemed to sheer oflf 
as though he was as glad to leave me as I was him : 

mv hand pained me so that I awoke, and found my 

1* 



14 



bed bloody, and the skin knocked off my knuckles 
so that the bones were bare. The next morning I 
found some pieces of skin on the rafter over my bed^ 
in such a manner that I must have been sitting up 
in bed to give the blow in that place. The next 
inorning I related the whole affair to the family, 
which made them laugh heartily. Now if I had been 
one of that sort of people that never have dreams, I 
should never have had to dress m.y wounded knuck- 
les with the bones bare for five or six weeks ; but 
this was an occasion to disclose all my crime of steal* 
ing willow sticks. 

After we had moved to Berkshire county, in Mas- 
sachusetts, my father was engafi^ed in building a 
house, and having many workmen, he omitted pray- 
er in his family, at which my motlier was very un« 
easy ; but my father intimated that he was doing 
right in the omission, because* he was building a new^ 
house. About the same time some soldiers came 
home from the army, where they had learned to 
swear horribly, and when my mother reproved 
them, they said they had learned it in the arm,y, 
where they thought it was right to swear, to make 
the soldiers brave and mind their duty ; but here at 
home, they believed it would be as well to dispense 
with it, unless it was on some extraordinary occasion ; 
but my mother would not allow swearing to be right 
on any occasion. My father also discountenanced 
the practice ; but a difficulty arose in my mind when 
I contrasted the conduct of my father in neglecting 
prayer and that of the soldiers in swearing. My fa- 



15 



ther said it was right for him to neglect prayer be^ 
cause he was building a new house, and had so many 
hands about him ; and the soldiers said it was right 
for them to swear because it was war lime : but my 
conscience sided with my mother's sentiment, that 
both were wrong ; however, it was many years be- 
fore my father began prayer again in his family, and 
those sentiments (of my father and the soldiers) ob- 
tained generally in the neighborhood ; for many who 
had prayed in their famihes, left off, and others who 
would not swear at home, would nevertheless, swear 
profanely at raisings, at trainings, and when on a 
journey, or at a tavern. J remember, one day at a 
training, a boy swore wickedly, and another boy re- 
proved him— he stared open his eyes and exclaimed, 
why it's training day." 

I was sent to school in this new settlement, and at 
first it seemed that the scholars and master, and the 
neighbors among whom I visited would never see a 
fault in me, for they praised every thing I did ; but 
w^helher they saw a fault in me or not, I believe the 
Lord saw many, for I soon began to swear a little 
(carefully) when among the boys that practised it, 
though I dare not swear before those that I thought 
would tell my father ; and when I first began to use 
profane language, though my mates were well pleas- 
ed with it, yet my conscience w^as smitten with 
heavy reproof, so that for weeks I dared not swear 
at all; something often impressed my mind with an 
inquiry of, ** why will ye die ?" I can truly say, I 
had not known what guilt for sin was till now ; and now 



16 



I had only guilt for doing such things as I knew were 
wrong, and swearing I had known to be wrong : for 
some tinrie tliere appeared two powers contending in 
my mind, whether I would indulge in swearing like 
the generality of boys, and the most of men, oi whe- 
ther I would live in the fear of God, as I had done. 
My father's plea for omitting prayer, and the swearer's 
plea for swearing, bore with weight on rny mind ; 
truly I liked my mother's plea better than any other ; 
but then she had acknowledged that most^ of people 
were wicked, and it was a prevailing sentiment, that it 
was right to be in the fashion and follow general cus- 
tom ; so that after struggling three or four months, in 
which time I had spoken five or six wicked words, 
whereby I had lost all influence over my mates in 
reproving them, and all happinessin pra}'erorreligious 
instruction, that it was not long before I could swear 
without troubling my conscience about it, and for 
thiee years I presume I was as wicked as any one ; 
but in all this time I was too successful in keeping 
my wickedness hid from my parents, or they would 
have reproved me. My father w^as immersed in the 
cares of this world, summer and winter, in buildings, 
and in clearing up new land, and some merchandise. 
Many were the hardships of all classes of people the 
two last years of the war, and we had our share, but 
in no instance did I ever hear my father swear a 
profane oath. He was a jovial man in business, very 
apt to joke and jest, in a good natured way, but he 
must drive on work. My work was to go on errands, 
to ride about and collect debts, and go to mill, &c. 



17 



in which I had opportunity to swear without the 
knowledge of my parents ; and when alone, I would 
study out the different nriodes of expressing myself 
v/ickedly, soas to excel in this business ; for if a man 
did not go beyond the customary mode, he could not 
gain a respectful attention, I was so good a scholar 
in this science, that some swearers were frightened 
ai what I said, and reproved me- — ihey said I was 
too bad ; this gave me some check, for I thought if 
I should go too far for the wicked themselves, that if 
my parents should know of it, and reprove me, I should 
have none to plead in my behalf, and I should of course 
fall into disgrace among all. About this time, as my 
father was one morning helping me away to the mill, 
after he had lifted me on the horse, he said, Novv, 
boy, do you behave well to-day, and don't let me 
hear of any more of your wicked talk." As he 
spoke the last words, turning his head away, he 
seemed to choke with grief ; I saw a tear in his eye — 
he walked off and I rode on, but a dagger was in my 
heart. J began to consider the effect my wickedness 
had on my father ; he was grieved beyond expres- 
sion ; my mother must be grieved too- — and what a 
monster of a wretch was I to grieve such parents. 
If my wickedness would grieve them, and shock 
swearing men too, vi^hat will be the consequence of 
my wickedness to me ? Why, truly, 1 must be damn- 
ed, and hell must be my portion ! Yes, my mother 
has often told me, that the wicked must be turned 
into hell with all the nations that forget God and 
tliough I am novv hut eleven years old5 and may 



IS 



live a great while to enjoy sinful pleasures ; yet, what 
of all that, there is no happiness in it, for the wicked 
scorn me because I am too bad, and then I must be 
damned after all. Truly I am a wretch undone, and 
shall be damned at last ! Thus I had my meditation 
while riding four miles to mill. After the miller had 
taken off my grist, I went into the house to warm 
me ; his daughter was just then clearing the oven of 
coals, and threw them on the fire, which made it 
very bright. I sat looking into the fire, and tiiought, 
must I lie in such a hot fire as that to all eternity." 
I fancied that I saw myself in the fire, writhing and 
turning myself to bear the torturing pain, when sud- 
denly I saw the justice of God in my misery, be- 
cause I had sinned ; a trembling seized me ; I was 
afraid the family would notice it, and ask the cause ; 
1 arose and steered for the door — w'ith difficulty I got 
out, and to keep from falling, I laid hold of the 
garden fence. After getting breath and strength, I 
walked round a little hill, out of sight, and there gave 
vent to my tears. Here for some time 1 lament* 
ed my profane swearing ; other wickedness I knew 
I was guilty of, but this sin was in my mind, the 
fountain of all my sins, because therein I treated 
God with contempt and cast off his fear ; I raised 
my mind in prayer, but there was no access to God. 
I thought I must break off from my sins before God 
would have mercy on me, and I must set about it 
immediately or there never could be any mercy for 
me ; I then looked round to see if any body saw me, 
for I wanted to speak out, though I believed that 



19 



God was omnipresent in hearing and seeing. When 
I found I was alone, I put my hands together, and 
raising them up, I said, O Lord, I will not swear 
profanely any more adding a solemn vow to this 
promise. Now I thought I must pay unto the Lord 
this vow, or I should certainly be damned ; but now 
there was some hope of mercy if I repented aright, 
therefore it behoved me to pay close attention to 
keep my vow and not to swear any more. Also to 
break off from all other sins, although I had not so 
clear a sense of any sin as that of swearing, and I 
understood that real repentance was to be sensible 
of my sins, to feel a suitable sorrow for them, and 
also to forsake them. In order, therefore, that this 
and other sins might be clearly manifest to me, I 
made it a practice to use such language in prayer as 
this, 0 Lord, teach me my sins," Then I would 
wait to have some sin brought to my thoughts ; some- 
times I had many sins brought to my remembrance, 
for which I would ask pardon with weeping eyes, 
expressing my sincere sorrow for them ; at other 
times when 1 said this short prayer, 1 would add, 
"and help me to repent aright," for I thought if I 
did not repent aright, I should be justly damned for 
unfaithfulness in repenting ; and lest I should be 
guilty of using vain repetitions as the heathen do," 
I would wait solemnly with my mind intently fixed 
on God for an answer. I read the Scriptures with 
greater attention than ever, and in private I would 
weep and mourn for my sins ; I had some fears that 
I should not find mercy at last ; nevertheless I prayed 



20 



heartily that the Lord would spare my life until I 
could completely repent. At one time I felt encour- 
aged, that if I were faithful, 1 should repent enougli 
by the time I was thirty years old ; but after awhile, 
I began to see that my sins were greater than I had 
thought them to be, that I had not felt sorrow enough 
for them, and that I had not made sufficient confes- 
sion to obtain pardon, and now I must go over with 
them again. Now the most of my nights I spent in 
weeping ; my pillow and my shirt collar were often 
wet with tears, and I would arise early to wash my 
face for fear some one would discover that I had 
been crying, and ask me what was the matter, which 
I dare not make known at that time, for my mother 
had been so opposed in her good designs, that she 
was discouraged, and had said, it was in vain for any 
one to try and worship God unless in secret. There 
was one sin I had committed besides swearing, that 
for awhile I thought could not be forgiven me. Jt 
was this : I was one day by an old saw mill, and 
looking round among the rotten timber, I saw a 
small iron staple in a rotten billet: this I coveted 
and took it along wMth me : on my way home I was 
convicted in ray mind that this was stealing, and if 
my parents knew it, they would chastise me : but I 
was not willing to carry it back, and I w^as afraid of 
being detected at home ; at first, I knew not wdiat to 
do, when it was suddenly suggested to my mind, to 
throw it forv/ard in the road and then find it, and say 
I found it : this suited my carnal mind, — I did so, 
but no one ever asked me about it and I forgot it, 



21 



untii now it was brought to my recollection ; and 
oh ! the keen remorse and guilt I felt; I viewed it 
lo be stealing as really as if I had taken a thousand 
pounds in money ; and what aggravated my con- 
demnation was, that I had a check of conscience at 
the time, and did not regard it, and then I might have 
given again that which I had robbed, (as it is written 
in the Scriptures, Ezekiel xviii.) but now it was lost, 
and therefore too late. I began to conclude that I 
should not get through my repentance until I was 
fifty or sixty years old ; but I had a hope that I 
should find mercy then. I prayed earnestly that I 
might live, and I h^d greater hopes of living than I 
had of finding mercy or pardon at last, because I 
tliought the Lord had answered my prayer in bring- 
ing my sins to my remembrance, and he perfectly 
knew my sincere design to repent faithfully, so that 
if he had any mercy for me, he would give me a 
good space to repent, though he did not pardon me 
at the end of sixty years. I began to pray more 
earnestly that he would bring my sins to my mind 
in their worst appearance, and shew me how bad I 
had been, and how bad I was now. Sometimes so 
many sins would come to my remembrance, that I 
could not express a suitable sorrow for them all, and 
would forget some of them. I thought of the num- 
ber of times I had sworn profanely, and the injury it 
had done to others in hardening them in wickedness, 
as well as encouraging them to commit some 
sins that they would not have committed if it had 
not been for me ; also the number of times I had 



22 



beeD angry and wished some curse upon some per- 
sons, and the sins ihey had committed in consequence 
of it ; all these things made me despair of obtaining 
pardon until I was eighty years old, and I doubted 
much W'hether I should live so many years; but when 
I considered that my grandfather was about that age, 
and I had heard say, that it was hereditary for chil- 
dren to live to be old, whose grand-parents had lived 
long, and that all my grand-parents on my fathers 
and mother's side had lived, oi were like to live, to 
that age, and as my designs w^ere now so good, there- 
fore I had a faint hope of living and obtaining 
mercy at last ; still I prayed to see the w^orst of my 
state, and paid more attention to the tempers of my 
mind, by comparing them to that holiness that was 
necessary to enjoy an holy God, I found, to my un- 
speakable grief and dismay, that I w^as altogether 
unholy in my nature ; my sins had corrupted every 
part, so that there w^as nothing in me that w^as good ; 
I was a complete sink of sin and iniquity ; I looked 
to see if there was no way to escape, if God could 
not be just and have mercy on me : but no, my sins 
w-ere of that nature that they had made my nature 
sinful; I cried out w^hen alone, ^* 0 wretch that I 
am ! undone for ever ! all my hopes of obtaining 
mercy and getting to Heaven at last, are gone, and 
gone for ever ! and it is all just and right with God." 
Still it is a little mercy to me that I am not killed 
and damned out-right ; I may live here awhile, but 
then at last I must be damned ! and to pray for my- 
self will do no good ; there is no mercy for me ; I 



23 



can do nothing that will make amends for m}^ suis, 
they are past and cannot be recalled : 0 wretch 
that I am ! I have undone myself, and am undone 
for ever. Well, what shall I do now ? To pray for 
mercy for myself is all in vain ; though I feel no 
guilt for what I have done in praying and confessing 
my sins for some weeks past, yet to continue in this, 
now I see my end, will be a vain employment; it 
was just and right that I should pray and repent, that 
I might see my end. But now what shall I do ? To 
sin is the worst of all, I have done too much of that 
already ; ah ! that has been my undoing. I could 
say, 

Let me to some wild desert go, 

And find a peaceful home ; 
Where storms of malice never blow, 

Temptations never come. 

But that would be too good a place for me, I de- 
served to be damned ; but this I could not pray for. 
For four days I was in this state of despair, and had 
neglected my stated hours of secret retirement for 
prayer. When one Sabbath, having been reading 
of the sufferings of Christ, I had an impression to 
go in secret and pray ; I went, but on the way, the 
thought struck me, What can you pray for ? It is in 
vain to pr^y for yourself. Well, I said, (while all 
nature around looked more dismal to me than a 
mourning shroud.) I can pray for other poor sinners, 
that are not so bad as I am ; and seeing I must be 
damned, I can be willing to, if God would but save 



some others by thai means. I thought how hapj>y 
must Jesus Christ have been when he suffered for 
sinners. It would yield some satisfaction to me, if 
my misery can be a cause of happiness to others ; 
but when I came to the place of prayer, had kneeled 
down and closed my eyes, with my hands uplifted 
toward the heavens, I saw Jesus Christ at the right 
hand of God looking down upon me, and God the 
Father looking upon him. The look of Jesus on me 
removed the burden of my sins, while he spoke 
these words, Be faithful unto death and this shall 
be thy place of rest." I never had seen Jesus Christ 
before, nor heard his voice, nor ever had a sense of 
his intercession at the right hand of God for me till 
now ; and now I could see the justice of God in 
shewing mercy to me for the sake of his Son Jesus 
Christ ; and not only to me, but to all that would 
come to him forsaking their sins, and believing that 
his death and suffering were the only satisfactory 
sacrifice for sin. I felt a sudden sense of the im- 
propriety of my offer to be damned for the good of 
* others, though I had no condemnation for it ; but 

the love of God in Christ and of Christ in God, so 
completely overcame me, that I was all in tears, 
crying. Glory ! Glory ! Glory ! Beholding the glory 
of God by faith, was a rapturous sight ; but soon it 
was suggested that I must open my eyes on creation ; 
and feeling an ardent desire for company to encour- 
age me in this worship of God, it appeared that on 
opening my eyes I should see some. I opened my 
eyes therefore, while still on my knees : and behold 



25 



all nature was praising God. The sun and firma- 
ment, the trees, birds, and beasts, all appeared stamp- 
ed with the glory of God. I leaped from my 
kneeling posture, clapped my hands, and cried, 
Glory ! Glory ! Glory ! Heaven and earth is full of 
thy glory. Then I sung, 

Command his praise abroad, 

And hymns of glory sing ; 
Jehovah is the Sovereign Lord, 

The universal King. 

I understood now what I had read of the children 
singing hosannah to the son of David, blessed is the 
King that cometh in the name of the Lord. Hosan- 
nah in the highest ! After I had sung this verse 
two or three times over, I began another, — putting 
my hands together, and saying : now, O Lord ac- 
cept what 1 will sing to Thee, 

Might I enjoy the meanest place, 
Within thy house, O God of grace : 
No tents of ease nor thrones of power, 

Shall tempt my feet to leave thy door. j 

This verse I sung as my covenant wich the Lord ; 
I felt all submission, and all joy. I knew my sins 
were all forgiven me, and if faithful, I should reign 
with God in glory. I thought now I shall see 
no more trouble for ever, for the Lord has made the 
world over anew — there is nothing in it to disturb or 
distress me. I have got more than I ever though^ 
of enjoying in this world ; then I would stop as I 
was walking homeward, and again give glory to 

2 



God* I thonghl if I had had my eyes open, I mighl 
have seen how the Lord made the world over again. 
And then 1 thought again, if I had kept my eyes 
open, I should not have seen God in glory, and 
Je&us Christ, which was the best of alL I supposed 
however, that God shook the earth with a flash of 
lightning, while I was on my knees, and I was so 
overwhelmed in beholding his glory, that I did not 
notice it. Then I would stop as I was walking and 
give glory to God. Now, thought I, I will take 
the meanest place in the service of God here, for I 
have been the greatest sinner that ever lived. Bui 
I thought that whereas my brothers and sisters were 
better than myself, and as the present experience 
was a wonderful display of mercy, 'I feared that if 
I said any thing about it they might think it a vain 
boast of goodness ; and it would seem as though I 
did not take the lowest place. I this frame of mind, 
I went on to the house, expecting to see the same 
change in my brothers and sisters, that I saw in all 
creation around. But when I entered the liouse and j 
saw them, I was disappointed, — they did not appear ^ 
as I expected they would. The disappointment 
caused sudden grief, and I retired immediately to a 
secret place, to give vent to my tears. Here I re- 
solved to keep the knowledge of what I had seen and j 
felt to myself, until I should be a man. With the 
poet, I could say, 

With pleasing grief and mournful joy, 
My spirit now was fiird. 



CHAPTER II. 



My custom after this was to pray in some secret 
place, as often as I could, and to keep in a praying 
frame of mind at all times. To read the Scriptures, 
and listen to the religious conversation of the few 
that said any thing about religion. To watch over 
my tempers, and not let them arise to fretfulness and 
anger. To live in a sober frame of mind, and never 
jest nor trifle with any one. I was now about twelve 
years of age, and had no one to whom I dared open 
my mind. But without these means, I enjoyed un- 
interrupted peace with God, 

Awake or asleep, at home or abroad, 
I was still surrounded with my God. 

I was not afraid to die, nor did I desire it; I 
wished only to learn of Jesus to be meek and lowly ; 
I found I was not beyond temptation, nor could 
the devil harm me if I was only faithful to the 
Lord. My tears were tears of gratitude to the 
Lord for his unbounded love. I made it my prac- 
tice to say no more to any one, than my business 
with ihem required ; and spent the rest of my time in 
meditation and prayer. Nothing discouraged me, 
or clouded my sky, until I began to listen to Captaia 



3^ 



B- — 's conversation, and to reason upon his notions 
of God's decrees, and of unconditional election, and 
unconditional reprobation ; I heard him say that 
God had decreed all things whatsoever cometh to 
pass, sin not accepted ; and that God had elected 
from before the foundation of the world, all that 
ever would or could be saved ; and the rest were 
reprobated, so that they could not be saved. Of the 
elect he said, they might live here in sin and wicked- 
ness all their days, until a little before the breath 
went out of their bodies, and then God would by 
his special grace convert them, and take them to 
Heaven. Of the reprobates he said, they might 
have conviction of sin, and repent and live appa- 
rently very religious lives, so that we might think 
them very good Christians ; but God would never 
convert tliem ; and though they might live moral, 
and seemingly religious lives, until they were eighty 
or ninety years old, it would only w^ork out for them 
an aggravated damnation ; for God had fixed them 
for it by his eternal decree, while the elect could 
not possibly commit a sin, that could in any wise 
endanger their salvation. If a man committed mur- 
der many times, or hung himself, and he was only 
one of Gud's elect, he would be pardoned and 
taken immediately to Heaven ; that good works, or 
faith, or any thing we could do, was no condition of 
our salvation, for it was unconditional ; that it all 
depended on the covenant of grace, and this cove- 
nant of grace, he represented as being wholly with 



29 



the Father and the Son, before the foundation of the 
world ; that the Father then gave all the elect to his 
Son, if he would die for them, and the rest were left 
and reprobated, 

I found the neighbours all agreed with him, for 
those who did not say so in plain words, would say 

Aye !" without dispute, and so pass along. My 
father was one of those that said Aye ! 

The minister of our town, said that Captain B. 
was a man of good understanding ; and I under- 
stood the minister to hold the same sentiments. He 
would often say these were great mysteries : but 
then we must believe theai. He often spoke of the 
covenant of grace as being the foundation of all our 
hopes. I well remember it was said, this covenant 
was between the Father and the Son ; and that the 
condition of it was fulfilled on the part of the elect by 
Christ ; and therefore, there was no condition for 
the creature to fjilfil. So then, all that were giv- 
en to the Son in the covenant of grace, were redeem- 
ed by Christ, and saved by an effectual calling, w^ith- 
out any works that the creature could do. As to 
good works, it was said, that all works of the crea- 
ture before he was efTectually called were wicked 
in the sight of God. But those, and only those, done 
after he was efTectually called and converted, were 
good in the sight of God. Though w^e were apt to 
call some works good before this change was wrought. 
I remember they spoke of some reprobates, how they 
might live seemingly very religious lives until they 

2* 



30 



were eighty or ninety years old ; but all this would 
only work out for them a more aggravated danfina- 
tion. 

In the course of three or four months those prin- 
ciples were all advanced in my hearing, and I paid 
particular attention to them : I had supposed that 
Christian men, and especially ministers, knew all 
about God's plan of salvation, and that I must learn 
of them : but on hearing these things my mind was 
staggered ; I, however, dared not deny them, or al- 
low myself to think that they were not so, for there 
was a maxim often repeated to give children a sense 
of their ignorance, and to make them regard the 
counsel of the old people, that—*' young folks think 
old folks to be fools ; but old folks knoiv young folks 
to be fools so I thought I must be a fool in order 
to be wise. 

I often struggled to suppress doubts that arose in 
my mind with respect to the consistency of such a 
system ; but I would say to myself when alone, it 
must be so ; those that assert il are men and Chris- 
tians too, they therefore must know ; and what am I, 
that I should doubt it : then I would desire that I 
might know that I was one of the elect ; but I would 
say, how shall I know ? How can I know ? I read 
the Scriptures but I cannot find out by that. I have 
heard no voice saying to me, you are elected. It 
was suggested to my mind one day, that I must try 
some experiment to know this, as I read of holy 
men of old trying. But I said : what shall it be ? I 



31 



thought of the case of Gideon's fleece of wool ; and 
of the prophet that called for fire, and of Christ's 
cursing the fig-tree ; but I thought if I should pray 
to the Lord to do any thing nairaculous as a sign that 
I was elected ; and if he should not do it, it would be 
a sign that I was reprobated. This I did not want 
to know. It was suggested to melhat I should ask 
the Lord to cause a bush to wither and die ; and if 
it should die, it would be a sign that I was elected. 
But again it was suggested that if it did not, it would 
be a sign that I was not elected. I dared not attempt 
an experiment so unlikely to succeed agreeable to 
my mind. At length I hit on an expedient that I 
was in hopes would succeed to settle the difficulty : 
It was by making a mark, and standing at so great a 
distance from it that I could not fairly jump over it 
without some extraordinary assistance, and yet so 
that I might get ray feet over the mark in such a 
manner that it should not prove that I was reprobated. 
This I tried very solemnly. First, I most earnestly 
prayed that God would assist me. If I got my feet 
a little over the mark, it would be suggested to my 
mind, that it was no sign because I did not jump 
fairly over. Well, said I, it is no sign that 1 am re- 
probated, for I got my feet over the mark ; if I 
shortened the distance so that by jumping with all 
my might, I could clear the mark fairly, it would 
be suggested, that is no sign that you are elected, 
for this you did without special help from God. 
Thus I worried myself for some time when alone, 
without obtaining any evidence that I was elected ; 



32 

but I was careful to work the matter so that there 
should be no proof that I was reprobated : however, 
while praying to the Lord with tears and strong 
cries, that he would graciously shew me that I was 
elected, it would be sugcested to my mind as one 
asking me, Why do you want to know that you are 
elected? I would reply — 0 Lord, if I knew that I 
was elected, I should have good reason to live faith- 
ful in thy service, to watch and pray, &c. Then as 
if an impression of mind answered, Live faithful and 
you shall be elect ! This would so satisfy my nnind 
for that time, that I was encouraged to double my 
diligence in watchfulness and prayer. Many were 
the svAieet seasons I had in secret places : sometimes 
Ifelt such a sense of the goodness of God in saving 
me, a poor sinner, that with tears I would cry no- 
thing but glory, praise, and honor be unto the Lord 
forever ; and close my exercise with singing or re- 
peatinT, 

"Might I enjoy the meanest place, 
Within thy house, 0 God of grace ; 
No tents of ease, nor thrones of power, 
Shal) tempt my feet to iea/e ihy door.'* 

In watchfulness I felt it a duty to guard against the 
rising of anger or impatience ; and when tempted to 
fret about any thing, I strove against it by lifting my 
heart to the Lord in prayer ; generally, I was suc- 
cessful in suppressing the attacks of anger, so as not 
to feel guilt or have cause to repent with grief for 
any thing I said or did on those occasions ; but 



33 



when unwatchful, and a provocation to frelfulness 
occurred, I was so overtaken in anger that it would 
cause several days grief for my unwatchfulness ; 
generally^ those turns of fretful ness overcame me 
when I had been forgetful of my duty to watch ; then 
I would upbraid myself with unfaithfulness, and think 
with how much greater severity would the blessed 
Jesus reprove me than he did Martha, when she 
fretted. I always found that forgetfulness of the 
d^ity of watching was the cause why I was overtaken 
in the sin of anger. Sometimes these words would 
sound in my mind. What I say unto you I say unto 
all^ WATCH. O what a duty ! 0 how careless I 
have been ! I cannot expect the Lord will bless me 
if I do not obey him. This inattention to duty is the 
cause of all my faults and robs me of my happiness. 
At length I threatened myself with some kind of pun- 
ishment if I was unmindful of duty again : so one 
day while alone at work, in heaping brush, I was 
suddenly tempted, and at the same time so careless 
of duty, that I had like to have been overtaken in 
sinful anger : I paused and considered, that all this 
happened to me for my unwatchfulness. I chided 
myself, and grieved, that notwithstanding the past 
reproof I had given myself, I was still forgetful of 
my duty. I concluded that my reproofs and resolu- 
tions were not suflTicient to make me remember, and 
therefore I would go to my father and ask him to 
whip me severely. So I left my work and got about 
half-way to the house, when I thought that my fa- 
ther would ask me why I wanted to be whipped ; 



34 



and if he should ask this, I must tell him the truth ; 
then it would be known that I was determined to 
serve God, and if I was not elected it would be 
worse for me to have it known. I then turned 
back, and concluded to hurt myself in some way so 
bad, lhat I should remember it in future. I did so, 
for I took a stick of brush, and after talking to my- 
self as my father would do to reprove me for forget- 
fulness, I then paid on over my head and shoulders, 
and as my stick was full of limbs and knots, one 
sharp knot pierced my forehead and cut to the bone, 
which caused me to give over flogging myself; but 
though I had hurt myself badly, I said it was good 
enough for me, now learn from this time to be faith- 
ful to God. The blood ran dov/n so that I had diiE» 
culty to stop it. I went to the house to get the vi-ound 
dressed — m.y mother asked me how I hurt me so, I 
told her a knot in one of the sticks of brush had hit me 
there. She dressed my wound, expressing pity and 
compassion for me, and charged me to be careful while 
at work among the brush, not to hurt myself. Well, 
thought I, when alone, mother did well not to ask 
me in what manner the knot hurt me, so the Iruih 
of the business is not knov^'n and I have told no false- 
hood. This correction, though very foolish, did me 
much good. I thought my attention was better fixed 
on my duty afterward, than before, and partly be- 
cause the sore was some time in healing, lhat I was 
thereby daily and hourly reminded of it for several 
weeks. After this the impressions on my mind to 
dissuade me from prayer, were in a different man- 



35 



ner. Often when I have been going in secret, for 
prayer and meditation, it has bolted into my mind, 
if you are elected to he saved, you luill he saved; and 
if you are reprobated to be damned, you will be damned ^ 
and luhy need you pray so much ? Sometimes I pray- 
ed the more fervently, and entreated the Lord to 
show me if I were elected, but never obtained any 
answer, only, the inquiry would arise in my mind, 
Why do you want to know this ? Often I would an- 
swer, If I could know it, it would be an encourage- 
ment to me to serve the Lord ; and as often I was an- 
swered again, Serve the Lord and you will be elect- 
ed. This caused me to doubt whether Capt. B. was 
right in saying, that God had unconditionally elected 
one part of his creatures from before the foundation of 
the world, and reprobated the rest, and that there was 
no condition in the covenant of electing grace. I was 

often perplexed with thc^e sayings of Capt. B 's ; 

but on reading the Bible I found encouragement to 
pray and hope for the blessing of the Lord ; but the 

conversation of Capt. B , and all others that I 

then heard say any thing about religion, again dis- 
heartened and caused me to doubt whether I ought 
to pray at all ; for I heard them say that all the 
prayers and good works of those whom God had 
reprobated, were only an abomination to the Lord, 
and very sinful : as I could not get any certain evi- 
dence that I was elected, I sometimes thought I was 
only working out a more aggravated damnation ; then 
I would cry out, does every body believe so 1 And 
often this text was suggested to my mind, ^'Be faith- 



36 



ful until deaths and I loill give you a crown of life 

but the next time I heard Capt. B , or any other, 

talk of unconditional decrees, election, and reproba- 
tion, &c., my mind would be perplexed again. At 
last, after closely thinking the subject over and overy 
I reasoned thus — as I was a boy of only about twelve 
years old, it was very wrong in me to contradict what 
men said, therefore the things they had spoken of in my 
hearing were all right, only I could not see them so* 
Well then, said I, if it be so, what shall I do ; if 
God has elected me I never can be lost; if God has 
reprobated me I never can be saved ; and if I live 
ever so religiously until I am eighty or ninety years 
old, must notwithstanding be damned, and have a 
more aggravated damnation than I should if I were 
to hang myself and go to hell now; besides, if I 
were to hang myself, I should thereby put myself be- 
yond the power of committinij any more sin, and the 
Lord knows that I would suffer almost any thing, 
ratiier than commit any mere sin; it is odious and 
grievous to my soul. But if I am elected, and it is 
possible that I am, then though I hang myself, I 
shall go straight to Heaven, and certainly I had 
rather be in Heaven than here ; but, thought I, it 
is best to consider this w^ell ; then I would go over 
it again— I am a boy — they are men — and the min- 
ister says it too, and they must know. And some 
have said, an elect person may commit murder, and 
live in sin, till the last breath went out of his body, 
and then God would convert him, and take him to 



Heaven. Besides I have heard them say, that sin 
shall work for good to the elect : while religion will 
work a more aggravated damnation to the repro- 
bates. Now, 10 be damned, as I am, is bad enough; 
but to increase my misery by living long, seeing I 
know how to prevent it, would not be wise in me. 
And besides it is said, of two evils choose the least, 
and to har)g myself, would only be an injury done to 
myself alone. But should I live until I am ninety 
years old, I might commit a great many sins that 
would injure others; so that to choose the least evil, 
and hang myself is rather a duly than a sin. But, 
said I to myself, all depends on the truth of what 
Capt. B- and others say; if they are right, I was 
either elected, or reprobated from all eternity ; my 
fate is fixed, and nothing can be altered ; and they 
say the Scriptures mean so, where election is spoken 
of— and they are men and I am a boy ; and what 
can be more foolish than for me to contradict men, 
and men that are Christians too ; I therefore will go 
immediately and hang myself, for it is the wisest thing 
that I can do. I then deliberately went to the barn, 
praying as I went, that the Lord would pardon me if 
it was wrong ; but I felt positive that I v/as right, 
and that it was a duty, seeing I should thereby pre- 
vent a great many sins and a more aggravated damna- 
tion by this means, provided I was not elected : see- 
ing also that it was a duty, of two evils to choose the 
least. While I considered a life of ninety years, 
when compared with eternity— O how short, and O 
3 



38 



how aggravated the damnation must be if I should 
live that time, as twelve to ninety. My mind felt calm 
and clear in this thing ; I got a rope and fixed a noose, 
and having looked all around to see if any one was 
coming to the barn, and seeing no one, I looked for 
a place to hang, and when at the far end of the barn 
floor, I saw a place where I could stand on the scaf- 
fold, hitch my rope, and swing off — ^just as I turned 
to climb on to the scaffold, I saw through the chink 
of the barn-door, my brother coming in great haste, 
my mind was suddenly in a flutter ; I threw down 
my rope, thinking what shall I do ; my brother 
will say, as was common for him when he came 
where I was — ^*'What are you about here ?" The 
thought struck me suddenly— look round for hen's 
nests ; and then I can answer him by saying — I am 
looking for hen's nests, and so tell no lie ; for I 
thought I would not tell a lie for all the world— but 
my brother came in and passed by me, and said nothing 
to me ; which appeared strange. I then thought, he 
may ask me what I came to the barn for, and I shall 
not be able to answer him without exposing myself, 
or tell a lie. So I left the barn suddenly, and after 
1 had retired a few rods toward a thick hedge of 
bushes, I instantly apprehended the danger I had 
been in ; and that it was an overruling providence 
that brought my brother to the barn at that time. 
And when I got into the bushes out of sight, I fell 
on my knees and thanked God for this deliverance. 
My tears found vent, and for some time I could only 



381 



wonder, admire, and adore, a compassionate God. 
It was a wonder to me, that my brother should come 
just at tjiat time, and that he said nothing to me ; 
which enabled me to escape without exposing my 
design. Truly this was of- the Lord. O what 
obh'gations I am under to reverence and serve him ; 
for if I had gone on and put an end to my life, 
my soul would have been in hell. I was surprised 
that I had been so calm in mind, through the whole 
of this affair, and I began to review my reasonings 
through the whole procedure ; and after a review I 
solemnly assented to the justness of them, on a 
supposition that those principles that I had reasoned 
upon were right. I therefore concluded that the 

principles of Capt. B , and others, were wrong. 

1st. Because they represented God as decreeing all 
things, and condemning many for doing what he had 
decreed they should do. 2. Because they made it 
reasonable for us to do what God had forbidden, viz. 
to do no evil ; but I w'as told, " of two evils choose 
the least," whereas I ought not to choose either. 
2d, It appeared to me that there was to be a day of 
judgment, wherein all were to be judged according 
to their works ; but if God had unconditionally 
elected one part, and reprobated the other part from 
all eternity, that that was the day of judgment, and it 
was past, seeing he had fixed the fates of all by his 
decree. But if God had fixed the fates of all from 
all eternity, then some were condemned before they 
committed sin. Therefore I felt settled in my mind, 



40 



that Capt. B—'s notions were wrong— and again I 
gave thanks to God for my deliverance. 

For some days, I was undisturbed in mind ; but 
after a short calm, it was suggested to me, that as I 
was a boy, how weak and fooUsh it was in me, to 
think men did not know more than I, and that I 
shouki presume to contradict men, and Christian 
men too. I again began to chide myself for enter- 
taining disrespectful tlioughts of the opinions of 
men. It may be, I would say to myself, that they 
are right. Then the impression would strike me — - 
**If you are elected to be saved, you will be saved, 
and if you are reprobated to be damned, you will 
be damned ; and why need you pray so much?" 
This would distress me ; and from this time, when 
the impression struck me, I would cry to the Lord 
for help, to be faithful in prayer ; and would inquirCj 
also — does every body believe this ? Those attacks 
on my mind, continued to trouble me about as often 
as once in three weeks, for six months. When on a 
day, as I was riding from home, on some business 
for my father, which would allow me to be alone the 
most of the day, as I entered a wood, I began to 
thank the Lord that I was favored with another 
opportunity of being alone. That in riding through 
woods, I could sing hymns of praise to God ; and 
when I discovered any one near me, I could raise my 
heart in silent prayer ; and when I passed any per- 
son, or house, I would raise my heart in prayer for 
them and all that dwelt in the place. And just as I 
was thus anticipating a good day for prayer and 



41 



praise, the impression came with greater force than 
ever : If you are elected to be saved, you will be 
saved, and if you are reprobated to be damned, you 
will be damned ; and why need you pray so much? 

This impression so affected me, that my strength 
failed, so that I had liked to have fallen from my 
horse. But as soon as I had gained strength, I cried 
most earnestly to the Lord in these words : O Lord, 
does every body believe so ?" that moment an answer 
was suggested to my mind, as plain as it could have 
been spoken to my outward ears ; in these words : 
*' No ! there is a people in England that teach 
clearly from the Scriptures, that any poor sinner, 
that has not committed the unpardonable sin, may 
be saved, if he will repent and turn to the Lord, in 
the time of his probation and day of grace ; which 
God gives to every man. But if he will not obey 
the calls of God's Spirit, but resist and grieve him 
by the sins he willingly commits, then he ought to be 
damned." 

This was good news to my mind. I knew it was 
from the Lord ; my spirfts cheered up. The forest 
where I was appeared glorious, as if God were there. 
The answer I knew to be of the Lord, because it 
removed the burden on my mind respecting election 
and reprobation, in the same manner as the burden of 
my sins were removed, when I first saw or knew the 
Lord. 

I then cried to the Lordj^^to spare my life to find 
this people ; and that he would be pleased to mani- 
fest to me by some sign, that I might know when I 



42 



should find ihem ; and that they would be the people 
with whom I should serve the Lord here. 

As the former answer was an impression on my 
mind, so was this ; and attended with a sweet assu- 
rance that it was of the Lord ; as clear as if one had 
spoken with an audible voice in my ear, stating to 
me the year and the month, that I should find this 
people. And that I should know them by the love 
they manifested in their constant practice of travelling 
about, from place to place, preaching, exhorting, and 
praying for the conversion of souls. And that they 
would state to me as their doctrine, that election 
was conditional, and not unconditional ; and to 
prove it they would say, *'If God, before the foun- 
dation of the world, passed an unconditional decree 
of reprobation, on a part of his creatures, how could 
he be just in the day of judgment, to damn them in 
hell for sins they committed after the foundation of 
the world? And what of God's mercy which is 
ov^r all his works ? certainly the reprobates never 
enjoyed any of his mercy, neither did God ever 
exercise any mercy to them, if he unconditionally 
reprobated them before the foundation of the world. 
Yet his mercy is over all his w^orks. And what of 
the oath of God where he says : As I live, saith 
the Lord, I have no pleasure in the death of the 
wicked ?" If God passed a decree of reprobation on 
them, before the foundation of the world, he must 
have had pleasure in their damnation. Therefore, 
the doctrine was false ; for it contradicted the Scrip- 
tures, and represented God as a tyrant, and to be 



43 



worse than the devil ; for the devil could not create 
any to be damned, nor damn any that God had cre- 
ated. I now saw that the doctrine was false. I then 
raised my voice in prayer : O Lord ! shall I be a 
Christian? The answer was, you shall be filled 
with love, the love of God shall inspire yon, and 
then you will be called to preach, and if you are 
faithful, you will be the means of the conversion of 
many souls." I felt a fear that the devil was whis- 
pering this call to preach to my mind ; for I conchided 
that it would be impossible for me to preach without a 
college education. And I had heard my father say, 
that he did not intend to bring up any of his children to 
college. Therefore, my fears arose, so as to weaken 
my whole frame in some degree ; and I cried out 
again, O Lord, do not suffer the devil to deceive me ! 
But if this impression of my mind is from Thee, and 
thou wilt call me to preach, when I find the people I 
now have a sense of, O give me a sign that I may 
know, when I find them, that thou dost call me ! 
Immediately my mind received the sweet impression, 
"That the people I should find, did not consider a 
college education, as the essential qualification for a 
minister. Yet, that all who ministered must study 
to know the scriptures, and other books, whereby he 
may have knowledge of men and things sufficient to 
teach men the will of God. But, that the love of 
God in the soul, inspiring it with a zeal for God, in 
the salvation of their fellow men, was the essential 
qualification. I thought, this is,agreeable to the call 



44 



of the Apostles and ancient ministers of whom I have 
read. And farther, the impression continued to show 
me, that I should be invited to preach in a house 
that deacon K. then lived in, for the first time, and 
that Mr. P. Watkins (who was about as old as my 
father, and lived in a wicked and intemperate liabit, 
in the town,) would be there, and would be awakened 
to a sense of rehgion, by my preaching, and would 
be converted to the Lord, and that I should be a 
means of the conversion of several of Capt. Fletch- 
er's family ; and many would be encouraged to serve 
the Lord if I were faithful ; but those who held to 
unconditional election and reprobation, worjld oppose 
me. And I should then be invited to the house, 
where Mr, R.W. then lived. And after a little time, 
I should travel in different parts, — east, west, north, 
and south. From the age of twenty-five or six, I 
should travel until I was thirty-six, and have good 
success if I was faithful. Year after year, the points 
of compass where I should travel were impressed on 
my mind. And on the year I was to be thirty-six years 
old, I was to travel in a south -westerly direction 
about one hundred miles from where I then was ; 
and that I should meet with something like death 
that year. How, and what was to happen to me 
that year, was not clear to my mind ; I prayed to the 
Lord to shew rne if I were to die that year ; but I 
had no answer ; I prayed again, and received no 
answer ; I was afraid to ask a third time, lest I should 
offend and grieve i\e good Spirit. But feeling 



45 



anxious to have something more clear on my mind 
relative to it, I altered my mode of expression, and 
said, O Lord, will all be well ? Immediately the an- 
swer was, If you are faithful to the Lord, all shall 
be well." I cried out. Glory be to thy holy name, 
O Lord ; and then sung. 

Come sound his praise abroad, 
Arid hymns of glory sing. 

My soul was happy, and my mind clear. The 
Scripture plan of salvation, as far as I ihen viewed 
it, was sweet and glorious. My enraptured soul 
seemed to leap within me. While riding through the 
forest, it was glory all around me, and glory in my 
soul. It was in the forepart of the day, I again sung^ 

Lord! in the morning thou shalt hear 

My voice ascending high ; 
To Thee will I direct my prayer, 

To Thee lilt up mine eye. 

From this time, I enjoyed a clear sense of the 
plan of salvation through Christ, or (as I would ex- 
press it, to have it according to my own vi^ws when 
a child) the plan of salvation through the means 
ordained by God, in the hands of a Mediator, which 
was Christ Jesus. From this time 1 was no more 
troubled with suggestions that if I was elected to be 
saved I should be saved, and if I was reprobated to be 
damned I should be damned, and why need you pray 
so much? No ; from this time 1 paid but little at- 
tention to what Capt. B said. However, I re- 



46 



solved to study the scriptures, and learn all I could, 
that when I found this people I might be the better 
prepared to serve the Lord, 

My custom was to say but little in company, and 
to be very private in rny devotions ; and never to 
jest or laugh at folly, but to turn away from all foolish 
talking and jesting. For about three years I con- 
tinued in this way. Many called me deacon, be- 
cause I was serious and candid in what I said. — 
This sometimes grieved me, because I conceived 
that they committed sin by making light of what I 
viewed to be a sacred ofTice. And though my father 
never made light of religion of any order, yet he 
would call me deacon. And sometimes when custo- 
mers came to trade, if they could not agree in the 
price of the article, he w^ould say, Come, let us 
leave it to the deacon," and then call me up to judge 
of the price of the article. Others when they had 
called me deacon, disputed one with the other in 
order to pester me, (for I generally said little or no- 
thing) that I w^as not a deacon, but I was an old bach- 
elor ; for, said they, he is so still and sober, that the 
girls will never have any thing to say to him. Then 
they v^ould laugh as though it pleased them to make 
sport of me. Nothing, however, disturbed me in this; 
but the sense I had of the sin they committed in 
treating seriousness and the sacred office, with light- 
ness. The seasons I had in secret, were truly times 
of refreshing from the presence of the Lord. My 
great desire was, to live to the glory of God while I 



47 



was young, and prepare in youth for manhood ; that 
if 1 lived I might realize all that had been intimated 
to me. 

Nothing occurred until I was fifteen years old 
(except hard times at the close of the w^ar,) that is 
worthy of narration. My father and two uncles that 
had been repeatedly called out into the service re- 
turned, without any injury, except one of my uncles, 
who had been wounded when the enemy attacked 
them in their trench ; two other uncles that had 
been in the war, died with the dysentery. And now 
on the return of those that survived, there was much 
to be said of what they had seen and heard. I could 
listen to some of those stories, but if the person 
mixed his narration with cursing and swearing, 1 
would turn away. I made it my practice to leave 
all profane company, and chose rather to spend my 
time alone. T earnestly longed for religious com- 
pany, but found none. I heard at one time of (what 
was called) a reformation, about five miles off, 
among some children ; I rejoiced at this news, and 
the first time I went into that place, I made bold to 
inquire of a young woman, if there were any boys in 
the place that were religious — I said that I heard 
there were — she made light of it, and began to laugh 
at me, for thinking that any young people were re- 
ligious. When she laughed and spoke so disdain- 
fully of religion in little boys, I was grieved, and 
left her : and as I met with such poor success in 
finding out those who were religious, I thought I 
would ask no more about it, but find them out, if 



48 



possible^ without ; and seeing a boy that had coni^ 
to mill from the neighborhood, that looked serious, I 
thought to flatter him away to play with me. I did 
so, in order to find out whether he was religious or 
riot ; but we had not been ten minutes together when 
he swore wickedly; this grieved me more than com- 
mon, because I had flattered myself wi\h hopes that 
I should find one that was religious, but now was 
disappointed. I left him^ suddenly. I was too much 
grieved to say one word ; I was grieved because so 
good a God was despised and neglected by those 
who received daily blessings from his hand. 

1 had reason to believe that all who knew me 
loved me, for I abused none. But though none quar- 
relled with me, yet they would call me deacon, and 
laugh at my seriousness, until at length 1 began to 
think that my reservedness was an otcasion for them 
to sin ; for there seemed to be no christians that 
lived so sober as I did : I had thought that it was 
wrong in them to jest and joke as they did, and dare 
not indulge in it myself, because it made my mind 
unfit for prayer ; and it had been my practice to 
keep a tender heart, for I read that a broken and 
contrite heart w^as a sacrifice that God would not de- 
spise ; therefore when I prayed, I was not satisfied 
unless I could weep and shed tears. This was my 
rule to judge of my heart, that it was right with God. 
But it now began to appear to me, that my serious- 
ness caused others to commit sin, in laughing at me. 
I thought if they would not call me deacon, that to 
laugh at me would be no crime, for I deserved no- 



49 



thing better; but to connect the office of deacon 
with my seriousness, and make a jest of me because 
of the office, was a grief to me. Here the enemy 
look advantage of me, and suggested to me, that the 
only way to prevent this evil, was to jest and joke a 
little, and that would be no great sin, if any, provid- 
ed I did not go father in it than the professors of 
religion around, and especially those that partook of 
the sacrament ; and if I did not do this, I should be 
guilty of making others sin, which would also be a sin 
in me. Now my mind was brought into straits 
again. I reasoned from what I heard others say ; 
some said it was wrong to do any thing whereby 
any one w^as induced to sin. I made the application 
to myself; I was doing wrong in living so soberly, as 
I supposed that thereby some made a jest of the of- 
fice of deacon. Again I heard it said, that we could 
not live without sin, though Jesus Christ had said, 
** Be ye perfect as your father which is in Heaven 
is perfect ;" but some said this perfection could not 
be in this life. I concluded that if we could not live 
without sin, yet it was our duty not to indulge in any 
sins, except those that were small and calculated to 
prevent greater sins. So I understood the opinions 
of many who were called good Christians : and I 
felt an inclination to believe it, for I was in difficul- 
ty and knew not how to avoid sinning by being the 
occasion of others sinning in laughing at my serious- 
ness. Often I heard it said, that young people must 
have their civil recreations ; and the minister, who 

3 



50 



was one of the best of men, also said it was no sin 
for young people to get together, and have a fiddler, 
and dance civilly. And I also thought, charitably, 
that though I had viewed it to be a sin, yet it might 
be right in them to laugh and jest, though it was not 
right in me, because I found it was forbidden in the 
Bible ; and also when I indulged in it, it hardened 
my heart, and unfitted me for prayer. But I must 
say, that I thought it was a powerful reason to justify 
me in jesting and joking, yet I thought the reasons 
against jesting and joking were more powerful ; but 
my inclination sided with the weaker reasonings ; 
and after I had determined not to indulge in any 
gross sins, I determined to jest and joke and laugh 
as much as other Christians did, so as thereby to pre- 
vent others from committing sin in calling me dea- 
con ; and the triu> saying of two evils choose the 
least," was among the rest of the arguments to dis-^ 
suade me from seriousness. 



CHAPTER III. 



In those times I had not seen the distinction be- 
tween moral e\'il and natural evil, tbeTefore what 
now appears to be a trite saying, and no ways reason- 
able when applied to moral evils, yet then it ap- 
peared a reasonable duty, of two evils to choose the 
least. But I must confess, that then I had impres- 
sions of mind not to refrain from seriousness, but to 
persevere in sobriety and meekness ; and those im- 
pressions I knew to be of the Lord, and those to the 
contrary I knew^ to be of the devil, so that I have no 
reasonable excuse for backsliding from the Lord. 
But like all other backsliders, I pleaded an excuse in 
the court of my own conscience. 

Though I had no excuse, neither can I now ex- 
cuse those who laughed at me, nor those who taught 
principles subversive of pure religion, such as the 
doctrine that we could not live without sin, and of 
two evils to. choose the least, without discriminating 
between moral and natural evils, which are subver- 
sive of true piety towards God, and sound honesty 
among men ; but I can pray, " Father, forgive 
them, for they (many of them) know not what they 
do." 

I began to jest and joke, and it was not long be- 
fore I was admired for my wit ; and was considered 



52 



as good a fellow as any of ihe joking class. I was 
no more called deacon, nor any longer deserved 
the appellation ; but I was still called a fine boy, 
a promising youth. Every one loved me ; and as I 
had a pleasant voice for singing, and learned a 
variety of songs, I pleased all companies, for I 
was unto them as a lovely song, of one that hath 
a charming voice. Though I refrained from all 
gross sins, and allowed myself in nothing but what 
was said to be civil, and even said to be no sin by 
the great part of professors of religion ; yet this so 
unfitted me for prayer, that it was a torment to my 
mind. 

As piety towards God and a serious religious 
life, were disgusting to the generality of people, 
and made me but an object of their ridicule, vvhere- 
by they committed sin, I concluded that at any 
rate, I must defer my religious exercises until I was 
a man ; and then I could seclude myself from all 
company ; or if in company, it would be no dis- 
grace for me to profess religion. However, I 
resolved to study, and inform my mind in those 
things best calculated to make me useful in society; 
for I could not believe in hermitage. And as my 
mind was not fit for prayer, I less frequently read 
my Bible, except those parts treating of wars. In 
reading over accounts of ancient battles I was 
delighted. From reading the scripture account of 
wars, I began to read histories of wars in Europe 
and America. Sometimes I would spend almost 
whole nights in reading. I thought, I will be a war- 
rior, and command an arnay. I will be a general. 



53 



This was my firm resolution. About this time the 
insurrection broke out in Massachusetts. In the year 
1786 I was fifteen years old, and began to listen with 
attention to the politics of the day. It was said that 
the rich men wanted to bring the state into lordships ; 
and therefore the Governor and counsel had levied a 
tax so heavy on the people, that there was not suffi- 
cient money in circulation to pay it. Some of the 
best accountants made out that all the money in cir- 
culation, would not more than pay one-sixth part of 
the tax ; and lands must be sold at auction for one- 
hundreth part their value to make it out, and I pre- 
sume not one in fifty could pay his tax without dis- 
tressing him. So I understood the subject and so 
the talk ran. All turned out to stop the courts from 
sitting. My father was opposed to government, 
and took an active part in stopping the court. Then 
arose General Daniel Shays, He took the chief com- 
mand. About seven thousand rallied around his 
standard in the counties of Hampshire and Worces- 
ter, while government sent out General Lincoln with 
about four or five thousand to quell the insurgents. 
They manceuvered about from the last of November 
until February, when Shays disbanded, or rather de- 
serted his army, with orders to disband and go home. 
Meanwhile a party were raised in Berkshire county, 
under General P., of about two or three hundred, and 
they went about to disarm the people, while the most 
of our men that could be spared with their arms and 
ammunition, were with Shays. However, Major W. 
and Capt. C. with others, beat up for volunteers 



54 



My father and brother turned out with thenn, and left 
ncie home to send on provisions. They marched 
around through several "towns, until they had got 
about three hundred soldiers, and then marched to 
meet Gen. P. in the town of Lee. They drew up 
in line of battle. Captain C. and my father had the 
command of the prisoners they had taken ; and put- 
ting them into a house out of which they had maved 
a loom, to make room, they took the yarn beam, and 
cloth beam, and laid them on a sleigh, pointing them 
toward the court party (as they were called) to fright- 
en them into submission. This had the desired ef- 
fect; for the court party having two or three field 
pieces, they formed their line at so great a distance, 
that small armsx^ould not reach them : and there w^as 
a valley to cross, so that while our men were advanc- 
ing to injure them, they could rake them with their 
field pieces; but beholding w^ith their spyglasses 
from a distance the two loom beams, they concluded 
one was a six pounder, and the other a small field 
piece. Upon^ this they proposed terms of peace— 
that each party should return home and be quiet. 
After these terms were agreed upon, our men dis- 
banded and came home. Just after this we heard 
that Shays had fled to Canada, and his army was dis- 
banded. General Lincoln marched up to Berkshire. 
In passing through our town, they took all they could 
of those who had been out with major W. And as 
my father lived about a mile from the main road, and 
the bye roads were drifted with snow, so it was diffi- 
cult to come to his house ; therefore many neighbors 



55 



resorted there for safety, while I was kept on the 
watch, with an old horse, an old saddle, and an old 
ragged great-coat belted around me. I went out 
among the court party, and returned in the evening, 
having discovered their situation. I reported that 
sixteen were billetted in one house, and had stacked 
their arms in the entry, that we might easily take 
them prisoners without firing a gun, or making any 
alarm. Immediately those at my father's held a coun- 
cil of war, (as they called it.) But my mother plead 
so hard against their plan of taking them, that they 
gave up to the council of a woman for once, and it 
was well for us all. The next morning my brother 
went one way, and I another, to reconnoitre ; he was 
taken prisoner. Bui he played with the guard ; they 
pricked him with their bayonets; he made fun of it : 
in fine, he played the simpleton so completely, that 
they believed him to be some half-witted fellow, and 
so let him go. 

After the troops had passed through, orders were 
issued that all who would come in and take the oath 
of allegiance, might live in quiet. My father was 
sent for. He appeared before the court-martial. They 
inquired of him about the loom-beams, but as they 
had no proof against him, or any one, and they could 
not make him criminate himself, they discharged him^ 
after he had taken the oath. Thus ended the Shay's 
war, (as it was called.) But as election day drew on, 
the minds of the people were all so turned upon a 
new Governor, that they had a great majority for 
Gov. Hancock, and as the tax that had been the cause 
of the insurrection had not been collected, the new 



56 



Governor and Assembly, &c., made a law to have it 
paid in soldiers' notes ; those notes could then be ob- 
tained for half a dollar on the pound ; a pound was 
three dollars and thirty-three cents. My father's rate 
was so large, (though a moderate farmer,) that he 
paid out eleven dollars for soldiers' notes to pay his 
tax: by this I understood that his tax was between 
forty and fifty dollars. 

This affray was one cause of increasing my study 
of history of wars ; and determined my mind to be a 
general. In order to this, I must possess learning, 
courage, and a perfect command of my passions. 
The more 1 studied, the more clearly I saw that I 
must, (in order to possess true courage) subdue the 
passion of anger, or hatred, to an enemy. That cour- 
age in an officer, must consist in a calm, composed 
mind, attended with a firm resolution to prosecute the 
principles on which the war was waged. The cour- 
age raised by a fit of anger, did not deserve the name 
of courage ; but rather a madness, or presumptuous 
frenzy. I conceived when I read histories of battles, 
that I could see the officers marching on to the attack 
with an unruffled mind, having nothing but the prin- 
ciples in view, for which they fought. I had read 
that "anger rests only in the bosom of fools," and I 
concluded that no fool was fit for an officer. From 
the Scriptures I learned that no war was right, but 
that which was purely defensive ; and in order to 
possess true courage, and a right frame of mind, I 
must at any rate, believe myself in the right causee 
Though I viewed it possible for both sides to believe 



57 



themselves in the right, yet but one side was really 
so ; therefore it was duty in old times, on goieg to 
war, to offer peace offerings, that is to offer terms of 
peace on reciprocal principles. And it was as clear- 
ly a duty now, as in old times. But how I should ob- 
tain true courage, and a command of my passions, so 
as to face danger, with an unruffled mind, without 
true religion, I knew not. This therefore was a means 
of preventing me from indulging in gross sins. I 
aimed to live morally, though I knew I was not pious. 
I believed it was possible for a man to cast off all fear 
of God and man, so that he could brave danger with 
an unruflfied mind ; but that kind of courage I viewed 
to be madness and folly, and not worthy of the name 
of courage ; because Christ had said, will fore- 
warn you, whom yon shall fear," &c., and it was fol- 
ly to cast off the fear of the Lord. I have read of a 
General who was challenged to fight a duel, and he 
refused ; some of his friends said to him, ^'You will 
loose your honor;" he said, will secure my honor 
by my disgrace," They asked how he could do that, 
when he would be charged with cowardice ; he said, 
I profess I am not afraid to charge up to the can- 
non's mouth, in the service of my God and country ; 
but I want courage to storm hell." I understood 
from the history that this General was a Christian 
and a man of true courage. I heard also much said 
of the American officers. Washington was a hero; 
his courage was an honor to him and the nation whom 
he served, Putnam did well, but was rather presump- 
tuous. Lincoln and Gates, and many others, deserved 

3* 



58 



well of their country. But of Arnold, we could not 
say well ; his courage was a frenzy, a mere niadness, 
that had no principle, but passion to guide it. Such 
courage may do good service when it has one supe- 
rior in office to direct the use of it. And therefore 
we can account for the honor he seemed to acquire 
in storming Quebec, under the command of Gen. 
Montgomery ; and his success in taking Gen. Bur- 
goyne, under the command of Gen. Gates ; but when 
left to the command of West-Point, in the absence 
of Gen. Washington, he could feed his fretful, mali« 
cious temper, by selling himsel f and all the American 
army to the British, for no other motive than revenge 
on the continental Congress, and to obtain that pro- 
motion and fortune among the British which he judg- 
ed himself entitled to ; and which had been refus- 
ed him by the Congress, Such conceit of one's 
own merit, argues a vain mind, that never can pos- 
sess true courage. Therefore, I concluded that 
some modesty was essential to true courage, and 
that in order for me to possess it, I must have a 
perfect command of my passions, and this I could 
not obtain without true rehgion. I read some phi- 
losophical books, and contracted an anxiety for the 
knowledge of the science of physic. But my ad- 
vantages were small. I despaired of making a pro- 
ficiency in any science without proper books, and 
some one to teach me. But history and biogra- 
phy were my favorite studies ; these I pursued with 
delight. Some romantic pieces pleased me much, 
and I thought myself to be about as good as the 
professors of religion in general. And though I 



59 



sometimes felt distress about my future state, yet 
I hoped that God would show mercy, seeing I was 
not worse than those that were called very good 
Christians ; many of whom were highly pleased 
with my songs^. As to my former exercises, and 
especially the impressions I had about finding a re- 
ligious people in a future day, and of being a 
preacher, I thought but little of them ; for some- 
times I concluded that as I was a child, I thoug^ht 
as a child ; but as I became a man I must put 
away childish things ; so I treated the former im- 
pressions I had as childish notions. But the thoughts 
of being a man of courage, and honor, occupied my 
whole attention for a considerable time. I was con- 
stantly devising schemes to lead on my men to a 
successful attack, and to fortify them; from danger, 
or dispose of them to save their lives ; and also how 
I could best inspire them with true courage. I con- 
cluded that I would not allow of any swearing, nor 
immoral behavior in any under my command ; that 
in order to prevent it, I would keep employed my- 
self, and my men also, in constantly exercising them. 
In order to this, I must have a fund of wisdom, so 
as to be ready at all times to command, and divert 
the attention of the soldiers, that they should not 
have time to mutiny. I was determined to acquaint 
myself with physic and surgery, so that I could ad- 
minister to the relief of the sick or wounded. 

Those war-like notions, however, wore off after 
awhile, and I began to go into company, and attend 
to (what were called) civil recreations. But a fit 



60 



of sickness checked my career. I was given over 
by my physician to die. This, however, did not 
frighten me ; for the night before I was given over, 
I had a conviction of my folly, in treating my former 
impressions as childish notions, f therefore confess- 
ed to the Lord ray foily in this thing, and prayed 
for pardon, and again I felt the forgiving love of God, 
so that I was not afraid to die. And that moment 
also, I had an impression that I should live, at least 
until I was thirty-six years of age. So that when 
the doctor came next morning, and intimated that he 
could do no more for me, and desired a counsel of 
doctors, I looked up upon him, and said, Doctor, I 
shall not die with this sickness ; you need not be 
discouraged, I shall live. He set down by me smil- 
ing, and said, you have good spirits ; I will do the 
best I can. My father turned to the wall, putting 
his handkerchief to his face ; the rest of the family 
left the room. I then perceived, as they afterwards 
told me, that they had despaired of my recovery. 
However, in four days I began to amend, and in 
thirty-five days I was able to walk across the room. 
But all that inspired me with confidence, was a sense 
of pardon, and a full conviction that my former im- 
pressions were of the Lord. I was so fully convinc- 
ed of this, that a few months after, while in conver- 
sation with a tailor, who was making 'me a suit of 
clothes, our conversation turned upon the genius of 
the young men of our acquaintance, and what occu- 
pations they would follow ; I very seriously said to 
him that I should be a travelling minister. I per- 
ceived that I had exposed myself ; and immediately 



61 



turned off the conversalion with a piece of drollery. 
But he laid up the expression, so that not long after, 
when it was known that I was under conviction, and 
it was thought I should join the Methodists, he would 
say, Yes, he will be a Methodist preacher, for I heard 
him say that he should be a travelling preacher. 

After I recovered my health, I began again to 
go into company. I thought to prove mirth, and 
see what it was. Our minister said that dancing 
was no sin. Many church members would dance, 
and were greatly delighted to see the young people 
dance. My father, however, was opposed to such 
frolics, as he called them. After I had attended a 
few balls, as they were called by the polite sort of 
people, a minister came to my father's who called 
himself a Methodist: This was the first time I had 
ever heard of the name or sect. He desired to 
preach at our house, saying he had been directed 
there by Esquire W. whom we knew, and as it was 
on Saturday, my mother and I thought it would be 
proper ; but informed him that as my father was 
absent and would not be .at home before night, we 
would choose to have his consent. The preacher 
was sitting on his horse by the door all this while ; 
but we invited him to alight and lake some refresh- 
ment, as we had just dined. He did so ; but ex- 
pressed a fear that my father might not be willing 
to liave preaching in his house. We informed him 
that we were sure he would. I said, sir, if you 
are not an Universalist, I am sure my father will be 
willing to have you preach here. He said, I am 
no Universalist. He asked me if I would notify 



62 



the people. I pledged myself that if my father 
gave his consent to have tlie meeting in his house, I 
would notify all the neighborhood that night and 
the next morning. So he consented to have his 
horse put up. As I was leading him to the barn, 
I thought truly this man is a man of God ; and I 
will c^ive his horse the best in the barn, — which I 
did. When my father came home, he talked with 
the preacher, and gave consent to have him preach, 
I gave notice, and a large congregation came to- 
gether. I heard for the first time, a doctrine that 
I could understand. There was no contradiction, 
but he could prove his doctrine from scripture and 
reason. Also in the family, and in prayer, his 
spirit seemed to be all love. I was much affected, 
though I dared not show it. All agreed that he was 
a good preacher. The Methodist preachers contin- 
ued to come and preach at my father's, until a num- 
ber were- awakened and converted, and they propos- 
ed to form a class. Nothing had been said against 
them ; but now the old professors began to express 
fears that thev were not right. I perceived that those 
who were awakened and converted through the in- 
strumentality of the Methodists, and had joined the 
Congregationalists, were considered as good Chris- 
tians ; but those that joined the Methodists were said 
to be deluded. I could not understand this judgment 
to be just. However, though I said but little, yet I 
told no one of what I had experienced ; but as I was 
now a young man, and had some ideas of honor, I 
thought it best to be prudent, and so conduct myself 
that I might keep friends on all sides. In order to 



63 



this, I must associate with young people in what was 
called civil recreations, or baits. I think I attended 
four before I v/as fully convinced that they were sin- 
ful, and that if I attended them, I should not only 
corrupt my soul w^ith sin, worse than it was then ; 
but forever prevent myself from obtaining those quali- 
fications that would make me truly honorable and 
profitable to civil and religious society. So I stated 
my objections to balls, to some young gentlemen of 
my acquaintance. I said that I thought our method 
of dancing, an employment beneath the dignity of a 
young man that had a soul ; and that I could not be- 
lieve an all-wise God ever made a reasonable soul to 
be delighted with dancing about a floor at the squeak- 
ing of a fiddle. None but fools, in my opinion, could 
count it a delightful exercise. But I believed, those 
who had reasonable souls, ought to employ their whole 
time to gain w^isdom, and learn those sciences that 
were calculated to make us useful to society, and that 
would also make us truly happy. I then proposed 
to thenfi that w;e should meet at suitable seasons, to 
propound questions in the mathematics, and answer 
them as well as we could, and by this means cultivate 
our minds. 

The religious dance we read of in Scripture, I ob- 
served, seem.s to be no more than beating time to a 
tune. When Miriam led forth the women in the 
dance, they sung or chanted the song of Moses, and 
their dancing consisted in beating time by marching 
to the tune. But w^hat is that to do in fiddling and 
shuffling to the tune of Peggy and Molly,'' or **fire 
on the mountains, run boys run" 



64 



The Shakers often danced to those tunes, but 
this they called labor. If they had been great 
sinners, they nnust dance and sweat, to mortify the 
flesh, and the deeds of the body. Their dancing 
was to them a religious duty. The Indians, also, 
had their war dances, and danced in some of their 
religious ceremonies ; but what had this to do with 
our civil recreations ? We had no intention to wor- 
ship God in the exercise of dancing. 

To prove dancing right, it was not only said to 
be a civil recreation, but they said it was better 
for yoting people to do that, than to do worse, and 
of two evils to choose the least." And then to 
crown all argument in favor of dancing, they said 
we could not live without sin in this world ; and 
this dancing they viewed to be a harmless sin, if it 
was any sin at all. Some said it was no sin. But 
I perceived that those persons would not allow that 
we could do any thing, even to pray without com- 
mitting sin. It seemed that all they did was sin, 
except dancing. In this way the dancing recrea- 
tion was defended by professors of religion. For 
some time I was troubled with this sinful vanity ; 
and I found it difficult to excuse myself. I loved 
my young companions, and they loved me. I 
found it, however, easier to convince them that 
dancing was wrong, than some professors of religion. 
However, I attended meetings, and paid attention 
to the word preached, that I might know what state 
I was in, and what I should do to be saved. The 
preaching of the Congregationalists or Baptists, 
appeared in my mind very contradictory ; their no- 



65 



tion of unconditional election, &c. I could not be- 
lieve. The preaching of the Methodists appeared 
scriptural and reasonable. I always found their 
preaching to edify me. Rut if I became a Metho- 
dist, I should be sure to lose the good will of some 
professors of religion, though I had no fear of 
losing the good will of the Methodists themselves, 
for they appeared to manifest more love to such poor 
sinners as I was, than other professors manifested to 
each other. 

In attending the Methodist meeting I soon found 
I rendered myself suspicious among some of the Con- 
gregationalists, and especially because I approved 
of what they preached ; but if I found fault with them, 
I pleased some mightily. One man, a Congregation- 
alist, of v^'hom my father had a high opinion, always 
had something to say against the Methodists. He told 
us, that he had heard that the preachers were hired 
by the King of England, and sent over to this coun- 
try to proselyte the people ; so as to bring back the 
states to be British colonies again ; that the preach- 
ers received four dollars per head, for every convert 
they made, and this was paid to them by the British 
Consul, residing in New York. The story served 
to render the Methodists a suspicious people among 

us. Mr. Sk R gave his opinion with a positive 

air and accent. He could tell of nothing erroneous 
them that he had seen; but their doctrines he 
complained of strenuously. And his method of prov- 
ing their doctrines erroneous, was, to assert possi- 
tively that they were false, and then assign (for an 



^ 66 

argument.) the opinions of Dr. Pinkins, who was his 
favorite minister. Then he would fall to praising 
Dr. P. and many other ministers of his acquaintance, 
and tell us in what colleges they were educated, and 
how many sermons some of them had preached 
from one text, which was a certain evidence, in his 
opinion, of a learned and great man. My father 
for some reason got his mind set against the Metho- 
dists, yet not as others had ; for though he neglected 
their preaching he would not speak evil of them. — 
One of my sisters and her husband, had joined the 
Methodists. And one of the neighbors, of whom 
my father had a high opinion, was converted and 
joined them. This man was a nursing father, and 
his wife a nursing mother to me. When he first 
experienced religion, he came to my father's, and 
with a solemn pleasant look, said he had come to 
make confession for the injury he had done him. — • 
My father appeared surprised, and said. Why ? Mr. 
Hubbard, you never injured me in your life. He re- 
plied, I don't know that I ever injured you in person 
or character, but I am sensible I have in your chil- 
dren, by not setting a good example before them. 
I am afraid that through my light and trifling con- 
versation, and my dancing, they have been encour- 
aged in those sinful practices. But for this, I ask 
your forgiveness. My father was too full of tears to 
speak for some time. I was present until he stated 
the cause for which he came to ask forgiveness. I 
then retired to find a place to vent my tears in pri- 
vate. I thought of all the men in the world, I have 
the least cause to find fault with Mr. Hubbard. I 



67 



returned as soon as I could suppress my tears, and 
in time to hear my father say he never thought Mr. 
H. had any evil design in any thing he had ever 
done to him or his children ; and he did not believe 
that one of his children would accuse him of any 
wrong in any thing he had done to them. Mr. H. 
said, I did not suppose that you or your children 
were prejudiced against me, or that you would judge 
me to be guilty of any gross immorality, but T have 
been convicted by the Spirit of the Lord, and the 
word of his grace, that my manner of life has been 
contrary to the Gospel, and that if you or your chil- 
dren should follow it, it would be your undoing ; and 
I thought it my duty to come and take out of the way 
the stumbling block I have laid before you. 

This was loud, preaching to me, and confirmed my 
mind that dancing, as well as all light and trifling 
conversation, was wrong. Now I began to see where 
I was, and what I had been when ihey called me 
deacon, and how I lost the enjoyment of the love of 
God, by casting off seriousness and restraining 
prayer. I thought I would have given the whole 
world, if it had been mine, in order to enjoy again 
what I did when I was twelve years old. But I 
thought some of the impressions I had then, were 
delusive and enthusiastical ; such as finding a partic- 
ular people^ and being called to preach, I was con- 
fident that I was not fit to be a minister. It was 
nonsense for me to harbor the thought, who had 
broken all the solemn promises to serve the Lord 
that I had ever made ; I was no christian, and it 
was a doubt whether I ever could be one. I con- 



68 



eluded I would keep private the exercises of my 
mind. But having paid attention to a yourg woman- 
whom I intended to make my wife, I began to 
think I would not marry her unless she acquiesced 
in my ideas of being religious ; therefore to prove 
her, I made known to her my thoughts of being re- 
ligious ; and when I stated to her the line of conduct 
I purposed to pursue in life, viz. To withdraw from 
all trifling company, and to dance or sing songs no 
more ; but when I am married, to pray in my family 
and live a life of honesty and seriousness. I then 
asked her if she would be ashamed of me, and if 
such a life would be disagreeable to her. She said 
no, by no means. It had been impressed on her 
mind also, for some time, that she ought to break 
off singing songs, and as to dancing, she never want- 
ed to practice that. This gave me great joy, for I 
had been fully determined, if my proposals did not 
suit her niind, I would leave her for ever. After this 
we often spoke to each otlier when together, of our 
desires to serve the Lord. But I thought to keep 
my exercises from the knowledge of all others, until 
after I was married, and then it would be no disgrace 
to make it known. 



CHAPTER IV. 



The opposition lliat arose against the Methodists 
v/as maintained with great zeal for the established 
order of religion; and a zeal that was becoming men 
that designed to be religious in the New England 
fashion ; and I had no doubt but the opposers were 
sincerely afraid that their order would be injured 
by the Methodists. I wanted to be a Congregation- 
alist, and to be respectable. But I wanted the 
love and seriousness of the Methodists. I loved 
their preaching and doctrine ; but these seemed to 
be detested by the Calvinists. Therefore, I could 
not be a Congregationalist and believe the Methodist 
doctrine. And for some time, I strove to find some 
error in those doctrines, and disputed the point with 
some of the Methodists ; but after awhile, I obtained 
such knowledge of the Scriptures, that I not only 
fully believed their doctrines, but concluded to oppose 
ihem no more. Nevertheless, how to please the 
standing order, and maintain my character among 
all, was a difficult task. 1 concluded to say nothing, 
for or against the Methodists; Balak-like I would 
neither curse them nor bless them. This neutrality 
I found would not do for me. Though the minister 



70 



of our town would neither curse them nor bless 
them, and in this he was said to be very cunning ; 
but the moment I left off opposing them I was sus- 
pected. I could trifle and be as vain as any one, 
and no one but the Methodists would chide me for it. 
I soon found that trifling and jesting would serve as 
a substitute for opposing the Methodists, would ren- 
der me respectable among some professors, and re- 
move their suspicions of me. So when among them 
I could make merry, and when among the Metho- 
dists I would be serious. But in a few months, I 
found this was mere triflino^ with relicrion. And 
concluded that J could no longer indulge in merri- 
ment, because in so doing I could not retain a spirit 
of prayer. So then, how to be a Presbyterian, and 
pray like a Methodist, I could not tell ; for I desired 
earnestly to join the standing order, and yet hold 
the doctrines of the Methodists, and live as soberly 
and seriously as they did. And if I could do this, it 
would be an advantage to the Congregational-order. 
But how to obtain the pardon of my sins, and a 
witness that I was truly converted, was now the 
subject of my great concern. I reasoned thus : if 
religion be a reality, and not a fiction, there is such 
a thing as knowing il. But if it cannot be known, 
it is not worth my notice. The Word of the Lord 
tells me, that religion is a reality ; and the best of 
men have said they know this by experience. But 
the devil has insinuated that religion is such a mys- 
terious and holy thing, and also, that such are the 
corruption and depravity of man in this life, that he 



71 



cannot enjoy religion, or obtain a knowledge of it. 
But those professors that live in sin, and have 
nothing to distinguish them from many other 
sinners but their bare profession, will also roundly 
declare they do not know, and cannot know their 
sins forgiven. But they say they have a comforta- 
ble hope. Now, said I to myself, which shall I be- 
lieve, God or the devil, and ignorant professors ? 
If I believe God, I must show it by my works, and 
renounce the devil, and learn a proper distinction 
between good and evil ; and know how to choose the 
good and refuse the evil, is the important lesson I 
must now learn. If there be such a thing as reli- 
gion it must be designed to qualify us for Heaven, — 
v/hile sin qualifies us for hell. Upon examination, I 
found I was a sinner. I felt the wrath of God a just 
reward for all sin. And his wrath I should justly feel 
to all eternity, if I continued to jest and trifle as I 
had done.. Sometimes a sense of the sinfulness of 
jesting and joking would weigh down my spirits. 
If I opened my mind to any one, by stating my fears 
that there was no mercy for me, some would say, 
why need you be troubled ? you are no great sinner ; 
you never murdered any one ; you are not worse than 
others. But this was no comfort to my mind, 
for I would say — though I have not murdered any 
one of my fellow men ; yet my sins have murdered 
the Lord Jesus Christ. If I spoke to one that was 
a Methodist, he w^ould exhort me to look to God by 
faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and not rest until I 
knew my sins were forgiven. But I desired to be a 
Cqngregationalist,and to be a true Christian too. But 



72 



how to make this out I knew not ; for when I asso- 
ciated with them, I lost my conviction ; but when I 
went to hear the Methodists, I became alarmed again. 
The Congregationalists taught me to wait Clod's time, 
that I could not obtain deliverance until the day of 
his power. The Methodists taught me, that now is 
God's time, and now is the day of his converting 
power ; that man is a moral agent, and that God deals 
M'ith him as such, that God did not make us rea- 
sonable beings to deal unreasonable with us ; that 
if it is presumptuous for a man to say that he shall 
have a crop of grain without ploughing or sowing; 
it is more so, to expect a blessing to our souls w^ith- 
out using the means God hath appointed ; that if 
a man be sick, it would be absurd to expect a cure 
without using proper means ; it is more so, to ex- 
pect heavenly balm to our wounded soul without 
repenting and turning to God. It is true," said 
they, that God can save without means, but there 
is no promise for us to expect it. It is true God has 
power to annihilate all the souls of men, as easily as 
he could create them, but if Scripture be true, he will 
not do it." Without all, peradventure," said one, 
God could force men into seriousness ; and he that 
commanded light out of darkness, might take the sin- 
ner in his arms, and carry him even against his will, 
into that banqueting-house, the banner whereof is 
love. Yea, he might set men's souls, as the work- 
man doth his clock. He might treat us as he doth 
brute beasts : but if the word of God be true, he will 
not. It is folly to accuse God with dealing irresisti- 



73 



biy with his creatures, and then condemn thenn, for 
doing what they could not possibly avoid, or to save 
one irresistibly, and not save alL And to represent 
God as having n^iade a world of intelligent creatures, 
for his glory, and by a decree ensnare them in sin 
and filth that he might have the pleasure of torment- 
ing the greater part of them in eternal fire, is w^orse 
than atheism. For it would be better to believe in no 
God, than to believe in one that exerted almighty 
power to create beings to glorify and enjoy him; and 
then exert the same almighty power to damn them 
in hell, as though his power were exerted against 
itself." 

The Methodists said, that God made nothing in 
vain ; that having made his creatures moral agents, 
he had therefore designed them for his service. No 
man lighteth a candle and putteth it under a bushel : 
but sitteth it on a candle-slick, that it may give light 
to all in the house. So God never made a rational 
soul, and left it without the means of moral improve- 
ment. No man ever made a house for the pleasure 
of setting it on fire, and seeing it burn down. He 
that makes a diamond ring does not intend it for a 
hog's snout. He that makes a rich carpet does not 
intend it for a house-mop or dish-clouts. And shall 
we think God more imprudent than man ? Shall we 
imagine that God has less foresight than common 
tradesmen ? Truly, if we draw conclusions from 
some men's representation of God, we must gather 
no less from what they say and do, than that they 
imagine God to be more brutish than the most carnal 

4 



74 



wretch livings who never would toil for gold and 
silver, for the pleasure of throwing it into the sea. 
For the}^ profess to believe that God has given them 
a more refined spirit than irrational creatures have ; 
and yet they employ that spirit to no higher use than 
beasts do their instinct. Shall God give us an ex- 
alted soul that can eat angels' food, and shall we, like 
the prodigal, fill our belUes with husks ? Shall the 
grace of G-od that bringeth salvation, appear to all 
men ; and God design that it should have no higher 
use than to teach and instruct us how to feed and 
clothe a poor corruptible body, and how to wallow 
in sin as the swine in the mire ? I cannot conceive 
how a Chiistian man can have such thoughts of God, 
unless he is laboring under a strong delusion." I 
thought if a man denied himself to be a moral agent, 
he did in fact deny his accountability to God, and ren- 
dered himself brutish. I doubted whether such an 
one could be allowed to humble himself like Agar, 
who said, " I am more brutish than any man." But 
to be consistent with just conclusions from his senti- 
ments, he should degrade himself by saying : I am 
a brute and no man." 

When I went among the Congregationalists, they 
were engaged to fortify their principles against the 
doctrines of the Methodists. They said at first, that 
man was not a moral agent ; but that he was only 
a natural agent ; that God had decreed all things, 
but then they were willing only to mean by this, 
that God foreknew all thin(^s. For thev said — 
God's foreknowledge and decrees were the same 



75 



thing : or that he could not have foreknown if he had 
not decreed, but their great argument to prove it, 
was their ignorance. Our minister would say, This 
is a great mystery. It is an unfathomable ocean : we 
cannot comprehend it: but it is so: we must be- 
lieve it. One man, Mr. G , said in a confer- 
ence meeting, that if a man had a system that he 
could see through, so as to account for the reasona- 
bleness of it, it was a certain sign that man was 
wrong. But if a man had a system that he could 
not see through, or shew its consistency, it was a 
certain sign that man was right. This notion of Mr. 

G , obtained the assent of all his brethren. I 

said nothing pro or con, but I felt sorrow, that so 
honorable a religion had nothing belter than confusion 
for its support. 

In the spring, after I was of age, I proposed to go 
into the western part of New York state, and look 
me out some new land to settle upon. I mentioned 
this to her whom I intended to make my wife. She 
approved of it ; and her brother volunteered to ac- 
company me. So we set out (to seek our fortunes) 
on a pedestrian tour of three or four hundred miles, 
in a circuitous route, to find good land. At last we 
came to Norway, near the Royal Grants. There 
we thought to settle. We took some land, and got 
in six acres of wheat, and returned hocie late in the 
fall of 1792. And after arranging all things accord- 
ing to the rules and customs of Massachusetts, I was 
married on the 10th day of January, 1793. 

In all this time I had similar exercises of mind, as 



76 



in months before. Sometimes 1 was melted into 
tenderness, and for awhile I was serious and solemn. 
Then again I would joke and jest. My serious turns 
gave my joking turns an appearance of greater wit ; 
and some people formed an opinion that my serious- 
ness was all feigned, with a design to give a zest to 
my jokes. This troubled me at times; it was not 
so ; but I only knew my design in it ; yet 1 could 
not justify myself in these measures to hide my 
Methodistical opinions ; for the doctrines of the 
Methodists cordially approved, and the spirit of 
humility and love so manifestly governing them, in- 
spired in me a decided opitiion in their favor. But 
for me to be a Methodist, when they were so few in 
number, and so opposed by even good men, and 
the finger of scorn pointed at them by some who I 
feared were only hypocrites, yet high professors of 
religion, while the wicked, by this contempt of pro- 
fessors, were encouraged to make the poor Metho- 
dists the butt of their ridicule, was painful to me.— 
But these words of our Lord sounded an alarm lo 
me, "Whosoever is ashamed of me and of my words 
before this adulterous generation, of him will I be 
ashamed before my father and his holy angels." I 
saw that in seeking to please others, I despised my 
Lord in his true members. 

A little before, and at the time of my marriage, it 
seemed that all the combined powers of men and 
devils, with all their wit and finesse, were engaged to 
draw me into dancing, or civil recreation, falsely so 
ailed. At my wedding, my wife's friends would 



77 

have a fiddler. To prevent this, I desired my father 
to speak to our good minister for me, to preach us a 
sermon at his house on the day after the wedding. — 
This he promised to do ; and this frustrated the 
design of having a fiddler. But on the 9th, I re- 
ceived an open letter from the minister, in which he 
recalled his appointment to preach. This news flew 
like the wind, and a fiddler was sent for without my 
knowledge. On receiving this letter, my mind was 
impressed with heavy gloom ; and the next day in 
gloomy dejection I dressed myself and went to be 
married. On arriving there, my spirits revived a 
little. The wedding guests were agreeable. But 
when I saw the fiddler, my gloom returned with 
double weight ; I sought for a private place to adjust 
my feelings. The company saw my agitation, and 
knew the cause. The fiddler too, (poor black fellow) 
saw it, and it touched his heart, so that he never 
rested after this wedding, until God set his soul at 
liberty, and he broke his fiddle. Though I said no- 
thing, yet I hurt their feelings because I was not 
cheerful. And every device of flattery and wit was 
resorted to^ to cheer me up. Our good minister was 
requested to give his opinion in favor of dancing. — 
And so he did. May the Lord forgive him. A 
good man may be drawn to give an erroneous opin- 
ion, when importuned by people whom he wishes to 
please. So he gave his opinion that there was no 
harm* in a civil dance, and advised me to give it up, 
'^You cannot," said he, ''stem the torrent." O 
how this pleased the company. After he was gonCj 



78 



they praised the minister. He was one of the best 
of men, all agreed. Ah ! said one, he is not starched 
up with superstition. All these things were said to 
cheer me up. But I was not entirely cured of my 
seriousness that night ; however, within a week or 
ten days, being constantly in merry company, in at- 
tending two weddings, my Methodist notions (as my 
seriousness was called) were about cured. 

In about ten days I called to see Thomas Hub- 
bard, and after a free conversation with him and his 
wife, 1 again felt broken into contrition, and self- 
abasement for my folly : and now I resolved once 
more that I would seek the Lord : but my convic- 
tion was less pungent, so that I was afraid God had 
left me; though I could weep at times, yet the horror 
of guilt was passed ; but shame for my instability 
remained, with only a general view of the justice of 
God in my damnation ; in time past I had a clear and 
particular sense of the justice of God in my damna- 
tion ; and therefore this general view now I thought 
was only a remembrance of the former views I had of 
God's retributive justice, and not an effect of the spirit 
of God, now convicting me of sin : and therefore I 
thought his spirit was withdrawn from me, or rather 
that I had grieved it away. 

In this frame of mind, I continued until about 
the last of January, having been married on the 
tenth of this month ; and having conversed with 
many after visiting T. H., to some of whom I related 
my experience when I viras young ; and some said 
that I had been converted, and that I should never 



79 



fall away ; I told them that I had fallen away. O 
no, they said, the sparks of grace were in my heart 
covered up with sin, as fire in ashes, and I could 
never lose it. I said I had lost it, and that now I 
was as sure of heincr damned as I was sure there 
was a God of truth to judge the world, unless I ob- 
tained pardon for the sins I had committed. They 
said it hurt them to hear me talk so. I said that I have 
some hope that God will forgive me if I seek him in 
a right manner; for it is written, Let the wicked 
forsake hip way5and the unrighteous man his thoughts, 
and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have 
mercy upon him ; and to our God for he will abun- 
dantly pardon," They said, then you think to go to 
heaven by your works, do you ? I said no, not by my 
works ; but I believe that I must seek if I would find ; 
and the Saviour sailh, "Seek first the kingdom of God 
and his righteousness." They said, "Ah! the Meth- 
odists hold that they are going to heaven by their 
works ; and you are deceiving yourself with their 
doctrines.'' 1 said I had never heard the Methodists 
say that they were going to heaven by their works ; 
but they say we cannot obtain mercy without repent- 
ance ; and as to deceiving myself, I have long been 
deceived with sin, and if I do not forsake it, I shall 
be damned. They said they pitied me, and they ad- 
vised me to be careful and not deceive myself with 
the Methodist doctrine. 

I now saw that the Calvinists, whether Presbyte- 
rian or Baptists, instead of warning me against sin 
and pointing me to the Saviour of men for relief, 



80 



were only laboring to quiet my mind in sin, and to 
persuade me to believe myself a Christian in my 
backslidden and sinful state. To go on in folly and 
sin with the wicked, was sure destruction. To join 
any Christian church, I was not fit. And to get reli- 
gion in my own power, I could not. And though I 
believed that pardon of sin was an act or work of 
God, yet he would not pardon, though he was will- 
ing to pardon, unless I sought him in a right man- 
ner. And to seek him and pray without the spirit 
of prayer, would be only lip service. And this 
spirit of conviction and prayer I had not so much of 
now as I had one month ago. FinalhT-, I was con- 
vinced that the reason why God did not pardon my 
sins, was wholly a fault in me ; and that if I had 
sought, him with all my heart I should have found 
comfort. In this frame of mind I resolved that I 
would never eat, drink, nor sleep, until I had sought 
the Lord with all my heart, and obtained a sense of 
the pardon of my sins. It was at my wife's father' sr^ 
on a cold night, the 28th of January, I retired to a 
cold room for private prayer, as all retired to bed, 
and putting my watch-coat over my shoulders, I 
kneeled down for prayer : immediately, thoughts 
were suggested tliat 1 was very presumptuous to 
make such a vow as I had done, for I might not find 
mercy, and as it was a very cold night, I might 
freeze to death and be damned ; and that as I had 
been lately married, my wife and her father's family 
were all in bed in the same house, and would be 
disturbed by me, and be ashamed of me, and I 



81 

should certainly lose my character, and be counted 
crazy, and also grieve and offend my relations. But 
to all these suggestions I answered : I care not for 
them nor my own present ease ; I will not break my 
vow. It was then suggested, presumptuous! You 
think to force the Lord I thought the king- 
dom of Heaven suffered violence. But something 
said, You have not concern enough — you have but 
very little concern now ; had you not better put off 
the vow until you get more conviction, at least as 
much as you had one month ago ? I said no, I will 
not. It was whispered to my mind, You will freeze 
to death and be damned. I said. Then, I will be 
damned crying for mercy. But you have not so 
much concern as you had two days ago, and if you 
will now break your vow and wait until the Lord 
pleases to send you more conviction, then you 
would stand some chance to find mercy ; but now 
you will freeze, and die, and be damned. Then I 
will be damned, for I will not break my vow. I 
have vowed to cry for mercy until I obtain it. — 
And though my conviction is not so great as it has 
been, it is all because I have grieved the Holy Spirit 
by breaking my promises .to live soberly, and seek 
the Lord with fervency of mind. 0, howjduUand 
stupid my mind is ; I groaned out a desire for a due 
concern for my soul, and for God's praise and glory. 
In a moment it was suggested to my mind, you will 
disturb the family, your wife will be ashamed of you, 
your friends will be ashamed of vou ; you have been 

4* 



82 



lately married to an amiable young woman, one cal- 
culated to make your life happy, but your rash, 
presumptuous vow will destroy you ; you cannot 
obtain mercy in this presumptuous way, neither will 
the Lord hear you, nor regard your cry, unless you 
Tiave more of his spirit ; and that you cannot obtain 
in this rash way ; you had better break your vow, 
for a bad promise is better broken than kept. I said 
no, I will never break this promise, I have broken too 
many in days past. It is but to die and be damned. 
I shall die and be damned if I live as I have done^ 
and what though this promise is rash, is it not more 
rash and presumptuous to expect God's blessing with- 
out using the means he requires ? And he has said^ 
" Ye shall find me when ye search after me with all 
your heart." But this I never have done, and now I 
will, or I will be damned. Jacob wrestled all night. 
David said, I will not go up into my bed, nor give 
sleep to my eyes until I find out a place for the God of 
Jacob." If I am rash, they were rash ; but who would 
call it rashness ? none that would exhort me to seek 
the Lord with all my heart, and it is with all my heart J 
must seek God or be damned ; why then should I re- 
gard such people, who rather than seek God with all 
their heart, would live in sin ; and why should my vow 
be counted rash or sinful when it is against myself 
that I complain because I have never sought the 
Lord with all my heart. God is good ; he has borne 
with me ; but I have been vile and abused all his 
mercies ; and now, when I vow in earnest that I 
will not abuse or disobey his call, it mAist be called 
presumptuous or rash. Let those call it so who will. 



83 



I care not for them — so away all earthly friends, I 
have done with you forever ! Farewell fathers, moth- 
ers, brothers, sisters, wife and friends, I have no more 
to do with you ! you cannot save my soul ; and now, 

0 God, to ihee I look ; have mercy, have merc}^, for 
mercy is all my plea. 

Thus I continued on my knees for about five 
hours, and after struggling against the suggestion 
to break my vow, five or six times, my mind was 
fixed on God alone, and my only cry was, have 
mercy on me a sinner. O thou son of David, have 
mercy on me ! O God, have mercy — show me mer- 
cy — mercy — mercy — mercy ! when suddenly it ap- 
peared to me that the God to whom I prayed was 
the Lord God gracious and merciful. I said, yes, 
thou art merciful, and that moment the burden I 
felt was all gone. Though the burden was not so 
great as I had felt it in times past, at least it seemed 
so ; but what I had was all gone, and joy with 
a sweet peace arose in my whole soul. I said 
yea. Lord, thou art my God, and I will praise thee. 

1 will always praise thee. I arose from my knees, 
and found I was in quite a perspiration ; I w^as warm 
in every part. Ah ! thought I, now I know it was 
the devil that said I should freeze to death, but he is 
a liar, for 1 am warm, and the best of all is, God is 
with me, and he is my God. 

I had a clear evidence of my acceptance with 
God until the next morning, when I proposed to 
pray in the family, but was opposed by my ^vife's 
mother, and this grieved me. I went^ out to the 



84 



barn to pray, but I was so tempted to doubt of the 
reality of what I had experienced, that although I 
felt no guilt of sin, yet I doubted vthether the mani- 
festation of pardon I had felt, was really conver- 
sion or not. And it was eight months before I had 
the clear witness that I was born of God. 

From this time I labored to make all I read my 
own, and try myself by it. And being fully deter- 
mined as soon as I thought I was fit, I would join > 
the Methodists ; I bought several of their books, 
particularly Mr. Fletcher's volumes. Christian's 
Pattern, the Saint's Rest, Law's Serious Call, Al- 
leine's Alarm. And after arranging my matters, I 
left my wife with her mother, while her father and 
brother were to go with me to Norway, to seek a 
place to settle ourselves ; I went the last of Febru- 
ary, and they came the last of ApriL 



CHAPTER V. 



This season, I bargained for a farm about the first 
of June; but immediately T was in heaviness, owing 
to conviction that I ought to go back and settle in the 
place where I was brought up. 

It was this year, in the month of May, that I was 
to find the people that w^ere revealed to me to have 
been in England, when I was twelve years old. And 
so it was, though I had not once thought that the Me- 
thodists were this people, until about the middle of 
the month of May — on a Sabbath, I had retired to the 
woods, to read Mr. Fletcher's VindicatioUo Be- 
cause the Baptist people with whom I lived, had ex- 
pressed a dissatisfaction at my reading that book, 
therefore I went into the woods, so as to give them 
no offence. And while reading these words, '^What 
of God's mercy, which is over all his works ?" *'What 
of the oath, he swears that he willeth not the death of 
a sinner ?" &c. and the whole sentence connected with 
it. I paused, and thought surely I have read this 
before. In a moment I recollected this was what I 
had revealed to me, when I was twelve years old, 
and this was the sign by which I was to know the 
people when I found them, and therefore the Metho- 
dists are "the people I was to find. I read over ihe 



86 



subject again, and compared it with what was reveal- 
ed tome at that time, and what I knew of the Metho- 
dists; and every thing answered so completely to 
the description I had of this people, that I was filled 
with wonder, love, and praise. O God ! I said, thou 
hast brought me to thy banqueting-house : the house 
of my God, is his church and people. The Method- 
ists surely are thy people ; and now I know it is my 
duty to join them the first opportunity. 

At this time I had also an impression to preach ; 
and that I must go back to the town of Hinsdale 
where I was brought up, to commence preaching. 
Therefore, every measure I took to settle myself in 
Norway, proved a source of gloom and heaviness to 
my mind, and continued so, until one day while I 
was in secret prayer, I said, O Lord ! if I can be 
freed from my engagement, honorably I will go back. 
Though of all places in the world, none appears to 
be more crossing for me to exhort, or begin the pub- 
lic worship of God, than in Flinsdale ; yet, O Lord ! 
I will never omit any duty that is made known to me, 
even if the devil stand at the door, or if I knew I 
should die for it. Lnmediately all my gloom and 
heaviness was gone. And that night the man I had 
bought ihe farm of, came and desired me to recant, 
because he could sell it for more than I was to give ; 
I readily gave it up to him. 

The imtpression to preach I construed to mean only 
exhortation : for I could not believe myself qualified 
to preach, nor believe that I could acquire qualifica- 
tions which could do honor to the cause of God in 



1 



87 



that station, for I, doubted whether I was a child of 
God at this time, and if 1 were, I was the least of all. 
Therefore as the Methodists had one grade of official 
characters called exhorters, I concluded that exhorta- 
tion was intended by the impression to preach : and 
if I was faithful to do my duty, all my doubts would 
be removed; also if I was a child of God I should 
have the witness of it; and if I was not now, the 
Lord would make me a child of his : insomuch that I 
had no fear of being damned, only I feared to neglect 
my duty. 

When the farm was taken off my hands, I could 
easily dispose of the rest of my concerns, so as to 
return in the fall. But when my kind friends in that 
place found I would not settle with them, they began 
to importune me to tarry ; one offered me a good bar- 
gain and then another, until I told them that I be- 
lieved the Lord had made it my duty to go back to 
Hinsdale. 

My first public exercises in the w^orship of God, 
commenced while in Norway, immediately after my 
mind was fully satisfied that the Methodists were the 
people I should live to see. I determined to exhort 
and pray with all I could so far as it appeared to me 
to be for the glory of God and the good of souls. One 
day I met with Jonathan Miller in a wood; I 
asked him w^hy he did not pray to God and get his 
soul converted. He said the prayers of the wicked 
were an abomination to the Lord. I said yes; be- 
cause they pray the Lord to depart from them, for 
they desire not the knowledge of his ways : and when 



88 



invited to come to the Lord, they pray to be excused, 
because they have bought a farm or married a wife. 
These prayers are an abomination to the Lord ; but 
the prayers of a poor penitent sinner is, "God be mer- 
ciful to me a sinner," and this prayer is not an abomi- 
nation. I then asked him if he would kneel down 
with me, and I would pray for him. He did so ; and 
w^e both arose, all bathed in tears. From this time 
he began to cry unto the Lord, and in about three 
weeks his burden of guilt was removed, and he be- 
gan to praise the Lord. 

We had no Methodists within twenty miles of us, 
and the Baptists held no meetings in our neighbor- 
hood, except one about seven miles off. Mr. Mil- 
ler urged me to hold meetings. I objected because 
I was not a member of any church, and I could join 
none but the Methodists ; and I knew of none of 
these in that part of the country. Well, said he, then 
come to my house on the Sabbath, and spend the 
day with me in reading, singing, and prayer. To 
this I agreed, on condition that he w^ould tell no one 
of it. He asked me if he might not tell Mrs. Knapp, 
a very pious Baptist woman, who lived next neigh- 
bor to him. To this I agreed. But said, tell no one 
else. 

On the next Sabbath instead of retiring to the 
woods, to spend the day in reading and prayer, as I 
used to, T contrived to get to Mr. Miller's in some 
private way ; because, many of our neighbors, if they 
knew where I was, would come to me to talk in a 
disputing way about religion ; and I chose rather to 



89 



spend the holy Sabbath in reading and prayer. There- 
fore I was careful to go to Mr. Miller's in a private 
way. I took to the woods, and so came out in the 
open field where Mr. M.'s house stood, with a full de- 
termination to bear my cross in praying as well as I 
could ; supposing that I should have none to pray 
wiih but Mr. Miller's family and Mrs. Knapp ; but 
when I entered the door, I was surprised to find the 
house full of people, from the south and east part of the 
settlement. They had a table and the great chair plac- 
ed for the preacher to occupy, and I was informed that 
some had heard that I was to preach there that day. 
Mr. M. and Mrs. K. whispered to me, and said it all 
had happened without any design, for Mr. M. told 
Mrs. K., but never thought to desire her to say no- 
thing about it to others, and she had notified some 
and they told others. But said Mrs. K., (in a loud 
whisper,) you must not let the cross be too great for 
you, but you must trust in the Lord and bear your 
cross. I sat trembling, and considering my vows that 
I would be faithful. I thought I will read, and sing, 
and pray, and in prayer I will be very careful not to 
say any thing that will give occasion for any one to 
reproach religion. 

With trembling I arose, read a chapter in the Bi- 
ble, then a hymn, and they joined in singing; and 
while singing I thought it would not do to kneel down 
with my face towards the people, for if I should be 
balked for want of words in prayer, the people would 
see the confusion in my face ; so I turned and kneel- 
ed down with my face to the wall, and began to pray. 



90 



At first I looked well to my words, both of what I had 
said and what I should say, and I thought I piayed 
as well as any minister ; but all at once, conviction 
seized my mind, that I was looking to my prayer, 
and not to the Lord. This confounded me. I swelled 
with grief that I should so mock God with a mere 
sound of words; my conscience chided me ; but I im- 
mediately resolved lo mock him no more in this way ; 
and bursting into tears I cried unto the Lord with 
such form and words, as would express what I felt 
without any attention or regard to their grammatical 
order. My trembling all left me at once, and sweet 
peace and love to God and his creatures inspired me ; 
and when I arose from prayer, I found nearly all the 
people in tears. The sight of which encouraged me 
so, I exhorted them a few minutes, and then prayed 
again, and so closed the meeting. 

I apologized for holding the meeting in this man- 
ner, and that I only intended to spend the Sabbath 
with Mr. M., &c. But I hoped no one would re- 
proach religion on account of my weakness. The 
people tarried after meeting to entreat me to hold 
meeting again the next Sabbath ; and when I saw 
them so tender and loving, I consented, and because 
Mrs. Knapp said she thought I ought to, by all 
means. But I was surprised to find that my meeting 
that day had been three and a half hours long by the 
watch. Truly, thought I, the zeal of thy house, O 
Lord, hath eaten me up to-day. My soul was all 
love to God and this dear people. So I agreed lo 
have a meeting there on the next Sabbath. But, said 



91 



I, I hope yon all will join witk me to persuade the 
professors of religion to come forward, and take the 
lead of the meeting, which they did ; but not till af- 
ter I had held two or three meetings, in which time 
many were awakened, and thirteen professed to be 
converted. Then the old professors came out to nurse 
the young converts, and sent off for a Baptist minis- 
ter to come and preach in the place. They found it 
easy to proselyte some of them over to the Baptist 
modes and faith. But many would not join the Bap- 
tist church, until they conversed with me. I told them, 
that when I joined any church, it would be with the 
Methodists ; but as there were none of them in that 
place, and I did not know that there ever would be, I 
could not advise them to jein any church ; but if they 
could reconcile the customs and doctrines of the Bap- 
tists to their feelings, I would advise them to join 
them ; for I did not think religion consisted in 
opinions, but in living a life of righteousness. As to 
the doctrine of unconditional election and reprobation, 
as held by the Baptists, I did not believe it was con- 
sistent with the true sense of the Scripture, or with 
common sense ; for Jesus had purified unto himself 
a peculiar people, zealous of good works, and good 
works I believed were the best evidences of a man's 
religion. If you are Baptists, show your faith by 
your works, and we shall not differ about the essen- 
tials of religion. — Upon this they joined the Baptists. 
But the minister came to talk with me. He labored 
to prove to me that unconditional election and reproba- 
tion, were agreeable to Scripture. I asked him if it 



92 



was true that God before the foundation of the world, 
did pass an irrevocable decree of reprobation upon 
the greater part of his creatures. wish you," said 
I, **to account for the justice of that decree by ap- 
pealing to a sin committed after the foundation of 
the world." His brother present, who was a Con- 
gregational minister, was desired to answer it. He 
began with a similitude. He said, "supposing I hold 
a staflf in my hand, and you have offended me, and 
I am about to chastise you with the staff; and sup- 
pose this staff owed you a grudge, and I did not 
know that the staff meant to take that opportunity 
to revenge, and if I should strike you with the staff, 
and the staff should strike too, and hurt you more 
than I intended to ; how could I be to blame, when 
I only hurt you in proportion as you deserved from 
me." I said, "sir, I do not understand your simili- 
tude." He then explained it by saying — " The As- 
syrians were the staff in the hand of God to punish 
Israel, when they had sinned against him." I re- 
plied, "I do not understand your similitude yet." 
There w^ere present at the same time some Bap- 
tist brethren, and they asked how they could 
reconcile that God decreed whatsoever comes to 
pass? And he stated another similitude, after he 
had asked, if God did not know all things. And 
how he could know unless he had decreed ? " Sup- 
pose," said he, "I should ask you if you were 
going to meeting to-morrow, and you should say, I 
don't know ; why don't you know ? You would 
ansvi^er, because I have not determined; after 



93 



awhile I see you, and ask you the question again, 
and you say yes, and I should ask how do you 
know ? you would say, because I have determined 
so God knew because he had determined. They all 
said, that was plain, now I see into it, now I see into 
it. I said but httle, for I saw all were opposed to 
me. The two ministers agreed in opposing the doc- 
trine of good works as held by the Methodists. They 
asked me if I thought I could go to heaven by my 
works ; I said not by the merit of my works, but by 
works as a condition. They expressed surprise, and 
wondered that any one should be so deceived. I 
asked them if Jesus Christ had not purified unto him- 
self a peculiar people ; zealous of good works ? They 
" said, yes." Again, if works were not a condition of 
justification at the bar of God, why did our Lord 
say, Behold I come quickly, and my reward is 
with me, to give every man according as his works 
shall be ?" Rev. xxii. 12. They said a great deal 
about works being the fruits of faith ; and faith was 
the gift of God, and this he gave to whom he pleas- 
ed. Therefore he had mercy on whom he would 
have mercy, and whom he would, he hardened. One 
said, if the Christian was asked why he did good 
works, he would answer, because he could not help 
it, and therefore he would give all the glory to God." 
The Baptist brethren present, were all well pleased 
to hear them confute me, as they called it ; and said 
to me, now I think you must be convinced. I said 
nothing then ; but the next day when the ministers 
were gone, they asked me if I did not see the sub- 



94 



ject of election and decrees, in a different point of 

light from what I had before : I said, no, I see 
nothing in what they have said to alter my mind." 

Well," one said, " I am sorry for you ; for my part 
I see all through it." But when I repeated their 
similitudes, and asked, if he did not say that he did 
not know the staff meant to lake that opportu- 
nity to revenge : and by so doing I was punished 
more than he intended ? They said, yes." Well, 
now apply it to God as he said Assyria was the staff 
that God held in his hand, to punish Israel. But did 
not God know that Assyria owed Israel a grudge 
and meant to revenge, and did not God mean that 
Assyria should punish Israel so badly ? If not, then 
he could not have decreed quite all that Assyria did ; 
therefore something came to pass that God did not 
decree. Again, if God did not know, or could not 
know, (as they intimated) unless he had decreed ; 
then certainly he was ignorant, until he had decreed ; 
and if so, how can an ignorant God decree things 
wisely ? 

Upon this they altered their minds, and said, that 
finally they could not believe that God had decreed 
whatsoever comes to pass. But notwithstanding 
this, as soon as their minister came among them 
again, they would become strong in the faith that all 
things were decreed. This was frequently the case ; 
but as I said nothing severe, I was not very hotly at- 
tacked by any one, though I had the mortification to 
witness an abuse of the truth. So that when I left 
that place, I was determined never again so to regard 



95 



the feelings of men, as to hear ihem abuse the truth 
without reproof. 

I settled nny affairs in Norway in October, and re- 
turned to Hinsdale ; I found my wife well. My 
friends appeared to be glad to see me, but express- 
ed a dissatisfaction at my Methodistical notions, and 
my zeal to hold meetings. The mimber of my 
friends in whom 1 could confide was very small ; but 
the Lord blessed me with a clear sense of my accep- 
tance with him. On looking into the Methodist Hymn 
Book, I read these lines : — 

" Maker, Saviour of mankind, 

Who hast on me bestovv'd, 
An immortal soul design'd, 

To be the house of God." 

That moment the Spirit bore witness with my spirit, 
that God dwelt in me and I in him. My soul was 
happy — my faith was strong. 

I went to the Methodist meeting, seven miles off. 
The first I had been at for eight months. The meet- 
ing had began v^'hen I came in. On seeing my old 
Methodist friends, I was exceedingly affected ; tears 
ran down all the time of meeting ; and after preach- 
ing, I staid in class, and a most m.elting, loving lime 
we had. The preacher at the close of the meeting, 
asked if any one desired to join the class. I arose 
and said, " I feel myself unworthy to be a member 
of any church, but I believe the Lord has blessed 
me, and if the brethren think it is proper, I w-ish to 
be a member." They accepted of me, and I w^as 
very happy in God and with my brethren. 



96 



I visited among my old acquaintances for some 
dciys, and attended several prayer-meetings, in which 
I was called upon to pray. This was a great cross 
to me, I had flattered myself, that if I visited among 
the Methodists, I should hear them pray, and I could 
improve my gift, for I was weak and feeble, and of 
little failh. But to my surprise, they called on me to 
pray in their families, and I dare not refuse, though 
the weakest of all. I was afraid tliis would injure 
me. But I gave myself more especially to secret 
prayer and reading ; and now I have reason to bless 
God for it. 

The society to which I first joined, was about sev- 
en miles fiom where I resided, and although I attend- 
ed constantly on the Sabbath, yet I could not often 
meet them in prayer-meeting. I therefore, by the 
desire of a few, had prayer-meetings in the place 
where I lived. This was attended with good effect. 
Several experienced religion, and desired to have 
preaching with us. Accordingly I invited the preach- 
ers to come and preach for us. They did so ; and 
formed a class of fifteen, and appointed me the leader. 
All this was before my six months' probation had ex- 
pired. I was afraid tliat I was running too fast, and 
I should fall away. But T gave myself more fervent- 
ly to secret prayer. My peace was like a river, and' 
my brethren were all of one heart and soul in~the 
work of the Lord. 

But the Calvinists of the standing order, soon be- 
gan to express fears that all was not right. I began 
to exhort, and some who knew no better, said I 



m 

preached. This gave alarm. My father reproveci 
me for preaching, because I had not been educated 
at college. He declared that I was too ignorant ta 
preach. I told him I only exhorted ; but this did 
not satisfy him. It appeared that my holding meet*- 
ings was displeasing to him. He accused me of 
bringing disgrace on myself and on my relations, and 
advised me to desist if I expected his approbation and 
assistance. I assured my father that I had not en- 
gaged in this work from any other motive than a 
sense of duty, and a desire to save my soul. He 
then held forth the advantage he could be to me ; but 
if I continued in the way I had been, he would never 
give me any property. I replied, I have not en- 
gaged in this work, but from a conviction that God 
has called me to it, and as to this world's goods, I 
would rather beg my bread barefoot to Heaven than 
to ride in a coach to hell ; and if my father does not 
see fit to help me, 1 shall not neglect what I con- 
scientiously think to be my duty, for men or devils ; 
but like Joshua, I am resolved to serve the Lord." 
My father appeared to be in a great passion, and re- 
viled the idea of my being called of the Lord to any 
duty, and accused me of stubbornness, and so turned 
away and left me, after he had said he would never 
help me. It grieved me to see my father in a passion, 
and not only because it was a sin, but because among 
all my relations, I had none to join with me, except 
one sister and her husband. My step-mother was 
tender-hearted, and wished me well ; but she dare 

5 



98 

not speak lier mind about ihe Methodists. My wife's 
father was a still man. He neilher cursed them nor 
blessed them ; but her n^otfaer was very talkative^ 
and positive that they were a deluded people ; so 
that my wife, by her influence, was opposed to the 
Methodists, and ashamed of rne as she said, because 
every body was speaking against me ; and that she 
was ashamed to shew her head out of the door, I 
could not therefore acguamt her of this unfortunate 
breach with my father, lest she should also join with 
him, and make my hfe more miserable than it other- 
wise would be. I returned home with a sad heart 
and yet rejoicing that my father had no cause of com- 
plaint, but what arose from m.y religious practice • 
and though it w^as grievous to think that a father, 
who never had indulged in reviling religion of any 
order, should now be guilty of showing contempt to 
the Methodists, who had been instrumental of quick- 
ening him in the best religious exercises I had knowai 
him to practice for many years. On my way, I re- 
peatedly put the question to myself — is it possible ? 
Will my father despise the people that have been 
instrumental of so much good to him ? And am I 
to be disinherited because I would obey God rather 
than man ? Well, be it so. I will bear the scandal 
of the cross in meekness, and trust in the Lord. 

When I arrived at my house, it being late at night, 
all were asleep. I got a light, and sat down to my 
Bible, after praying that God would instruct me by 
his word. I opened to the thirteenth chapter of 



99 

Deuteronomy, sixth to eleventh ; this was a comfort 
to my soul. 

I felt confirmed in my resolution to forsake father, 
mother, wife, and all, for Christ's sake. 

Many came to dispute me in those days. All ex- 
pressed a sorrow, that I should be deluded by the 
Methodists. I have no doubt but they were sincere- 
ly concerned for me. Good works, perfection, and 
falling from grace, were the points of debate. For 
these the Methodists were pronounced deluded. 
But it was so, that none expressed or understood 
either of those doctrines, as the Methodists held them ; 
each making his own inference from the doctrine in 
such a manner as to accuse the Methodists with er- 
ror. That if repentance and faith were the work of 
the creature, and a condition of justification, they in- 
ferred, that there was merit in repentance and faith ; 
so alsa of obedience to God's commandments. I 
found it diflficult to make some understand, as I did, 
the propriety of Mr. Wesley's beautiful expression 
defining the Methodistical sense of good works, viz, 
— Not by the merit of loorks, but by works as a 
condition^ 

Perfection ! — Nothing appeared so perniciaus to 
the minds of some, as the doctrine of Perfection. It 
was confidently asserted by some, that we could not 
live without sin, that we could not breath without 
sin. All our prayers were mixed with sin. We sin- 
ned in thought, word, and deed, day and night, awake 
or asleep ; and yet we could not fall from grace. 

Falling from grace was said by some to be a damn- 



100 



able heresy ! They asserted thai an elect saint of 
God could no more fall, so as to perish everlastingly, 
than Christ could fall from his throne. The cove- 
nant v^as well ordered in all things, and sure. But 
for the Methodists to refute, as they did, the doctrine 
of unconditional election ; and that God for his own 
glory, foreordained whatsoever comes to pass ; form- 
ed the climax of Methodistical absurdity ; it was a 
crime to be punished by the law, some said ; and 
others more gravely said, it was a sure mark of a re- 
probate. — Oh, how deep they would sigh, and pity 
me for my delusion. 

I improved my time in searching the Scriptures. 
I soon read my Bible through in course, and commit- 
ted many passages to memory. Though I had only 
a small degree of education, barely a common school 
education, yet I could sometimes read one hundred 
pages in a long winter's evening, and the next day 
work hard at farming business, dressing flax, thresh- 
ing grain, chopping wood ; working with my hands, 
that I might not be chargeable to any, and have some- 
thing good to feed the Methodist preacher and his 
horse. I said to my wife one day, Come, my dear, let 
us make one rule to be observed by us in our 
future life. Well, she says, what is that? Let 
us make our table free to all Christians of all per- 
suasions, and never let a hungry person go without 
a supply of food for his comfort ; she said, well I am 
agreed. And I was pleased to find that when my 
Methodist preacher came, she would get the best 
there was in the house ; but poor soul, she had not 



101 



yet experienced religion. Nor would she attend to 
the Methodist meetings at all, but seemed determined 
to be a Presbyterian. Her generous spirit pleased 
me, while I felt an increasing regret that she should 
be lost forever, for w^ant of an experience of religion^ 
This text, Except a man be born again, he can- 
not see the kingdom of God," often sounded an 
alarm in my soul for her : I was therefore more ar- 
dent in prayer for her. But when I spoke to her 
of the necessity of an experience of religion, and 
reproved her unguarded expression, she wolud some- 
limes get into a pet, and accuse me with no other 
design in talking to her, than to make a Methodist 
of her. But she one time told me in a pet, she 
would not be a Methodist ; no, she would die first. 
I said, you are mistaken in my designs and motives. 
I will assure you, if you v^'ill only be a Christian in 
reality, you may join any denomination you please ; 
I will never hinder you ; but will do all I can to help 
you along, only I shall be a Methodist. When it is 
convenient for me to attend with you, I will ; but I 
cannot neglect my meeting for yours. 

Things went on very well with us. I took land 
to till upon shares, and had good crops. She w^ould 
spin and weave. We had food to eat, and raiment 
to put on, and a hired room to live in, the first year. 

T bought fifty acres of new land, cleared a small 
spot, and put me up a small house. While this was 
doing, many came to see me in our hired room. Some 
to hear me explain Scripture, and some to dispute. 
In our disputes, my wife would join with them. This 



102 



would encourage them to be severe in their cen- 
sures ; for when they could not bring argunient, 
or explain the difficulties I ihrowed in their way ; 
though they did not use the sanae language the 
Pharisees did to the man that had been blind, *'Th6u 
wast altogether born in sin, and dost thou teach us 
they would say : Ah ! you are wrong ! you are de- 
ceived ! Why ! do you think that our forefathers 
would not have known this, if it had been right ? and 
our ministers who have been to college, never found 
it out. And now these Methodists ; "ah ! these 
Methodists, that have never been to college, come 
among us to teach us ! no, I don't believe you are 
right." , I would then ask them if they had anything 
to say against my moral character. O no," they 
would say. " But we are sorry to have so likely a 
young man deluded." 



CHAPTER VI. 



The few Methodists in this place were watched 
closely, and critically by some, and religiously by 
others. I wa« complained of as being too precise, 
too strict, too sober ; he is not company for any body^ 
now, say they. It was reported that I was so perfect, 
that I did not commit any sin. Q, my delusion was 
ripe ! When I went abroad^ I found many had^heard 
of me that I knew" nothing about. Some were afraid 
of me, and as I entered a house, the children would 
run to hide themselves from me. I could hear tliena 
say, It is he ! how he looks," while they were peep- 
ing througn some knot-hole, or crack of the door. 
'Will he make Methodists of us ?" "Why another 
would say, " he^s a man, daddy and mammy talk to 
him, %e won't hurt us." I have often thought, what 
do the people think ; is it so, that a man that pro- 
fesses to have communion with God, and to know 
that God for Christ's sake, has forgiven him all hi^ 
sins, becomes a wonder in the world. For this pro- 
fession was, in the opinion of some, the foundation 

all my delusion. It was very rare to find, in the 
standing order, any, even among their ministers, thai 
p^rofassed to know that their sins were forgiven. 



10-4 



Among the Baptists there were some, but they were 
all deceived. However, they were not so badly de- 
ceived as the Methodists were, because they held to 
BnconditioRal election, and that we coiild not live 
without sin. But they were quite deluded with the 
notion of knowing their sins forgiven, and holding to 
inspiration, &c. Why is it, thought I, that thi& work 
of the forgiveness of sins should be acknowledged 
by the Presbyterians to be essential to salvation ; 
and that it is a mighty powerful work of God too^ 
wrought in the heart by an irresistible influence of 
the Holy Ghost, and yet wrought so secretly that the 
creature knows nothing of it, and as some said, he 
could not know it ! 

Another thing that made me a butt for some to 
shoot at, was, I had thought it my duty not only to ex« 
hort people to quit their sins and pray to God to 
convert their souls ; but also to reprove whatever I 
heard or saw that was sinful, in all company, at home 
or abroad. Some said in this I did vi^rong, and 
quote the^Scripture, " cast not your pearls before 
swine, lest they turn again and rend you." But I 
quoted — '^Thou shalt not suffer sin upon thy brother 
or neighbor, but thou shair rebuke him." So I 
went on reproving in the most loving, gentle manner 
I could. Some received it well, and some turned 
upon me and railed with vehemence. Though I do 
not remember of but one, that carried his railing to a 
vehement vulgarity in our town, and that was ata town- 
meeting. I, with many others, left the cold meeting 
house to go into tavern near by to warm ourselves. 



105 



There were many in the large bar-room sealed 

around, while one was walking up and down the 

room, strutting in ruffles and gloves, and swearing 

profanely, seemingly to the full approbation of all 

present. As he came towards the place where I w^as 

standing, he kept up his swearing — I tapped him 

gently on the shoulder, and said softly, Mr. — , don't 

swear so ; at which he turned around and uttered an 

oath, and called me a d n fool. Why, Hibbard, 

said he, you used to be a likely, bright young man, 

till you met with these Methodists ; but they have 

made a d-^ n fool of you. I held down my head 

as though 1 was very sorry for what I had done. 

The company were all laughing to hear him give it 

down to me. After he had given me his last piece 

of advice not to reprove gentlemen, &c., I looked 

up upon him, and making my bow, I said. Mister, I 

ask your pardon, I believe I have crowded a little 

upon that rule of Scripture, where it says, ^^Cast not 

your pearls before swine, lest they turn again and 

rend you but I have done it ignorantly, for I did not 

know that you were a hog. At this the laugh 

turned in my favor, while my seriousness awed 

them into due respect. I never heard Mr. — 

swear afterwards ; neither was I ever frowned upon 

afterwards, for reproving, by any one that knew me 

in these parts. 

I was in Troy some time after, and in seeking 

for board, I made one condition with my host, viz., 

if I board with you, I will give you your price, on 

this condition, that you and your family shall attend 

5* 



106 



to prayers, night and morning ; either you must pray^ 
or comniand all your household to attend while I 
pray. At this he seemed to be a little surprised ; 
but agreed to it heartily ; and though it had been 
difficult for him to get good boarders before, it was 
not a week before he had more than he could well 
take care of. His house became noted and known 
by the name of the praying-house, above the pump. 
Some evenings after prayer with the family, we 
could see many leaving the windows and door where 
they had been listening. My heart has often yearn- 
ed and melted in earnest prayer for them. Soon I 
was known almost all over the town, They called 
me the Methodist preacher. I held meetings on 
Sabbaths, for five or six weeks that I was there, and 
exhorted the people to quit their sins, and pray to 
God to convert their souls. One evening there 
came in a stranger, to do some business with our 
host, while we were at supper. He swore profanely. 
I said, you should not swear, sir ; he d — d me, and 
bid me not reprove him. In a few words more, he 
swore again ; I reproved him ; he called me a 

d d hypocrite, that I would swear when out on 

business, as he w^as, for it was all the fashion, he 
said ; directly he swore again ; and I said again, you 
ought not to swear, it is no mark of a gentleman to 
swear. He then threatened me, if I reproved him 
again, he should take it as an insult, and he would 
give me what I deserved. I said, then you must 
swear no more, if you do I shall reprove you. For 
some time, he refrained, often, liowever, pinching off 



m 

oaA, or curse half spoken. But at tength he swore 
agpin, and I reproved him ; he then began to laugh 
me, and caM me a hypocrite. This kind of treats 
ment continued till after supper. We waited a short 
lime, to have him depart. The boarders thought 
surely, we shall not have prayers, and so retired to 
their beds I saw the family also about to retire. 
I Called the master to attend to prayers. He gave 
the sign to have me pray. I read a short chapter, 
and kneeled down to prayer. Before I was hallf 
done, I could hear my swearing man weeping like 
Peter, after he swore, and when I arose, he came 
to mt all in tears; and begged my pardon for the abus^e 
he had given me. I forgave as it respected myself, 
and I hoped God would also. He then turned to 
the landlord, and said he had been deceived in me ; 
I thought him such a Christian as we have in our 
parts, that would reprove others and swear them- 
selves ; but he said, he had never met wilh such a 
man in all his life before. He then agreed for lodg- 
ings, as he said, to liave conversation with me about 
religion ; for, turning to me, T have had some serious 
thoughts at times about religion ; and if you are 
willing to instruct me, I would set up all night. The 
Kon had become so lamb-like, I could do no less 
than to agree to instrruct him all I was capable of 
doing. I said I am not a minister, but a plain man- 
He tarried with us five days, and having kept me 
•awake nearly all that night, with his inquiries, I was 
^ext day -sick with the ague and fever<. 



108 



My labors by day, and so much talking oi sUidy 
at nights, wore me down to mere skin and boncb 

One day while helping a captain of a vessel to 
unload some goods, one of the sailors swore, and T 
reproved him mildly. He said he would not bo re- 
proved ; I said, then you must not swear. After a 
little while, he sw^ore again, and I reproved him, at 
which he flew in a rage, and ran and got a hand- 
spike, swearing a great oath that he would send me 
to hell. He came towards me with his handspike 
lifted up ; I stepped up to him, and said strike me 
if you dare ; at which he stepped back, and as the 
captain was coming out of the cabin, I said, Captain, 
do you keep hands in your employ to insult people, 
and to outrage all decency ? Dismiss this man from 
your service immediately. He turned to him, and 
reprimanded him for his insolence, and bid him 
mind his business, or he would dismiss him. After 
this I met with no more insults. All seemed to seek 
for opportunity to converse wiih me. Our little 
meeting increased. I was sorry to have it said that 
I was a minister, as I had no license to preach. I 
did not profess to do any thing more than to exhort 
the people to quit their sins, &c. But my method was 
to open meeting by singing and prayer, and then 
read a chapter or two, and give my views of it, or 
some parts of it, ar]d enforce the necessity of reli- 
gion. Some of my brethren called this preaching ; 
but I thought otherwise. However, I thought it was 
my duty to do all the good I could by explaining the 



109 



word of God, as 1 understood it, let them call it by 
whatever name they might. 

As I saw the good effects of my reproving, I felt 
encouraged to be faithful in it. But I was aware 
that different manners of reproof were necessary to 
different persons ; for I had read Dean Swift, who 
says, Never hew blocks with a razor." 

When my neighbors came to dispute me, I 
would begin with them about the experience of reli- 
gion ; I would ask them ^' if they had ever obtained 
the knowledge of the forgiveness of their sins ?" To 
which, many of them could make no reply, but in 
the negative ; and others would say, I hope so." 
And if I asked when, or where, or how, they met 
with this change, ihey were quite shut up or would 
excuse themselves, that their experience was not so 
•^•lear as some. I would ask, can you give a reason 
olvhe hope that is in you?" They declined. It seemed 
thej were quite out of their element ; but they want- 
ed to alk about doctrines. Then I would ask, *'how 
can youknow the truth of doctrines, when our Lord 
says, itve do the things I say, ye shall know of the 
doctrines," ^c. By this means I evaded many 
disputes. Nb^e pretended to dispute my experi- 
ence ; but it setmed all were struck with solemn 
awe, when I relatt^ to tliem my conviction for sin, 
and the sense I bad (f pardon. Some said, I had 
been more highly favorei than thousands ; but they 
were surprised that I should join the Methodists." 
They sent for their most experienced men to talk 



116 



with me. There was one who professed great et^ 
perience, with whom I had been well acquainted for 
years before ; but for a few years^ we had not seen 
each other. He came to see me ; and expressed 
great joy (after hearing my experience) that God,'^ 
as he said, had blessed me with regenerating 
grace.'' He then began to encourage me to join their 
church of the standing order. I said, I have join- 
ed the Methodists." He started with surprise, and 
put up his hands and said, Why ! you can't be- 
lieve in a possibility of falling from grace ?" I said^ 
" yes, I fully believe it." He stared upon me some 
time, till tears began to run down his face. He said) 

Oh ! I am soTry for you ; it pains me to the heart ! 
But I must tell you, that you are deluded. You 
have deceived yourself/' I said, I thought you 
said you had a witness, that I was truly converted/ 

Yes," he said, as his tears and affection seemed to 
increase ; but that doctrine is a damnable he-^sy, 
and I am sorry to have you lost forever, with ^^ch a 
delusion.'^ I said, Mr. — — , your tears ^6 hypo* 
critical, now dry them up, for you have ^^^^n seen 
me when I was trifling and vain, and c-^f^less about 
God and religion ; and you nevef ca^^^ to me with 
tears and said I am afraid you n*e deluded ; but 
now, when you acknowledge th^t you believe I am 
truly converted, you are affected with concern that I 
shall be lost, because I believe there is a possibility 
of falling from grace. Ii your doctrine be true, I 
can jiever fall ; so you need not trouble yourself 



Ill 



about me. But it appears, all you want is to prose* 
lyle me to your order. He was amazed, and dried 
up his tears as suddenly as he got into them. I then 
said, "don't you fear to commit sin against God 
He said, " yes." I said, so do I." Again, " do 
you not fear that you may be left to so sin against 
God, that he v/ouid cast you off for ever ?" He said, 
"yes." " So do I ; in this we agree." " Let us fear, 
(the Apostle saith) lest a promise being left us of en- 
tering into that rest, any of you should come short of 
it." " Now do you believe this fear is inspired in us 
by the spirit of God, or the spirit of the devil ^'O, 
by the spirit of God, surely." " Well, would the 
spirit of God inspire us to fear where there was no 
danger ?" " Why, really I don't know, but you have 
more Scripture and reason for your doctrine than I 
thought for !" So we parted. 

Capt. B. came to me and said, " I hear that you 
deny election." I said, " it is a mistake, I do not 
deny election." " Why," said he, " do you believe 
that God for his own glory halh foreordained what- 
soever comes to pass?" I said "no; that is not 
election." " Well, but," said he, " you cannot be* 
lieve in election unless you believe that." " Well," 
said I, " I never believed that, nor I never mean to." 
Then he went on to quote scripture, to prove that 
God had foreordained whatsoever comes to pass* 
He said, " The Lord worketh all things after the 
counsel of his own will — the Lord hath made all 
things for himself, even the wicked for the day of 
evil — I make light, I create darkness, I make peace. 



112 



I create evil, I the Lord do all these things. Him 
being delivered by the determinate counsel and fore- 
know^Iedge of God ; ye have taken, and by wicked 
hands, have crucified and slain." He then said, 

this proves that God hath foreordained whatsoever 
comes to pass." I said, I don't believe that, nor I 
never mean to." "Why," 'said he, the apostle 
Paul knew that some would not believe it, and there- 
fore he said, ' But who art thou, O man, that repliest 
against God ? Shall the thing formed say to him 
that formed it, why hast thou made me thus ?' " "O," 
said I, I do not reply against God ; no ! God has 
made me to disbelieve it, and I am glad of it, for I 
don't want to believe that God has decreed every 
thing." Well,'' said he, '*if you don't believe it, 
you can never go to^Heaven !" I said, " I don't want 
to !" He said, it hurts me to hear you talk so." 
" Why ?" said I, « if God has decreed that I should 
go to hell, I wish to go straight off to hell ! I don't 
care about going to a day of judgment to know that I 
must be damned ; if he would let me know it here, I 
would go straight off." He looked pale, and said, 

it hurts me to hear you talk so." I said, " do you 
think God has decreed any thing contrary to his 
will ?" He said, " No," I said, " well then, if he 
decreed that I should be damned, it was his will that 
I should be, and I wish to acquiesce and submit, and 
make his will my choice." He said, it hurts me 
to hear you talk so." I said, to acquiesce in the 
will of God, is my happiness, and I shall be happy 
in helL Yes, I shall be as happy in hell as you will 



113 

in Heaven, for you and God will be always quarrel- 
ling." He said, (shaking his head,) it hurts rne to 
hear you talk so." Why," said I, *^ do you not be- 
lieve God decreed all our words and thoughts, as 
w^ell as our actions ?" He said, yes." " Well 
Mien, God decreed that I should talk and think just as 
I do, and this you say, ' hurts you it is because you 
are not reconciled to the will of God ; therefore if you 
go to Heaven, you would be quarrelling with God, 
and I should not like to be there to see it. Further, 
I have to say to you ; if God decreed all our thoughts 
and words, as you say, he decreed what I am now 
about to say; and that is, that your doctrine is the 
last doctrine the devil ever throwed out of hell, and 
if you don't quit it, yoif will be damned like a devil. 
Now God decreed among all the rest, that I should 
say so. If your doctrine be true, and I don't believe 
he would decree me to say so, unless it w^as so ; 
therefore you had better look out." He went away- 
sorrowful ; and I w^as pleased at having an opportu- 
nity of rebutting the absurd doctrine, in the very man 
that had been the means of giving me so much trou- 
ble and confusion of thoughts, when I was twelve 
years old. How^ever, I heard that he said afterwards, 
that I was a dangerous young man to talk w^ith. 

A little after, another came to instruct me ; and he 
went on with a long discourse of his opinions of elec- 
tion and reprobation. He said, that God before the 
foundation of the world, elected a certain number, and 
gave them to his Son Jesus Christ in a covenant of 
grace he made with him, and this covenant of grace 



ii4 



he called the new covenant, &c. And all that were 
not elected were reprobated. *^ Well,'- I saj^s, you 
are one of the reprobates." He said, 0 you are 
not charitable.'' I said, yes, I think I am, I speak 
the truth." No !" said he, but you are not char- 
itable, you judge." Well," said I, I judge right- 
eous judgment, and that is charitable I am sure." 
Some that stood by, said, " oh, no, you ought not to 
judge so." " Well," said I, but by their fruits I 
am to know them ; and I judge him according to his 
fruits, for reprobates are always guilty of accusing 
God w^ith injustice. One reprobate said in plain 
words in old time, I know thou art a hard master, 
reaping where thou hast not strewed ; so Mr. G. 
says, God requires the reprobates to repent, but nev- 
er gives them grace to repent. He has said also, 
that the Father entered into a covenant, (that is, a 
bargain) with his Son, and gave him all the elect, and 
no more ; if he would die, &c. And this gift is^said 
to be a generous one, and out of great love for his 
Son. Now, if the grant made by the Father to the 
Son in the bargain (for a covenant is a bargain) was 
not a full reward for his labor ,; then he cheated him 
by requiring more of him than what he paid him for ; 
unless he had no more to give. But we are told, that 
the Father had more, and had given them to the dev- 
il by a decree of reprobation. But what was this for ? 
What had the devil done to merit so many subjects ? 
We read that he deceived mother Eve, and stirred 
up rebelHon against God. But would God therefore 
give him the greater part of his creatures to reward 



115 



him for deceiving one woman ? Besides it is said, 
the Father gave the Son all the elect out of love to 
him. Yes, great love, because he gave him so many. 
But the elect are called a remnant. This figure of 
speech, is to represent a very small number, as when 
a tailor has cut up a piece of cloth into garments, and 
there is a small piece left, not sufficient for a gar- 
ment — this is called a remnant ; and to explain this 
text agreeably to your doctrine, we must say : when 
God the Father decreed to make a world of human 
beings, he decreed to dispose of them as he pleased, 
for surely he can do what he will with his own. — 
Well, your doctrine says, he gave the old devil by a 
decree of reprobation, the greater part of them. Shall 
we say it was out of love to him ?" 0 no." But 
why not ? If giving a small remnant to his Son, was 
a mark of love to him ; sure the more he gave, the 
greater the love ; and by this parity of reasoning, he 
must have loved the devil more than he did Christ. 
You see what injustice and folly you are ascribing to 
God ; — these, T say, are the marks of reprobates. 
Therefore, I said you are a reprobate." Such harsh 
talk surprised them ; and all present seemed amazed 
and confounded for some time, and at last he said : 
*' Well, but a man may be mistaken in his opinion, 
and not be a reprobate." I said yes ; but what 
will you do ? You say God has decreed whatsoever 
comes to pass, — and it has come to pass, that I have 
said you are a reprobate ; do you think God would 
decree me to say so, unless it was so ?" He made 
no answer to this, but swallowed his spittle, and went 



116 



away. I was sorry to hurt his feehngs, but I thought, 
can I hear the God of love and goodness himself, 
spoken of as an unjust tyrant, and not reprove the ab- 
surdity ? No ! Let God be true and every man a 
liar. Why should I regard the feelings of puny man, 
when he does not regard the character of the immac- 
ulate God ! But then, if they are under the power 
of delusion, 1 ought to pity them, and pray for them ; 
— yes, this is my duty. This led me to a greater 
fervency in prayer for the Calvinists, and for myself 
too, that I might discharge my duty to God and pre- 
cious souls, in the spirit of pure love. 

I could but observe that all who were firm in the 
faith of election and reprobation, always considered 
themselves of the number of the elect, though they 
would be very modest in their profession. They 
would not say, I know I am one of the elect, I know 
I am converted, &c. ; buti hope I am elected, I hope 
I am converted, I hope I love God, I hope I have got 
a hope, &c. 



# 



CHAPTER VIL 



Our class was as it were of one soul, united in 
love ; and though our gifts were small, yet the bless- 
ings of God were great. After I nioved from our hired 
room to the little cottage I had built in the woods, I 
was one evening going lo prayer meeting ; and as my 
wife had so repeatedly said that she would not be a 
Methodist, or go with me to my meetings, I said noth- 
ing to her. But she now said, I have a mind to go 
along with you, if you will carry the child. I said, 

O yes." So for the first time, she went with me 
to a prayer meeting. After we returned home, and I 
was kindling a fire she sat holding the child, I said, 

how did you like the meeting ?" She said nothing. 
I blowed up the coals, and got the fire blazing ; then 
I asked her again, how did you like the meeting ? and 
turning to her I saw tears running down her face. 
Seeing this, I renewed my question in a softer tone. 
She answered, O how they love one another, I nev- 
er saw such love in all my life." I said, " my dear, 
that is our religion." ^' Well, I believe it is a good re- 
ligion, said she ; but I never saw so much love among 
any people before." This conversation gave new 
springs to my faith, that my dear wife was not far from 
the kingdom of Heaven. This, with a circumstance 



IIS 



that occurred a few months before we moved, con- 
firmed in me a firm belief, that God had taken my 
wife in hand ; and that he would convert her soul, 
if I continued in faith and charity and holiness with 
sobriety." 1 Tim. ii. 15. The circumstance that 
occurred was this : — The woman and daughter of 
the family where we livedo often came into our room 
to hear my wife read in John Bunyan's Pilgrim's 
progress ; and one day she was reading how Chris 
TiANA opposed Christian when he set out on pil- 
grimage. The thought struck her, this is like me,. 
I oppose my husband, as Christiana did, and she 
w^as afraid the woman would say, " that is like you." 
So she laid aside the book, and excused herself for 
not reading any longer then. But after they went out> 
she got the book and read it over again by herself. 
I happened to come in a little after, and saw she 
had been in tears. I said nothing to her then ; but 
went away to the barn, and prayed for her : I thank- 
ed God most heartily for the prospect of convic- 
tion in my wife. I revolved in my mind many 
ways, how I should introduce a discourse with her 
on the subject, so as to have her ow-n the truth of what 
she felt on her mind ; for she, like others, when 
convicted in those days, would hide it every way 
she could. So at night when we were alone, I began 
to confess my neglect of duty to her ; that I was 
afraid I did not love her as I ought ; because I 
had so seldom spoken to her about the concern of 
her soul ; and I felt distressed for myself and for her. 
Again I have thought, said I, that the reason why you 



119 



were not willing to own any convictions on yotfr 
mind, was for fear I would speak of it to others. But 
I have thought that if you have any concern, and will 
mention it to me, I will not speak af it to others^ un- 
less you are v;illir>g ; for we ought to bear each oth- 
ers burdens. Now, my dear, I wish you w^ould be 
free with me, and tell me if you have any concern. 
Upon this with tears she began to slate that she had ^ 
and told me how it came upon her. I had never read 
that part of John Bunyan's work, so I got the book 
and read it over ; and found some words to be the 
same she had used to me, so that she might well 
think 'Hhis is like me." After this she would talk 
freely to me respecting the salvation of her soul ; 
though I had never proposed to her any thing about 
going to my meetings or joining any denomination of 
Christians ; but now, when she appeared to be quick- 
ened up anew, and when she had attended several 
Mtt.hodist meetings, I one day began again to confess 
I was "afraid that I did not discharge my duty to her. 
She asked, rne wherein , for she had no fault to find : ' 
I said, why 'j, may be that you have a desire to join 
some church, and want me to carry you to some min- 
ister, and introduce you to him, and you may be 
afraid to ask me, and I ought not to put you to that 
trouble. But I wish you to know, that I am perfectly 
willing that you should ]om any order or denomination 
you choose, if you will only live religion. I am a 
Methodist, and I intend to continue a Methodist ; and 
by the grace of God I mean tc live religion. But I 
think other denominations may \ive religion also ; 



120 



and if you are a Presbyterian or a Baptist, we can 
live religion together ; only it will not be quite so 
handy for you to go to one naeeting and I to another, 
at the same tinrie ; but I am sure we can get along 
with it very well, provided we agree ; therefore, I 
want you to make free with me, and let me know 
what denomination you wish to join. Upon this, she 
began to say with tears : It is with me as it was 
with a young woman I heard of." I said, how was 
that ? * Why, there was a religious man that used to 
pray with the sick, and this young woman was one 
day laughing about him, when her parents chided her 
for it, and said you may be sick, and want him to 
pray for you ; but she said, no, I will die first, before 
I would ask him. It w^as not long before she Vv^as 
taken sick, and this religious man happened to come 
in. When she saw him, it reminded her of her speech ^ 
and she was in great distress, and some thought shp 

would die. Mr. also stood by her bed, and 

her in an agony. When she got strength to -^p^ak, 
she looked upon him and said, Mr. do pray 
for me, or I shall die." So it is with ^e. I have 
said I would die before I would join the Methodists, 
and now, if I don't join them, I shall die." Well, I 
said, my dear, this is all of the Lord, you can't 
say I have proselyted you. No, she said, I have no- 
thing to accuse you with. 

After this she was baptised by the Methodist preach- 
er. At the same time. I gave up my dear child also 
in baptism. This ^^^^as a solemn, joyful time to me, 
and many others^ My wife was pecuharly blessed, 



121 



and the great solemnity of her countenance, so affect- 
ed the people, that it was spoken of as wonderful. 
And many that heard of it came to our meetings af- 
terwards, to see the wonder. So the work of religion 
revived among us, and we increased in the love and 
zeal of God. 

Now my conviction increased upon me, that God 
had called me to preach. I had often been impressed 
with the duty ; and labored to discharge it by exhort- 
ing. But m.any said, I must preach. The Minister 
of the standing order in our town, one day when we 
were together, slapt me on the shoulder and said, 
"you must preach." I said, "I don't know yet, I 
think I am too ignorant for that." *'WeIl, well,"'said 
he, *^you have got to preach for all, and you must at- 
tend to the funerals in this part of the town. I will 
speak to the people at the funeral to-day, that if there 
should be any other funeral occasions, to call on you, 
for it is so far for me to come ; and I have so many 
calls otherwise, that I doubt whether I can attend 
them. Bat you have got to preach, so you may as 
icell prepare and begin in this wayT I thought this 
was very candid in our Presbyterian minister ; and 
to talk thus to a zealous Methodist class-leader, who 
could not agree with him in some doctrinal points, 
plainly showed me that he did not view religion to 
consist in forms or opinions. Indeed we had always 
viewed him to be one of the most catholic good men 
in all this region. 

But I had not only thought I was too ignorant to 
6 



preach, but 1 had thought exhortation was a field of 
labor that would answer the call of God. And nol 
only so, — but T had thought I was not holy enough 
to administer the sacraments. And it appeared to 
me, that no man ought to minister whose wife is un- 
converted ; for if a man cannot be instrumental of the 
conversion of his wife, he will not be instrumental of 
the conversion of any other sinners. — And if a minis- 
ter is not instrumental of the conversion of some souls^ 
it is because God has not called him. Theretore, be- 
fore the conversion of my wife, T answered all theim- 
pressions to preach, by saying, this impression can- 
not be of God, if it was my prayers for my wife would 
be answered. But now v^^hen I saw all my prayers 
answered for her, I was afraid I should sin against 
God, if I any longer doubted the impression to be 
from him. However, as I had bought a new farm^ 
for which I owed, and as the salary of a Methodist 
preacher hardly supplied his necessities, without sup- 
plying any conveniences, and as he scarcely ever got 
over half that, I thought it wisdom, first to pay for my 
farm, get clear of debt, and get a few cows for my 
wife to make a small dairy, and then travel and preach 
all I could. With this wise plan in my head, 1 work- 
ed hard in the day, and studied hard at nights — pray- 
ed five or six times a day in my family, and in secret, 
attended my meetings on Sabbaths, and one prayer 
meeting every week, and once in two weeks we had 
preaching. 

I had nothing to trouble me, but my impres- 
sion to preach ; and my fears lest I should sin i f 



123 



I did not, and sin if I did ; some days, these fears 
made me almost miserable. I pined away like one 
in the quick consumption, and like Jonah, prayed for 
death. My soul was truly happy in God, only when 
those impressions to preach were upon me ; and then, 
my fear to comply, and my fear not to comply, strait- 
ened me, so that for some whole days I could not 
work; I would set down and weep, and pray the 
Lord to take those impressions from me. But w^hen 
I came to meeting, and got engaged in prayer and ex- 
hortation, my soul would be upon the wing again. I 
knew I had peace wiih God, and fellowship with the 
Father, and with the Son, and with the Holy Ghost. 
V But still I would plead to be excused from preaching. 
Some of my brethren would say, after we had a good 
meeting, *'You ought to preach." I said, ^'I am not 
fit." Then they would say, ^*Ah ! well, the Lord is 
calling you to it, and you will have to come to it at 
last." I said, "I cannot travel, and preach." They 
said, 0 but we don't want you to travel." I said 
but little to them. But I thought this is strange ; I 
have never said any thing to any one of my impres- 
sions ; no, not to my wife. Indeed I dare not, for 
fear the duty would be plain to me, and I should have 
to travel and preach before I had paid for my farm, 
and made provision for my wife and children, &c. 
For considered if my call were to preach, it was 
also to travel. And many times after I had gone from 
a good meeting, I would have no more happiness 
until I came to meeting again. I had persuaded my- 
self that the impression to preach was not of God 



124 



from the consideration that I was not holy enough to 
administer the sacraments. But this plea was taken 
from me, so that I dare not make it any more before 
God, on this wise : one night (after a very happy day 
in communion with God) I dreamed ihat I came out 
of a woods, into an open field of most delightful green 
pasture, where I saw all the members of my class 
were assembled around a table. My heart leaped for 
joy to see them. I asked them why they were there. 
They said, ''brother, we have been waiting for you 
to come and administer the sacrament to us ; we have 
the elements of bread and wine here all prepared ; and 
we want you to make the prayer of consecration, and 
administer it to us ; for the Lord has made us all hap- 
py." I thought I saw" all their spirits shining with 
love to God ; and I was also very happy, so that I 
could not resist with any propriety. I therefore said, 
let us pray, — we all kneeled down around the table, 
and I lifted up my hands and eyes to heaven, and be- 
gan to pray for the presence of God to be with us ; 
and as I looked up, I saw heaven open, and Jesus at 
the right hand of God, and the Heavenly hosts sur- 
rounding the throne, adoring the Father and Son in 
the most sublime strains.— At this sight my soul 
caught the heavenly fire, and I began to clap my 
hands, and cried out, glory, glory ! glory ! This 
awaked my wife, and she spoke, and said, 'Svhy, you. 
are very happy." This aw^aked me while I was cry- 
ing glory. I was sorry it was a dream ; but I thought 
I will say nothing, and get to sleep again as quick as 
I can, and get into the dream again. But I thought 



125 



why has the Lord given me this blessed dream. The 
impression immediately came : — To show you that 
you ought not to object to preach, or say that you are 
not fit to administer the sacraments ; for whom God 
calls, he qualifies : only trust in him, and your way 
will be plain. This destroyed all my sleep for that 
night. I lay and wept to think that so weak and ig- 
norant a soul as I was, should be called to preach. 

0 that I might rather die^ than be a travellinoc preach- 
er, thought I. Thus from the heights of happiness, 

1 was brought into the depth of dejection. I spent 
most of the next day alone in the woods. I strove to 
work, but could not, and so for several days, I fasted 
and prayed, that the Lord would not talie his good 
Spirit from me, and that he would shew me that those 
impressions to preach, were of nature or of the devil, 
and deliver me from them. 

One day when at work, clearing up my fallow- 
ground for a crop, having as in days past, no strength 
to work, I thought, this will never do. I cannot work, 
and I am not happy in it, as in former days. I ought 
to be submissive to the will of God. If the Lord does 
call me to preach, I ought to say, '4iere, Lord, am I, 
send me." But how shall I know this is the Lord, 
and not a delusion ? It was then suggested to my 
mind, "you have fasted and prayed, but you have not 
opened the Bible and asked for direction from the 
word of God." Then I kneeled down, and prayed 
that the Lord would direct me by his word ; that if 
my impressions to preach were from him, I might 
open the Bible on some text, clearly expressing the 



126 



duty of one called of God to preach. But if not, thai I 
might open on a text, expressing danger of running be- 
fore I was sent. I then went to my house to open my 
Bible solemnly for an answer. But, I must confess 
with a secret desire, thai I might be delivered from 
the impression to preach. When I took up mv Bi- 
ble, I shut my eyes and said in my heart "now, Lord, 
let it be a fair lot.'' I opened and found my finger on 
Ezekiel iii. 17, 18, "Son of man, I have made thee a 
watchman unto the House of Israel : therefore, hear 
the word at my mouth and give them w^arning from 
me. When I say unto the wricked, thou shalt surely 
die ; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest 
to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his 
life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; 
but his blcod will I require at thine hand." I read 
no further, but shut up ihe book and left the house in 
haste, blaming myself for taking this measure, be- 
cause now I had less ground to excuse myself than be- 
fore. I got to my field again, but a gloomy horror over- 
spread my mind more than ever. I sat down and wept; 
and wished the Lord would take my life. For two 
hours I was but a little from distraction. How can I 
discharge my duty and be a minister? I must pay for 
my farm, and get something for my wife and chil- 
dren to subsist upon, or it will be said, I am worse 
than an infidel, if I provide not for my own house- 
hold. But to feel as I do, I cannot work. I fear if 
I preach, I shall not do my duty ; and I fear if I do 
not, I shall be damned after all. O, if Calvinism 
were true, that I could not fall from grace, I could 



\21 



easily overcome ihis distress hy leaving all to the 
irresistible grace of Godj and say, once in grace 
always in grace," But I am torn and racked in 
every way. Thus I struggled, until exhausted with 
fatigue, 1 went and lay down on the damp ground, 
praying the Lord to take my life, and have mercy on 
my souL I was in hopes I should take cold and 
die. I dare not go into the house, lest my wife 
would ask me what was the matter, and I should 
have to tell her my exercises, I slept about an 
hour and an half on the damp ground, and awoke 
much refreshed in body ; and like a child that had 
been whipped, more soft and docile in temper. I 
prayed, and begged of the Lord to forgive my re- 
fractory temper. I felt ashamed of what I had done. 
I went to my work, but I could not work ; then I 
again prayed ; and at this time I resolved to go to 
the house, and ask my wife to open the Bible with 
her eyes shut, and put in her finger, and read the 
verse her finger was upon, and if it was a call to the 
v,^ork of the ministry, I would receive it ; I would 
no more resist, nor Jonah-like run from the Lord. 
I went in, and informed her of my distress for the 
first time I ever spoke to her about it, and how I had 
resisted the impression, until like Jonah, I was in 
misery, and could do no work." 1 have fasted and pray- 
ed for an answer that would solve the doubt, and now 
I have come in to have you open the Bible, shutting 
your eyes, until you place your finger on a text, and 
read the text your finger is on. She took the Bible 
and opened it in a hurry, without shutting her eyes, 



128 



on John x: 13, and read, ''The hireling fleeth be- 
cause he is an hireling, and caielh not for the sheep."" 
I said, my dear, you knew where that text was, 
and you opened to it to reproach me for not having 
yielded to the duty ; besides you did not shut your 
eyes, and it is not a fair lot." She smiled to see me 
so earnest. I said, " how dare you smile so before 
God ? Why this is an awful, solemn time — you 
ought not to smile." I took the Bible, and said, 
" now let there be a fair lot, shut your eyes." She 
did so, and opened on Luke ix : 60, and read, ''Jesus 
said unto him, let the dead bury their dead ; but go 
thou and preach the kingdom of God." I said, ^' why, 
my dear, there is no such text in the Bible^ yon 
have made it." She burst into tears, reaching me 
the Bible, saying, " there, read it." While I was 
reading it, to my utter amazement, she said, " I 
knew you would have to preach ! I have given you 
up a long time ago." I said, " Well, this is of God, 
let us pray." So we kneeled down, and all my hor- 
ror of mind was gone in a moment— m}^ soul was 
now again happy in God ; though I mourned that I 
should have been unyielding to the impressions that 
had long followed me. I prayed the Lord to forgive 
the stubbornness I had been guilty of. I said, " I 
will preach as well as I can. I will not refuse again^ 
if lam called upon." So I yielded and gave myself up^ 
poor, and weak, and simple as I was ; even less than 
the least of all. ^fhe text, " Let the dead bury their 
dead," was opened and appHed to me thus : "I owed a 
debt ; that I must see it paid." This to me was as one 



129 



dead> that I had to bury it, and my farm was as ano 
iher dead ; now sell the farm and pay the debt. So 
I said to my wife, ^' this is the way I must do and 
I determined to sell and clear off all debts, and trust 
in the Lord for my support ; live or die, I will be for 
God. I had promised the Lord that I would preach 
the first time I was called upon in his providence, 
whether I had license from the Quarterly-Meeting 
Conference or not. And it was not long before I 

was invited by Mr. H , (who kept a tavern 

on Hinsdale-Flats, and was a professed Deist,) to 
hold a meeting at his house the next Sabbath. I 
thought I would say as usual, I don't preach, but 
I exhort the people to quit their sins." Well," 
he said, "I wish you would hold a meeting Avith 
us." I replied, well, give it out for next Sabbath, 
10 o'clock." So he did ; and I attended. But when 
I came in sight of his house, all of a sudden it 
came to my mind, that that was the house I was to 
be invited to preach in first ; and now you have 
, promised God that you wmII preach the first time you 
are invited. I said to myself, true, I have, but I 
was not invited to preach, only to hold a meeting 
there ; but if the way opens to preach, I'll preach, 
if the Lord gives me a text." That moment these 
words sweetly impressed my mind, Blessed are the 
pure in heart, for they shall see God." I said, 
glory be to thy name, O my God, for this text." 
So I rode on to the house ; many had come to meet- 
ing. Mr. H met me, and ordering the ostler to 

6* 



130 



put out my horse, he took me into a private roomj 
and said,^ several persons that have come to meet- 
ing, have desired me to ask you to take a text, and 
preach to us to-day." I said, well, if the Lord gives 
me a text, for I can do nothing in my own strength.'' 
He said, ** but we think yoa can preach, we know 
you." Well," I said, " we must do as the Lord 
directs." But I thought, surely I am not only called 
by the Lord through his people, but now a deist is 
calling me. Well, all this is of God ; so we went 
into his large room, where the people were seated ; 
and among them, I saw the man that was to be 
awakened and converted by my preaching in that 
house* I looked at him, and thought sure as there i^ 
a God in heaven, you will be convicted to-day. 
I felt the power of God upon me. I took my stand, 
and called the people's attention to the worship of 
God, We sung a hym,n. I prayed; and when I 
arose I found some in tears, and all were solemn. 
I gave out, Blessed are the pure in heart, for they 
shall see God !" I observed, my text was a part of 
the first sermon our Lord preaclied on the Mount, 
which sermon contains the w^hole gospel. And the 
words of my text, I should improve to shew; first, 
what was implied in being ^ pure in heart,' and the 
means to obtain it ; and second, the consequent 
blessing to the * pure in heart.' They are blessed^ 
and Uhey shall see God.' 

This discourse was attended with a divine blessing. 

The dear old man, Mr. W , that was marked 

out to me to be converted through my preaching, 



131 



x>ras in tears the most part of the meeting ; and many 
oth ers were deej3ly affected by the word. And Mr. 
W — — , afterwards informed me of the effect the 
word had upon his mind, and the peace he had ob* 
tained through faith in the word. About six months 
after, he was taken sickj and died happy in the Lord» 
On witnessing so clear a fulfilment of the revelation 
I had when twelve years old, and being filled with 
love to God and all mankind, I felt confirmed that 
my call to preach was of God. 

And now that I had preached was soon noised 
about, and I expected my father and others, w^ould 
be highly offended wn'th me. But our good Congre- 
gational minister spoke so favorable of me, that none 
felt disposed to be severe upon me. My father be 
came greatly changed in his mind towards me, and 
sent for me to come and see him. When I saw 
him I found he wanted to express his grief that he 
had not given his children a better education, and 
because I now labored under great disadvantages 
by his neglect, I desired him not to reproach him- 
self with any neglect in my educationj for I had 
nothing to accuse him with. Considering the circum- 
stances and difficulties he labored under, I thought 
he could not have done better. *^As it respects 
•myself,^' I said, " it is true my education is very poor 
for so great a work, as that to which I think I am 
•called. But God hath called some ignorant and 
unlearned men to the ministry^ since the days of 
Peter and John." Acts iv : 13. He said^ yes ; I 
teMeve it, and I don't know who are the most suitar 



132 



ble. The Lord knows best." Thus my father 
manifested a reconciliation to me ; and expressed a 
desire that I might be blessed in the work. 8a I 
had his good wishes and nothing more ; which was 
a great comfort to me. I believe he would have 
helped me to some property, if he had not lo&t 
what he had soon after. 

About this time my dear step-mother, who never 
had a witness of her acceptance with God, now 
stated to me her distress of mind. And we set up 
all night to weep, and talk, and pray together ; and 
it pleased God to make her strong in failh, and joy- 
ful in hope. It w^as about two o'clock in the night 
when the light of truth made her soul to rejoice in 
God her Saviour. Then we were so happy we 
wanted no sleep, but only to rejoice in the Lord. 
Thus we spent all the night. Glory to God, this 
labor was sweet to my soul, my dear step-mother was 
instrumental of good impressions on my mind in 
early life, and now the Lord has made me instrumen- 
tal of her conversion from darkness to light. This 
thought cheered my spirits. Ignorant and weak, as 
l am in literature, God is with me, and I hope to be 
wise unto salvation. 

After I had preached several times, I applied to 
brother Spry, (who was then the preacher on our 
circuit) for license. I said, I believe I have trans- 
gressed the rule of discipline in preaching without a 
license. He said we are sometimes obliged to violate 
the letter of discipline before we can know whether 
a person ought to be licensed ; for we cannot tell 



loo 

whether a man can preach until we hear him ; so 
that these violations are not against the spirit of 
discipline. I was pleased with this distinction, and 
concluded my preaching without hcense, would not 
be considered so headlong a piece of business, as I 
had apprehended. This matter was attended to, and 
I received a regular license. 

And now my way was open. But 0 my weakness, 
my weakness. I soon found I had nothing but the 
Lord to depend upon for matter and manner. 
* Though I studied hard at nights, (as I must work 
all day) I could not make a sermon. And though 
sometimes I studied out the method of preaching on 
several texts, yet when I came to meeting there was 
not one of them that would suit the occasion ; and 
many times I had to preach as well as I could, on a 
text I had never till a little before had impressed on 
my mind for the subject matter of discourse. Some 
times I thought I made out well in preaching : and 
sometimes poor enough. And sometinies my poor 
discourses were highly spoken of by the people, and 
some souls were awakened and converted by them. 
And sometimes apparently my good discourses had 
no good effect at all, and were thought little of by 
the people. Well, thought I, this is according to 
Scripture, *^ We have this treasure in earthen vessels, 
that the excellency of the power may be of God and 
not of us." But my weakness almost discouraged 
me at times : for I had not then heard the good ef- 
fect my weak sermons had, so that I began to grow 
gloomy and discouraged, until I attended the Quarter- 



134 



ly meeting in Pittsfield. At the prayer meeting in 
the evening it was proposed to have a local preacher 
deliver us a sermon. He was a stranger to me ; and 
as he appeared to be a solemn, gracious, good man, 
I was much pleased with the hope of a good time t 
but when he commenced his discourse, I perceived 
he was a weak brother. And as he progressed, I 
was confirmed that he was very weak, and before 
he was done, I concluded that he was weaker than 
I was ; and surely, I thought if I was as weak as Jie 
was, I would never attempt to preach again. Well,* 
our meeting closed, and I went to my lodgings, with 
a sad heart, to think no good was done that night. 
But next morning, to ray surprise, I heard that five 
persons who heard our weak brother the night be- 
fore, were converted. I said nothing : but hid my 
face in my hands, and thought, truly these are thy 
marvellous works, O Lord. .Thou dost make use 
of things which are not to bring to nought things 
that are^ and to confound the mighty. Well^ I must 
take courage : and if I cannot shine in gifts, let me 
shine in humility and adorn myself in a meek and 
quiet frame of mind, which is an ornament in the 
sight of God, of great price. Then I shall, like this 
weak brother, be instrumental of good to the souls 
purchased by a Saviour's blood. This encouraged 
me to be more fervent in prayer, and diligent in study. 
I had read all Mr. Fletcher's works, many of Mn 
Wesley's, the Saint's Rest, many Histories, and Bio- 
graphies, and some volumes of Natural and Moral 
PhilosopliYj Edward's works, BelamY|, — -and Bos*^ 



135 



ToN^s Fourfold Slate, and many other books, be» 
sides magazines and other periodical works* But my 
Bible was the best book of all. After all my study, 
and advantage of some anotations, I could rarely 
premeditate a discourse that I could have liberty 
to deliver with life and animation, to myself or the 
auditory. I concluded, however, that to neglect study 
would be a great sin, and so to depend on a studied 
discourse, that I should confine myself to it, would 
also be a sin ; I therefore concluded it was my duty 
.to study closely, and pray fervently, and always look 
to the Lord by faith for help. 



CHAPTER VJII. 



I PREACHED pibout in the adjoining towns two years 
before I got prepared to travel. But in this preach- 
ing, I met with some difficulties ; though many were 
the invitations to come and preach to the people in 
the different towns, yet none saw fit to contribute any 
thing to bear my expense ; except they would say, 

well, brother Hibbard, may the Lord reward you 
for all your labors. I hope you will come again." 
This I thought w^as better than nothing, though it 
would not pay a gate fee, nor shoe my horse. But 
I worked hard, and had good crops ; so I had enough 
to eat, and feed our preachers and their horses. The 
members of our class were almost all poor, but loving 
and kind. We had a gradual increase. Some ex- 
traordinary conversions. None joined us but what 
experienced religion, either before or soon after they 
joined. My health was better than it had been, but 
I found it too much to w^ork hard all day, and attend 
meetings nights, sometimes till twelve or one o'clock. 
How^ever, 1 thought if the Lord will convert souls, I 
would willingly wear myself down. We had solemn 
meetings, and all appeared alive to God. 

One conversion was a little singular, of a man who 



137 



lived about four miles off, with whom f was some 
acquainted when I was a boy. He came to me one 
day when I was in my cornfield. He inquired first 
about my temporal affairs, like a man of business, 
and conversed about his working at my father's when 
I was a boy, and enquired after his welfare, &c. At 
last he said, "I hear that you hold meetings here." 
I said yes." And I understand," said he, you 
take in members for six months*" I said, yes, 
six months' probation." He said, I have a thought 
to join for six months." I said, have you a desire 
to ' flee the wrath to come,' and be saved from your 
sins ?" He said, I have not any concern for my 
soul now. I had some days ago, but it is all gone 
now ; only I know that I have been a swearer, and 
often got drunk, and have been given to card playing ; 
and some time ago, I felt a little conviction, that I 
should de damned, if I did not leave off this course ; 
but now it is all gone ; and I heard that you took in 
members for six months, and as I had been acquaint] 
ed with you some, I thought I w^ould come and try it 
for six months." This relation struck me with some 
amazement ; but as he appeared to be honest, I did 
not like to suspect he was trifling with me ; but I 
thought I will be as honest as he appears to be. So 
I asked him if he knew the rules of discipline ? He 
said, *'No, I only heard you had good meetings here." 

Well," I says, come with me into the house, and 
I will read the rules, and then you will see v/hether 
you can attend to them or not." So he readily went 
with me. I set him a chair and sat down by him, 



1 '»o 

and read the rule.^, and added also a rule we liad in 
our class, not only to pray morning and evening in 
our families, but twice every day in secret, and in the 
meetings whenever I called upon them. Then I 
said, **do you think you can live up to these rules?" 
He said, yes, I will try it for six months." My 
wife looked with amazement upon us. I said, the 
six months is only the time of probation ; we expect 
those who join us, will continue all the days of their 
life." He said, I should not like to engage longer 
than six months at first." Well," I said, I will 
speak to the class, and the preachers about it, and 
you must be faithful to observe all the rules," He 
said, yes," and appeared satisfied, as though he had 
made a good bargain. I mentioned this to the mem- 
bers of the class, and we all thought it best to humor 
the case as though it was a legal procedure. The 
next Sabbath he came to meeting ; and just before 
meeting he gave me a token to speak with me in pri- 
vate. We went aside, and he began to give an ac- 
count of himself. He stated that he had not prayed 
in his family yet. I said, I am sorry for that ne- 
glect." Ha said, my father lives with me, and he 
prays in the family." I said, very well, what 
more ?" He said, I have prayed twice every day, 
in secret, but I did not feel any thing, except one day 
I went to my barn and got on the scaffold to be in 
secret, and while in prayer, my heart was melted in- 
to tenderness for about two hours, but then it was all 
gone again, and I have felt none of it since." I sa?id, 
^' well, I hope you will fee) it again ; come, it is 



.139 



lime to go into meeting; you must pray In the meet- 
ing to-day, when I call upon you." He said, I am 
not fit." I said, I cannot help that, you have join- 
ed for six months, and you have promised to be faith- 
ful." He followed me in, and looked very sad. 
x^fter several had prayed, I called on him to prayJ 
He began, and his prayer was almost all confession 
of his sins. Like the publican, he cried, God be 
merciful to me a sinner." All his muscles and fea- 
tures were distorted — he was in an agony ; in some 
of his ejaculations he bounded on his kness full two 
inches from the floor, and being a heavy man, he 
made the house jar. The brethren hearing and see- 
ing his agony, poured out their pray ers in strong 
cries and tears. We had an awful solemn time. I 
thought surely the damned in hell, do not cry more 
earnestly for water, than he does for mercy ; and 
they have no promise of obtaining one drop ; but this 
poor soul has a promise of obtaining mercy. 
And so it was ; though it was some days before he 
had the witness of the pardon of his sins, yet he was 
blessed ; and then he came forward and said, now 
I want to join for all the days of my life." And he 
brought a number with him to join for six months, for 
he supposed that was the way, to join till they were 
converted. But with some labor, I convinced them 
of the true sense of joining. This mistaken notion, 
however, served to encourage some to come forward 
and inquire what they should do to be saved, and 
fourteen experienced rehgion in a few months. 
This man was a great help to me. Besides many 



140 



presents he gave ine, he also furnished me with a 
horse to ride the first year and a half of my travel- 
ling, for which I was very welcome and thankful. 

Many were the difficulties attending my setting out 
to travel. All my brethren were unwilling that I 
should leave the place. They therefore opposed me, 
and all my neighbors around joined to oppose me. 

Mr. E , a rich farmer, who made no profession o 

religion, came to me, and said, I think you ought 
not to travel and preach. I cannot see how you can 
support your family. Your discipline says, a travel- 
ling preacher can receive only so much, and no more, 
for salary. This would not support your family. 
But I understand the collections are not sufiicient to 
pay half that ; and I do not see how you can keep 
the covenant you made with your wife in marriage ; 
you solemnly promised to provide for her ; and the 
Scriptures say, ' He that providetli not for his own 
household, hath denied the faith, and is worse than 
an infidel.' " I replied, " it is true, the provision for 
the support of a Methodist preacher, is small at best, 
and very uncertain ; but you know, any labors we 
engage in, in this world, are very uncertain. A Paul 
may plant, and Apollos may water, and none but 
God can give the increase. Now, I have thought, if 
I am called to preach, as I think I am, I am also call- 
ed to travel ; and if I should not obey God in this, he' 
would curse me, soul and body ; and if he should 
blast my grain, and fix sickness upon me, or my 
family, I then cannot provide for my household ; but 
if 1 travel, and suffer for his glory, I can trust him 



141 



for a reward. And if, in reality, I find he does call 
me, I then can provide for my family according to the 
will of God : but if I am mistaken, and these impres- 
sions aie not from God, I at least ought to obey the 
precept which says, ' try the spirits and if I find 
upon trial, that I am mistaken, I can then come home 
and be content. And I think you will all say I have 
been sincere," He said, well, I have no more to 
say. I cannot say those impressions you speak of are 
notfrom God." 

My wife's mother, who was talkative and positive, 
frequently visited us, but was very shy and artful to 
evade a serious conversation with me about the con- 
cern of her soul. But one day a little before I began 
to travel, she came to see us. I sat down, resolved 
to hold her to a conversation ; I said, '^mother, I want 
to talk with you." She said, yes, child, I am will- 
ing to talk with you about any^thing." I said, *^well, 
mother, why don't you pray to God, and get your 
soul converted She said, why, I can't convert 
my soul." I said, well, that made me say, why 
don't you pray to God, and get him to convert your 
soul?" She said, ah ! he'll convert my soul in 
his own due time, when he pleases." I said, don't 
you think God is willing to convert you now ?" She 
said, *'No ! if he was willing, I should be converted, 
for he is able to do it, and none but God can." I 

said, mother, I called to see the Rev. Mr. L , 

yesterday, and had a long conversation with him." 
She said, did you ? well, he is a fine man. I think 
he is one of the finest men in the world. If any man 



142 



IS perfect, I think he is." I said, yes, mother, 1 
think so too. I think he is more perfect than God." 
She said, oh ! no ! what do you mean ? I said, 

why, mother, don't you think Mr. L is willing 

that all the souls in his town should be converted ? 
And if he had power to convert them, don't you think 
he would convert them all before Saturday night?" 
She said, yes, I do." I said, well you say God 
has power, but is not willing ; now don't you think 
that Mr. L has a better disposition towards man- 
kind than God has. She looked with surprise ; tears 
started from her eyes, and she said, T never saw it 
so before." My wife spoke and said, mother, I 
have often said you did not see into it, nor understand 
the Methodist doctrine of good works, nor of perfec- 
tion." She said, why, don't you hold to the merit 
of works ?" I said, no ; we say, ' not by the merit 
of works, but by works as a condition.' The Lord 
commands us to ask that we may receive, to seek 
that we may find," &c. She now desired to read 
some of our books. I gave her the discipline, con- 
taining some doctrinal tracts. Her conviction in- 
creased so, that she shut herself up in her room 
day after day to read it, and to read the Bible and 
pray. Now all her weapons of opposition were ta- 
ken away ; she sought the Lord, and I trust she ex- 
perienced the converting love of God shed abroad in 
her heart by the Holy Ghost. She afterwarsd join> 
ed the Baptist church in Pompey. 

While one opposer after another Jwere turned to the 
Lord, and became friendly to me, ihey joined with 



113 



others to oppose my travelling ; but all their solicita- 
tions to abide an:]ong them, did not weigh so heavy 
on my mind, as the consideration of duty to provide 
for my family. The economy of the Methodists left 
all in entire uncertainty respecting the support of 
iheir preachers. The utmost that was promised was 
a bare suppl\^ of necessaries, and this uncertain ; so 
that I must reconcile myself to be poor all the days 
of m^y life, without the least prospect of ever obtain- 
ing the conveniences of this life. I asked myself 
the question, " is it pride that makes me loathe and 
abhor a life of beggary ?" Pride is a vice, not a vir- 
tue ; and it appeared to me tliis loatliing I felt of a 
beggarly dependance, was not sinful. However, this 
troubled me at times with fear, that my heart was not 
right with God, until I was taught to see, that the 
words pride or cmbition, ought to be used in a quali- 
fied sense. If ambition is exercised in lawful things, 
it is a virtue. If unlawfully, that same ambition is 
pride, — a vice. We make ourselves vicious by trans- 
gressing the law of rectitude, that God hath ordained 
and revealed by the Gospel. Ambition is one pro- 
perty of our nature ; and there is nothing wrong in 
what God has created. The abuse of the gifts of 
God corrupts them ; therefore, to discharge our du- 
ties merely to be seen of men, and to gain the praise 
and honors of the world, is hypocrisy and pride. 
But to do the same duties with a single inten- 
tion to glorify God among men, is piety and vir- 
tue. But my ignorance of the sciences — I was 
not acquainted with the classics — I was no critic in 



144 



any language — all conspired to dishearten me.~ 
However, my love to God, his word and his people, 
and ardent desire to persuade men to be reconciled to 
God ; all conspired to encourage me, — v^diilethe im- 
pression, *'Wo is me if I preach not the Gospel," 
served to drive me to the conclusion, that "necessity 
was laid upon me. My dear wife, instead of desiring 
me to stay at home, exhorted me to trust in the Lord> 
and be faithful to my duty ; she assured me that no^ 
thing could induce her to give me up, to leave her as 
I must, if I travelled, but a conviction that I was call- 
ed of God, and said, ''if you are faithful to God, he 
will take care of me and the children," Often I have 
heard her say, '^though I suffer hardship and tiials 
here, because my husband is called from me, my soul 
rejoices in the anticipation, that all the souls convert- 
ed through his instrumentality, will be as stars in the 
crown of his rejoicing in glory ; and if I am faithful, 
I shall share with him, and have some stars, in 
my crown." 

My wife was no hindrance to me, but suffered as 
patiently as could be expected. However we are not 
to expect patience that never finds fault with any 
thing, either in man or woman. 

Though my difficulties were many, by reason of 
my ignorance and poverty, yet I left all and went on 
to Pittsfield circuit, with brother Stebbins, by the di 
rection of the presiding elder, in the year 1797, and 
travelled with him until sometime in June, 1798; 
then I wefitto Litchfield circuit, until the conference 
in Granville, September, 1798, when I was received 
by the conference, and appointed to Dutchess circuit. 



145 



The time of holding the annual conference in Sep- 
tember, was this year altered to May or June. 

On Pittsfield and Litchfield circuits, I was kindly 
received by many ; but deism was prevailing. Mn 
Thomas Paine's Age of Reason, was highly thought 
of by many, who neither knew what the age they 
lived in, or reason was, Universalism was prevaihng 
also^ but all agreed to prove their theories by the 
principles of fate, and smooth a life of sin. Mr, 
Huntington wrote a posthumous piece to prove 
Universalism ; he entitled it Calvinism Improved. 
In this improvement he only had to dash out Repro- 
bation and make all Elect ; and then prove that God 
decreed all things whatsoever comes to pass. By 
this scheme, all v/ere elected ; good, bad, and indif- 
ferent. Mr. Hopkins, also wrote ingeniously about 
1790, to improve Calvinism ; his system was called 
New Divinity, for a whik, but; soon .changed its 
flame to Hopkinsianism. He held that God moved, 
and excited men to do that which sinful ; and that 
he "put sin into the heart, by a positive creative in^ 
jiuenceP And ycit he held that men had a natural 
ability to love and serve G^d ; and at the same time 
a moral inability to love and serve God. He taught 
ihat Christ died foj- all, and that all may come, and 
yet, that the ref^ro^ates never can come. Finally., 
the opinion /prevailed among ijiany, that both side^ of 
a contradiction was true, and xhat the safest way was 
jiot n^ie best way, nor the best way, the right way. 
%e marks of distinction between good and evilj ri^hl 

7 



146 



and wrong, Irulh and falsehood, were thrown into 
confusion. Deism improved this nonsense, to ridi- 
cule all religion, and make it a phantasm. The Deists 
would have embraced Universalism ; but the Univer- 
salists professed to receive the scripture as a revela- 
tion from God ; and the Deists held it to be inconsist- 
ent with common sense to believe that the Deity- 
should decree whatsoever comes to pass, and then 
give the scripture as a revelation of his will, for the 
government of his creatures. It was easy to prove 
that the one contradicted the other, God had said to 
Adam, **0f all the trees of the garden, thou mayest 
freely eat, but of the tree of knowledge of good and 
evil, thou mayest not eat ; for on the day thou eatest 
thereof, thou shalt surely die." Now, here was a re- 
velation, that God was not willing Adam should eat 
of this tree. But it came to pass that he did eat of it. 
And if God had decreed all things whatsoever comes 
to pass, he had decreed that he should eat of it. 
Therefore^ the revelation that he should not, contra- 
dicted the decree that he should eat. And as reason- 
able fnen would not profess what they could not be- 
lieve, viz. that both sido^s of a contradiction could be 
true, they would not believe the revelations made by 
the Scripture, because it contradicted their favorite 
doctrine of fate. Deism, therefoio^ ^^^^y be a rou^h 
improvement of Calvinism ; and too-ough to be al- 
lowed by those Calvinists, who with soTx sounding 
titles, would smooth their notions of what hone^f John 
Calvin calls, *'an horrible decree." 
It could not be supposed, that so weak an instrument 



147 



as I was, could make any great impression on the 
minds of the many logicians, (for almost all professed 
a smattering in logic.) However, the Lord was pleas- 
ed to own my weak labors and make them instrumen- 
ia! in the conversion of many. 1 think more than one 
hundred were awakened on these two circuits. But 
some joined the Presbyterians, and some the Baptists, 
and some the Methodists. The work of God in con- 
victing, and converting, and sanctifying souls, was 
very evident. Persecution raged some on Litchfield 
circuit. The work of God was manifested in power, 
— sometimes they fell as one shot down in battle, and 
would lay without strength from half an hour, to two 
liours, when they would arise happy in God. Our 
Presbyterian brethren and others, were afraid it was 
a delusion. We prayed that the same power might 
be among them ; and in one town, some were power- 
fully wrought upon. One young womian fell in their 
meeting, and they carried her out to. a private house 
near by, and sent for a doctor. He said he could not 
rightly tell what was the matter, but he thought it 
best to bleed her ; and while cording her arm, she 
came too so as to speak, and cried out, "nothing but 
the blood of Christ can do me any good." This made 
them give over bleeding her; and many were less 
prejudiced against the Methodists. Many cases simi- 
lar to this occurred in different places. And a revival 
of religion, having.those extraordinary signs attending 
it, was highly necessary to confound dead ^prmality. 
Some conversions w^ere extraordinary. In one place 
I preached in a private house, where the man and his 



148 



wife and one neighbor, made all the congregation. 
The man and his wife professed religion, but their 
neighbor did not. However, before I came again in 
four weeks, that person was converted, and had re- 
ported around, by what means this work was wrought; 
so that thereby many others came out, and I had about 
seventy to preach to, instead of three ; and before 
long, many could testify that God for Christ's sake, 
had made that preaching, which some call foolishness, 
the happy power of salvation to their souls. 

After the conference, I went to Dutchess circuit, to 
travel with brother J» R. He appeared to be a softly 
colleague, but a prudent, careful man. I thought he 
was a little afraid of the power of God. But on far- 
ther acquaintance, I found he had not been endued 
with much energy of spirit, and his bashfulness was 
a let to him. However, we travelled in good harmo- 
ny ; and some few souls I trust were converted. We 
thought about eighty were brought from the power of 
sin and satan to God. 

At the conference, in May or June 1799, 1 was ap- 
pointed to Cambridge circuit, with my old colleague 
J. R. To remove my family from Dutchess county, 
one hundred, or one hundred and fifty miles, am.ong 
entire strangers, and without money to support them, 
was a serious business for me. I had lived in Clin- 
tontown, in brother Lyon's neighborhood ; and had 
received eighty-four dollars of collection, for the past 
nine months ; and for the twenty months past, I had 
received only one hundred and thirty-three dollars. In 
those days, we gave an account for all presents, and 



149 



one hundred and thirty-three dollars, was all I had 
received, so that I was short of money. The little I 
had of my own property, was nearly all gone, and I 
had not enough to pay my expenses for moving with 
the most rigid economy. To look forward, gloomy 
clouds hung over my prospects. I had moved but a 
little before, from Washington, on Granville circuit, 
state of Massachusetts. And now again, to some part 
of Cambridge circuit, I knew not where, was a seri- 
ous business, for one without funds. I looked at my 
call to this work, to be of God. And I said in my heart, 
and to my dear wife, to God I will look for support. 
My wife encouraged me to suffer with patience. She 
often said, **if we can do our duty to God here, and 
be a means of saving some souls, and get to heaven 
at last, all our sufferings will work together for our 
good." Ah ! thought I, you are a dear soul ; what 
husband would not want to live at home, and enjoy 
the society of such a wife. But the Lord calls me to 
leave wife and children, — and for his sake I give all 
up. 

I went to Rhinebeck to see Bishop Asbtjry, and it 
was refreshing to my soul, to have the counsel of the 
fathers in Israel. The Bishop several times asked 
me if I was well ; and others present, gave it as their 
opinion, that I did not look well. I said, *^yes, I am 
well." The Bishop then asked if my appointment 
suited me, 1 said, **yes :" — but the truth was, the dif- 
ficulties of moving my family, without money to de- 
fray the expenses, was my trouble. 

I left my family in Dutchess county, until I should 



150 



go to my circuit, and find a place to which I might 
move them. When I arrived at Pittstown, I inquired 
for some place to accommodate my family ; but there 
was no house to be hired. The brethren proposed to 
throw up a log-house for me, vvliich was the best they 
could furnish, if I could not get a better at Ashgrove. 
So I rode on from one appointment to another, preach- 
ing in every place, and inquiring for a house to put 
my family in, but could find, none. I came to Ash- 
grove, and could find none there. I then sent to Pitts- 
town, desiring the brethren to build me a log-house ; 
but when I came around the circuit they had done no- 
thing about it ; but they expressed a desire to accom- 
modate me. I then concluded to return to Dutchess 
county, and sent my goods on to Troy by w^ater, and 
take my wife and children, of which we had three, 
John, William, and Wesley, and go to her father's 
in Berkshire count}^, Massachusetts, and leave them 
for a visit, until my log-house was fit to live in, 
which we supposed would be in six weeks. So I went 
on having had good meetings. I arrived at Dutchess 
— found my family well, and some converted in dif- 
ferent places on the circuit, while I was gone ; these 
were some with whom I had covenanted to pray for 
them once a day, before I left them. And the few 
days I spent on Dutchess circuit before I moved, 
were in rejoicing with those that rejoice. The con- 
version of one, w^as a little singular. Having made 
a covenant with her and some others, to pray for 
them at the going down of the sun, and they also 
w^ere to retire in secret, and pray for themselves. It 



151 



was so one day, while I was gone, that I had to 
preach in Alington, in Vermont, at so late an hour of 
the day, that I was about half through my discourse 
at the going down of the sun ; when a concern for 
those I had covenanted with, impressed my mind with 
peculiar weight. I stopped and informed the congre- 
gation of the obligations I was under, to pray for some 
souls under concern on Dutchess circuit, where I 
travelled last year ; and as I could not well retire for 
prayers, I would beg the indulgence of the congre- 
gation about ten minutes, while I kneeled down 
and prayed for them. I then kneeled down and 
prayed, and the power of God came upon me, and all 
present, so that we were greatly affected — many were 
in tears. I had the witness that I was heard in heaven, 
and that some were converted. My mind centered 
on this one ; and when I was informed by the parents 
of the blessing Eunice had obtained, and the time 
when, I was joyfully surprised, that it happened pre- 
cisely at the time I detained the congregation to pray 
for her. It may seem a little odd, that a preacher 
should stop in the middle of a sermon to pray for 
some persons by name. But I believe signal good 
was done ; for our religious devotion was enlivened, 
and our hearts were warmed with an increase of love 
to God, and his cause, by this means. 

After sending my household goods on board a sloop 
bound to Lansingburgh, I took my wife and children 
to her father's in Hinsdale, and left them while I 
could go around the circuit, and give time to finish 
my log-house. But when I came to Pittstown, I 



152 



found the brethren had given up the plan of building 
me a log-house, so my goods were in one place^ and 
my faniily in an others and I had not a house to put 
them in. Well, thought 1^ the foxes have holes, and 
the birds of the air have nests ; but I have not even 
a log*house. I am now tasting of my Master's fare- 
He suffered this for the good of souls, and O what an^ 
honor that I may suffer a httle with my Master. So 
I went on cheerful, trusting in the Lord. We had 
refreshing seasons ; many were awakened, and, I 
trust, converted, I met my colleague, and informed 
him that I could ^et no house on the circuit to put my 
family in. He groaned ; and to my surprise inform- 
ed me, that he was discouraged. He owed some for 
his horse, and he appeared scared at poverty. I tried 
to encourage him ; he had no wife and family to pro- 
vide for, and wath prudent care he could pay his 
debts. But all in vain, though I offered to give him 
ten dollars, he was resolved to go home to New Jer- 
sey, and go into business to pay his debts like an hon- 
est man. This was a heavy trial lo me, to leave the 
charge of the circuit upon me, and I had no house for 
my family. 

Our circuit at that time, was five hundred miles 
around it, and for me to preach as I did sixty-three 
sermons in four weeks, and travel five hundred miles, 
was too hard. But I cried unto the Lord and he heard 
me ; for as my day was, so was my strength, f had 
an impression that if I sent to a place then called 
Bethlehem, near Greenbush, I could find a house to 
put my family in ; among some people I had got ac- 



153 



qnainled with when I travelled Pittsfield circuit, i 
therefore desired brother R. to go there for me on his 
way home. And my faith was so strong, that I should 
at least get a log-house to live in, among that poor 
and loving people, that I wrote to one I knew to pro- 
vide for me there^ and make ready to bring my goods 
by the day I set to move my family. And so it was ; 
bro. R. on leaving the circuit, performed this good 
Work for me ; and 1 Was able to attend all my appoint^ 
inents, and move my family on my rest w^eek within 
forty-five miles of Ashgrove, from which I had to 
ride to visit them on my rest week. Our circuit had 
been a six weeks circuit before bfo. R. left us, and 
we had taken bro. Henry Ryan, for the third preach- 
er. But now to supply sixty-three appointments in 
four weeks, and ride five hundred miles, was too 
much ; we therefore gave off some to another preach- 
er. But my ride was more than five hundred miles 
in four weeks if 1 visited my family, which I did 
faithfully, and we had a little log-house, among a lov- 
ing people, in Bethlehem. When I was first ac- 
quainted with this class about a year before, there 
was only eight members. We lived with them two 
yearly md when we moved away, the number in class 
was eighty-four : so mighty was the work of God in 
this place. 

On Cambridge circuit, the Lord wrought wonders; 
About three hundred, I believe, were awakened and 
converted, though the nett increase was not quite two 
hundred, for many m.oved away, and some died, so 



154 



lhat to supply those vacancies, would require the full 
number of three hundred, to give us what increase we 
had. Brother Ryan was in good health and high 
spirits, for this great work. The persecution in 
Thurman's Patent where we had lived, was truly 
grievous. Many young people that experienced re- 
ligion, were turned out of doors by their parents. 
Some of them were whipped cruelly : two young wo- 
men were so whipped by their father, that the blood 
run down from their backs to their feet, and he then 
turned them out of doors, and they walked fifteen 
miles to a Methodist society. When they recovered 
of their wounds, some of our sisters informed me that 
they had many scars, some five inches long. Their 
two young brothers, one fourteen, and the other 
twelve years old, had both experienced religion 
through the instrumentality of the Methodists. Their 
father forbade their going to the Methodist meeting, 
they entreated him to let them go, but he was inflex- 
ible ; he was a member of the kirk of Scotland ; and 
said he became bound by an oath in their baptism, 
to bring them up Presbyterians. Therefore, he for- 
bade them the privilege of the Methodist meetings ; 
however, they came to our meetings, and he then 
whipped them severely, for what he called disobedi- 
ence. They afterward came privately, ere long he 
found it out, and he whipped them again. They con- 
trived every means to get to meeting, and received 
many whippings : until at last, they concluded that 
as all their secret plans were found out, they would 
go openly to hear preaching at stated hours. They 



155 



had only attended prayer meetings for some time be* 
fore, where their oldest brother officiated as leader^ 
sometimes at his own house, and sometimes in the 
woods to accommodate them. But one day as I rode 
past their father's house to go to my appointment at 
their elder brother's, they asked me what time meet- 
ing would commence ; I told them ; and asked them 
if they thought to come, — they said *'yes;" I said 
**will not your father whip you ?" they said, **yes; 
but we think we will take another whipping, we want 
to go to meeting so much," I dared not advise them 
to go, for fear I should seem to countenance a diso- 
bedience to parents— and I dared not advise them not 
to go, lest I should be found fighting against God : 
but I prayed for them heartily, and said, "let the 
,Lord do what seemeth him good." I exhorted them 
to be faithful, to live humble and lovingly, and serve 
the Lord in spirit and in truth. 

They came to meeting, and a most melting, pow- 
erful time we had. The Lord made bare his arm. 
Some mourning souls were made to rejoice, and to 
own the Lord Jesus as their Saviour from sin. The 
two boys were very happy. I was aflfected after 
prayer, to hear one of them break out in prayer with 
streaming eyes. He began with expressions of grati- 
tude in these words : ''I thank thee, O Lord, that I 
am permitted to meet once more with thy children." 
Seeing him in tears, and hearing this hearty thanks- 
giving, affected me exceedingly. How thankful this 
child is for this privilege, though he knows he must 
be whipt for it. How many children would please 



156 



their parents, if they would solemnly attend the wor'^ 
ship of God. But alas ! they are strangers to the 
blood that bought their pardon on the tree. O did the 
people know the pardoning love of God^ it would be 
more than their meat and drink, to worship and bow 
down, and kneel before the Lord their Maker. But 
ignorance of God and religion is the great evil pie- 
vailing in the world. How shall I proclaim : 

Jesus the name high over all, 
In hell or earth or sky : 
Angels and men before it fall, 
And devils fear and fly.'' 

It astonished me that a father of ten children, eight 
of whom had experienced religion, should drive sis 
from his house, and whip these two boys, for no other 
crime in reality, than because they worshipped God 
with the Methodists. Is it possible, that Scotch Pres- 
byterians possess so much prejudice ? And they who 
pleaded the rights of conscience in Puritanical days, 
should now deny that right to others ? I was inform- 
ed that this man attended the Methodist meeting at 
first, and pronounced the work to be of God, rejoiced 
also in the conversion of his children, until the Me- 
thodists formed a class, and then he turned his tune. 

I was in hopes the Lord would deliver these dear 
boys from a cruel and unnatural persecution ; but I 
was informed before I came around my circuit again^ 
that he had whipped them severely. I thought it 
my duty to call and see their father, and if possible 
persuade the old man to allow his children to come 
to meeting. But when I entered his house, it being 



f 



157 



a cold day, I drew near the fire and sat down. He 
was walking the room with a great staff. He said^ 
don't know you, sir." I told him my name, and 
said, am the Methodist preacher that travels on 
this circuit." He said, '*I don't want a Methodist 
preacher to come into my house." I said, '^O Mr. C.^ 
I have not come in to injure you, but being cold in 
riding so far, I came in to see yoii in a friendly wayj 
and warm rny feet by your fire." Then I hitched up 
towards the fire. But he brought his great staff part* 
ly over my head and struck a violent blow on the 
floor by my side^ saying angrily^ don^t want a Me- 
thodist preacher to come into my house." I looked 
around upon him and said^ **Mr. C. I have not come 
in to quarrel with you ; but to talk with you in a 
friendly wayj and warm my feet by your fire." He 
flourished his staff like one in a rage and brought it 
down by my side and said, say, I don't want a 
Methodist preacher to come into my house." I look^ 
ed up and said, **Why, Mr. C, I am not your enemy, 
and if I was, as you are a Christian, you ought to 
let me warm my feet by your fire, as the Scripture 
saith — 'if thine enemy hunger feed him, and if he 
thirst give him drink;' but I am not your enemy, 1 
am your friendj sir." He said, **You Methodists are 
an ignorant set of men, going about deceiving the 
people." I said, ^*No, no, Mr. C, you are mistaken, 
the Methodists are not an ignorant people, some of 
them are the most learned men in the world, and they 
are a harmless people, that fear God, and work right- 
eousness." He said, '*You deny our Catechism." I 



158 



said, ^'Not all of it, sir; we believe some of it ; 
we believe that the *Chief end of man, is to glorify 
God and enjoy him for ever :' and we believe the 
^benefits flowing from justification, adoption, and sanc- 
tification, are assurances of God's love ; insomuch 
that we know we are born of God :' but we don't be- 
lieve, ''that God for his own glory, hath fore ordained 
whatsoever comes to pass." ^'Well^" said he, *'it is 
because you are ignorant. Did you ever read our 
great Catechism ?" ^'I said, '*Yesj sir, I have read 
the great Catechism, and the little Catechism too ; 
but I cannot believe that God has fore ordained every 
thing that comes to pass. He said, ''Well, it is be- 
cause you are ignorant." I said, * Why, Mr, C, do 
you believe that God has decreed every thing that 
comes to pass ?" He said, **Yes, I do ; and if you 
w^ere not ignorant, you would believe it too." I said, 
**Well, it has come to pass, that the Methodists have 
come into this place to preach, and many have been 
converted, and why do you oppose them, for God has 
decreed it ?" He said passionately, **No, God has 
not decreed that neither." I said, **Well, then some- 
thing has come to pass, that God did not decree. '^ 
He then brought his cane down with violence close 
by me, and said, ''I say, I don't want a Methodist 
preacher to come into my house, and don't you ever 
come into my house again." I looked up and said, 
*^0, Mr. C, I cannot promise that, for if I am riding 
past your house this cold weather, and my feet should 
be cold, I shall want to call in, and warm them by 
your fire ; and as you profess religion, you would not 



159 



refuse me that privilege." He flourished his cane 
about ill a great passion. I expected he would give 
me a thump on the head. I thought it best to take 
it patiently. I sat composed and happy in mind, v^^hile 
I warmed myself. After which I arose, and said, 
''Mr. C, I am about to go, and must bid you farewell. 
It may be, sir, that our next meeting will be at the 
bar of God, where you must meet me, and there you 
must give account to God for what you have done ; 
and I also, must give account for what I have done. 
If I am one of the least of Christ's children, how can 
you bear to hear the Judge say, 'I was a stranger, 
and ye took me not in.' I hope, my dear sir, that 
God will forgive you, for you know not what you are 
doing." After this the boys came to meeting? 
and before meeting commenced, they came to 
me all in tears and cried out, *'0 brother, don't curse 
father ; don't curse him, but pray for him." I 
said, *' No, my dear children, I must not curse 
him — the Gospel says, 'bless and curse not,' 
'vengeance is mine,' saith the Lord, 'I will repay.' " 
The older brothers informed me that they with their 
sisters, had agreed to set apart the next Thursday for 
fasting and prayer for their father, and they desired 
me to join them in it; and they would go to their fa- 
ther's house, at the hour of two o'clock, all in a body 
to entreat him to considei his v^ays, and cease from 
persecuting the Methodists. And though I might be 
many miles from them on that day, yet that I would 
retire Jn secret at the hour they visited him, and pray 
for them and for him. We did so ; and they were 



160 



faithful. With hearts all engaged in prayer for their fa« 
iher they entered his house, and in the most affection* 
ate manner made known to him their tender regard 
for his precious soul. The power of God rested on 
them, insomuch that the old man was not able io 
answer them. But it seems he was determined to 
tesist to the last, and his passion rose so high, that 
he throwed himself upon the bed and made a howl- 
ing noisCj while they prayed. When they found 
they could not obtain an iiilpartial hearing, they left 
him on his bed, and the poor old man could not 
arise from it. Something rendered him helpless, in^ 
somuch that he was not able to whip his boys any 
more for worshipping God. Me lived in this help-* 
less state, eight years afterw'ards. I never could learn 
from any one what his disorder was. 

From this time, the persecution began to^ cease 
in this part of the circuit ; but if it declined in one 
place^ it would increase in another ; for wherever the 
Lord poured out his Spirit, there Satan would rage^ 
Until he was overpowered by faith and prayer. — 
Several instances of cruel persecution might be re- 
corded. But what of some little scourging and 
contemptuous sneers ! The best of all was, God 
was with us, and enabled us to endure iti 



CHAPTER VIIL 



Wk had some extraordinanr' cases of the power of 
God ; ii]any in our meetings fell as if slain in battle. 
Some old professors experienced the sanctifying in- 
fluence of the Holy Spirit^ and were enabled to re- 
joice evermore and pray without ceasing. 

One extraordinary instance of the power of God, 
occurred in Welch Hollow, above Fort Ann. It was 
at brother Wood'Sj the class-leader. After preaching 
three times that day, and having travelled about twen- 
ty miles, I went with sister W. to see her husband, 
who lay sick with the lake-fever, so called; and to 
hold a prayer meeting at his house. I found him in 
a high fever. His doctor was there. I asked if it 
would injure his patient to have a prayer meeting in 
his room. He said, *'no, he thought not." I had 
learned that only one male member of society would 
attend. I asked sister W. and sister Rachel, a 
young woman that lived there, if they would pray 
when I called upon them. They said, yes. I said, 
"then I hope we shall have a profitable meeting, with- 
out my having occasion to do any more than to open 
and close the meeting, as I was already wearied with 
the labors of the day." But when I commenced 



162 



meeting, there was a black cloud arising out of the 
west, attended w^ith sharp lightning, and heavy thun- 
der. And when I had prayed, and the brother also, 
I called on the two sisters, but they refused. I then 
kneeled down to close the nneeting by prayer. The 
thunder and rain made it very awful out of doors, and 
the cloud was then about over our heads. I felt un- 
commonly drawn out to pray for poor sinners. The 
fierce forked lightning and tremendous thunder at a 
distance, reminded us of the day of judgment. I cried 
mightily to God in behalf of poor sinners. And when 
I expressed myself in these words, Lord, thunder 
conviction to the sinner's heart," that instant the light- 
ning, like a sheet of fire, flashed, and an awful clap of 
thunder shook the house. I cried out, * 'Glory to God ! 
glory in the highest ! O Lord, thunder conviction to 
every sinner's heart !" Then instantly another clap 
of thunder shook the house more than the first. My 
soul was happy beyond description. After prayer, 
I found the candle had gone out ; I sat leaning against 
the wall. One lighted up the candle, another got a 
cup of water. I looked around to see what was the 
matter. And the two sisters lay as dead upon the 
floor; and the class-leader was getting out of bed. 
He said, "Don't be frightened, this is the power of 
God ; glory to God, I am healed." At this I felt 
alarmed — surely, thought I, he is out of his head. 
But my fears were soon calmed, for he said, "Let us 
pray ;" and he kneeled down and prayed with the 
voice and fervency of a man in health. While he 
was at prayer, his wife arose, and after he had done, 



163 



she prayed. But Rachel did not arise, she lay from 
half past eight, until eleven, before all the people went 
away. I thought it was nothing more than a power- 
ful operation of Divine grace. So I desired the 
class-leader to lay down, for I was afraid his disor- 
der would return upon him the next day, worse than 
ever. But he said, "No, the Lord has healed me." 
Then I advised sister W, to make a bed on the floor 
for herself and Rachel, and she and her son and 
daughter could watch with Rachel, while brother 
W. and I lay down to take some sleep ; for I was 
afraid brother W. would be worse the next day. So 
they complied with this advice ; and when I lay down, 
I said to sister W., **If Rachel don't breathe again 
in fifteen minutes, you must awake me." In about an 
half hour sister W, awaked us and said, "Rachel is 
dead." 1 started up, and felt for her pulse, but found 
she had none. I perceived she had no symptoms of 
life, her eyes and jaws were set, and her head, neck, 
and arms, were cold. Sister W. said mournfully, 
"She is dead." I said, "You must not say so ; but 
pray to the Lord." I ordered her to pull off her shoes 
and stockings, she did so, and I perceived her feet 
were swollen. I concluded from this symptom, that 
her complaint was natural. But as it had been said 
to be the power of God, and the people that were 
gone, had all witnessed that she lay as dead, I con- 
cluded that if she should be dead, the cause of reli- 
gion would be reproached. I cried unto the Lord 
with all my heart; and said to brother and sister W., 
we must raise her up and rub her limbs and neck 



lo4 



with flannel cloths until the blood circulates. Brother 
W. and his son, took each an arm, sister W. and her 
daughter rubbed her ancks and feet, I rubbed her 
neck and jaws until I could open them, so as to blow 
down her throat to inflate her lungs. The first at- 
tempt failed. Sister W. said, **It is in vain, she is 
dead.'^ I said, ^*don't say so, but rub away, and pray 
to the Lord." I should judge we had continued rub- 
bing full two hours, before I attempted to blow^ down 
her throat the second time, when I succeeded to in- 
flate her lungs; and she gave the first symptom of 
returning life, and in about twenty minutes she spake 
and said, why have 1 come back again ?" I for- 
bid her speaking again, and ordered her some drink. 
We then perceived day-light in the east ; we had all 
worked hard. I was in a violent perspiration, but w^e 
rejoiced that Rachel was alive, and like to do well ; 

but my fears that brother W- would be worse, 

increased, and the doctor would blame us. But he 
said again, am well, the Lord has healed me." 
And so it was ; when the doctor came, I was informed 
he expressed surprise that he should be so much bet- 
ter in one night. I was very thankful to God that 
this extraordinary meeting should turn out so favora- 
bly, that no scandal arose from it. But my fears 
were great at times. I suffered an agony of spirit, 
but sister Rachel lived and was happy. Brother 

W was healed, and recovered his health from 

that time. O what cause I had to praise God. But 
I did not consider this as a miracle, though I could 
not account it any thing less than the power of God. 



165 



The thunder was awful ; and the expressions I used 
in prayer, were singular for the time. It was a bold- 
ness of speech that some persons might judge im- 
proper on such an occasion ; but God is not as man, 
to judge after the manner of man, or to be offended 
with us for approaching the throne of grace with bold- 
ness, even in time of thunder. I was uncommonly- 
happy during this awful scene. Many were the in- 
stances of God's power and goodness, displayed in 
different parts of the circuit this year ; but wicked- 
ness still abounded ; infidel principles made more 
converts to deism than the doctrines of repentance 
towards God, and faith towards our Lord Jesus 
Christ, did to Christianity. 

We preached in the beach w^oods, in a town called 
Palmerter, west of the Hudson river. This was a 
new appointment ; and we could say here, as in many 
other places, what the Apostle said to the Thessalo- 
nians, 1 Thess. ii. 1, 2, *^For yourselves, brethren, 
know our entrance in unto you, that it was not in vain : 
but even after that we had suffered before, and were 

shamefully entreated as ye know, at , we were 

bold in our God to speak unto you the gospel of God 
with much contention." Here we had good prospects ; 
thirty or forty were under good awakenings. We 
formed a class, and went on well ; but Satan stirred 
up some to oppose, and to prejudice others with their 
reports that the Methodist preachers were unlearned 
and ignorant men, not fit to preach. Nearby the 
beach woods was a growing village, and here the 
good people had hired a young man from Williams- 



166 



town college, to leach tbeir school. This young nnan 
had given out, that the Methodist preachers were an 
ignorant set of men, they knew nothing about meta- 
physics : and to convince the people of their ignor- 
ance, he would go to the next Methodist meeting and 
talk with the preacher about metaphysics, and make 
him expose his ignorance. It happened on the day 
of my appointment, that a great concourse of people 
came out with the learned young man, to hear his 
wise sayings on the subject oi 7netaphysics, I knew 
not why nor wherefore so many had come together ; 
but I preached to them as well as I could, and after 
1 had dismissed the congregation, they all sat down. 
This surprised me. I thought, what nov/ ? But di- 
rectly a young gentleman with powdered hair and 
ruffles prim, came forward to me and made a genteel 
bow, and said, ''Sir, have you studied metaphysics ?" 
I said, "1 have studied that science some little." He 
said, ''I wish to converse with you on that subject." 
I said, ''A conversation on that subject may not be 
so profitable to the congregation as on some other sub- 
ject." He then strutted up — put his arm a kimbo, 
and said, ^'I think, sir, we can converse to the edifi- 
cation of the people on the subject of metaphysics,'^ 
I said, ''Well, sir, before w^e begin I wish to ask you 
two questions, if you will answer them." He said, 
strutting up afresh, "Yes, sir, I will answ^er you any 
question you wish to ask me." I said, "Well, sir, 
which is the greatest of the five senses, hearing, see- 
ing, tasting, smelling, or feeling?" He said, "I think 
seeing is the greatest'of the five senses," I said, "We 



167 



shall differ about that, for I think feeling is the great- 
est." He said, had much rather be without feel- 
ing than without seeing strutting himself up and 
casting a nnajestic look upon the people. I said, ''Sir, 
did you not know that if you had no feeling, you 
could have no sight ; but you might be blind and still 
have feeling." He said, lowering himself down, 
profess, sir, you are right." I said, "You don't ap 
pear to ba acquainted with viefapJiysics ; these are 
the easiest lessons in metaphysics, and if you are not 
acquainted with the easiest lessons, I am sure you 
cannot understand the harder ones. But my second 
question is, 4iave you not, sir, doubted the authenti- 
city of the Bible, and the reality of the Christian re- 
ligion V He said, ''Yes, I profess I have." T said, 
"Well, sir, you agree with me, that feeling is the 
greatest of the five senses." He said, "Yes." I said, 
"Well, I feel that there is a reality in the Christian 
religion. Now, you must prove that I cannot feel 
this, before you can bring any well-grounded argu- 
ment to disprove the reality of this religion." He 
said, "I will not undertake that." So here our con- 
versation upon metaphysics ended. After the people 
were gone, I heard some few in a group at litlle dis- 
tance, in broken accents say, "I am glad — O there 
was never any thing belter." "O it is just right," 
said another. I stepped toward them, and asked 
them what they were talking about. They said, 
" that the young gentleman had given out a 
week ago, that he would come to talk with the Me 
ihodist preacher, upon raetaphysics, to show the peo- 



168 



pie how ignorant the Methodist preachers were, and 
that made so many come out to-day," &c. 

It is with grief we too often meet with men, boast- 
ing of their high attainments in knowledge, when 
they know not God at alL And sometimes we meei 
with men of really high attainments in literature, 
that have not the knowledge of God, and this ought 
to be their shame, as saith the Apostle. 

I left this circuit with many tears at the close of 
my year, and went on to New York to attend the con- 
ference. We had a good time in our conference. I 
thought all things went on well. But there was not 
so much life in the public meetings as I expected to 
find ; yet what there was, appeared to be very good ; 
also much love and good will was manifested among 
all the preachers. Bishop Asbur^ and Bishop What- 
coAT presided, and certainly they were the best of 
men ; they appeared to have the w^hole work at heart, 
and their whole hearts in the w^ork. Their love for 
the preachers was manifest in a peculiar manner. 
Bishop AsBURY was oldest in office, and had been 
lonofest with us. He sat as a father amoncr his chil- 
dren, beloved by every one. When he prayed, he 
was as one conversing with a venerable friend, in 
which he seemed to have our interest at heart more 
than his own, and it encouraged us all to draw nigh 
to God. What a blessing to have Godly men. 

At this conference I received my station on Gran- 
ville circuit, with brother T. Bishop for my colleague. 

We went to the circuit, and found it in a low 
state of religion, as might be seen by the collection 



169 



ihe first quarter. After paying our expenses, brother 
Bishop's quarterage was two dollars and ninety-two 
cents, and mine was five dollars and eighty-four 
cents. Brother B. was taken sick and left the cir- 
cuit. And as it was doubtful whether I could have 
any one to help me, I altered my appointments so 
as to attend them all in two weeks, instead of four 
weeks. This was also a heavy trial to me. The 
last year my colleague left me, which increased my 
labor that was hard before ; and now when I had 
flattered myself with the moderate labor of only 
preaching twenty-six times in four weeks, I was left 
with twelve appointments in a week, and no rest 
week to go home and visit my family. I therefore 
went home to take leave of my family, not to return 
again till the end of three months. But to my great 
joy, on returning home I found that my Presiding 
Elder, Brother S. Bostwick, had sent Brother 
Washburn to help me. My wife rejoiced with me 
to see him. So my dear brother W. and I went to 
the circuit together, and attended all the appointment's 
in two weeks, altered them again to make it a four- 
week circuit. My family still lived in Bethlehem, 
about forty-five miles from the circuit. My dear 
wife worked hard at spinning and weaving, to pro 
cure bread for herself and children. The roof of our 
log house would not shed rain : therefore she suffer- 
ed much at times, though she never murmured. The 
great object we had in view, was, to save souls. But 
our hired house was a poor thing in wet weather, that 

8 



170 



she needed a double portion of patience to bear the 
cross. I often thought: is this the portion of the 
ministers of Christ ? Well, truly it is through much 
tribulation that we are to enter into the kingdom of 
heaven. But all ministers do not suffer such things, 
which is some comfort to me. 

On Granville circuit we had many new appoint- 
ments ; and some in places where formerly the 
Methodists had preached, but had desisted because 
of the opposition from the prejudiced and persecuting 
people. Sorrow filled my heart on account of the 
general deadness, and carnal secmuty which prevail- 
ed. I thought surely if any mode of preaching can 
do good, it is to cry aloud and spare not. And as to 
the subject matter it must be holiness. We therefore 
preached, not only that men should repent, but that 
they should be holy, or they never could eujoy an 
holy God, either in this world or the w^orld to come. 
But the standing order in Massachusetts and Connecti- 
cut, could not endure this doctrine. The Baptist 
people also, accounted the doctrine of perfection a 
delusion, or something not to be attained in this life, 
or on this side of heaven. I never could think they 
rejected this doctrine because they hated it ; or plead 
for sin because they loved it. There were many 
pious people in each denomination, both of the minis- 
try and laity. But they preached against this doc- 
trine I thought, because they did not understand it. 
We labored to show the distinction between absolute 
perfection and Christian perfection, and between ih(s^ 
perfection of angels and glorified spirits, and the per-^ 



171 



fection of Chrisiians in a probationary state. But 
still the opposition was carried on with acrimony by 
some, as though the doctrine was a great injury to 
them, and cut them off from all hope of mercy. They 
intimated, that if this doctrine was true, they were 
entire strangers to religion, because they lived in sin, 
and knew not that they had passed from death unto 
life. And because they did not know their sins were 
forgiven, though they had long professed religion ; 
they therefore concktded, all must be a delusion that 
they had no knowledge of by experience, as if their 
experience was the height of religion. And their 
ministers tauf^ht them to believe it w^s arrogance to 
profess to know that they were born of God. There- 
fore, the Methodists were supposed to be a presump- 
tuous people. Some Baptists professed to know that 
God for Christ's sake had forgiven them their sins ; 
and they were said to be deluded as well as the 
Methodists. I thought the Presbyterians professed 
this ignorance of God and experimental religion, only 
to defend their notion of unconditional perseverance. 
They were positive, very positive, that they could not 
fall from grace, though they knew not that they were 
in the grace of God. But others more guarded would 
say, if I have grace, I cannot fall from it." This 
appeared to me, to be the grand delusion of the devil ; 
under which my Calvinist brethren were suffering ; 
for this made them doubt the witness of the Spirit of 
God, which beareth witness with our spirits, that we 
are the children of God. The witness of this Spirit 
they had, if they ever enjoyed religion ; but if they 



172 



had backslidden, ihey had lost the witness, and con- 
sequently the enjoyment of religion. Therefore to 
say they never had religion, was giving the Holy 
Spirit the lie. An affront this, and a sin a'gainst God 
of no snfiall magnitude. But again they denied the 
doctrine of Christian perfection as held by the Meth- 
odists ; and to prove there was no perfection in this 
life, they declared their own hearts to be sinful, and 
that they committed sin daily in thought^ word, and 
deed. Thus to support their doctrine they seemed 
to be rather professors of sin than professors of re- 
ligion. Many seemed angry at those Methodists 
that professed to live without sin. One asked me 
if I lived without sin. I saidj yes, and live very 
comfortable without it." He said, *1ie did not believe 
I lived without sin." 1 said, do you say I sin 
He said, yes." I asked him to prove it. He said 
he could not." I said, well, I learn from my Bi- 
ble that the devil is the accuser of the brethren. He 
accuses them of committing sin when they have not ; 
and it seems you are so much like the devil, that you 
have turned accuser too; You set up to judge who 
have sinned — this is very uncharitable in you." And 
he having said before that he sinned every breath, I 
had exhorted him to repent or he would be damned> 
so now when I accused him of uncharitableness in 
judging me as he did, he said, "you have judged me 
too". I said, no, you judged^yourself— you said you 
committed sin in every breath ; and charity con- 
strains nie to believe you do, for you appear to be 
sincere in your profession. I hope^ however, that 



i7J 

you wjll repent of your sincere wickedness before you 
die." 

This pleading for sin, and professing to sin daily 
in thought, word and deed, gave occasion for many 
sinners to say they were as good as professors were, 
for they did not comniit sin oftener than once a breath. 
One old Baptist minister told me that he was chuck 
full of sin, that is, sin was chinked into him so that 
there was no room for any thing else, at least so I 
understood him, furl did not think that he meant the 
word chuck signified* -the voice of a hen : a word of en- 
dearment." This professing to commit sin at all 
times, and in every thing, even in their most holy 
things, gave me unpleasant feelings. I have often 
heard them ask the Lord to forgive the sin of their 
prayer ; and I believe they were sincere, and really 
thought they committed sin. One minister in preach- 
ing against perfection, had occasion to quote Job, and 
said, it is said, Job was a perfect man ; but Job 
was not a perfect man." At which, a man that was 
thought to be a little deranged in mind, suddenly 
started up and said, 'Met God be true, and every man 
a liar. God says. Job was a perfect man." 

It appeared to me that many who were well versed 
in literature, were nevertheless ignorant of divine 
theology, and verily believed that our theology was 
religious enthusiasm. One minister asked me one 
day, what I meant by perfection ? I said, the 
Methodists mean no more or less by Christian per- 
fection than to love God with all the heart, and with 
all the sou], and with all the strength," &c. I then 



174 



asked him if he did not love God with all his heart I 
He said no." I said, " I am sorry for that, for I 
think ministers ought to love God with all their heart. 
But pray, sir, if you do not love God with all yonr 
heart, how much of your heart do you love God with ? 
Is it with one-half or two-thirds ? If you say with 
one-half, then you can serve God with that half, and 
serve the devil with the other halfj and so serve God 
and mammon, and when you die, one half of your 
heart will go to heaven, and the other half to hel^ 
But I think, sir, you will find yourself mistaken, for 
our Lord says, * ye cannot serve God and mammon.' " 

Deacon J- , of Chester, said to me one day, in 

a positive accent, that he committed sin every minute, 
and this he said, to prove that my doctrine of Chriff* 
tian perfection was a delusion. After he was gone, 
a very wicked man, that had been in the company and 
heard the conversation, addressed himself to the man 
of the house in a very solemn manner, saying, " I 
don't believe one thing, though I know I am a sinner 
and live in sin every day> yet I don't believe that I 

commit sin every minute ; but deacon J said he 

committed sin every minute ; I think he must be a 
great sinner by this time ; why, he is an old ixian. 
How old is he ?" One answered and said, he is 
eighty-two years old." Well," said the man very 
solemnly, I think it is time for him to think some- 
thing about eternity." 

Thus my ears were almost daily saluted with the 
declarations of those (that ought to be examples of 
piety) that they committed sin daily in thought, word, 



175 



and deed. And these declarations were so positive, 
and they knew so certainly that they committed sin, 
that I was constrained to believe that they were wick- 
ed, or question their veracity ; or I must believe they 
were deceived, and therefore claimed my pity. This 
I settled in my mind, that they were deluded by the 
d^vil by false reasonings. 

From this conviction, I went mourning for the un- 
happy state of delusion that seemed m triumph in 
New England over thousands. Some days when 
riding to my appointments, I was almost all the way 
in tears, often inquiring of the Lord, in ejaculatory 
prayers, what can I do to save these souls from de- 
lusion Some threw stones at me, and some set 
their dogs on me as I rode along. But the Lord de- 
fended me. I never had a stone to hit me, nor a dog 
to bite me. Some threatened to whip me ; but I es? 
caped all. I heard of many threats, but none laid 
hands on me. It was told me, that when I was rid- 
ing from Springfield to Westfield, a company lay in 
wait for me in a swamp, through which I had to ride ; 
and they had said, they intended to whip me ; but as 
I was passing a house, before I came to the swamp, 
a woman called to me and informed me that brother 

was sick, and had sent to her to desire me to 

call upon him. I then turned my course and rode 
across lots to his house, and on leaving him, I went 
another road : so I escaped the mob. By this time 
some of our friends heard of their design, and they 
rode after me with all haste to Westfield, " expect- 
ing," as they said, to find me badly bruised and 



176 



beaten/' But when I told them of the way I eame 
they rejoiced that a good providence had saved me 
that time. But they said they expected 1 should 
meet with trouble that night, for the house where I 
was to preach that evening, was near the school- 
house where the Methodists had formerly preached^ 
and were persecuted and disturbed by the wicked 
throwing stones at the house and breaking the windows. 
So they thought it would be well to hope for the best 
and prepare for the worst. 

That night when I opened meeting, and while I 
was in prayer, I had an impression that the Devil in 
some Deist, had come into the meeting. I opened 
my eyes while praying, to see where he was. And 
there sat a man in the middle of the room, glaring 
his eyes at me, and grinding and twisting his mouth, 
as though he would make sport for his companions, 
and dash me out of countenance. But I fixed my 
eyes upon him and said, -*Lord God, put thy hook into 
the jaws of the devil to-night ; and deliver these souls 
from the power of sin and Satan." He soon desisted 
from grinding and staring upon me. When I had 
done prayer, he moved back to one corner of the 
room. My subject led me first to show what was 
implied in worshipping God. I said, " the first thing 
implied in worshipping God, is to believe there is a 
God ; and that he is a good God." Then I said ab- 
ruptly, do you belicTe there is a God?" This 
man answered, " yes, I do." I made as though I did 
not hear him, — and went on : If we say we beheve 
there is a God^ and that he is a good God ; do we 



1?7 

evidence by our works, that we believe it ? For if 
our works do not correspond with our profession^ we 
are splendid hypocrites, NoWj men will pay atteii* 
lion to objects and things, in proportion to the value 
they set upon them, and they value them in propor- 
tion as they esteem them good. A man will pay attention 
to his hogs, and will feed them twice a day, because 
he views them good and profitable to him. And if 
he believed God was as good as his hogs, he would 
at least pray to him twice in a day. But he does not 
believe it : — he is in fact like a hog, that when you 
throw corn to him, shows a great appetite to devour 
it, but never looks up to thank the hand that feeds 
him ; so it is with some men, they never look up to 
thank the Lord for the blessings he bestows." The 
man was feeling around for his hat, and muttering 
something. 1 spoke earnestly : I hope no one will 
disturb this meeting to-night." He said, no, but I 
don^t mean to be called a hog." I said, " well, the 
coat suits you, and you have got it on. I think you 
have need to be thankful, that you have got dressed 
so soon." He muttered as he hurried through the 
congregation to get out. I said, no muttering 
from you, you have need to be thankful, you never 
had a better coat in your life." But he went off 
muttering. The people all seemed to be amazed. I 
said to them, " you see the coat fitted him well, and 
he has worn it away ; novy I must alter my manner 
of discourse a little, so as to fit a coat for some other, 

and when he is suited with one, I expect he will go 

8* 



m 

cut, and so on, till all are dressed ; for if it please the 
Lord to help me to-night, I will make garments to 
dress you all, before I have done." But this seemed 
to fasten them on their seats ; and truly the Lord was 
present with us. Some were affected with the word, 
and I could say verily this was a time of refreshing 
to my soul, and we had no further disturbance in that 
place, while I was on the circuit : but we had a most 
glorious revival of religion in that town. Mr. A. the 
minister, came among us in the west part of the town 
and preached, and in a discourse to his own church 
members, a few days after, he lectured on the third 
epistle of John. When he came to the words, Dio- 
trephes lovelh to have the pre-eminence, and will not 
himself receive the brethren," &c. he said, "My 
brethren, let us not be like Diotrephes. The Metho- 
dist brethren have come into this town, let us receive 
them ; the Lord is pouring out his Spirit, and the 
Methodists are instruments in his hand, of good to 
precious souls." His people all agreed with him, 
and we were soon invited among them. Brother 
Broadhead, and brother Bostwick, preached in his 
meeting-house, and we were invited freely among the 
church members ; and the work was truly of God ; 
many were converted, about forty joined the Metho- 
dists, and some more than that number joined the 
Presbyterians, and we had no jars, but glorious 
times. But in the town of Chester it was quite dif- 
ferent ; though there was a glorious work of God, 
and near one hundred professed to experience reli- 
gion. Mr. B., their minister, opposed openly,— he has 



1T9 



since died ; and though like Alexander the copper* 
smith, he did us much evil ; yet I hope, he lived to 
see the evil of his doings, and repent. If so, I would 
not disturb the living with the dead,— so let him res' 
in peace. 

In the towns of Norwich, West-Hampton, and 
Montgomery, there was a singular attention to reli- 
gion. I was the first Methodist preacher that ever 
went into West-Hampton to preach» The people 

were warned by their minister, Mr. H — , against 

the Methodists, insomuch that all his people were 
prejudiced against us, except a Mr. Soule, who had 
heard the Methodists somewhere in his travels. This 
man invited me to preach in his house ; and in no- 
tifying the people, he did not say it was a Methodist 
preacher that was to preach. So when some came 
and learned who was to preach, they were about to 
go away again ; but others said, it is no harm to 
hear for once, seeing we are here." This pacified 
them^ and none went away. I preached to them, 

What shall it profit a man, if he should gain the 
whole world and lose his own soul," &c. I left 
many of them in tears, and rode on to Northampton, 
to preach that evening. And before I got around the 
circuit, Mr. S. and his wife met me at Chester, and 
informed me of the efTect of my visit and preaching 
in West-Hampton. He said, many of the people 
went home from the meeting, and began to search 
their Bibles, to see if these things were so ; and the 
result was, they said their Bibles had turned Metho- 
dists while they were gone to meeting, and if their 



ISO 



Bibles turned Methodists, they would turn Metho^ 
disls too. He said his wife did not sleep for three 
nights, after I was there, and he mentioned another 
woman that did not sleep for five nights ; so great 
was their concern for their souls. They w^ould not 
be comforted, until it pleased God to send the bless- 
ing of pardoning mercy to their souls. Their evi- 
dence was clear, and they rejoked in the God of their 
salvation: Mrs. Soule was exceedingly happy in 
God. They also informed me that one boy at school 
heard of the meeting while he w^as at play in the in-* 
termission, and threw down his ball stick, saying, ^'I 
will go to meeting/' This boy also was convertedy 
and several others ; but the singularity w^as, thai 
their Bibles should turn Methodists. In West- 
Hampton, Montgomery, and New Norwich, many, I 
believe, were soundly converted, and the congrega- 
tions increased. In Montgomery they called a towH 
meeting, and voted their meeting-house to the Metho-^ 
dists one-half of the time, and also that one«haIf of the 
money raised for the support of preaching,^ should be 
paid to the Melliodists. In this town, they had no 
settled minister, but the prospect was truly glorious^ 
for the w^ork was of God. Many were brought from 
the power of sin and Satan, to know and rejoice in 
God their Saviour. In Hampton, Mr. H. preached 
violently against us, calling us w^olves ; and for twelve 
Sabbaths, he had remarked in the most positive man- 
ner, in all his discourses, that the Methodists were' 
those that " creep into houses and lead away captive 
silly women, led aw^ay with divers lusts." I bad sent 



181 



my compliments to him, and desired him to attend tny 
preaching. I hoped to see himj and caution him pri- 
vately not to expose himself. But though he prom- 
ised several times to come, he never performed his 
promise. But preached with greater vehemence 
against us, declaring positively, in the public congre-^ 
gation, that we were those that *'crept into houses and 
led away captive silly women, led away with divers 
lusts/' Hearing this so repeatedly in all places where 
I went, as it was not only Mr. H* that preached 
thus against us, I thought it was time to put a stop to 
such slanderous abuse. T therefore explained the 
text Mr. H. so often applied to the Methodists. I 
observed to the people, that I was exceedingly sorry 
that Mr. H. whom I had solicited by messengers to 
attend our meeting, and to expose us if we were 
wolves ; though he had promised to come, yet had 
never attended with us. I am credibly informed that 
he has pronounced us wolves, and such as creep into 
houses after lustful women ; I think it my duty to 
expose such unchristian conduct. As to the text of 
creeping into houses I considered that this was ap- 
plicable only to the sect of the Nicholatians, who 
troubled the church in the days of the Apostles. This 
-sect held to the community of wives ; or as the 
phrase properly signifies, the possession of each other's 
wives. The Lord said to the Church of Ephesusy 
Rev. ii. 6. ^^TIiou hafest the deeds of the Nicholatians 
which I also hate.^^ Their deeds were whoredom^ 
and their principles the same as those that worship- 
ped Baal Peor^ the god of Moab^ Numbers xxv. 3. 



Baai Peer signifies the god of opening or shame, 
And for Mf,H. to apply this to the Methodists, equal- 
ly reflects upon the women of his town, ancf himself 
too ; for he could not know positively, that the wo- 
men of his town were lustful, unless he had been 
guilty. But I believe the women of this town, are 
as chaste and virtuous as any w^omen I ever met 
with. And I presume Mr. H. is virtuous, but in his 
late preaching he has not been modest. I have no 
other apology to make for him, than his ignorance. 
He did not know the meaning of the text, nor the 
proper application of it. And I blush with shame 
for a man that has received a college education, and 
has been a minister so many years, not to know the 
meaning and proper application of that text, which in 
these days cannot be applied to any sect of Chris* 
tians ; but is only applicable to those who keep 
brothels. I desired friend S. to tell Mr. H. what I 
had said. He did so ; and soon it became a public 
talk. And I published it all around, so that it was 
not long before the text was no more applied to the 
Methodists. 

But the opposition we met with was very unpleas- 
ant, for in many places the minister, in preaching 
violently against us, induced the most influential men 
to oppose us, and support their minister. Had it not 
been that we had the Lord, and the force of truth on 
our side, we should not have prevailed and prospered 
as we did. But glory be to God, more than three 
hundred professed to be converted this year, and I 
know not of one instance where the revival of reli* 



18S 



gion was through the instrumentality of any but the 
Methodists. Though many joined the Presbyterians 
and Baptists, they professed to be awakened and con- 
verted by attending the Methodist meeting ; and there 
were so many joined them, that it became a proverb, 
" The Methodists shake the bush^ and the Presby* 
terians and Baptists catch the birds." 

In all places where we had a revival of religion, 
thither they would come, either to oppose or join in 
Union, so as to make proselytes. Many of those who 
opposed us, were ministers of piety and true godli^ 
ness. But their notions of Calvinism, and their love 
for the order and established religion of New-Eng = 
land, had corrupted their judgment ; so that they re 
fused liberty of conscience to all but those of the 
standing order ; yet they thought they gave liberty 
only because ihey wanted all to be of their opinion ; 
and we all had liberty to worship with them and con- 
form to their order. 

The policy of New-England, was to unite the 
church with the state, and because they tolerated 
other denominations, they therefore professed liberty 
of conscience ; but by confounding toleration with 
liberty, they deceived themselves and others-; for 
toleration is not libert3^ Toleration is the counter- 
feit of liberty, and a bad counterfeit too ; for it as- 
sumes a right in the ruler to grant liberty to men to 
worship their God under certain restrictions. This 
assumption is tyranny in disgilisc. If the rulers 
could answer for their subjects at the bar of God, and 
if they would do it faithfully, then they might legis- 



1§4 

late atid direct when, and where, and how, and whom 
we should worship. But seeing that every one of 
us must give an account of himself to God, it is an 
insult both to God and man, for man to assume a right 
to dictate to man, whom or how he shall worship. It 
is indeed, the duty of civil rulers to regulate civil 
society, and not suffer one to deprive another of his 
rights. But to presume to dictate to men whom they 
shall worship, or how, when, and where they shall 
worship, is arrogating a power to themselves, that 
belongs to God only; and this is not only presump* 
tuous, but blasphemous, as it is assuming rights that 
belong to God alone. 

The law establishment of religion in New-England, 
Was a grief and an offence to me. I thought learned 
men trifled wath God and religion, to take upon them- 
selves to coerce the consciences of men, and force 
them to support a religion they did not believe in. 
Their establishment was according to the principles 
laid down by Mr. Paley, in his Political and Moral 
Philosophy, page 422, where he labors to show the 
utility of three things, in an ecclesiastical establish- 
ment. 

1st. A clergy, or order of men, secluded from 
other professions J to attend upon the affairs of reli- J 
gion, ^ 

2d. A legal provision for the maintenance of the i 
clergy. . ' 

3d. *^ And confining of that provision to the teach* ' 
ers of a particular sect of Christians.'' 

He then addsj if any one of these three things ^ 



185 



be wanting, there exists no national religion, or es- 
tablished church, according to the sense which these 
terms are usually made to convey. He, therefore, 
who would defend ecclesiastical establishments, must 
show the separate utility of these three essential 
parts of their constitution." 

. Mr. Paley acknowledges, in page 436, *Hhat a 
Popish king derives a right from these principles, to 
employ the power of an absolute monarch, in reduc^ 
ing the people of his empire within the communion 
of the Popish chui;ch." 

I thought that common sense would teach any man 
to understand from this, that if a Popish king derived 
such a right from these principles, a Protestant king, 
or rulers, derive the same right from the same princi- 
ples ; and if the principles give the right, and the 
principles are good, then he is a good king or gover- 
nor, that acts in conformity to them, and certainly he 
is a bad ruler that neglects good principles. There- 
fore those rulers that maintain ecclesiastical estab- 
lishments on those principles, ought to employ the 
power of an absolute monarch to reduce the people 
in their governments into the communion of the reli- 
gion of the state or nation. The principles are a part 
of the constitution of the state government. If the 
principles of establishment be good, they ought to be 
supported ; but if not, they ought to be disannulled ; 
for while the constitutions, or principles, composing 
the essenticil ground of a religious establishment are 
continued, and oaths are administered to magistrates 
and kings, or governors, to execute the laws according 



/ 



186 



to the power they derive from those principles, and 
they neglect to exercise the power of an absolute 
monarch, to reduce the people into the communion of 
the church, they are verily perjured men, and trifle 
with God and religion. And for the learned in New 
England not to see this, argues that blindness in part 
had happened to them, and corrupt principles ruled 
them. O how I longed for learning to teach them the 
right way. But I said softly to myself, ''nothing but 
pure religion will teach them better," and I am well 
persuaded, that if the Methodists are faithful to preach 
and live holiness of heart, that these states will be 
revolutionized in a few years, and the unscriptural 
doctrines of unconditional election, and eternal de- 
crees, as they are now preached by Presbyterians 
and Baptists, will be exploded, and pure religion will 
revive. I believed the Methodists to be raised up of 
God for this grand end ; and truly God is with us. 
Though now I am in heaviness at limes, and in perils 
often, by reason of the powers that be in these states, 
and the artful wiles of learned and designing men, 
that seem resolved to support error, yet I shall see 
this pure religion flourish and spread. The Lord hears 
prayer and blesses my soul, so that I have daily com- 
munion with the Father, and with the Son, and with 
the Holy Spirit, 



CHAPTER JX. 



In my travels and labors on Granville circuit, I ex- 
perienced many blessings, and in every place, more 
or less professed to experience religion. In many 
places the people foiind their Bibles to be a new book 
to them, and some said their Bibles had turned Me- 
thodists, and they v^rould turn Methodists too, inso- 
much that prejudice decreased, and love arid good will 
increased. Some conversions were extraordinary. 
To mention a few : in one place where there were 
but six members, and the prospects very gloomy ; 
when I first preached there, I desired the few to hold 
their prayer meetings in as private a manner as they 
could, and if any were under concern, to invite them 
to prayer meeting, in as private a manner as possible ; 
I said, ^'people under conviction, are not willing to 
have it known pubhcly. — Therefore if you would 
gain their confidence, you must manifest your care 
and good will for them in a private way, and not pub- 
lish their state of mind. For no man is willing the 
secrets of hi^ heart should be made known, before 
he knows the good or bad consequences that may 
arise to himself from it. Besides it is good policy, 
in such a land as this, where proselyting stimulates 
ministers and professors of all denominations, for us 



188 



to keep the work of religion as much hid from the 
public stare as we can. And if it should please God 
to work among us, it is our duty to be co-workers to- 
gether with Him. Now, God begins his work in the 
heart by convicting us of sin, and drawing our minds 
to seek pardon by secret prayer. We, therefore, 
ishould encourage convicted souls to seek pardon in 
the same way. Indeed many of us found pardon 
while on our knees in secret prayer : so then let us 
commend ourselves to every man's conscience, in the 
sight of God ; and when they are converted, they will 
be willing to own it, and acknowledge God in all his 
ways." 

This counsel took well with the few in this place^ 
and in a short time, about twenty had experienced re- 
ligion, and about twenty more were under concern; 
still all seemed to be kept secret. Those who were 
converted, were taught the propriety of keeping it 
secret, and it would have been kept so, longer than it 
was, had not a powerful meeting gave publicity to it, 
Our preaching day was on Tuesday, and the Sabbath 
before my turn to preach there, the brethren had a 
prayer meeting, conducted by the leader, who has 
since become a local preacher. And so it was, a 
larger congregation than usual attended ; and while 
the warm feelings of the members, and young con- 
verts were manifest in their fervent prayers to God ; 
the answer was visible, in melting effusions of Di- 
vine power on the people. Many wept, some trem- 
bled ; their vessels were full and running over.— One 
young lad of about thirteen^ trembling ran out of the 



189 



meeting while one of the brethren was praying. An- 
other young lad, who had been recently converted, 
saw him go out, and feeling an ardent desire for his 
salvation; arose from his knees and ran after him. 
When the fugitive saw himself pursued, he ran faster, 
and the other caUing after him to stop, but he ran 
with all his might. However his pursuer gained upon 
him, which when he perceived, he tacked and leapt 
over a fence. By this time his conviction got fasten- 
ed on his mind, that when he struck the ground on 
the other side of the fence, he roared aloud, and fell 
upon his knees and cried for mercy. The other boy 
was suddenly by his side all in tears, praying for him ; 
and so it was, the Lord spoke peace to his troubled 
soul. They then returned to the meeting together 
praising God. This lad had a brother and two sis- 
ters at the meeting, who were all three awakened^ 
and one sister with himself, it was believed, experienc- 
ed religion. These young women and their brothers, 
were children of a Baptist Minister, who lived about 
four miles distant. They went home with tears of 
grief and joy; and proclaimed aloud, what God had 

done for them. Elder S said, will go and 

see what the Lord is doing among the Methodists." 
And on Tuesday, I was introduced to Elder S— ; 
I desired him to set next to me, and take part in the 
meeting. He did so, and I believe he wept for joy 
this day, at what he heard and saw. Tears flowed 
from every one. About forty now had experienced 
religion ; and many more this day w^ere convicted. 
One boy not quite eight years old, went home from 



190 



this meeting, deeply convicted. His mother told me 
afterwards, that she discovered something uncommon 
was the matter with the child ; therefore she watched 
him, and the next day he was missing. She sought 
for him some time, at length hearing him sob and 
sigh at the barn, she drew nigh to the door, and look- 
ing through a crack, saw him on his knees, all bathed 
in tears, and his hands lifted up in prayer. As his 
back was toward the door where his mother was, he 
did not see her; directly he groaned out as in great 
distress of mind, and fell forward prostrate on the 
floor, and lay sighing. His mother then went in to 
him, and asked him what he had been doing. He said, 
have been trying to pray." She said, '*Well, my 
child, I want to hear you pray." He then arose up 
on his knees, all bathed in tears, and said, ^^O Lord ! 
have mercy upon me, an old sinner. I have lived al- 
most eight years in sin, and have never served thee 
so well as the dumb creatures around the barn." 
His mother in relating this to me, was much affected, 
but said, "When my child said he was an old sinner, 
and that he had lived almost eight years in sin, I 
thought what am I, if he views himself an old sinner, 
I am an older one. If he mourns for his sins, I have 
cause to mourn for my sins. Alas f I may truly say, 
I am an old sinner. I have lived thirty-six years in 
sin, and never served the Lord as well as the dumb 
creatures around the barn." Thus, out of the mouth 
of babes and sucklings, it seems the Lord hadordain« 
ed strength. The father and mother, and two other 
children of the family, experienced religion, The 



191 



next time I came there, though in the winter, they 
came forward to be baptized, by immersion. I bap- 
tized eighteen one cold day, and it seemed as though 
none were cold. We were all in high spirits. And 
the best of all was, God was with us. 

Another conversion I will mention, that was wit- 
nessed on this circuit this year. A young man at- 
tended preaching in SufSeld ; the word reached his 
heart ; he went home late at night, mourning his 
wretched state by reason of sin. He arrived at his 
father's house, and found all in bed ; he went to his 
bed-chamber, but his sense of sin and death, forbid 
i-leep. He therefore fell on his knees, for the first 
time in his life to pray. And his agony of mind in- 
creased so much, that he groaned several times. — 
His mother awoke, and heard him groan, and suppos- 
ed he was sick, and awoke his father, and he hearing 
him groan, called out to him, ''Richard, what is the 
matter?" But he made no answer. He called him 
again, but no answer, except a groan. The father 
and mother were somewhat frightened. They arose, 
got a candle, and went into his chamber, and there 
they saw what they never saw before ; their son on 
his knees, all in tears trying to pray. The father 
asked him, ''What is the matter V "0 father ! I am 
an undone sinner, do pray for me." But the poor 
old man, never had prayed in his life. The mother 
tenderly besought her son to compose his mjnd, and 
go to bed. But he said, "0 mother, do pray for me ; 
I am undone, I shall sink to hell ! O, I have sinned 
against God, the best of Beings ; I have sinned, and 



192 



undone. O do pray for me, father — dear mother, 
pray for me." Thus he went on, and the father and 
mother both stayed by him all night ; and early in the 
morning, the father went for some praying people, 
that lived a little way off ; and they came in, and 
spent nearly all the forenoon in prayer for him. 
About eleven o'clock, the Lord spoke peace to his 
soul. The change was pleasant and visible, in the 
tranquil joy he expressed to have in God his Saviour. 
When the father saw this, with a sedate countenance, 
and a tear softly stealing from his eyes, he went to 
his wife and said, (taking her by the hand,) *'Our son 
has given himself to the Lord, and I am resolved to 
seek the Lord too ; will you go with me ?" Then 
for the first time, they began to pray. Thus, the 
Lord wrought gloriously. 

But after all, there were still many led away by 
the error of the wicked. Deistical opinions, and re- 
fined Antinomianism, called Univefsalism, prevailed; 
and in some places were popular. These opinions 
were evidently embraced, I think, only to quiet a 
troubled conscience without repentance, or a thorough 
reformation from sinful habits ; and to serve also as 
an opiate to lull the mind into a carnal secure state ; 
and at the same time to stimulate it with confidence, 
that they might talk against practical godliness and 
experimental religion, like one whose head is full of 
strong drink ; for so they would talk, and laugh, and 
crack their jokes, so that a venerable grave mind 
would only feel disgust and grief, and choose rather 
to let them have their talk, than make any reply ; 



193 



fearing that if they should '^answer a fool according 
to his folly," they would be like him. 

Though the Calvinists were erroneous in their no- 
tions of unconditional election and eternal decrees, 
yet they believed in repentance and a life of strict 
morality and piety, as essential to happiness with God 
in time and eternity. Their creed of justification, 
adoption, and sanctification, was (with a small excep- 
tion), well expressed. 

1st. "Justification is an act of God's free grace, 
wherein he pardoneth all our sins and accepteth us 
as righteous in his sight," &c. 

2d. ''^Adoption is a w^ork of God's Spirit, whereby 
we are received into the number, and have a right to 
all the privileges of the sons of God," &c. 

3d. ''Sanctification is a work of God's Spirit, 
whereby we are renewed in the whole man after the 
-image of God, and are enabled to die unto sin and 
live unto righteousness." Then the whole is recap- 
itulated thus : 

What benefits do f?ow to believers in this life 
from justification, adoption, and sanctification ?" 

Answer, 1st. Assurance of God's love." 2d. 

Peace of conscience," 3d. V' Joy in the Holy 
Ghost," &c. 

These are benefits that flow to believers in this 
life. Assurance of God's love ; and yet not know 
that we are converted or borr^ again, is a contradic- 
tion, that in time, I think, learned men will be asham- 
ed of. But this doctrine is pure Gospel truth, and 

9 



194 



as peopie become affected and governed by those 
truths, they will agree in every thing that inspires 
true Christian fellowshipc Our doctrines of justifi- 
cationy assurance, and perfection, are all the same as 
theirs, only they vary a little in mode of expression. 

After I had travelled this year on Granville circuit, 
1 attended the conference in New York, and it was 
a good conference, much love and good will were 
manifest in the preachers. 

Holiness was still our aim. This doctrine was, in 
our view, of the highest importance to the Christian 
world, and the grand mark of our high calling. Per- 
fect repentance^ perfect faith, perfect love, were all 
implied in the grand doctrine of holiness, and every 
one seemed to pant after it, as the hart panteih for 
the cooling water brook. To see this among so many 
preachers, though myself the least, when I went from 
the conference I v^ras refreshed as with new wine ; 
and as a giant, 1 felt strong to run my course, to re- 
new the war againsi the devil and sin. 

I received my appoiniment to travel with brother 
P. Jayne, on Long-Island. June, 1832, we took our 
circuit ; and coming from a circuit where I had live- 
ly meetings, and from among a people of quite dif- 
ferent fashions, it proved somewhat trying at first ; 
but as ray commission was to oppose the devil and 
^in, and preach the necessity of holiness, and know 
nothing among the people but Jesus Christ, and him 
crucified, I applied myself to study and much pray- 
er. The Bible was my principal book. I also this 
year renewed my study of physic, under the direction 



195 



of Dr. ScHRiEVEs and Dr. Wainright, of New York. 
Some knowledge of ihe human system, and a survey 
of God's works in creation, gave my soul new springs. 
I read Mr. Wesley's Natural Philosophy, Chesel- 
den's Anatomy, and several books on Pharmacy. A 
study of the disorders of the body as well as those of 
the mind, quickened my soul in the work of the min- 
istry. But I found my ignorance of languages, es- 
pecially of the Latin and Greek, made my study of 
the science of physic very hard ; yet I so ardently 
longed for a knowledge of the science, that 1 improv- 
ed every moment of spare time in committing to 
memory those things to which my instructors directed 
me. After retiring to rest, I made it a practice to 
study as long as I could well keep awake, and then 
pray to the Lord to bless all my labor to my good, 
and help me to remember all I read. Again and 
again, after an hard day's work of travelling, preach- 
ing, meeting clasSj praying in families, reading about 
fifty pages, and close thinking, I have lain down to 
sleep, and sweetly dreamed the subject all over. 
This 1 considered as an answer to prayer, for I could 
say with the poet, 

** Awake or asleep, at home or abroad, 
I was still surrounded with my God.'* 

But though I was ignorant of the learned languages, 
and but a poor scholar in the English, yet I fancied 
that I could acquire a sufficient knowledge of the 
science by reading English authors to enable me to 
be useful to my fellow creatures^ and serve my God 



196 



in this world. Bui travelling about three hundred 
miles in four weeks, and preaching about once a day 
or twenty-eight sermons in four weeks, and meeting 
more than twenty classes, including altogether be- 
tween four and five hundred members, afforded me 
but little time for study ; yet I could redeem two or 
three hours each day, besides what I took out of my 
sleeping hours. 0, thought I, what an advantage 
those have who were educated in the classics, and 
had stored their minds with a critical knowledge of 
the sciences before they began their public labors- 
But then again I thought if they are but drones, they 
will bring no honey to the hive ; besides, the bees 
generally sting the drones to death in the fall, and so 
it will be with those who have talents and bury them, 
they will be stung with remorse when it will be too 
late to prepare for eternity^ 

After going around the circuit, and from West to 
East of the island, and had hired a room to move my 
family in, I took ship and sailed to Albany, then went 
to Greenbush, or Bethlehem, where my family had 
lived for two years, and took them with me to Long- 
Island, But the parting was a weeping scene, not 
because we left our house, our hired log house, that 
leaked in every part of the roof when it rained, — no ! 
but many tears were shed by Dutch and English, 
and many followed us to Albany and on board the 
sloop, where a stoic philosopher might have been af- 
fected, if he prized friendship above musty books, to 
see those who two years before were entire strangers^ 
now embrace each other as sisters, most affectionate 



197 



and endearing. I never can forget that scene. My 
dear wife would gladly have suffered another year in 
her hoyel, (for it scarcely deserved the name of house) 
to enjoy the society of those sisters, many of whom 
were entire strangers to religion, when she first be- 
came acquainted with them, and many were brought 
to experience religion through her instrumentality. 
She was to them a nursing mother. But now they 
must part ; and what grieved them most of all, was 
a fear that they should see us no more. One would 
have supposed that so many friends would have sup- 
plied us with a mint of money. But no ! cash, they 
had but little, and some had none ; but of a little 
they gave us a little, and their hearty prayers. So 
we parted . 

On our passage we met with nothing distressing, 
except sailing through Tappan Bay, when a squall 
struck us, and shivered our rigging some, and had 
nearly overset us ; but our good captain foresaw the 
evil and prevented it. However, it was a thunder- 
in2 noise on deck with the wind and sails for awhile. 
This was the first time I ever saw the wind take up 
hogsheads of water, and dividing it into millions of 
sprays, carry it to a great height, whirling it about in 
great fury. Our captain said if we had been twenty 
yards nearer the whirlwind, it would have taken off 
his mast and all his deck load. But the Kord ruled 
the storm, and saved us. 

On our way up the sound from New York to Cow- 
Harbor, we had many passengers. Among whom 
syas one Deist, very talkative* He said to the com- 



198 



pany on deck, that there was no hell. No/* he 
said, I don't believe there is any hell. Though I 
have read in books, and my father has told me there 
is a hell, yet I ought not to believe it unless I have 
seen it. lam not obliged to believe what 1 nev- 
er saw, and I never saw hell nor any one that ever 
did see it, and I don't believe there is any hell." I 
looked up upon him, and said, *VAh ! ha ! Do you 
not believe what you never saw?" He said, "no." 

Ah ! do you not believe you have got a backbone ?" 
He said, "yes ;" " and did you ever see it ?" " No.'* 
" Then you believe one thing you never saw." "Ah ! 
well," said he^ " I have an experience of that, and I 
mean that I am not required to believe what I never 
had an experience of, though my father has told me, 
and I have read in books." " Well, well," I said, 
" I'll bring you a handful of rats-bane, and tell you it 
is sweet and good to eat ; but you will say, * no, it 
is not good, it will poison me to death.' I would 
say, ' what makes you believe it is poison, and that 
it would poison you to death ? Your father has told 
you, and you have read in books that it would poison 
you to death. But you are not obliged to believe it 
is poison, or that it will poison you to death, unless 
you have an experience of it. If ^you have been 
poisoned to death, then you may believe it is poison, 
so you'll get to hell and then you'll believe there is a 
hell.' " I told him he had as good a right to go to 
hell as any man, but it was not good sense to choose 
death, when he might choose life. He thep began 
the old rhapsodies of stale invectives against Moses 



199 



and the Holy men of old ; because they, when com» 
manded of God, warred against cities, and nations^ 
and put to deathmen, women, and iniiocent children ; 
and this last he spoke with emphasis — innocent chil- 
dren. 

What cruelty, and inhumanity I Would the God 
of goodness command such a thing ! He then said^ 

No ! no !" I said, God has a right to kill good 
or bad people, without your leave : he can destroy 
people by a storm of fire and brimstone from heaven 
as he did Sodom ; or sink an island, or continent 
with an earthquake ; or kill by pestilence or plague, 
or sword, whoever he pleases, or with a flash of light- 
ning, strike a good man dead. And who are you, 
that shall reply against God ? These things he has 
done, and these things he is still doing, and he is still 
good unto all, and his tender mercies are over all his 
works." 

After this I said, "Well, sir, as you say you will 
not believe any thing you have never seen or had an 
experience of, do you believe there is a heaven 
He said, " No." " Well^ as you don't believe there 
is a heaven, or a hell, where will you go when you 
die ?" " O, I shall transmigrate, I suppose, into 
some fine horse." Ah ! ha said I, then it is 
transmigration you believe in. Well, well, if you 
get drowned here in the sound, and the horse-feet eat 
you, you will then turn into a horse-foot, and then the 
fishermen may catch you, and give you to the hogs, 
and then you would turn into a hog ; and then if 
some dog should bite you for your mischief, and you 



200 



die of the wound, the women might try you up for 
soap grease, and make you into soap, and that will 
be the end of you. *** And do you think 

God has made human beings to transmigrate into 
brutes and reptiles, and be liable to be made into soap 
grease ? If you choose to embrace sentiments that 
will make a brute of you, you are welcome to the 
honor of it." 

Though I answered this fool according to his folly, 
yet I did it, not to be like him ; but lest he should be 
wise in his own conceit. Much other conversation 
on the subject of the providence of God, was had 
while sailing up for six or eight hours. Though he 
believed there was a God, yet he would not believe 
man was accountable to God, so to be liable to 
praise or blame, or to be rewarded for his good or 
bad deeds. 

But so it was, that the captain of the vessel and 
some of his neighbors on board, said afterwards, that 
it was the best discourse they had ever heard ; be- 
cause they could remember so much of it, and they 
talked so much about it through Cow -Harbor after- 
ward, that it proved a means of stirring up many to 
seek ths Lord, so that about a year after, a large so- 
ciety was formed there ; and I was informed that this 
debate was the first means of the work. 

Long-Island affords a different scene, in many re- 
spects, from what I had been accustomed to. In the 
first place, there was a great proportion of drunkards ; 
and the spirit of wickedness w^as in many respects a 
different spirit from any I had met with on the main. 



, 20 i 



Insomuch that the Long-Island devil seemed to be a 
different devil, from that in other places, — a stupid 
indifference, either as to religion, or the honors of the 
world, prevailed generally. They had a pretty good 
share, however, of the love of money. But too many 
only wanted money to buy something to get drunk 
with. It is a pleasant country for farmers, and they 
generally live well.- — But a great part of the people 
living on the shores, especially the south side, get 
their living by fishing, and catching clams and oys- 
ters, and sending them to market. This is a good 
employment, but many are apt to drink too much ar- 
dent spirits. The people on the island, are by no 
means an inquisitive people ; but quite reserved to 
strangers. I inquired the way to Hempstead, of an 
old man who appeared to be sixty-five, and he told 
mje he never was there, that he had never been over 
one mile east of his farm, and never to New York 
but once, though he lived about a mile east of Ja- 
maica. 

The Quaker customs and fashions prevailed very 
much; especially to say but little or nothing about 
religion ; and what religion they had was so inward, 
that it seldom or never showed itself outward. Still- 
ness is a good policy sometimes ; but when called to 
witness for a friend in a good cause, silence is an in- 
dignity. But as the poet says of some, so s'ay I of 
ihem : 

" Look'd wise, said nothing, an unerring way, 
When people nothing have to say.*' 
9* 



202 



But sometimes ihey could be drawn into some dis^ 
course on the subject of religion, and when^^that was 
the case, they miist talk about the inward work onl5^ 
I said, nay, but I want to talk about the outward 
fruit too, for I can know nothing of an inward work 
that does not show^ itself by outward fruit. ' By their 
fruits we are to know them,' saith our Lord. And 
did you ever know fruit grow inside of a tree^ that 
we could neither see nor partake of? Have you 
faith, and love, and joy, and peace ? And do you 
increase and abound more and more in the fruits of 
the spirit ?" They would begin to talk about George 
Fox, and Berkeley, and William Penn, and some 
other celebrated characters of their order. But sel- 
dom I could find one that knew any thing about a 
change of his own heart, I supposed that it was a 
low time with them in religion ; but when I found 
them so generally ignorant of the new birth, I conclu- 
ded they were a fallen people, and I said, they no 
longer deserved the name of Quaker, for they neither 
quaked nor trembled at God's word." Indeed, I 
found them a little ashamed of the name of Quaker, 
and they showed an itching notion to call themselves 
Friends, when they did not evince by spirit or con* 
duct any great friendship for any order but their own. 
They appeared to be great enemies to the ordinan- 
ces of Christ, to which other denominations were 
friendly ; and other sects of people often showed 
them civilities by allowing them to hold meeting 
among them and in their meeting-houses, which they 
were very willing to improve ; but they would not 



20S 



relurn the like favors ; therefore they were not enti- 
tled 10 the name Friends quite so much as other or- 
ders were ; yet I was willing to treat them all as 
friends ; and I can say, friend Presbyterian, friend 
Baptist, friend Churchman, friend Lutheran, friend 
Moravian, friend Methodist, friend Quaker; but I 
was not willing to call them by that name to desig- 
nate ihem from others. As they had once quaked 
and trembled more than other people, and had been 
denominated Q^^akers by their quaking, I must there- 
fore call them by that name now, though they little 
deserve it. 

Their solemn profession that they were led by the 
Spirit, made me reverence them as a good sort of 
people, for 1 thought highly of every one that was led 
by the Spirit of God, But when I saw their fruits 
were not the fruits of the Spirit of God, I doubted the 
correctness of their profession, and often grieved that 
a people who professed so much of the Spirit, should 
manifest so little of it. 

But Long-Island is peculiar for a people that are 
still about religion. I thought if they are asleep 
they must be awaked ; and as drunkenness was a 
prevailing sin, I cried against it with all my might. 
I soon found the enemy was hit, for many began to 
flutter and oppose me, so that I had to apply to the 
t)ivil authority to defend myself from their rage. 

When preaching in one of the harbors, in a house 
on one of the docks at North-Hempstead, one even- 
ing some wicked fellows took great offence, because 
the young women of that place were awakened and 



204 



were humbly seeking the Lord, therefore they could 
not get them to go with them to frohcs, and they laid 
all the blame to me. So they came out in a mob and 
beset the house. They consulted what to do. As 
they saw through the window that I stood on the fur- 
ther- side of the room preaching, and opposite to me 
was a candle in a large brass candlestick ; so they 
appointed a stout young man of their party to go in 
and take that candlestick and throw it at my head, 
and then rush out. This they said would break up 
the meeting, and all the people would rush out after 
him, and if I came out they would catch me in the ^ 
dark and throw me into the sound. So this young 
man came in, and took up the candlestick according 
to their plan. I saw he behaved oddly and strangely ; 
and while preaching I kept my eye upon him. He 
made some motions as if he would throw the candle- 
stick at me ; and just then hearing some voices out 
of doors, I concluded the devil was in him, and in 
those out of doors ; and while he was looking at me^ 
I broke off preaching abruptly, and said to him, 
Young man, the devil is out of doors calling for you. 
Set down that candlestick^ and go opt to him." He 
immediately set down the candlestick and went out. 
As he was going out, I cried out, That is a faithful 
servant of the devil. No sooner is he informed that 
his master wants him, than he goes immediately.'' 
We had no more disturbance that night ; for some 
reason they all departed from around the house. But 
the next day when I was riding from this place, I fell 
in with a man that was going on my way. He began 



205 

to relate to me a scene he had witnessed the night be* 
fore in that place. He said, **Ilive below this, about 
two miles ; and yesterday I heard there was to be a 
meeting in the harbor at night ; so I came up to at- 
tend it.~But 1 was somewhat late, and I found around 
the door a mob that had assembled ; they said, * they 
were going to put the preacher into the dock, and had 
s?nt in one of their party to throw a large candlestick 
at the preacher's head, and then rush out.' Some of 
them called out, ^ come out here.' I tried to reason 
with them, and persuade them not to disturb the meet- 
ing. 'Though I did not know who was preaching, yet 
I told them I served seven years in the revolutionary 
war for -liberty, and I believed every denomination 
ought to have liberty to worship God as they pleased ; 
but they swore they w^ould put the preacher off the 
dock into the sound. Then I felt," said he, *Hhe spi- 
rit of seventy-six arising in me, and I took a second 
thought, that I had better go home, for if I staid there 
I should certainly fight ; and that might be bad for 
me, as I was a stranger in the place, and none would 
know but I w%as of the mob." 

When I had heard him through this statement, I 
asked him if he knew any of the men. He said he 
knew six of them, and told me their names, I then 
asked him if he was willing to go before a magis- 
trate -and swear to the truth of this statement. He 
said, yes." I then told him that I was the preach- 
er that they intended to put into the sound. He 
seemed rejoiced that he had met wnih me, and in- 
formed me where Esquire Smith lived ; and went 



206 



with me there, where he related the whole story* — 
Esquu'e Smith took down the names, and desired 
to defer the receiving the formal complaint, until he 
should write to them, and if they did not come for- 
ward and make satisfaction to me when I came 
around in four weeks, he would then proceed with 
them according to law. Accordingly he wrote to 
them, and one of them came forward and made con- 
fession and promised good behavior in future. — But 
the other five run away, so that none knew where to 
find them. 

Thus the persecution ended ; we had no more dis- 
turban ce at Hempstead-Harbor. 

My preaching against drunkenness gave offence to 
many, for there were more or less drunkards in every 
place, and some of all ranks, insomuch that some 
thought intemperance a thing of course. I innocent- 
ly offended the church members of one church, where 
their minister had invited me to preach in his pulpit, 
when I had occasion to speak against the sin of 
drunkenness, and had stated in my discourse that it 
was not only a sin, but a great disgrace. I then in- 
troduced the plea and defence drunkards generally 
make to support their sinking character. I remarked 
that drunkards will say, don't account us a dishon- 
orable class of community, for we have Captain such 
an one in our company, and Colonel such an one, 
and General such an one, and Esquire such an one, 

and Deacon such an one, and the Rev. Mr. — 

such an one." Then I lifted up my hands, and cried, 

0 Lord God, have mercy on the Church ; if the 



207 



Reverends have got into the drunken company,^* I 
did not know that the minister was in habits of in- 
temperance. But his church members supposed I 
knew, and therefore they said, I had insulted him by 
exposing him thus openly. So they were offendedc 
There was nothing said about it to me, until about 
four weeks after ; when I was informed of the high 
offence I had given to those church members; in 
what they called insulting their minister. I was 
very sorry that I could not draw a bow at a venture, 
but the arrow would hit high dignitaries. And I was 
also sorry, because I viras not to be invited to preach 
there again. So the dear deluded church members, 
defended their minister, drunk or sober. They ac- 
knowledged he had been the worse for liquor, fre- 
quently ; and his common dram was a half pint of 
brandy, and sometimes repeating this, three or four 
times a day, would produce a little intoxication by 
night. 

It appeared to me that the drunkards of Ephraim 
were not worse than the drunkards on Long-Island, 
and like Ephraim, they were like a cake not baked. 
But though there was a greater proportion of the 
people drunkards, than in other places where I had 
travelled, yet there were many, very many, sober 
and very sensible people. We had revivals of re- 
ligion in almost every part of the Island ; Newtown, 
Hempstead, Rockaway, Commack, or Huntingdon, 
and Smithtown, Coram, and Southold, and River- 
head. Soaie in all these places were awakened, and 
I trust, soundly converted. 



CHAPTER X. 



Many conversions were attended with visible de- 
monstrations of the power of God. Some say, God 
is not in the v»^hirlwind, or earthquake ; but he is in 
the still small voice." But I think if any one will 
read 1 Kings xix. 1 — 16, they will find ii is not said, 

God was in the still small voice." But I believe 
God sometimes speaks in a small low voice. And 
sometimes in a voice of thunder, that even a Moses 
would say, I do exceedingly fear and quake." And 
God spake to Job out of the whirlwind : so that he 
has different ways of communicating himself to men. 
But man ! — poor puny man ! is not willing to be in- 
structed with any thing, but a still small voice ; and 
that so small, that they cannot be frightened with it. 
It is a hard matter so to preach, as to suit 4.he taste 
of all. But God owns the sons of thunder, as well 
as the sons of consolation. And some are converted 
by one means, and some by another. 

I had some business to settle in Berkshire county, 
Massachusetts ; and late in the fall, I left my circuit, 
to attend to it. On this journey I had some power- 
ful meetings ; and some extraordinary rencounters. 
At one tavern in Columbia county, while my horse 



209 

was baiting, I had an agreeable conversation with a 
lawyer, on the authenticity of the Scriptures, and the 
reahty of religion. Many other gentlemen were pre- 
sent, and all attentive to our conversation. There 
came in a young gentleman dressed in ruffles, with a 
powdered head,-— with gloves and silver mounted 
whip ; he strutted around the room, smacked his lips, 
made some inquiries of the landlord, and showed 
uneasiness that he could not get the audience of the 
company. The lawyer and I were in such close 
conversation, and the other gentlemen took such in- 
terest in our conversation that they would not give the 
young coxcomb an audience. He took offence, and 
came and stood before me, looking down upon me 
in a disdainful manner ; and when I had done giving 
the reasons for a certain doctrine the law^yer l>ad 
asked about, this young dandy gentleman, asked me 
in a sarcastic tone, are you not a Methodist preach- 
er?" I looked up upon him, and answered yes." 

I thought you Vv^ere," he quickly replied with a 
scowl. I said, did you ever hear the Methodists 
preach?" He answered, yes, I have heard them 
make a hallooing and bawling, as though they were 
all crazy." I replied, I suppose you thought so." 

Ah !" said he, I was not alone in it." No," 
said I, you had the multitude with you." He said, 
I suppose you would make a hallooing, and bawling, 
as bad as any of them, if the Spirit come upon you ?" 
I said, yes, when the Spirit of the Lord God comes 
upon me, I will make as much hallooing and bawling 
as you can when the spirit of the devil is upon you ; 



210 



yes, sir, I will out do you in it ; I will be more faith- 
ful for God, than you can be for the devil, and do 
your best, sir." He looked down, and nestled about 
a little as though he knew^ not what to say. But di- 
rectly turns about, and says, Which way are you 
travelling ?" I said, am going to New York, sir." 

O, you had better go with me, I have a good place 
for a Methodist preacher." I said, " no, 1 will not go 
with you, for you are going to hell.^' No," he 
said, am not going to hell." Well," I said, 
" you are then going to the gallows, for yon look like 
a gallows-bird." By this time he was fixing his 
gloves on, and said, Ah ! I should not have said any 
thing, but some people are so impertinent^ that they 
will have all the conversation." I turned around and 
said, gentlemen, if I have said any thing unbecom- 
ing a gentleman, since I have been in the house, I 
will thank you to tell me, and I will make my ac- 
knowledgment." Nearly all spoke at once and said, 

not at all, sir ; you have said nothing amiss." Some 
of them spoke with tears in their eyes. I then turned 
around and said, then the impertinence must lie in 
the ears of this young man." He said, " I did not 
say that you were impertinent." . I replied, I don't 
know what your impudence might have led you to 
say. I perceive, young man, that you are destitute of 
good manners." He said, " I have good manners 
too," as he hurried to the door to go out. " Well, if 
you have, you are keeping them as an old man I 
heard of, did for hia children, he never used any himr 
self." After he was gone, I said to the people, I 



211 



was sorry any young gentlemen would give them- 
selves such airs, as to treat religion with contempt ; 
it was evident our conversation gave him offence." 
The lawyer thought it was very likely ; for young 
gentlemen, he said, that embrace Deistical princi- 
ples, think it quite honorable to lampoon religion: 
but I think it will be a seasonable admonition to 
him." I said, I thought I v^^ould answer the fool 
according to his folly, lest he should he wise in his 
own conceit : and as Dean Swift says, ' Never hew 
blocks with a razor 1 " ^ 

In another tavern, I broke up a company of gam- 
blers playing cards. I threatened the landlord that 
I would prosecute him, for allowing any to play 
cards in his house. I threatened the young men too. 
The landlord said, he wished that I lived in that 
place, to break up the practice of gambling, and he 
knew it was contrary to law to allow it in his house." 
I called to the young man that was shuffling his 
cards, to hand them to me, — he did so, and 1 threw 
them on the fire, sayings you may think yourselves 
well off if I don't enter complaint against you for a 
breach of the peace." The landlord highly extolled 
my "zeal to suppress immorality.^ I felt sorry to use 
violence with any. But the gamblers said nothing 
about the loss of their cards. I saw they were a 
little frightened, and the family all came in, and I 
gave them all an exhortation to repent and seek the 
Lord. So I left them in their amazement. 

On my return to the Island, I found the work of 
God prospering in different places, but the dpvil and 



2ri 

his agents made some noise. My grand oflfence was 
preaching against drunkenness and Sabbath-break- 
ing. 

I found my dress in black gave the people a know- 
ledge that I was a rninister. They would therefore 
be on their guard, and not expose themselves in my 
presence. So I got me a watch-coat of lion skin 
cloth, and this served to keep me warm and hide my 
ministerial dress. As I travelled about, I found I 
could more easily discovpr the true characters of 
strangers than before. Some would venture to swear 
in my presence, that would not have done so if they 
had known I was a minister. By this means I had 
raore work to do, as I made it a rule to reprove in a 
gentle manner, all that swore in my presence. 

The oddity of my outside dress, puzzled people to 
tell what 1 was. Some thought me to be a Quaker, 
and some took me for a drover, and others for a plain 
country farmer. Prejudice against dress, as well as 
superstitious notions in favor of dress, I think equal- 
ly argue weakness of mind. I have known some 
Quakers and some Methodists so attached to a cer- 
tain fashion of dress, which they call plain, that they 
would by no means be seen with any other fashioned 
garment on. This is what some Presbyterians in 
New-England call superstition.— And I have known 
many in New-England, who used curling of hair be- 
fore they obtained a hope, as they call it, for they 
rarely call it being converted ; but after they obtain- 
ed a • hope, ihey took more pains to curl and dress 
thenaselves gaily than they did before, for fear they 



215 



should be superstitious. So Quakers and Metho- 
dists are afraid of the fashions of the world, as they 
called it, lest they should sin by being proud. And 
Presbyterians and Church people sometimes indulge 
the more in gay fashions for fear they should sin by 
being superstitious. Thus they are all zealous 
to shuri sin. But I think if we contrast the cost with 
the convenience, and wear such clothing as best com- 
ports with our purse, in quality and fashion, and at 
the same time serves to keep us warm or cool, as oc- 
casion requires, without gaudy or wanton show; but 
as the Apostle saith, with modest apparel, I say, I 
think it is our greatest wisdom and happiness." And 
as to religion in dress, one fashion may possess as 
much as another. However, some think they are 
better with a plain dress on, and some think they 
shun superstition by dressing gaily ; while they are 
as superstitious in a gay dress, as the other is in a 
plain dress, and both are equally proud of their 
dress ; and possibly both owe the tailor for making 
it, and have no money to give to a starving family. 

0 the grovelHng idea that makes us look for true 
greatness in outward dress and show. When T see 
a young minister intent upon dress and flowery speech, 

1 fear it is the praise of man he seeks, and not the 
good of souls. Does he think a ministerial dress will 
make a minister of him? And does high sounding 
words, pronounced in the newest style, serve for mat- 
ter ? O ! no ! he is but a tinkling cymbal, who thinks 
so. My mind was often led to view what I feared 
would be a fatal mistake in some, who sought for 



214 



popularity. To appear learnedj they were ptirticular 
to pronounce in the newest fashion. 

But I labor under great difficulties for want of an 
education. I am obliged to go to my Lexicon to find 
oiit the signification of words and their etymology. 
I found that some who would be ingenious disputants, 
were fond of coining words. In these days the word 
fontal was introduced to prove that God and man 
were both the cause of sin. One minister told me 
that God was the efficient cause, and man was the 
fontal cause. This new word fontal, I did not un- 
derstand. Well, like an honest man, I asked him 
what it meant, and what it was derived from ? He 
said, *'it was derived from font, or fountain." *^0, 
1 begin to understand it," said I, well, w^hatnext? 
how is man the fontal cause of sin ?" ^' Why," he 
Said, to explain it by a similitude. I make an axe 
helve, I am the efficient cause of the axe helve, and 
the tree is the fontal cause, because it partakes of the 
nature of the axe helve." 0," said I, I think I 
understand you ; God made man upright like a tree 
for axe helves ; so man was made to be worked up 
into sin, as the tree into axe helves. But as the tree 
cannot make axe helves of itself, so neither can man 
tiiake sin, therefore God is the agent to make siii^ 
as you were the agent in making the axe helves. 
But, sir, how is it that 7nan is accountable for sin, 
and the tree is not accountable for the axe helve, for 
neither wxre any thing more than ihe fontal cause. 
But who is to be praised for a good axe helve, and 
who is to be blamed for a bad one, but yourself, sir ? 



215 



And as man is not sin any more than the tree is an 
axe helve, would you intimate that God, by Almigh- 
ty agency, makes good and bad sins out of man as 
you make good or bad axe helves out of a tree 
To these objections he made no other reply than that 
1 did not take his meaning, that it was a great mys-" 
tery, and if I was learned I should believe as he did. 
**But we can't all see alike," said he. So our dis-* 
course ended^ My capacities and learning were too 
small to understand the deep mysteries of fontal, O 
tempora ! O mores ! New words, and new modes 
and forms, and new ways of pronouncing, have been 
increasing since the days of Nimrod and the building 
of Babel, and they may still increase till all shall 
know the Lord from the greatest to the least. 

But it was not religious people only, that invented 
new words, — ^physicians also invented some peculiar 
to themselves. I heard of a case that was said to 
happen on the Island, and though I cannot give the 
name of the physician, yet it is so much like some 
that I am acquainted with, that I think there is no 
harm in believing the report. It was said that an 
aged woman had been long sick, and many doctors 
had done their best to cure her, but all had failed. 
There was yet one doctor, whose fame was great 
among some people ; but alas, he was called a quack 
by the faculty. However, the patient's friends must 
have him called in, so he came ; and after feeling the 
pulse awhile, the sick woman said, *'well, doctor, do 
you know my case." " O yes tnem, it is a plain 
case." Well, doctor, what is it?" Why mem^ 



^16 



it is a scrutanutory case,^^ Scrutanutory case, 
doctor, pray what is that ?" It's a dropping of the 
nerves, me;??." Dropping of the nerves, doctor ; 
why, v^hat's that ?" ^' Why, me?n, the num-naticals 
drop down into the 'pizer rinctumy and the head goes 
iizer'7Hze?^, tizer-rizery Ah, doctor, you have hit 
my case, it is just so with me." This to her was un- 
doubtedly a learned description of her case, and he 
applied his remedies with such success that she re- 
covered. But this word making, was the height of 
learning, in ihe opinion of some. 

I knew of a minister, that took a notion that the 
word^eZa^, was used in the Psalms to grace the dic- 
tion of psalmody. And he thought to improve his 
own style in extempore preaching, by every now and 
then singing out selah. But this oddity served to 
stir me up to inquire into the meaning and use of this 
said word selah, and to my surprise, I found upon 
inquiry, that the learned differed in opinion about the 
signification and use of this same word selah. Well, 
thought I, my Baptist brother may be right for all. 
But at last, I learned from Commentaries and 
Brown's Dictionary of the Bible, that my own mind 
could be best satisfied in believing the word selah to 
be a note in Hebrew music, that directed them 
when chanting the psalms, sometimes to repeat the 
sentence again, and sometimes to raise or lower the 
voice ; but whether I am right or not, I cannot be 
positive. I improve it for |hat purpose, and I think 
it a profitable word, for I often pause and consider 
the sentence again, and read it over with greater em-» 



217 



phasis, and my mind is more solemnly impressed 
with the subject. So I think selah does me some 
good. 

Bat I was told that words were arbitrary things, 
and signified just what men of science chose to Have 
them. This to me, was paradoxical. But I am not 
a man of science, therefore I will not quarrel about 
words. 

My family lived in Smithtown, at widow R. 
Wheeler's. She, and her son and daughter, were 
exceedingly kind. Others in that place were also 
kind. We had four children ; and they were sick of 
the remittent fever, or ague and fever, for seven 
months, during the time we stayed there. And my 
wife was sick with the same disorder five months. 
I escaped an attack of this disease until the month of 
May. But I took cold the day before I started for 
our last quarterly meeting, to be held at Newtown, 
and was sick on the way. My wife and children had 
recovered of their long attack of the ague and fever, 
and she accompanied me to this quarterly meeting. 
It was well for me that she could drive the horse, 
while I shook with the ague. I lay sick at Newtown 
three weeks, and could not attend conference, which 
commenced that week. However, I was elected el- 
der at this conference, though I was not there to be 
ordained, and received my station to travel Dutchess 
circuit. So after I was sufficiently recovered to ride 
home, I prepared to leave the Island. But first J 
must go on to Dutchess circuit and prepare the par- 
sonage-house at Rhinebeck, to live in. I left the 

10 



218 

Island about thelast of June, to go around a six-weeks 
circuit, and then return to my family ; and though I 
had a good horse and an easy chair to ride in, I found 
myself so weak, that thirty miles in a day would tire 
me down. I found my colleague, the Rev. David 
Brown, in Amenia, as good a man as ever came 
from Ireland- I found him to be a father and a 
friend ; he had charge of the circuit. A young man 
on trial, made the third preacher, so we were ready 
to commence operations. 

When Bishop Asburv returned from the New- 
England conference he stopped at brother Garrett- 
son's, in Rhinebeck, and sent for me to ordain me 
an elder. 1 had then but recently arrived on the cir- 
cuit. I was ordained in the Methodist Church at 
Rhinebeck, on the 21st of July, 1802o Bishop As- 
BURY preached on the occasion, from 2 Cor. iv. 7 ; 
" But we have this' treasure in earthen vessels, that 
the excellency of the power may be of God, and not 
of us." This was a great sermon to me. The ex- 
cellency of the power is of God — in creation, in re- 
demption, and in the agency of the Holy Spirit. 
After 1 was- ordained, I rode to Redhook to preach 
that evening, and then back to father Garrettson's 
to accompany Bishop Asbury the next day, as far as 
Peekskill. It was late at night when I returned, and 
we started at five o'clock next morning to ride fifty 
miles. 

When we arrived at Governor Courtlandt's in 
Peekskill, near sun-down, I was tired out ; but Bish- 
op Asbury appeared to be in high spirits, instruct- 



219 



ing ihe family, explaining scripture. But I begged 
that we might have family prayers, that I might go 
to bed. Bishop Asbury prayed with great freedom ; 
he was much in the spirit. Next morning, he in- 
formed me before we parted, that he had not money 
enough with him, to pay his ferriage across the Cro- 
ton river," and I had but about twenty shillings with 
me. But I said, I will divide with you. I want 
two and six-pence, to carry me back to Rhinebeck, 
and you take the rest." He said, ^^No, I only want 
enough to carry me to New York." I urged him to 
take all but two and six-pence, for he had no means 
of obtaining money there, unless he begged it ; and 
begging for one's self is a poor business, unless it is 
of well tried friends; so he took it, and I thought 
myself well paid in being in his company so long, 
and receiving so many lessons of instruction and 
good ^counsel from so great a Christian as he was. 
So we parted in the morning, and I returned to Rhine- 
beck in two days. This was before I went for 
my family- But my exercise soon brought on a re- 
lapse of my ague and fever, which laid me up for 
some time, so that I was gone longer from my family 
than I had intended. When I had sufficiently recov- 
ered I returned to Smithtown ; but I was taken sick 
again on the day I landed at Smithtown Harbour, 
and found, to my grief, that my wife and children had 
been sick also, nearly all the time I was gone. How- 
ever, in about three'weeks, my wife began to recover 
slowly ; but I grew worse, and two of the children 
were so very sick, that it was past the middle of 



520 



October, before we could move, and then we were 
not fit to move. But at last I begged the kind breth- 
ren in that place, to put us on board a vessel, that 
sailed to New York, and they did so. At New York, 
I got my goods put on board a vessel that sailed to 
Rhinebeck, where they landed us in the night. The 
next day we got teams to carry us to the flats. We 
found the parsonage-house not sufficiently clean to 
put up our things, and my wife was still weak, hardly 
able able to set up all day. Some young women came 
to clean house, and I hired a woman to wash. When 
I had paid off all the expenses, I found I had but six- 
pence left. This was a trying time to us ; myself 
sick, my wife and childrea still poorly, but mending. 
My acquaintances in this place were all gone from 
home at this time, and were not expected to return 
under two or three weeks. I had sent my last re- 
maining six-pence to buy some medicine, and next 
morning after this, my wife said we had only about 
enough provision for three meals. I was surprised 
to hear it, and sat down in the corner to consider 
what I could do. I had said, I cannot eat any this 
morning. I desired her to eat and give the children 
some. I thought for me to go to strangers to ask for 
credit, would be a disgrace to the Methodist Church ; 
and to carry my clothes, or household furniture, to 
pawn or sell, would expose my impoverished state, 
and be equally disgraceful to the Church I served. 
And to beg of strangers, with whom I had just come 
to live, would sink the dignity of a minister, that 
ought to put his trust in that God that fed the prophet 



221 



Elijah by ravens, that brought him bread and flesh 
in the morning, and bread and flesh in the evening. 
My soul was oppressed with grief. I wept, and said 
in my heart to God, **in thee will I put my trust. If 
I starve and die, I will not do any thing that would 
disgrace thy cause, or the Church I serve." I was# 
immediately blessed with a peace of soul, and such 
resignation, that to die or live, was equal to me. 
About three hours after, Brother Suckle from New 
York, came in to see us. We were glad to see him, 
but said nothing to him of our poverty. When he 
left us, he gave me a five dollar bill. I was thankful 
for this, and thought truly, it is good to trust in the 
Lord. Though I had resolved to eat nothing of the 
small allowance my wife spoke of, unless I could find 
some way to get more, so that if we must starve, I 
would starve first. But now we had a rich supply ; 
the five dollars would make us comfortable, until my 
friends came home, to whom I could make known 
my distresses, without disgracing the Church. Fa- 
ther Garrettson, and Esquire Sands, were rich in 
this world's goods, and rich in grace. When they re- 
turned home, they called to see me, and supplied all 
our want^, as to food and raiment. They refreshed 
us in body and" mind. Esquire Tilletson, and Mr. 
Schuyler, were also peculiarly kind. I could soon 
say with the Apostle, I know how to suff*er need, and 
I know how to abound. Often I have expressed my 
thanks to God, for grace in that trying hour, whereby 
I was enabled to trust in him. O ! the good of reli- 
gion in time of trouble. I could chant the forty-six 



222 



Psalm : ^*God is our refuge, a very present help in 
time of trouble." 

^ I must say, all the people in Rhinebeck were kind 
to me and my family. Brothers Garrettson and 
Sands, with the little help from the society in this 
•place, had built a meeting-house in very plain form. 
Some laughed about it. One young man, T. Lee, 
called it the Lord's ham. And the first time I preach- 
ed in it, the Lord sent home the word to his heart, 
and he and thirteen more were soon after converted, 
So what he had called the Lord's barn, becam.e no- 
thing less than God's house to him. After this he 
became a preacher, and travelled a number of years^ 
and then located. 



CHAPTER XL 



This year was a season of affliction. My ague and 
fever, would return upon me so frequently, that I 
was not really well at any time. I could attend some 
of the appointments, but disappointed others. This 
was a grief to me ; but I was not able to attend. My 
fits of agu€ and fever, grew worse, so that I was 
weakened down to that degree, that I could not get 
from by bed to the fire, without help. When my fits 
came on, I became light-headed, and lost my sense of 
objects about me. Then, (as they told me,) I would 
begin to preach, or pray, or sing, and continue it un- 
til I began to sweat. At these times, the neighbors 
would come in to hoar me. Brother Fox, a local 
preacher, who boarded with us, informed me after- 
wards, of one sermon I preached in my delirium 
that deeply affected his mind. He retained the order 
and method of treating the subject, and preached on 
the same text afterward, several times in different 
places, with great freedomc Some said I preached 
better in my delirium, than when I had my senses. 
But that I was happy in God, amidst all my affliction 
is what I can w^ll remember. I was willing to die 



124 



or live. I had no choice of my own* My whole 
cry was, 

*'Gfve joy or grief, give ease or pain, 

Take life or friends away ; 
Bat let me find them all again 

In that eternal day.'' 

know that my Redeemer liveth, and shall stand 
at the latter day upon the earth ; and though worms 
destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God.'^ 
I was given over to die by many, but I said I shall 
not die. I was positive, not only because I had a 
revelation when I was twelve years old, that I should 
live until I should be thirty-six, but I had also a mani- 
festation in one of my fits, that I should not die. 
One day, feeling much distressed, I said to my wife, 
I feel strangely, I don't know but what I am going 
to die ! but don't be frightened, I am happy This 
was all I remember of saying ; but I though I was 
dead, and my soul had left the body, and appeared 
transparent in the perfect shape of my body, standing 
before me. So whether I was in the body or out 
of the body, I cannot tell." However, I spoke to 
my soul, while my body still felt pain, and asked, 
"where he was going?" as it appeared about to 
leave me. My soul replied, I am going to heaven.^' 
I said, answer me one thing before you go. Must 
my body lie in such pain as this until the resurrec- 
tion ?" Just then I heard something behind me as I 
lay upon my left side. I turned over to see what dan- 
ger was there, and to m-y joy, I beheld my Lord and 
Saviour Jesus Christ ! He had heard my enquiry^ 



125 



and answered it, by saying, No ! your soul has not 
yet left the earth, that is the reason you still have 
pain ; when your soul leaves the earth, then your 
body and senses will be at rest ; but your soul must 
not go yet, you have more to do." I thought he spoke 
to my soul to return into my body, and I turned to 
look at it again, that I might see it, and know more 
about my spiritual part than I had done. But it was 
not to be seen. I turned back to see the Lord and 
he had disappeared. I grieved that I had lost sight of 
so glorious a personage. When I came to myself, I 
found my w^ife standing by my bed. She told me 
she thought I had been dead, but had sent Br^o. Fox 
for two doctors, and neither were at home ; she then 
sent for some camphor, and the first sense I had of 
returning animation, was on feeling some camphor 
running down my throat through my nostrils, — my 
wife in her fright, emptying some part of her phial of 
camphor into my nose. But I retained the sense I 
had of my Lord and Saviour, and I am able to say 
that the description St. John gave in Revelation, first 
chapter, was a good one, but falls vastly short of a 
full description. It appeared to me that his raiment 
which shone so bright, and himself, were all the 
same. I could see at one glance, every part, both 
before and behind. He appeared all the same. — 
His garments appeared to be the refulgence of the 
Divine nature, shining forth like the color of a bright 
blaze of fire. I know of nothing that I can compare 
him to, that will give any just idea of his substance. 

10* 



228 



I am always happy in meditating on that Divine re- 
fulgence of which I had a view, at this time, for I 
knoviT it was Christ my Lord. Well," I said, for 
me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." 

From this time my fits were lighter. But I could 
not eat any thing, except to sip a little thin milk por- 
ridge ; and after awhile coffee was my only diet. 
My wife was uneasy, she feared I would starve. 
Sister Garrettson, interested herself very much 
in my case. She is not only a good and pious wo- 
man, but a person of excellent understanding, and ex- 
tensive information. Well, the dear good soul came 
to see me, and to persuade me to eat a little panada. 
I objected, and assigned my reasons : I said, if I take 
any thing on my stomach but coffee, it will produce 
nausea, and bring on ague. She thought not ; and 
expressed her fears that I could not live, if I did not 
take something more than coffee. My wife joined 
with her. I still objected— they plead hard. At last 
my wife sighed and turned away discouraged. Sister 
Garrettson wept. When I saw the tears running 
down her face, while she said, I think you had better 
eat a little, I yielded to their entreaty, and took a 
few spoonfuls. In about fifteen or twenty minutes 
I began to puke, and my ague came on worse than 
ever. When they saw this, they expressed their 
sorrow that they had persuaded me. After this fit, 
which lasted about twenty hours, before the sweat- 
ing subsided, I was very weak, not able to get in 
or out of bed without help. And after this, 
neither coffee, nor milk-porridge, would any longer 



227 



sit on my stomach. Nothing now but tea would suit 
me. But in a few days, I could take a little dried 
beef with my tea ; and in three or four weeks, I 
could take toasted bread and cheese with tea, and 
walk across my room. I recovered but slowly, yet 
I was able to attend the conference in Ashgrove, 
in June, 1803. But my feeble state of body, being 
sick the most of the year, did not prevent me from 
preaching sometimes. At conference, my brethren 
thought it best for me to take a supernumerary rela- 
tion that year. I consented, as it was doubtful 
whether I could preach much for some time. Our 
conference was attended with the blessing of God, 
as usual ; and on Saturday, arrangements were made 
for preaching on the Sabbath, Bishop Asbury was 
to commence in the morning, and preach the first 
sermon, brother Garrettson to preach immediately 
after him ; and brother Thacher, and brother 
MoRiARTY, to follow him, so as to have four sermons 
for the congregation that attended at the church. 

The next day the assembly was so great, that it 
was appointed for the preachers to stand in the door 
of the house, and give up the seats in the liouse to the 
women, and the men were to stand out of doors<, 
But the congregation was so large that they could 
not all hear. I with other preachers, were on the 
outside of the congregation, and saw numbers turn 
away that we knew could not hear, so as to under- 
stand. We felt grieved to see them gathering in lit- 
tle companies, talking of the news and politics of the 
day. Some preachers proposed to me to go into a 



228 



wagon, under the shade of sonfie treeg, a little way 
off, and begin to sing ; and those in groups would 
gather round, and we could exhort them without dis* 
turbing the assembly at the meeting house. My 
heart was warm with love. I went on. They fol- 
lowed. We began to sing. The people gathered 
around, and many of the brethren that could not hear 
at the church, came also. We had, Isuppose, near 
five hundred hearers. I prayed, and gave out for my 
text, God is love,^^ When I came to my applica- 
tion, the word was attended with power ; and the 
wind blowing gently to carry my voice to the people 
at the church, they heard, and came flocking to our 
shade, around the wagon. I thought their meeting 
was out, and feeling the Spirit of the Lord God upon 
me, I gave full vent to my feelings ; and directly 
those who were in the church, came rushing out to 
see what was going on at the wagon. Some jump- 
ed out of the windows, and the rushing was so great 
at the door, that brother Garrettson gave over 
preaching before he had half done. Preachers and 
people flocked around the wagon. By this time J 
was nearly exhausted, and gave place for brother 
Thacher and Moriartv. I went to a house near 
by, and lay down to rest me, and after taking a little 
refreshment, I walked out to get some good of the 
meeting. The congregation was very large, more 
than could well hear the preaching at the wagon ; 
and hearing some in the Church, I went in to see 
what they were aboui. I found they were holding a 
prayer-meetings, and there were a few preachers with 



229 



them, sitting in the altar, and the seats in the housa 
nearly half filled with people. So I attended one or 
two prayers with them, and then I began to sing, and 
before we had sung the hynnn through, the people 
crowded the church full I though t I must exhort 
them once, and to enforce the rjecessity of religion, 
I endeavored to illustrate the awful state of the damn- 
ed. I spoke of the lake of fire, and the wrath of 
God, like a furious storm of vengeance, raising the 
lake in surging waves with tremendous roar. *'The 
rich man," I said, was now there. O, the shrieks 
and cries while vengeance beats down a heav}^ storm 
that sinks them low in the dashing waves ! See ! 
see ! ! see the rich man raising his head above the 
surging billows ! Hark ! hark ! how he cries, ' water ! 
water ! water ! to cool my tormented tongue ! 0, 
poor sinners, would you go to hell ? Pray, my dear 
brethren, O pray for them, see how they run, (for 
they began to run out of the house.) O, my God, 
have miercy on them." By this time my voice was 
lost in the out-cry. Those in the gallery took fright 
and ran down stairs so fast, that many fell at the foot 
of the stairs, and they lay in quite a heap ; some ran 
over them, some fell out of doors. The preachers 
from without met them at the door and formed a cir- 
cle for prayer, and nine professed to be converted in 
that praying circle. This prayer-meeting closed the 
labors of the day. Next morning I heard that com- 
plaint was made to the Bishop against me for disturb- 
ing the order of the meeting. So he called me up 
in the conference, and said there had been a com- 



230 



plaint against me, and some others for disturbing the 
order of the meeting, the day before. The other 
preachers spoke first to excuse themselves, they said, 

they did not do any thing but attend to my meeting 
in the wagon," that their reason for attending was, 

that they believed many could not hear at the 
Church," &c. 

I smiled to think they were giving me all the credit 
as instrumental of the good meeting. But Bishop 
AsBURY said, *'well, brother Hibbard, what have you 
to say ? it seems you are the only one responsible." 
I said, *'why, sir, I did not know that I interrupted 
the meeting, until this morning, when brother Baker 
told me he had complained of me. But, sir, I can 
say this, I am sorry to interrupt the order of any 
meeting. It is contrary to my principles, to interrupt 
any meeting for worship ; but I cannot say I am sor- 
ry for what has been done, seeing I had no design to 
interrupt, and we had so good a time of it." " Ah ! 
well," said he, *^ you have said enough — you have 
f?aid enough — it was a good time." So I sat down- 
some smiled, and made their remarks about my loud 
voice. Bishop Asbury said I was heard distinctly 
half a mile. I thought surely the zeal of the Lord 
must have eaten me up, for I was not aware of speak- 
ing so loud. Some said, that when I spoke of the 
rich man in hell, I stretched up my arms, and being 
emaciated, my fingers were long and slender, my eyes 
hollow and ghastly, so that when I opened them, 
looking up to imitate the rich man in hell, those in 
the gallery were frightened. They acknowledged it 



231 



was an awful time, and no laughing matter, but they 
said, " if I had been pictured out as I looked tlien, 
they presumed 1 would be frightened at my own pic» 
ture." Our conference closed, and I was appointed 
supernumerary, that is to say, one over and above 
what was wanting on the circuit, and yet I could be 
occasionally employed, as my health would allow. 
Brother Coleman, and brother Lowery, were to 
travel on the circuit, and I must fill vacant places. 
Our temporal concerns had been the year before very 
short of a supply of our wants, so that I had been 
deficient with my brethren, from year to year ; and 
my mind was not at rest about it. 1 felt grieved to 
see my colleagues destitute, though every plan to 
raise the collections so as to meet the demands, had 
been in vain. I saw two evils, one in the preachers, 
and one in the members ; to remedy them, appeared 
to be impossible. However, to shun the evil myself, 
I refused to take any quarterage until my colleagues 
were paid off ; of course I had not a sufficiency to 
pay all my expenses for my family the first quarter, 
but I chose to trust in the Lord. Therefore, I beg- 
ged of my brethren not to urge me to take the share 
that would fall to me by the customary division, 
though I had been brought to only three meals, and 
my family and myself, had been sick. .In this trying 
hour, I chose to say nothing about my own poverty, 
except to individuals that I could trust as confidential 
friends, and give no account of my presents in future, 
nor make any demand for quarterage, unless there 
was a surplus, after paying the customary quarterage 



232 



of the preachers, and the presiding elder*s dividend, 
&c. Therefore, I made no claim for deficiency at 
conference. It was a rule of discipline in those days, 
to give account of all presents received, or we could 
not claim any salary from the public collection. In 
those days, a preacher's salary was only eighty dol- 
lars a year and his travelling expenses, and his wife^s 
eighty dollars, and each child under the age of seven 
3^ears, sixteen dollars ; and over the age of seven and 
under the age of fourteen, twenty-four dollars a year. 
This was thought by all to be a sum too small for 
the decent support of a family, though the house rent 
should be paid for him. However, this small sum 
was not raised by quarterly contributions ; and as our 
presiding elder, brother Garrettson, received no- 
thing for expenses or salary, which made it lighter 
for the circuits to make out the collections, yet they 
fell short nearly one-half, and some circuits more 
than half. It was not because they were not able to 
raise the money, but it was because they would not 
contribute liberally enough ; yet some few were in 
reality liberal enough, and all were liberal in speech. 
I found the Methodists were made up of two sorts of 
people. One, those that act from principle, and the 
other, such as act from feeling, or sympathy. Those 
that acted from principle, contributed liberally; but 
those that acted from sympathy, were liberal only at 
times, when their hearts were affected ; and it took so 
many different things to affect them all, and affect 
them to the purpose, that my gifts were not adequate 
to the task ; therefore, to remedy all the evils seem- 



23t 



ed to be impossible. I thought, however, if I can 
escape the evil for one, it will be w^ell for me, for 
though I get less money, I am sure of an approving 
conscience. 

This rule subjected the preachers to many difficul- 
ties : First, it was a trouble and an affliction to ren- 
der an accurate account of all the presents they 
might receive. Sometimes presents were given to 
my wife, with a design that I should not render an 
account of them, and this I conceived as an evasion 
of the rule of discipline which I thought was not 
right. If I had cloth for a coat, or linen for shirts, 
it was given to my-wife. If I had tea, or sugar, or 
the neighbors sent me a load of wood, or a few bush- 
els of grain or potatoes, they were all sent to my 
wife, or I must give an account of them, before I 
could have a claim on the stewards for money raised 
by public collection towards my salary. This mode of 
giving, evaded the rule of discipline, and I thought 
it was not altogether right, though I did not like the 
rule at all; but I would show respect to it as 
long as it was a rule. The rule was designed to 
make all equal, therefore our design was good ; but 
there was no justice in it, because one preacher 
might have need of more than another : there was 
no provision for the expense of sickness in his fami- 
ly, and this rule shut out all provision. If I opposed 
it, I must refuse to give an account of my presents, 
and thereby have no claim on the public contributions. 
Secondly, another difficulty which arose out of this 
rule was, I waa considered a good hand to beg. 



234 



ihougb by the by, I am a poor beggar. I make out 
but poorly at that business. However, as this opin= 
ion had gone forth concerning me, I could not alter 
the opinion and do my duty, for I must teach the 
brethren their duty to contribute liberally, for God 
loveth the cheerful giver, and I always thought a 
stingy soul was a poor, mean, insignificant creature, 
whom God hateth. Dr. Watts describes this mis- 
erable character in one of his lyric poems thus : 

" Let a broad stream of golden sands. 

Through all his meadows roll, 
He's bat a wretch with all his lands, 

That wears a narrow soul. 

« Were I so tall to reach the pole, 
Or grasp the ocean with my span, 

f must be measured by my soul. 
The mind's the standard of the ipan." 

Well, I must teach my brethren the duty of giving. 
I must say with Paul^ 1 Cor. ix. 11,'* If we have 
sown unto you spiritual things, is it a great thing if 
we shall reap your carnal things ?" I ought to say 
with him also, '^But I have used none of these things, 
neither have I w^ritten these things that it should be 
so done unto me ; for it were better for me to die 
than that any man should make my glorying void. 
For though I preach the Gospel I have nothing to 
glory of ; for necessity is laid upon me ; yea, woe 
is unto me if I preach not the GospeL For if I do 
this thing willingly I have a reward : but if against 
my will, a dispensation of the Gospel is committed 
unto me. What is my reward then ? Verily, that 



235 



when I preach the Gospel I may make the Gospel of 
Christ without charge, that I abuse not my power in 
the Gospel. For though I be free from all men, yet 
have I made myself servant unto all, that I might 
gain the more," &c. 

This doctrine, I fear, is little understood, and it 
seems it was not generally practised even by the 
Apostles ; therefore Paul, in writing to the Phillip- 
pians, gave this reason for sending Timothy to them, 
Phil. ii. 20, For I have no man," said he, like- 
minded, who will naturally care for your state ; for 
all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus 
Christ's. But ye know the proof of him, that as a 
son with the father, he hath served with me in the 
Gospel." I think I had a clear sense of this doc- 
trine. I could not agree with the Quakers who con- 
demned all ministers as hirelings that took a salary 
for preaching. No ! for though the beloved Apos- 
tle, whom I wish to imitate, would not have his glo- 
rying made void, by making the Gospel chargeable ; 
yet he allows it strictly lawful, to take money for 
preaching the Gospel, though imder certain circum- 
stances it was not expedient ; and going among the 
Gentiles, who had no law like the Jews to support 
Bil?le religion, (neither did the Jews improve the 
law they had for the support of the Gospel of Christ ;) 
therefore he made contributions to relieve the poor 
saints, who were cast out of the synagogue for pro- 
fessing Christ, and to support those that ministered 
in spiritual things : hence we read of general and 
particular contributions, &c. This method of sup- 



236 



porting the Gospel, appeared to me to be the more 
excellent way. Taxation has been thought by some 
to be good, and if there were precept or example for 
it in the New-Testament, I might think so too. But 
for contributions we have both precept and example, 
and still there is danger of abusing our power in the 
Gospel. O what fear the Apostle expresses, in the 
text, That I abuse not my power in the Gospel,^'' 
I examined for myself how I might use my liberty 
and not abuse it. Now, thought I, as it is the design 
to equalize the labor and the support to the preachers 
in the Methodist connexion, how can I do my duty 
without giving an account of all my presents, and some 
may think I receive more than I give an account for, 
though none had intimated such a thing of me, but 
they had of others, in my hearing, and some unpleas- 
ant things had arisen between different preachers. 
One preacher was expelled for lying about his pre- 
sents. It was proved that he received more than he 
gave account of ; and I thought it would grieve me, 
if any one suspected my honesty, and they were as 
likely to suspect me as others, fo.r they think me a 
great beggar. Again I thought, if I divide equally 
with my colleague, and we are both deficient, and he 
should be a man that had no gift at begging, and if T 
should receive one hundred dollars in presents,, and 
those brethren that gave me presents should give less 
(which is the case with some) into the public collec- 
tion ; so that the collection would be one hundred 
dollars less than it would have been if they had not 
made these presents to me, or my wife, he might be 



237 



deprived oi fifty dollars, and might suffer. But how 
could I answer it to God ? If none else knew, God 
would know it, and to him I must give account; 
therefore I resolved not to be guilty of this evil ; al- 
though it was the same year in which I was afflicted 
with the ague and fever, and my wife and children 
had been long sick, and I had been reduced to only 
three meals for my family, and not a cent to help 
myself with ; yet it was by grace I resolved not to 
take any quarterage until my colleagues were paid 
off, though I was sure I should get but little. When 
I had charge of a circuit, I could then literally per- 
form what is required of me, viz., to see that my col- 
league behave well and loant 7iothing.^^ I could 
allow him his quarterage if there was enough contri- 
buted, and it would be a strange thing if I travelled a 
circuit and got no supply. Besides, I wished to put 
a stop to so much complaining as there had been ; at 
least none would have cause to complain but myself, 
if I were the only one deficient. 

It has often grieved me, to hear such sort of beg- 
ging, and complaining as savors of a distrust in the 
Lord, or is only calculated to excite sympathy. I 
despise such methods of begging. If people will not 
give from principle of duty to support the Gospel 
ministry, they never will enjoy true happiness in the 
cause of religion. Those that give only when their 
feelings are excited, are happy by fits and starts. — 
Their peace is not like a river, that runs smoothly by 
night and day. And if God works among such a 
people, they don't enjoy it as they might; they are 



238 



too zealous to hold out long. It" they give when 
warm affections move, they give liberally, — yes, so 
liberally, that on mature reflection, they are sorry 
they gave so much ; and when called upon again, 
they give nothing, and being ashamed to be seen in 
the congregation, and not give something, prompts 
some to stay at home on collection days : and yet 
such persons would spend twice the sum, to treat an 
old acquaintance they were pleased with, I saw so 
much of this in my travels, and I had such a sense of 
the evil attending this generous sympathy, that I 
strove to shun those methods of raising collections. 

However, I resolved to take no money out of the 
collections, until my colleagues, and the presiding 
elder, were paid their expenses and quarterage ; 
reckoning for themselves and wives, only. Child- 
ren were in those days left out of the claim, by a vote 
of the annual conference, though the discipline spe- 
cified an allowance w^ith these commanding words as, 
each child under the age of seven years, shall he al- 
loioed sixteen dollars, &c. This shall be alloioed, 
however, was not regarded by the annual conference. 
Their vole said, they shall not be allowed any thing, 
unless there is more than enough to pay all deficien- 
cies of the preachers and their wives. So I did not 
allow claims for children, unless there w^as more than 
enough in the collection, to answ^er the demand for 
the preachers and their wives. Now when I had 
resolved to do this, I could teach the brethren their 
duty in contributing, and I could beg for my collea- 
gues, and myself too, without any shame or fear of of- 



239 



fending. Thus I took a middle course in the man- 
ner of begging. I warned every one of his duty, 
saint and sinner, Methodist or not Methodist. I say 
it is the duty of every one to give, according as God 
hath prospered him. 

I can beg for the Lord's sake, and for my brethren^ 
that labor night and day to save souls ; yes, I can 
beg for them and myself too ; and I am not ashamed 
of it, because it is not to aggrandize myself or my 
brethren, but to supply necessities, and to enable us 
to do good to all. 

Having the year before taken the above resolution, 
I was this year ready to pay off the preachers, as they 
were both single men. It took forty dollars a quarter 
to pay their salaries ; this left me twenty or thirty 
dollars a quarter, and my wife opened a school in one 
part of our house, and had about thirty scholars, which 
brought about fifty dollars a quarter. Our kind 
friends at Rhinebeck, came in to see us one day, and 
brother Gaurettson said, that what my wife earned, 
over and above her labor, to take care of the children, 
must not be appropriated to the support of the family. 
I said, I did not know how we could live without it. 
He said, we must supply your wants." I found 
they had consulted on the subject, and they w^ere all 
of the same mind. O my soul be grateful, thought 1. 
So by their direction the earnings of my wife was laid 
aside for a time of need. And while we w^ere at 
Rhinebeck three years, she earned by hard labor, 
more than three hundred dollars. After she had 
taught school six months, her health became so im- 



240 



paired that she gave up her school ; but when she re- 
covered, she commenced w^eaving, and our children, 
though all boys, hel ped her. She made them spool, and 
wind her quills, and do much of her house w^ork, so that 
she could earn more than half a dollar a day. She 
saved more than two hundred dollars of her earnings, 
and could have saved more, but we thought it not best 
to burden our friends too much. 

Brother Lowery travelled the circuit a little more 
than three months, when he was called away by 
Bishop Coke, to accompany him to England. — 
He had been a missionary from the English Metho- 
dist conference to one of the British provinces, and 
had come to New-York, to get a passage to England. 
And he tarried among us, until called away. He 
was a good preacher, and highly esteemed on the 
circuit. But his stay with us was short, so that we 
had but little acquaintance. 

After brother Lowery left us, my health b.eing 
much better, I took the circuit, and with brother 
Coleman, labored to bring the dear people to the 
Lord. We could say with the Apostle, Now then 
we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did 
beseech you by us ; we pray you in Christ stead, be 
ye reconciled to God," I travelled this circuit the 
next year also, and had brother D. Ensign for 
my colleague ; so that I was three years on this 
circuit. We had no great revival of religion until 
the last year, though in the two first years there 
were about one hundred converted, and several pro- 



24i 



fessed sanctification. Sister Schuyler at Rhine- 
beck, experienced sanclificalioa in a class-meeting 
at my house. This was one of the most awfully- 
solemn seasons I ever had. When I had done speak» 
ing to the class, I asked sister Schuyler to close 
our meeting by prayer ; and she was led by the 
Spirit, to pray for sanctification. Her gift in prayer, 
at all times, surpassed all I ever heard, of man or 
woman ; and at this time she excelled herself, and 
every thing I had ever heard. Her converse with 
God,— her thanksgiving for justification through the 
redem.ption that is in Jesus, and the faith that is by 
him ; — her confession of weakness of faith, and de- 
pravity of our nature, that rendered us so liable to 
err from the paths of holiness, were expressed most 
feelingly. She portrayed the advantage of sanctifi- 
cation to assist us to serve the Lord perfectly ; and 
then in her appeal to the Lord for the sincerity of her 
motives and the fullness of his grace for all she asked 
for, she seemed to us to be conversing in the lan- 
guage of immortals. She implored the Most High to 
implant the blessing in her soul for the sake of Jesus 
Christ, who hath redeemed us to himself, that we 
should be a peculiar people, zealous of good works^ 
She theri cried out, O thou dost hear ! thou art 
nigh ! O thy glory ! O ! and sunk forward in her 
chair with a sigh. For about four minutes we were 
all overwhelmed with divine glory, and nothing was 
uttered by any one, but a sigh or a groan that indi- 
cated the joyful surprise of the Divine presence.— 

11 



242 



After the lapse of about four minutes, she arose from 
heT cbair,^ before which she had continued kneehng, 
and her expressions of thanksgiving to God, exceed- 
ed all she had ever expressed before. She appeared 
to be refreshed as with new wine. I had no doubt of 
the blessing. Refining fire had gone through her 
heart, and illuminated her soul. We were all happy. 
Then I sung, 

" My soul would sweetly stay. 

In such a frame as this, 
And sit and sing herself away. 

To everlasting Miss."" 

Our dear sister Schuyler hved a few years after, 
and died in the triumphs of faith. She was takeB 
with spitting blood, and though she was naturally 
timid, and was apt to faint or be greatly alarmed, at 
seeing blood, yet now she was composed,, and sent 
for her husband who loved her most tenderly, and 
justly appreciated her Tirtues and her superior 
gifts. He believed in religioUy and professed a 
sacred regard for Christians of all denominations. 
He was a good scholar, well versed in the sciences^ 
and believed himself to be a Christian, because he 
was truly an honest saan ; but did not profess any 
particular exercise of conviction and sudden conver- 
sion of which some others spoke. But he was a 
kind and afTectionate husband and father, a good 
friend to the poor, and a lover of good men. I can- 
not say he was not a Christian. He often expressed 
his full belief in the gospel, and of the deep piety of 
his wife ; and, as he expressed it,^ her unusual good 



243 



gift in prayer." She also excelled in charily. But 
when he came into the room as I was informed, and 
saw his dear wife spitting blood, she said, *'My dear, 
I am going, see, (as she spit out a mouthful of blood) 
see, these are the harbingers of death." It w^as so 
sudden upon him, that he, seemingly off his guard, 
said, O Sally, you must not die, you shan't die," 
and sunk upon the floor, and was seized with the 
gout in the stomach. His father-in-law, Esquire 
Sands, was present, and had him removed to an 
upper room. A doctor was called to his assistance, 
who pronounced him dangerously ill. They sent 
for lawyer Ellis to make his will, and at intervals 
when he was able and composed, he woukl dictate to 
the lawyer how to write his will. But soon he would 
inquire after his wife, how is Sally? I know she 
will go to Heaven : I want to go with her." Then 
the fit would attack him and last for some time. His 
friends were greatly alarmed for his safety. After 
his wife was dead, they informed him she was bet- 
ter, but he was not to be deceived, he was confident 
she was dead. He forbid their taking her away, 
and seemed flighty. He w^ould start as though he 
heard the funeral procession. Esquire Sands kept 
by him, and soothed him until he was composed, 
and could hear that she was dead with some de- 
gree of composure. Before she died she said to 
her sister Christina Sands, "I bless the Lord 
that I am a Methodist. By them I heard the doc- 
' trine of sanctification, and it was at brother Hib- 
bard's, in class-meeting, I experienced the blessing 



244 



of perfect love. It is now my consolation^ O the 
boundless love of God. Boundless ! Boundless !" 
After her death, her husband beincr so unw^ell, it was 
thought best to have her buried in the family bury- 
ing ground, without any funeral oration or prayer, 
lest her husband should hear it and relapse again. 
But our church was hung in mourning, and the 
next Sabbath a funeral sermon was preached to 
a large congregation, and it might be truly said 
they were all mourners. Our church and the com- 
munity at large, sustained a great loss in the death 
of sister Sally Schuyler. She was an ornament 
to religion. It is no disparagement to the female 
sex to say of her, Many daughters have done 
virtuously, but thou hast excelled them all." It was 
the grace of God that made her triumph in death. 
Well might Balam say, Let me die the death of 
the righteous, and let my last end be like his," 

Some others were also sanctified unto God, and 
witnessed a good confession. In Sharon, Canaan, 
Sheffield, and Mount- Washington, we had good re- 
vivals of religion. At Rhinebeck, and a part of Red- 
hook, between twenty and thirty, I trust, were con- 
verted ; at Chnton-Town and Pleasant Valley, be- 
tween fifteen and twenty. We formed a class in 
Poughkeepsie of eight members, and that number soon 
' increased to twenty-three, and since then to aboat two 
hundred. At Beekman, or Oswego, several expe- 
rienced religion ; and also in Fishkill and the High" 
lands there were about twenty volunteers, that be- 
came good soldiers of the cross. In that part of 



245 



Beekman called the Clove, many were brought lo 
know the Lord. I preached at Dr. Quinlin's. His 
son has since become a preacher. Near by the 
Doctor's lived Peter Lawson, the Quaker Preacher, 
-and his good brother John. Now John was a faith- 
ful Quaker, and one of the elders in their meeting ; 
his wife Mary also, was an elder in the women's 
meeting. They were both sincere in their profes- 
sion. John's father had been a Lutheran, and 
brought up his children in that w^ay, until they heard 
the Quakers, and joined with them. Now John 
was a zealous Quaker, he thought it his duty to wear 
his hat sometimes in time of prayer, which was 
rather more zealous for the ceremony of the hat, 
than Quakers in general were inclined to be. Indeed 
it was rather crowding upon the rule in their disci- 
pline, in page 15, where they prohibit their showing 
dislike to a ministering friend by keeping on the hat 
in time of prayer. Therefore John, who had pro- 
mised the Doctor that he would attend the meeting, 
sent a boy to know of me, if it would be offensive 
for him to set with his hat on in time of prayer ; and 
informed me that he sometimes did so in his own 
meetings. The Doctor asked me about it. I told 
the Doctor he might set with his hat on, it would not 
disturb me at all, if he was but sincere in doing it. 
I added, that I was so far from being disturbed or 
offended with it, that if he wanted two hats to wear 
in time of meeting, I would lend him mine." But 
the Doctor said nothing to him of this offer; how- 
ever, John came and sat with his hat on. I preached 



246 



that night, on, " Except a man be born again he can- 
not see the kingdom of God.^^ John was convinced 
that he never was born again, and came to me after 
meeting, and invited me to his house. His brother 
Peter, also invited me to his house. So I went 
with John, and the next day called on Peter. I 
made free to talk with them, and use my own liberty 
in the Lord, to pray as I thought was right. John 
and Mary, and father Lawson, were all attentive to 
prayer. John and Mary got converted before long, 
so they knew something more about religion than 
they did before, and loved to come to our meetings, 
and invite the preachers to their house. The Qua- 
kers began to deal with them for hearing the Metho- 
dists ; and Peter, though at first friendly, was 
directly much opposed to the Methodists, and ex- 
pressed great concern for brother John.^ Now Peter, 
about this time, was accused of having connexion 
with a woman tha); was not his wife ; though he had 
a very comely wife, and the young woman he was 
suspected of having connexion with, had a fine 
child that was without a father to own it, because she 
would not swear it to any one. Well, some said one 
- thing, and some another, but the Quakers thought 
best only to stop Peter from preaching, though evi- 
dence was very plain against him. But John and 
Mary were a great grief to their Quaker friends ; 
again and again they visited John and Mary to per- 
suade them not to go to the Methodist meeting ; but 
they were not to be hindered or abridged, in what 
they viewed to be their Christian privilege. Very 



247 



much labor, however, was bestowed, and truly, 
every means in the power of the Quakers was re- 
sorted to. At last John received a letter, it seenned 
to be in the hand-writing of his brother Peter, 
though poorly written, but it was signed Satan, 
great Prince of HelL^^ This letter was addressed in 
the following manner : To my trusty and well he- 
loved friend John Lawson." It then went on to 
congratulate him on the good service he was render- 
ing him, by going-to h^ar the Methodists, who were 
his (Satan's) good friends and faithful servants, and 
that he also was about to leave the Quakers, his (Sa- 
tan's) greatest enemies. He informed John that if 
he joined the Methodists, it would be the greatest 
service he could render him, for the Methodists 
would consider him as a rare fish, if they could catch 
him. It was so seldom that a Quaker ever turned 
Methodist, that if he should join, they would publish 
it from Quarterly-meeting to Quarterly-meeting. — 
Thus, in this manner he wrote, and then apologized 
for writing so poorly ; for he said, he had been so 
hard at work, shovelling fire and brimstone several 
days, that it made his hands tremble.'' It appeared 
that Peter, who followed burning lime, had been 
hard at work for several days shovelling lime, pre- 
vious to John's receiving this letter. John felt unwil- 
ling to say much about it, for fear it was written by 
his brother Peter. Some asked, "can Satan write ?" 
Some said, yes, if he has a good secretary." But 
no one said, that I know of, " that Peter would not 
make Satan a good secretary of state," though that 



248 



letter was written poorly. Well, who would have be- 
lieved it, the Quakers expelled John and Mary for 
going to the Methodist meeting. But Peter was re- 
tained a member. And so it happened, in a short 
time after, Peter's wife died ; good woman, no doubt, 
grief w^as some part of the cause of her death. But 
soon after her death, the same young woman that had 
one child without a father, was like to have another. 
But I was informed that she said, in plain language lo 
Peter, though she was not a Quaker, that if he 
would not marry 'her, she would swear it upon hira.'^* 
Whereupon he went before a magistrate and took her 
to wife. This was a plain breach of discipline to 
marry out of the meeting ; but the young woman not 
being^a member of their church, or of any church, 
could not be married in the meeting ; besides, it 
was several months too late to appear decently in 
meeting, if she had even been disposed to be a Qua- 
ker. But Peter must have had his thoughts at this 
time : He loved his dear biethren, and knew if he 
married out of the meeting, he must be turned out ; 
and he was turned out. 

When I heard that John was cast out, I found 
him, as Christ found the man that had been blind, 
and was cast out of the synagogue for owing him. 
So it seems John and Mary were cast out for own- 
ing the Methodists to be the people of God. I said 
to John, now you must come forward and join our 
society. He said, he did not know that we would 
take him in." I said, yes, if you have a desire to 
flee the wrath to come, and he saved from your sins, 



249 



and live a holy life/' However, John thought to 
secure his right to wear his hat ; so he mentioned it 
to the class, and asked ihem if they were willing he 
should wear his hat in time of meeting ? They said, 
*'yes." He said, ''he had thought it his duty to 
wear his hat, and he did not think his conscience 
would let him do otherwise," ' 

The brethren knew all this, and believed him sin- 
cere. However, he joined, and I was told that the 
next Sabbath when he came to praj^er-meeting, on 
entering the house he went around by the gallery 
stairs and hung up his hat ^ and then came around 
and sat down on his seat as usual near the altar. — 
Some on seeing it, smiled to think what an experi- 
ment he was trying, to cure himself from the cere- 
mony of hat wearing ; and upon experiment John 
found the good Spirit was with him, as well without 
his hat as with it; and ever after that he could set in 
meeting without wearing his hat. 

My spirit being grieved with this conduct of the 
Quakers, concerning my friends John and Mary, I 
was led to study their history, and acquaint mysdf 
with their doctrines. Some things I liked very much, 
and some things T did not like at all ; but on the whole 
I concluded they were a people calculated to do some 
good. I thought them kind, honest, and obliging, 
when they could be so without interfering with their 
ceremonies. 



a* 



CHAPTER XIL 



One day I was reading in a book called M'Cloud's 
Essays, and there he related the case of a man that 
had two heaps, one of incurables^ and another of 
unaccountables , I thought this a wise plan, so I adopt- 
ed it, and since then when I have met with any thing 
unaccountable, after making a fair trial and being un- 
able to account for it, I cast it into the heap of unac- 
countables, and pass on. And so of the incurables ; 
and now I have two great heaps. I sometimes get 
an unaccountable, or an incurable, out of the heap, and 
it would seem that my heap grew less. But it is not 
so ; I believe I throw in two, where I get out one, so 
that my heaps grow larger every year. 

About this time I heard of a difficulty with" the 
people in a certain town in New-England. The 
people got into a quarrel, one 'with another, and 
many efforts were made to reconcile them, but all 
failed ; this would seem one of the incurables. At 
last they agreed firmly among themselves, to submit 
their difficulties to the judgment of a certain godly 
minister, in a distant town ; so they appointed two 
men, one of each party, to wait on the minfster, and 
relate the cause that each party had for dissatisfaction ; 



S5I 



^nd the minister was to write his judgment of the 
case ; then the people would all meet on the day he 
was to send them his pastoral letter, and have it read 
by the clerk of the town, and they would all abide by 
his judgment and counseL So after the good mini«* 
ter heard the story of the quarrel from the two 
delegates, and had written his opinion and counsel 
to them ; he had occasion also, (it being in the Spring 
of the year,) to write a few lines to a farmer, on one 
<?f his farms at a small distance. It so happened 
that the messengers that were to carry the letters 
both rode Up at the same time, and being in a hurry 
the good man made a mistake, he folded the letters 
without supei'scriptions, and gave the letter intended 
for the farmer to the messenger that came from the 
town, and sent that for the town to the farmer. Well, 
the people of the town were all assembled, waiting 
when the messenger came, and the clerk read the 
hasty written scroll, as follows : 

You had better see that your fences are put up 
well in the first place. Plow your ground deep, and 
sort your seed ; be careful not to sow foul seed, and 
take care of that great ugly bull. 1 think you had bet» 
ter poke him. The rest I will tell you when. I 
come." 

The people on hearing this^ were all astonished, 
and sat for a while in amazement. Some said they 
could not understand it. At last one arose and said 
he understood it ; that the meaning was all revealed 
to him. First, He said, the putting up the fences 
that were dowja, signifies the discipline af the church. 



252 



We have neglected those good rules of discipline, 
that serve to protect, and guard us against evil pas- 
sions ; and when neglected like a fence thrown down, 
leave the field open to wild beasts. Secondly, The 
plowing 'the ground deep, signifies the breaking up 
the fallow ground of the heart, that every one should 
search his own heart, and prepare it for the good 
seed. Thirdly, The sorting of seed, signifies thai 
we should be careful not to believe every story thai 
is told us ; but examine faithfully into every thing, 
and receive nothing but the truth. Vv e have not 
done this, but we have been guilty of evil speaking, 
and of backbiting one another, and we4iave all done 
wrong. And Fourthly, As to that great ugly bull, 
that means the devil ; he has done us much harm? 
and we have not resisted him as we ous^ht to have 
done, therefore we ought all to unite and resist the 
devil. This explanation was satisfactory. They all 
took it as good counsel, and it laid open the true cause 
of all their troubles. They began to confess their 
faults one to another, and pray one for another, and 
soon all their difficulties subsided, and the great 
wound in the peace of the town was healed. 

Very great difficulties are sometimes removed by 
very simple means, and I ought not to despair of the 
cure of church divisions, or of any erroneous notions, 
though I may not be able to do it myself, but I am 
not excused in the court of mv own conscience, 
unless I try, and when I have done my best, and 
cannot succeed, I then cast it into the heap of incu- 
rables and pass one. But to return to my narrative. 



253 



jDutchess county at this lime was more favored, than 
it had been in days past. Religious people of dif- 
ferent orders were more engaged in religion, and 
there was something good going on in different 
places. James Horton, an exhorter, was a flaming 
witness for the Lord in Beekman. He had been a 
rough sinner ; but nothing is impossible with God. 
James was awakened through the instrumentality of 
the Methodists, and was made a witness that our 
Lord Jesus Christ forgiveth sins. In his conversion 
the change was wonderful, from a rough swearing 
sinner, he became the most docile, meek, humble, 
loving soul I ever saw. It was soon discovered that 
James must call sinners to repentance. Lideed, he 
would exhort, and pray, and sing most sweetly. But 
he was poor, and w^orked hard for a living, a shoe- 
maker by trade. I said to James one day, how 
much can you earn in a month ?" He said fourteen 
dollars." Well," said I, go with me around the 
circuit four weeks, and I will give you fourteen dol- 
lars." So James put his things to rights, and a friend 
volunteered the loan of his horse for James to ride, 
in hopes good would be done. And many prayers 
were offered up for our success. We went on from 
the Clove to Dover, and around the circuit. When 
I had done preaching, James would exhort and pray, 
and our meetings were attended with Divine unction. 
Thirteen souls professed to experience religion in 
those four weeks, and many were awakened. From 
this time I date the commencement of the good work 
God was pleased to favor this circuit with, that lasted 



i 



2M 

for several 3^ears, until the number of members had 
increased to more than tkirteeii hundred^ and the 
circuit was divided into two, called Dutchess and 
Rhinebeck circuits* I had said to James on setting 
out, I shall solicit the brethren to make you some 
presents privately, and I wish you to keep account, 
and if you don't get fourteen dollars, I will make it 
up to you ; but you need not say any thing about 
your poverty." So I spoke privately to those I knew 
could spare a little and not injure them. Some gave 
him a quarter of a dollar, some half a dollar, and 
some more ; so that when we got around the circuit, 
he had about twenty-nine dollars. Tasked him if he 
was not well paid ? He said, " yes," and offered to 
refund all but fourteen dollars. But I said, no, it 
is all yours, the Lord has given it to you, be en- 
couraged and be faithful," 

One meeting, in Sharon Hollow, I shall never for* 
get. James began to exhort, and the love of God 
made him eloquent. He portrayed the distressed 
state of poor sinners without God in the world, and 
then the rich provision God had made to save them, 
the love of God in sending his Son to die, and the 
Spirit to strive with sinners to draw them to Christ, 
yet sinners would not come, they would not be saved 
by grace, and made light of the invitations. O,*^ 
said he, my eyes affect my heart. I see precious 
souls here for whom Christ has died, and 1 fear they 
are unconverted ; they have been warned and invited 
to turn to the loving Saviour, but still they put him 
from them ; and what more can be done than has 



255 



been done. I pity them, they have no food for theijf 
souls, they have no solid confifort now, ihey can have 
no comfort in death ; soon they must hear the Arch- 
angel's trump, * come to judgment, come to judg^ 
ment,' and they have no friend to relieve ih^m there. 
O that I could persuade them to come to my precious 
loving Jesus ; but what can I do ? I can do nothing 
but pity and weep over you. Yes, dear, precious 
souls, ril weep over you." He paused, while tears 
ran down amain, and turning about, he spoke to me 
in the most melting strain, O ! brother Hibbarb, 
weep with me, let us weep for poor sinners whom 
we cannot persuade," By this time tears flowed 
from every eye, and for several minutes we could 
hear nothing but weeping and crying through the 
house. Then some began to pray, so that our 
meeting lasted till a late hour at night, and five pro- 
fessed to be converted. 

We had many other excellent meetings, and the 
work of God was evidently begun on this circuit : 
insomuch that souls began to flock into society, like 
clouds and doves to their windows. After I left the 
circuit, I was informed by the preacher that followed 
me, that he took in forty- two members the first time 
he went around the circuit, and between three and 
four hundred joined the society that year. These 
are the Lord's doings, and they are marvellous in our 
eyes, and rejoicing to my soul.' 

After living three years at Rhinebeck, on Dutch- 
ess circuit, I was appointed to travel Croton circuit, 
1805. I moved from Rhinebeck with my family, to 



256 



Stepben-Town, since called Somers- I had sent to 
the circuit stewards to provide me a house ; they got 
me one that had been formerly occupied as as store, 
near S. Wilson's. Here we lived until the next 
spring. 

Our leaving Rhinebeck was another weeping scene. 
We had formed a pretty extensive acquaintance, and 
found very kind neighbors, not only Methodists but 
Presbyterians and Baptists, and Lutherans ; all very 
kind. And those who made no profession in any 
Church, were also respectable and kind neighbors. 
Some had proposed to raise a salary for me, and call 
me to locale and settle with them. I was waited 
upon in due form ; and I presume they would have 
raised four or five hundred dollars for me. One in^ 
formed me that he presumed he could get three hun- 
dred dollars subscribed for me by the next day night, 
if I would consent to stay ; and he would not ask 
one cent of the Methodists. Several urged me hard 
to stay there. At last I submitted it to my wife. If 
she said slay, I would locate and stay with them. At 
this tliey seemed pleased ; but my wife desired time 
to think of it. They consented she might have till 
the next morning. She laid the whole matter before 
the Lord in prayer, and got her answer, just as I had 
done before. So the next morning she said, it will 
not do for you to locate. The Lord has blessed you 
in this calling, and if you locate contrary to his will 
you may be cursed, and I had rather suffer with you 
and have the blessing of the Lord, than enjoy the 
comforts of this life and sufier the curse. When 



257 



they heard this opinion, ihey were astonished, and 
said, I hope the Lord will bless you ; we did not 
mean to urge you to your own injury. 

Now parting from such sincere friends, was truly 
painful. However, we sustained it without shame, 
for the tears we shed. I had many, very many 
friends on this circuit— all of whom I received from 
the Lord as a reward of my labors. One thing more I 
must mention that was a means of the revival of re- 
ligion on Dutchess circuit, before I leave this part of 
my narration. I was impressed with the necessity 
of a concert of prayer. I therefore called the atten- 
tion of the brethren in the classes all around the cir- 
cuit, to covenant with me to arise in the morning be- 
fore sun-rise, and spend a little time in secret prayer, 
precisely at sun-rise, and follow this every morning 
for three months — let nothing hinder from rising so 
early, but ill health. I wished they would signify 
their willingness to covenant with me by rising up. 
All but a few arose, and heartily covenanted. Hav- 
ing gone once around the circuit, and got nearly all 
into the covenant, I found my best time of day after 
this, was sun-rise. I never missed awaking before 
sun-rise but once, and that was attended with some- 
thing very peculiar. I had preached at Tower Hill, 
and our meeting lasted till late in the night, when I 
retired to bed fatigued, but happy. I dreamed just 
before I awoke, that I was at Amenia at brother 
Powers,' and the society were ail present for meeting, 
the brothers Powers and Ingraham, and their fami- 
lies were there, and I saw their souls all shining with 



25S 



glory. I thought, now I see things as I have want- 
ed to see them. I never saw the hearts and souls of 
people before, and they all were devoted to God with 
a brilliancy that manifested the purifying love of God. 
I was so animated with this sight, that I awoke and 
found the sun had just arisen. I thought surely God 
has given me this dream to awake me in season to 
join the concert of prayer. It appeared to me that my 
dream was in answer to prayer ; at least I began to 
dream of seeing the shining souls of the brothers and 
sisters in that place, five or six minutes before I 
awoke, which was about the time they began to pray 
in secret, and they ahvays remem.bered me in their 
prayers ; besides, I had most earnestly prayed the 
Lord to awake me by sun-rise, that I might pray in 
secret at the same time my brethren did. This cov- 
enant had a peculiarly good effect. It served to 
quicken the brethren to duly, and taught them to rise 
early in the morning. To lounge in bed after sun- 
rise, summer or winter, is a great evil, unless in the 
case of doctors and sick persons who have been long 
broken of their rest. But some hysterical women, 
and hypochondrical men, have indulged in a habit of 
lying in bed in the morning, whereas nothing can be 
worse for them. I cured one who had been bed-rid- 
den twelve years, by advising her to arise before sun- 
rise, and drink a wine-glass of cold spring water that 
run out of the ground on the west side of a hill, put- 
ting into it a tea-spoonful of Indian meal, and-'then 
pray to the Lord. I believe awaking in the morning 
and walking fifty yards in a pure air, which she was 



259 



able to do after the first week, and prayer to God at 
this early hour, was the best part of the remedy. But 
drinking a little cold water is good, and a tea-spoonful 
of Indian meal will hurt no one. In eight weeks she 
was able to attend a meeting half a mile off, and gave 
glory to God for her cure, Spoie doctors may call this 
a piece of quackery 5 but if I perform a cure by sim- 
ple means, I hope they will allow me the credit of it, 
seeing I got no pay for my counsel. To rise early 
and pray JLo God, is good for health, wealth, and vir- 
tue ; and prayer for the sick is recommended by Di- 
vine inspiration. Let doctors call that quackery if 
they dare. 

I had brother John Robertson for my colleague 
on Croton circuit. We prayed for the conversion of 
three hundred that year, and I believe we had about 
that number converted, though they all^ did not join 
society. Our first camp-meeting in this district, was 
last year, in the town of Carmel, on this circuit ; and 
this year we had a camp-meeting at Croton, on Gen. 
Phillip Van Courtlandt's land, and it was a great 
time of the power of God among us ; hundreds were 
awakened and converted at this meeting. Here I 
first introduced the practice of marching around a 
praying circle to sing. This diverted the multitude 
from crowding on those that were praying in the cir- 
cles ; they would face about as we passed around to 
see us. This has had a very good effect in our camp- 
meetings since, when it is properly attended to. I 
calculated that about four hundred were awakened 
and converted, as the fruits of this camp-meeting. 



260 



By what I heard from the different circuits, and from 
New York afterwards, and b}^ what I knew of the 
good effects on our circuit, there must have been not 
less than four hundred, though there was not this 
number converted at the meeting, yet I think there 
were more than one hundred who professed to be 
converted there. New York shared largely in the 
good effects of camp-meetings. Our friends, from the 
city improved the means well, and were greatly 
blessed. 

I travelled this circuit two years, and at the close 
of the first year, I begged money to build a parson- 
age-house at Croton ; so I moved from Somers to 
Croton about the first of May, as our Conference 
would sit about the middle of the month, and this 
would close our Conference year. I got the work- 
men building the house, and in about two months we 
moved into it. Here we lived in peace and quiet, 
found good friends, and had many good meetings. 

The second year I had brother John Finegan for 
my colleague. Our circuit was greatly blessed. 
Peekskill and up the Hollow in the Highlands, Som- 
ertown, South and North Salem, South Easttown, 
New Fairfield, Pawlingstown, as well as Croton and 
Courtlandt-town, were all blessed with a most glo- 
rious display of the divine favor. I had my difficul- 
ties in begging money enough to build the parsonage 
house, and pay off the preachers and myself. For at 
the first quarterly meeting, though brother Robert- 
son was a single man, yet after paying off the expen- 
ses and his quarterage, I had but twenty-nine cents 



2G1 



for my share for that quarter ; but the next quarter 
the collections overrun, so that I got some part of my 
deficiency ; and, on the whole, at the close of the 
year, I was not more than one hundred and twenty 
dollars deficient,^ reckoning children and all. And at 
the close of two years, I was able to pay off the cost 
of the parsonage house, except sixty dollars for the 
ground, and fifty dollars that I had not collected. I 
lived about ten months in the new parsonage house, 
and intended to take my time to move out, but one of 
the preachers that followed me, was in a great hurry 
at first to move in, so I hurried to move out. I 
had said to my wife, before F received my appoint- 
ment to New Rochelle circuit, that I should 
be sent there the next year. It now became 
a rule of discipline, that the Bishop should not ap- 
point a preacher more than two years successively 
on the same circuit. I therefore knew that I must 
be moved off, but I said to her, *^ that I thought I 
would hire a house in as wicked a neighborhood as I 
could find on the circuit." She said, well, I am 
willing." And so it was, I was stationed in New 
Rochelle, and had brothers M. B. Bull, H. Red- 
stone, and E. Canfield, for my colleagues. Bro- 
ther Canfield was supernumerary, and a single man ; 
the other brethren were married, and though the pre 
siding elder's dividend, which was estimated according 
to the number of preachers on a circuit, and their 
claims laid a double portion on our circuit, yet notwith- 
standing this, I paid them all off, but I was rather 
more deficient this year than usual. 



2G2 



1 had become acquainted with Dr. J. Pierce. He 
came to board with us and to teach my children, 
some in the Latin, and some in the English languages. 
I gave him my money, the earnings of my dear 
wife while at Rhinebeck, and directed him to go to 
New York, and lay rt all out for an assortment of 
drugs and medicine. His misfortunes and wicked- 
ness before he got converted, had left him entirely 
destitute of means for a support, and as he was truly 
converted from Deism and other wickedness, and 
had been recommended to me as a man that had 
been strictly honest in money matters, even while he 
was wicked ; so I had no hesitation in reposing con- 
fidence in him. He was well educated in the science 
of physic, and could teach the Latin language well. 
My sons John and William were put to the study 
of Latin. Father Garrettson had said to me be- 
fore, that he w^ould expend a thousand dollars to edu- 
cate John, and clothe him from that time until he was 
fit to go into such business as should be thought best, 
and it was left to me to choose his college, &c. 
Therefore this plan to prepare him for college, I 

thought vvould be a good one, as Dr. P would 

have his board with us for teaching my children, and 
the use of the druggist shop for his practice. So we 
were both supplied with m.edicines from the shop. 
He kept the account of all he used, &c. We had no 
expectationf:-of getting rich, but we were in hopes of 
getting an honest living. 

It so happened, when I went to the circuit to find 
a place to move into, that there was none to be had, 



2G3 



except a house in Greensburg, four corners^ This 
had been a tavern stand for many years, and was ac- 
counted the wickedest place in all these parts. Tav- 
erns are apt to make people wicked. But I rented 
the place for sixty dollars a year, and found after we 
moved in, that the neighbors were not so wicked as 
some thought for, at any rate we found them to be 
good neighbors, kind and obliging. Here was 
Isaac Van Wart, one] of the three that took Ma- 
jor Andre, the spy, in the revolutionary war. Isaac 
and his family w^ere very kind to us as neigh- 
bors. And there w^as Mr. Campbell and William 
Hammond, as good neighbors as we could wish for 
—true they were not Methodists ; but I preached in 
my own hired house, and they and many others came 
to hear me- After my wife and Belsy Williams, an 
adopted child, wholived with us, had cleaned the house 
from the garret to the cellar, so that all the tavern filth 
was cleansed out ; I invited all my neighbors to come in,- 
and I preached to them on Acts xxviii. 30, 31. It 
was a profitable thing to the neighborhood to turn the 
tavern into a preaching house. Thirteen professed 
to experience religion in this neighborhood this year, 
chiefly children and young people. My sons, John 
and William, both experienced religion at the camp 
meeting this season, and were happy in the love of 
God. 

In the fall. Dr. Pierce and I, felt convinced that 
our plan would never do. He could not get practice 
as a physician, sufficient to make a living. And I 
was not able to pay his wages, so he concluded to go 



J 



264 

to Fayetteville, in Non!i Carolina, and wish^ine to 
give him a letter to Dr. Schrteves in New York, to 
take up an assortment of drugs to carr\' on withliim. 

I did so, and !:e ^ef^ r.s. About four weeks after, I 
left, I went to Xew York, and found him at Dr. 
Schrteves'. He had all his things put up ready to 
sail, ^ ^ been waiting for a vessch i:::::! he had 
spent aii :;:::;fv b ihiriy-one cents, and now he 
was in disiress, 1: \v\5 ;;:'iniated to me that iie had 
talked of giving up b;s ev to Carolina. He was 
a s::^;:ger in Xew Y::k. v.o friend but me 

t: ^ i : ? ■ b I was myself w::::: 3y. He 

said i: g :: :i:e l:e : ; I con- 

ecturei !:e w.? b: v;-:;^ f : : ; : . ^ expen- 
ses, s J I t : " : ::;:v_;.3, ;" bni if 
1 e b ' b -c .ey to pay his passage. Y . ear in his 
eye, be sa::. I h:^ve ':u^ [v:.? '^s.l sixcenceb' I 
asked him b.ow mucb: be wair.rb. He said, b.b.een 
dollars/' I said. '* if vou c:.\\ -e;:b :: to n:e ivi a bri- 
terby m:i:b at:;: you arrive. I can borrow it for you.'' 
He said be weul:., I b::r:^ve5 :b ' rv of a friend , 
of mine, ani g'^'e .: t: b:;:i pnva.e.y, 

^ly dear w::b ':.y' '.:.z -bmessed the fulfilment of 
many things, which I ha were revealed to 

me bv the L:r:. when I w.,s twelve vears old, now be- 
gat: to reel uneasvrespecbo.^ the event that was to take 
place this year. I was ttever positive what that event 
wct.lo ":e, bur it was the death of some one. I dared 
no. sov I was to d!o ' ' :t was not ntv death, it 
was t::e death of so:i::- ...c /.ear and dear to me. She 
often asked me, if I iiad a particular one pointed out. 



265 



I said no ; but sometimes I had thought it was myself 
that was to die ; bat be that as it may, if I am faith« 
ful to God, all will be welL This year I was thirty- 
six years old, and some extraordinary event was to 
happen to me. It was the last sabbath in November, 
that we had our quarterly meeting in New Rochelle. 
My son John had gone to the town of Rye, to attend 
some prayer-meetings with some boys of his age that 
had been converted at the camp meeting. I directed 
him to meet me at the quarterly meeting. But he 
took a cold, which brought on an inflammation of the 
brain, so that he only came on as far as brother 
Schureman's, where I found him after ten o'clock at 
night. On feeling his pulse, I found it indicated a 
hiA decree of inflammation. But some said it was 
the effect of his exercise ; he had been very happy 
in meeting. I gave him a cathartic, in hopes of giv- 
ing relief by morning, when he seemed somewhat 
better. But when I returned from m.eeting at two 
o'clock, I found him worse. Sent for Dr. Rogers, 
who advised to bleed, and lay on large blisters. But 
I despaired of success. Monday he was worse. I 
sent home Betsey and William, who had come with 

me to the meeting. Brother S , was so kind as 

to'take them home, and bring my wife the same day. 
John knew his mother but could not hear her speak ; 
at which she wept. But he was happy in God. He 
said, I am willing to die, and I think it better for 
me to die than to live." 

On Tuesday, he continued to grow worse ; toward 
12 



266 



evening he lost his speech, but his hearing seemed to 
return. He looked to me, strove to speak ; and 
beckoned to have me pray with him ; we all kneeled 
by his bed, he closed his hands and looked op, then 
closed his eyes and attended to prayer. When I 
had done, he looked up upon me, made the usual 
sign of his head as when he bade farewell, turned to 
his mother and made the same sign, then looked 
around on others standing by, and instantly changed 
for death. When I saw this, I repealed these lines 
of the poet, 

" Come Angels, come Angels, he's ready to fly, 
Come quickly, convey him to God in the sky." 

The power of the Lord w^as manifest in an instant. 
I had no doubt, but angels hovered around us. He 
died easy, but when his breath left him, and his spirit 
took its flight, his mother cried out. I turned to her 
and said, *'my dear, let there be no complaining- — God 
and his angels are here, let there be no complaining.^' 
He died on the second of December, aged thirteen 
years, four months and two days. 

The next day m.y wife and I went home to prepare 
for the funeral. My wife said she must have some 
things from the store, to prepare some of the child- 
ren for this solemn occasion. I had no monej^ not 
having received my quarterage. I said, this is 
rather trying to us, I am not much acquainted with 
the merchant." But I said, " we will call, and if 
he will trust me I will get the articles you need, if 
not, we must do W'ithout them.'' When we came 



267 



into his store, (being also post-master,) he t^aid I 
have a letter in the office for you" — and reached it to 
me. I saw it was post marked twenty-five cents. I 
felt strangely, to think I had not even money enough 
to pay for it. I opened it, however, and found the fif- 
teen dollars enclosed, that I had lent to my friend Dr. 
Pierce ; so I paid for all that I wanted. My wife 
said, " truly the Lord will provide." When we 
arrived to our house, the children came out to inquire 
how their brother John was, and on informing them 
he was dead, William sunk into my arms and cried, 
O father, w^hat shall I do ?" We bore our children 
into the house as well as we could, and sat down by 
them and wept. After this we all joined in prayer. 
And in this exercise we found comfort. I asked the 
Lord if I was to meet with any other affliction this 
year, and said, Lord, is this bereavement all ?" I 
felt the answer to my soul, that this was all ; and said 
to my family, I believe the death of John, is all we 
shall be called to mourn for now. But his death to us 
was great cause of grief. Father Garrettson lost 
his pupil ; and by this death, were frustrated all the 
benevolent designs of Mr. and Mrs. Garrettson, in 
his education. They had formed these benevolent de. 
signs, not only because they thought his genius would 
be so improved by education, as to make him very use- 
ful to society, but in hopes that he might also be a 
support to us, and an honor to his benefactors. — 
Had he lived, I have no doubt their expectations 
would have been realized, and the comfort they 
would have derived from the success of their design, 



268 



would have been a source of satisfaction to them in 
their old age. But he is gone,— he is no more with 
us. And though I believe he is in a better world, 
yet I grieve for my loss. O my heart, why dost 
thou pain me so ? God's will is best, and all is well ^ 
and yet my throbbing heart will not let me rest. — 
When he was dying I was a man. I rejoiced in God, 
and would not let my wife complain ; angels filled 
the house, and God is with me slilL But why does 
my heart grieve ? why can I not sleep ? I have other 
children left ; my wife is sleeping by my side, and 
here I bathe my pillow with tears. So it was with 
me at times when alone, by day oi by night, and no 
one knew my grief. But when I came into compa- 
ny or with my family, I was blessed with some de- 
gree of composure. But on the day of the funeral, 
the scene was more affecting. Our friends mourned 
with us. The family where he died, was exceeding 

kind. Sister S- told me, that she had been 

always subject to a fear and dread, when she entered | 
a room^where a dead corpse lay, till now ; but on 
entering that room, (pointing to the one John was laid 
out in) I feel a peculiar delight," said she. ^^Asl 
cross the threshold, it seems as though a perfume 
meets me : I cannot account for it otherwise, than 
that God has in a special manner, blessed us in hav- 
ing him die here. Truly, as you say, the angels of 
God are in the house ; my children can hardly be 
persuaded to leave the room. I saw one setting in 
the room in the dark of the evening, and I asked him 
why he sat there alone, and called him to come out ; 



269 



but he wept and said, 'O mother, let me stay here, 
it seems I can't be out of this room, I want to set 
here.' And she added, it is so with all that come 
in^ they manifest a pleasure in being in the room.' " 
After prayer in the house, by brother Bull, who 
preached on the occasion, before we went to the 
meeting-house for public worship, they removed the 
corpse out into the door-yard to form the proces- 
sion. When the children of this kind family per- 
ceived that they were about to take the corpse away, 
they cried out in a vehement manner, O mamma ! 
don't let them take him away ; mamma ! don't let 
them take him away !" It was some time before 
they could be pacified. This to me was truly affect- 
ing. If they who are strangers are so unwilling to 
part with him, what ought not I to feel ? After the 
sermon at; the meeting-house, I arose and thanked 
the people for their sympathy with me on this occa- 
sion ; and at the grave I desired a grave-stone to be 
placed at the head, in memory of his death, with 
these lines under the inscription, as my last act and 
prayer for him : 

May death's best skmbers occupy thy urn, 
The turf that hides thee, nature's livery wear, 

O, be thou sacred in the silent bourn, 

Till time rolls round the great sabbatic year. 

My kind fri-ends at New Rochelle took all the ex- 
pense upon themselves, for which I hope to be ever 
thankful. This year closes with a scene I had anti- 
cipated for moi:e than twenty years ! now I am satis- 



270 



fied, though before I could not be positive who it was 
that should die. Now I have a plain answer to prayer, 
that this death embraces all the loss I shall meet with 
at present. 

But it had been also manifested to me at the time 
alluded to, that I should have many difficulties to 
surmount, and that the zeal which w^ould inspire me 
to oppose dead formality in professed Christians, 
would awake indignation against me. This made 
me sometimes think my own death was meant, and 
that possibly I should be a martyr for the cause of 
Christ. Dead formality seemed to reign over pro- 
fessors generally throughout this region ; and the 
people called Quakers, though they denied ordinan- 
ces and professed to be led by the Spirit, w^ere yet 
as formal as any class of people I know of. Though 
their forms differed from those of other denomina- 
tions, and they professed much of the Spirit and in- 
ward work, nevertheless, there w^ere many of them 
who were strangers to the blood that redeemed them, 
and bought their pardon on the tree ; and though I 
had thought them an inoffensive and pious sort of 
people, and that they would never persecute others, 
yet their treatment of my friends, John and Mary 
Lawson, convinced me that they did not like the 
Methodists, and that they also would persecute. I 
found on reading their authors, that they used many 
epithets noways agreeable to that charity W'hichthey 
professed, such as blind, carnal, not yet in the true 
light, enemies to them, &:c. and yet to profess fellow- 
ship with such, was wholly inconsistent, in my opin-^ 



271 



ion. The letter my friend John Lawson received, 
signed^ Satan, great Prince of Hell," was un- 
doubtedly dictated by Satan himself ; but I Relieve it 
was written by a Quaker, who professed great char- 
ity ; and these epithets of blind, carnal, &c, did not 
appear to me, to be applied by them, to professors of 
religion, because they were immoral, or not pious ; 
but because they worshipped God in the use of ordi- 
nances ; it seemed to me they viewed baptism, the 
Lord's supper, and other religious ordinances, as 
pernicious and delusive. I therefore judged them in 
my own mind to be in an error, and hostile to the 
true spirit of the Gospel. To defend the Gospel 
therefore, I wrote the pamphlet entitled the Errors 
of the Quakers." 

This pamphlet made a great noise ; and I was 
accused by the Quakers of writing falsehood. A 
high accusation indeed ! That I wrote severely is 
true ; but that I wrote any falsehood, is not true. I 
defied the Quakers, or any other people whatever, to 
prove one falsehood in all I wrote. I offered to sub- 
mit it to the judgment of five candid and impartial 
men, that knew the nature of evidence. But this 
method of investigation, they prudently declined. If 
there is a falsehood in any thing I have written, I am 
not aware of it. I think it grievous to be accused by 
them, while they refuse to adopt any legal measures 
to convict me. They promised the presiding elder, 
(as he informed me,) that they would prefer a com- 
plaint to the conference against me. This would 
have been a legal measure ; but they did not do it, I 



272 

was in hopes they would, for I wished an investiga- 
tion to take place, since I ought not to be condemned 
before Tarn tried. But it seems I cannot have that 
favor. Our conference was informed that they had 
promised to prefer tlieir complaint ; and postponed 
the examination of my character one day, until a 
committee appointed by the conference, had waited 
on some of the principal Quakers in New York, to 
know of them whether they should appear against me 
with their accusations, &c. After waiting on them, 
the committee reported that they said they should not 
appear ; so I had no trial for want of an accuser. — 
Whether they contemplated an answer, and employed 
Thomas Willis to make it out or not, instead of a 
legal complaint, I cannot say. But Mr. Willis' re- 
ply to what I wrote respecting the erroneous doctrines 
of the Quakers, is a demonstrative proof of the truth 
of what I wrote, and no refutation at all. Witness 
Mr. Scott's remarks on his publication. And as to 
his contradicting some things, which Mr, Scott has 
not noticed, I have only to say, Mr. Willis labors 
under a mistake in what he has stated ; and such a 
mistake too, that he would find himself at a loss to 
prove the truth of his assertions, if he dared to ap- 
pear before five candid men, that are capable of judg- 
ing of the nature of evidence; or if he would submit 
it to the decision of the five judges of the Supreme 
Court of this state, and they pronounce me guilty, I 
will pay all the costs, and such penalties as they may 
award ; on the contrar}^, if he does not prove me 
guilty, he shall pay the cost, and such damage as they 



may eensider me entitled to, for the sufferings I have 
endured from their slanderous reports. 

To correct an error of my own, respecting the 
Quakers, 1 shall state, that I formerly thought that 
all the Quakers held the opinions professed by Elias 
Hicks and T. Willis : but in this I have since 
found myself mrstaken ; I find some do not hold as 
Elias does, neither is he approved of by all of 
ihem. if he Vv^as, 1 should pronounce them all com- 
plete deists^ not Christians, but deists in full measure. 
But some I know are not advocates of his opinions. 
With respect to him and his party, I do not expect 
any forgiYcness from some of them, for what I have 
witten, either in this world, or in the world to come, 
neither do I ask any. If I were really guilty of 
writing falsehoods, and they were Christians, they 
would prove their charge of falsehood before they 
condemn me. But as this is not the case, I never 
can be forgiven by them, world without end. 

It may be that some may think they proved me 
guilty of falsehood, at a public meeting we had in 
New Rochelle. The method and matter of proof, 
are too ridiculous for sensible men to boast of ; but 
such as they were, 1 m.ust give the reader a sample 
or two, and let him judge for himself. To prove 
me guilty of falsehood, they said, Thou hast said 
the Quakers deny the Scriptures I answered, 

I have not said it.^' Ah, wbII, thee said they de- 
nied the Scripture to be the word of God T ^* Yes, 
tiow you have got it rigiit. Well, do you believe the 

12* 



274 



Scriptures are the word of GodV After a little 
cavilling, they answered " no." " Well, where is my 
falsehood then ?" Why, thee says it is an error ^ 
and it is not an error, and there are many other false- 
hoods.'^ Well," I said, point me out another 
** Well, thee says the Quakers deny the resurrection ! 
but we hold to a resurrection." Do you hold to the 
resurrection of the body ? that is the question." Again 
after some cavilling, they answered no." Well," 
so I said, " where then is my falsehood ?" ^* Why, 
thee says it is an error, and it is not an error." This 
is a fair sample of their method of proving me guilty. I 
cannot say but I felt some shame, and have ever 
since, not for any crime laid to my charge, but for the 
silly arguments they made use of to prove their ac- 
cusation. I now no longer wonder that Elias 
HicKs is so celebrated among them, as he is also 
among Deists, as they are not governed by Scripture 
testimony or truth : but their opinion is their rule. — 
Not by fruits do they judge me — their imagination, 
or their own spirit seems to be their guide, not the 
Spirit of the Lord, or the word of his grace. 

Elias seems to have an inveterate spleen against 
the Scriptures. I once heard him labor to prove 
that the Scriptures were of no use in teaching us the 
knowledge that God is love. And speaking of re- 
demption by the death and sufferings of Jesus Christ, 
he said, it was a carnal error to believe we were 
redeemed by the sufferings and death of Christ,"— 
Now I think this is Deism iri full measure. Elias 
Hicks is a great man among some Quakers, and very 



2?5 

positive in his opinion. But the Apostle Peter was a 
great man too, in my opinion, and he says, we were 
not redeemed wnth corruptible things as silver and 
gold, but with the precious blood of Christ," 1 Peter 
i : 18, 19. So Elias and the Apostle Peter, must 
dispute this point. I know some Quakers will side 
with Elias, at all events, for I heard that one said, 
he believed Elias Hicks was a^^ greater man than 
Jesus Christ !" Now if this should be the case, I 
doubt whether Elias will dispute the matter at all ; he 
will only have to say to Peter, Get thee behind 
me, Satan." But Elias has not shown so great a 
contempt of the Bible as some Deists have, for I have 
heard of several that burnt their Bibles, and of one 
that roasted his Bible before a slow fire ; but I ex- 
pect that Elias reads his Bible sometimes, and has 
arrived at so high an opinion of himself and of the 
Spirit that governs him, that he is not afraid the 
Bible will injure him, or the people that receive his 
doctrine ; therefore he makes his Bible his text-book 
sometimes, which is shewing it greater respect than 
to roast it before his fire. But he has been heard to 
say, that the Bible does no good." However, he 
labors hard, and has but few silent meetings, to ex- 
plain away the Bible, or, as I have heard him call it, 
the writings of men 

I believe the Quakers have been grossly deceived 
by Elias Hicks. He has a peculiar gift in allege 
rizing; and as the Quakers labor to understand all 
Scripture revelation to have a spiritual sense, and 
study to explain the spiritual sense, insomuch that 



276 



ihey have often treated the literal sense with neglect, 
and sometimes with contempt, therefore outward 
ordinances have been rejected by them, and esteemed 
as erroneous, so that they verily think those who 
believe in outward ordinances to be deceived. They 
account them but shadows ; and express a sincere 
concern lest any should be deceived with shadows. 
One asked me, after hearing Elias Hicks, how I 
liked him ; and if I did not think people w^ere in 
danger of being deceived with shadows ? I replied, 
that it was possible that some might be. But gen- 
erally people know better than to eat their knives and 
forks, instead of using them to eat their food. And 
in buying a load of wood, they would not buy the 
shadow of the load. Neither would a carpenter line 
and hew the shadov/ of a tree for a stick of timber- 
You cry out against shadow^s, said I, and I read in 
the Bible of one who said unto the Almighty, I 
have sat under thy shadow vAlh great delight.'' By 
a shadow w^e learn two essential things. First, a 
substance. Second, light shining on that substance, 
that occasions the shadow. True religion is a sub- 
stance ; the light of the spirit shining on that sub- 
stance, makes the ordinance or shadow. Now if 
your religion had any substance in it, you would 
have ordinances too. But where there is no sub- 
stance, hght cannot make a shadow. 

These observations displeased him. But at other 
times I have spoken favorably of the Quakers ; I 
have said Vvdthout flattery, I believed many of them 
were sincere and good men, and that they had been 



277 



instrumental of doing good. This has pleased 
them. They love to hear themselves praised, as 
well as other people. But I would not flatter them 
to their injury. I find if I agree with them in senti- 
ments, they like me very well. But if I differ from 
them, (which I would not do, if I thought their 
sentiments correct,) they judge me their enemy ; 
and I am every thing that is bad. To call their 
sentiments erroneous is a sin against Elias Hicks 
not to be forgiven by him or his party in this world, 
nor the world to come. But if I speak against the 
sentiments of the Calvinists and call them erroneous; 
that is no sin : and good reason for it, for the Pres- 
byterians and Baptists have such real religion that 
they would not anathematize a man merely because 
he differs from them in opinion ; and I am sure I 
should not differ from them in doctrines, if I did not 
think that those doctrines about which we differ were 
erroneous ; so neither would they differ from me, 
unless they thought my sentiments were erroneous. 
But I never knew one to call me a liar because I 
said his opinion was erroneous. 

Those sentiments or customs which we think most 
essential in forming our good character, and which 
yield us the greatest degree of happiness, we em- 
brace with the most cordial affection* And that which 
we think to be our greatest happiness, and most con-^ 
sistent with truth, we support and defend. Yes, we 
are all alive to the sentiments and customs we most 
love. The statesman talks of politics. The war= 
rior of battles. The lawyer of suits and courts, arid 



278 



law terms, and technicals and fees. The doctor of 
medicine and diseases. The mechanic of his art. 
The farmer of agriculture. The minister of religion. 
And the coquette and prude, the coxcomb and dandy, 
are all attention about their dress and affected looks. 
Some paint to look handsomer, and some to deceive ; 
some are religious for the Lord's sake, and some for 
their own sake. — Some to repair a lost reputation, 
and some to save their souls. Some to get money ; 
and some to serve God. And our dandies and co- 
quettes sometimes become religious. The one to 
seek a mistress, and the other a gallant. Religion 
has been abused in all ages, and in all countries, by 
some of all denominations ; and probably by none 
more shamefully than by the Methodists and Quak- 
ers ; because they profess so much perfection, and 
experience of spiritual knowledge ; and I believe 
many of them do possess much spiritual knowledge. 
But how many have we in the present day who put 
on a saintish appearance and roll up the eye with sol- 
emn groan, as though they were greatly affected with 
a concern for the glory of God and the good of men. 
How solemn they appear, how plain they dress, and 
yet how they will lie or equivocate to get a good bar- 
gain. 

But one thing that I desired to accomplish by wri* 
ting my address to the Quakers, I have realized to 
my satisfaction, and that was, a clear statement of 
their principles. Their principles were expressed so 
ambiguously, that there were many disputes or doubts 



279 



of their real meaning. I wished to provoke some 
answer lo my writings that would settle those dis- 
putes and doubts, and produce from them an avowal 
of their real sentiments. This I think is effected. 
Whoever therefore, shall read my address to the 
Quakers, and then read Thomas Willis' reply to it ; 
and then Mr. Sgott's answer to Mr. Willis, will be 
fully acquainted with the doctrines of the Quakers. 
I wish the sentiments of all denominations distinctly 
expressed, that they might be easily known. I con- 
fess that the practice of the Methodists in spreading 
their discipline, and plainly avowing their doctrines, 
gave me a prediliction for thena when I first heard 
them ; I then said, surely these men cannot be de- 
ceivers. There is no mark of deception in them. 
But when people hide their opinions from public 
view, either by secreting their discipline, or express- 
ing themselves ambiguously, look out for deceivers. 
Let them be of what denomination they will, they 
are deceivers. They may profess great love and be 
very soft and pliable^ and intimate that they have no 
creed but the bible, they would hardly contradict the 
devil himself, they are so charitable. But mind ye, 
they are sly butchers of the truth. 

In these times no doctrine is more hated than 
Christian perfection, and none is enforced more em- 
phatically in the Bible than, " Be ye perfect, even as 
your Father which is in heaven is perfect." 

But many had rather not understand this, than to 
understand it. And many that do understand it, 



280 



would rather preach it to others, than live holy lives 
themselves. But what is that to mej I must under- 
stand it and live according to what I preach to 
others. 



CHAPTER XIIL 



We had a most glorious work on New Rochelle 
circuit, and my soul enjoyed a sweet peace Avith 
God, and fellowship with my brethren. I never 
found the Lord a barren wilderness, nor his fruit un- 
pleasant to my taste. It is true I have often thought 
I had but little grace, and that of the common kind : 
and frequently I have said in my heart, surely I am 
the least of all God's creatures. But these kind of 
feelings, I did not talk about much, and I pitied those 
that did. Some accounted those exercises a darkness 
of the mind, others doubted whether they ever had 
religion, and it amounted to nothing less than an in- 
direct complaining of the bread of Hfe. I remembered 
when on Dutchess circuit, I called to see old father 
Burt in Canaan. He was truly a good old saint, 
and a member of the Church of England. When I 
entered his house, I saw he looked pale and dejected. 
I asked him what was the matter, what ails you, 
sir?" O," said he, ^' I have got one of my poor 
turns ; I am in the dark. Was you ever in the dark ?" 
said he. I said, ''I don't know ^vhat you call being 
in the dark. How do you feel when you are in the 
dark ?" Feel !" said he, I feel less than the least 



282 



of all God's creatures !" Do you ?" said I, then 
I have been in the dark the most of my days. But I 
don't call that being in the dark, I call it the light of 
God shining in the clearest manner upon me, for I 
think I must have very clear light to see a little ob- 
ject." " You're right, you're right," said he, rising 
up with a countenance cheerful as a summer morn- 
ing, and clapping his hands, you're right, I'll never 
call it being in the dark again." This dear man lived a 
few years after, and died happy in the Lord, without 
a cloud to darken his sky. 

Though I have had many days and hours in which 
I have felt myself small and unworthy, yet I never 
could think it profitable to talk about it much, lest I 
should undervalue the ordinary blessings of God's 
grace. I have heard some complain of their leanness 
and dulness of mind, and it reminded me of some 
weak women that I have known, that would always 
complain of their dirt, and rags, and poor victualo. 
One said, her victuals was so poor, that it was not 
fit to eat," so brother Jayne moved back, and would 
not eat. She observed it, and kindly asked him why 
he did not ? I believe mam,^^ said he, that you 
are a woman of truth, and you say it is not fit to eat, 
and I believe you." She had the mortification to re- 
call her words, and confess her folly. But I have 
thought if it be folly in a cook to spread a table with 
choice and wholesome food, and invite a friendly 
guest to partake of it, and then introduce it to them as 
a filthy mess, what is it for creatures that are invited 
to a Gospel feast, where the provision is spiritual. 



283 



though represented by the figures of my oxen and 
fallings are killed," and of*' butler and honey, and 
milk and wine, well refined, and pure water of life,' 
and the invitation is, ho ! every one that thirsts, 
come ye to the waters, eat and drink abundantly, O 
beloved." What is it for creatures to say the provision 
is not fit lo eat, but*a base insult ? And how many 
refuse to partake of the grace of God, because it is 
common grace ? They don't believe that the ordina- 
ry measure of God's grace can save them, and this 
unbelief will damn their souls if they continue in it. 
It is an easy matter lo believe that a great measure of 
grace can save us ; but the small, or ordinary meas- 
ures are sufficient also, if they are received and im- 
proved. So our ordinary meals of wholesome food 
are sufficient to sustain life if we eat them ; but 
neither those, nor extraordinary feasts, would do us 
any good if we did not eat. 

But my Calvinist brethren have troubles of a dif- 
ferent kind. They are troubled with sin, in thought, 
word, and deed. At least they say so ; and I sup- 
pose some of them are. But I do not believe it is 
the case with all ; for there are many holy men of the 
Presbyterian, Congregational, and Baptist churches. 
But their peculiar articles of faith, oblige them to say 
they commit sin, in order to practice what they pro- 
fess. Their principle is therefore erroneous, while 
they are good men ; and though 1 hate the principle 
that deludes them, I do not hate them, but I wish, 
sincerely wish, to bring them to see the truth in those 
matters. We had some that held those sentiments 



284 



on this circuit ; but their preachers were not willing 
to preach out their doctrines plainly ; I naean those 
doctrines ihat constituted them Calvinists. They 
held to some of the true doctrines of the gospel, and 
preached them ; only the}^ corrupted their preaching, 
by now and then infusing the poison of Calvinism. 
Bat lately they seemed to take* a new method of 
preaching. I was informed that in an association in 
Connecticut near by, a celebrated D. D. advised the 
clergy Xjo preach as near like the Methodists as they 
could ; and not preach Caivinistic doctrines in their 
ow^n town, but to change w^ith a minister of another 
town, for the purpose of preaching doctrines ; and 
then the people of their own town would not be offen- 
ded with the minister, on account of his doctrines. 
This was spoken of by some of the delegates that at- 
tended the association as a great stoop and conde- 
scension on their part, towards a reconciliation or 
union with the Methodists, — now then for union ! 
Union was all the cry in places where there was a 
work of religion. Now^ they believed alm.ost all the 
doctrines that the Methodists did ; only perfection 
and falling from grace ; these they could not believe ; 
and these they said we ought to give up, and then w^e 
should meet them half way. For they had given up 
that ugly doctrine of unconditional election and 'eter- 
nal decrees, and that Christ died for only a part. And 
now they believed in free grace, and that man was a 
moral agent, and election w'as conditional. O w^hat 
a fine time it was with some people now — Presbyte- 
rians are all coming over to be Methodists. — Well," 



285 



said one and another, " Brother, don't preach doc- 
trines here now ; I am afraid it will hurt the work of 
religion. Our Calvinist minister don't preach doc- 
trines any more, but he preaches just like a Metho- 
dist. O, I wish you could hear him — why he said 
in plain words, that Christ died for allj and that man 
was a moral agent, and he proved it so plain from the 
scripture ; and I have heard many say that they nev- 
er heard it so clearly proved in all their lives before ; 
and he never said one word against the Methodists. 
Now^, brother, I think it would be well not to preach 
doctrines. I said, Brother, why may I not preach 
doctrines as well as the Calvinist minister ; I believe 
Christ died for all, and grace is free, and man is a 
moral agent : and why may I not preach it too ?" 

O yes, brother," said he, ^^but don't accuse the 
Calvinists with holding to unconditional election and 
eternal decrees ; for the minister in this place don't 
believe it ; I heard him almost say so ; I heard him 
say, he did not think they w^ere profitable to preach 
up, and he would not preach them ; yes, I heard 
him say this with my own ears." 

The system of opposition to the Methodists seem- 
ed now to be quite new, though some thought oppo- 
sition was done away. We were no longer called 
wolves in sheep's clothing, nor deceivers ; but we 
were a Christian people, and had done some good. 
We were not allowed to be a learned people ; but 
we were a sincere people ; and our want of learning 
was a matter of grief, and not of disgrace. It was 
said by some, that if our ministers were men of 



286 



learning, so as to read the Bible in the Hebrew and 
Greek, we should soon give up the doctrines of per- 
fection and falling from grace. And this sentiment 
coming from ministers professing the knowledge of 
Hebrew an.d Greek, gave me queer feelings. The 
frequent encomiums I heard on college education, led 
me to think, if I have not that school education, I will 
not despise it ; but while I see an unv^Mse use made 
of learning, I think the opinion of an ancient philoso- 
pher, worth more than gold. He said, Our danger 
is the being mistaken in things^ not in words ; and in 
the confounding good and evil,^^ There is a world 
of things to be studied and learned, and therefore we 
should discharge the mind of things unnecessary, to 
make way for greater matters. The business of the 
school is rather to play than study, and only to be 
done when we can do nothing else. There are many 
people who frequent them only to hear, not to learn ; 
and they take notes tooj not to reform their man- 
ners, but to pick up words, which they vent, with 
as little benefit to others, as they heard them them- 
selves. It costs us a great deal of time, and other 
men's ears a great deal of trouble, to purchase the 
character of a learned man ; wherefore 1 shall even 
content myself with the coarse title of an honest man ; 
the worst of it is, that there is a vain and idle pleas- 
ure in it, which tempts us to squander away many a 
precious hour to very little purpose ; we spend the 
time, and worry ourselves upon subtleties, which may 
perchance make us thought to be learned, but not 
good. Wisdom delights in openness and simplicity, 



in the forming of our lives, ralher than in niceties of 
the schools, which, at best, do but bring us pleasure 
williout profit. And in short, the things which the 
ministers impose upon us with so much pride and 
vanity, are little more than the same lessons over 
again, which they learned at school. But some 
authors have their names, though their discourses are 
mean enough : they dispute and wrangle, but they 
do not edify any farther than as they keep us from 
ill-doing, or stop us in our speed to wickedness. Our 
forefathers have left us not only their inventions, but 
matter also for farther inquiry ; and perhaps they 
might have found out more things that are necessary, 
if they had not bent their thoughts too much upon 
superfluities. 

Is not this a a fine time to be fiddling and fooling 
about words ? How many useful and necessary 
thing are there, that we have first to learn ? And 
secondly, to imprint in our minds ? For it is not 
enough to remember and to understand, unless we do 
what we know. For as the poet says, 

" To say well and do well, both end with a letter^ 
To say well is good, but to do well is better." 

I remember when I was on Dutchess circuit, that 
in returning from a quarterly meeting in Amenia, to 
Rhinebeck, in the winter, I broke down my cutter, 
near a tavern where a number of sleighs from Sha- 
ron had stopped to bait, as they were going to Rhine- 
beck. I asked them to take my broken cutter on 
~ heir load, and I would ride my horse. They seem- 



288 



ed obliging enough when I offered thenn full pay for 
their trouble. They did not know me ; but they 
were talkative enough among thennselves. — -One topic 
of discourse was, ^' whether any man could live with- 
out sin ?" All agreed they could not. An old man 
of the company put the question, cm you live with- 
out sin " No." Can ijou ? And you ?" And 
so on till he got all their opinions. Then he turned 
to me, " and can you, sir ?" I said, it is according 
to what state I live in; now I live in New York 
state, and you live in Connecticut ; the laws are dif- 
ferent in some respects here, to what they are there, 
and though I do things here that would be contrary 
to your law in that state, yet it is no sin, because 
there is no law here against it, and where there is no 
law there is no transgression." He said, (a little 
pettishly), don't mean so, I mean the law of God.'' 
**But, sir, God has a great many laws, which of them 
do you mean? for if I lived under some of them I 
should transgress. But to liv^e under others, I need 
not." Why," said he, God has but one law " 
O yes, sir, I read of the ceremonial law, and the 
law of works ; and the Apostle says, * boasting is ex- 
cluded.' " By what law ?" he asks. " By the law 
of works?" Then he answers, Na}% but by the 
law of faith." ^'Now, sir, if we live by faith, we live 
without sin." Aye," said he, pettishly, I know 
the plaguy Methodists hold to perfection, but f wish 
they were all out of the world!" I said, *'that 
would not alter the truth of this subject, nor hinder 



289 



you from committing sin ; so, sir, you need not fret 
about that." 

In 1808, April 6th, oar conference was in Amenia. 
I was appointed to New Rochelle circuit again, and 
had brother Zalman Lyon and brother Canfield, 
for my colleagues. I moved from Greensburg to 
New Rochelle, and prepared to attend the general 
conference, in Baltimore, May 6th, 1808. I had 
never attended a general conference before. I went 
in company with brother John Wilson, the book- 
agent, and ten more of my brethren of the clergy. 
We had a pleasant journey by land and water stage. 
Our conference commenced with prayer. My soul 
was blessed — insomuch that I realized the presence 
of God among us, and that was the best of all. But 
we had great matters and little matters to deliberate 
upon. We wanted to alter our discipline for the bet- 
ter : some wanted the general conference to be made a 
delegated one ; some wanted the Episcopacy made 
stronger by adding one or two more Bishops to the 
number we already had : and some wanted the bishop's 
administration assisted by something like a counsel of 
appointment, that they might aid him in stationing the 
preachers, and appointing presiding elders ; but some 
were opposed to each and all these measures. Final- 
ly, a rule was proposed for making the general con- 
ference a delegated one. Some called this rule a 
constitution, and undoubtedly it was constituting a 
general conference a delegated one ; but some thought 
it was a constitution of the Methodist Church. How- 

13 



f£90 

ever, I never tlioughl so, though I ihoiight it was a 
constilulion together in one, sure enough. But where 
there wereo^?e hundred and i/ziV^j/ preachers in the con- 
ference, it could not be expected that we could all think 
ahke. This supposed constitution, however, did not give 
the Bishop any more power than he had before, in ap- 
pointing presiding elders, and stationing the preachers ; 
neither did it prevent a general conference fronn modi- 
fying the powers of a Bishop, in those matters which 
do not go to do away Episcopacy,, or general super- 
intendency ; neither did it authorize the general con- 
ference to make Episcopacy a despotism. 

We entertained different views, as to what would 
be the best method of supporting, strengthening, and 
perpetuating itinerancy. These were the three things 
we ail drove at, and to promote which^ all were zeal- 
ous to do something. Whether we w^ere zealous 
enough^ or too zealous on this subject^ I cannot say ; 
at any rate we were very zealous.— I have thought if 
all the good that is done, is done through an itinerant 
ministry, our local ministrj'' will be useless. This 
was not the prevailing opinion,^^and I don't know thai 
it was the real opinion of any; but Episcopacy was 
thought by some to be the only thing to give energy 
to itinerancy, provided we could but give it power 
enough ; and I thought so too, if we could make it 
almighty ; but that was impossible. Episcopacy 
was variously defined ; some said it was an office in 
the church that implied a power to preside over other 
offices. All this was very well, we needed a presi- 
dent in our conferences. But farther, it implies an 



291 



ofRce to set apart and ordain men for other offices, 
that might be elected by the conference ; this also 
is very well ; it is a prudential means of preventing 
elders (who also possess power of ordination) from 
exercising it hastily, and laying hands too suddenly 
on men, for whom they may have a partiality. — But 
what has this to do with appointing presiding elders, 
and stationing the preachers, from year to year, with- 
out counsel and without the consent of the preacher, 
or even without his knowledge of the station he is to 
fill, until his fate is declared, at the close of the con- 
ference, — why nothing at all ! However, a majority 
must rule, and a majority thought best to give our 
good Bishop this power, and therefore the minority 
must submit. But when they argue that this power 
belongs to the Bishop by Divine right, in consequence 
of his Episcopal office, I wish them to know that the 
Apostles of our Lord did not possess such a power, 
by virtue of their ofiice, nor did any of the early 
fathers. I think this power is too great for any one 
man to possess, because he cannot safely use it. The 
x\postle Paul to the Corinthians, says, chapter xvi. 
12, ''As touching our brother Apostles, I greatly 
^DESIRED him to come unto you with the brethren ; 
but his will was not at all to come at this time ; but 
' he will come when he shall have convenient time." 
' So it seems the Apostles sometimes studied the con- 
' veniences of their brethren in the ministry, and did 
not exercise the power of appointment without the 
consent of those whom they appointed. They rath- 
er persuaded and counselled, and did not exercise an 



292 



arbitrary power. But a majority rules with us, and 
since the majority gives such unlimited power to our 
good Bishops, to station the preacher, they must do 
it ; however disagreeable it is for them — they must do 
it. I have often felt sorry for them when they were 
about to read the list of appointments ; how they 
must have felt, when they knew before they read it 
off, that some would be grieved. But I belieye they 
strive to please all, and suit them as well as they 
can. And as they appoint presiding elders, and these 
are the Bishop's confidential men, and he obtains 
knowledge from them in a private way ; therefore, 
some that think their appointments oppressive, have 
a little difficulty to suppress any jealousy that arises, 
either against the presiding elder, or the Bishop, or 
both ; but they are all such good men, that we have 
got along hitherto with this system pretty well, and 
many have expressed their astonishment to me, how 
such a body of preachers, could submit to it ! I 
have always replied, because we have the glory of 
God and his cause at heart, and seek not for ease, and 
worldly honor. And as long as we have men of these 
qualifications we shall prosper. The Lord will own 
us ; such men, are men of God ; but I fear we shall 
tempt the Lord our God, for though the Lord ap- 
proves the motive that actuates us, yet our measures 
may not be wise, and by persisting in such measures, 
oppression may become legalized. And when this 
shall be the case, then sin layeth at our door. In- 
dividuals may sin, and the body not be answerable 
for it ; but when the body or majority support one 



293 



or two men, in ads of oppression, the Bishops will 
not only be answerable for it, but the body too. Our 
Bishop, therefore, takes upon himself a responsibility 
that God does not require of him ; and that Church 
that forces it upon him, tempts the Lord. God will 
not bless any thing and every thing. But while pure 
motives govern our actions, our ignorance of the best 
manner of doing things may be winked at. These 
are some of the reasons why I could not vote with 
the majority, to give our good Bishops the absolute 
power of appointment. Other matters relating to 
Episcopacy I am perfectly agreed in ; but this I think 
is no part of the office ; that is, we have no authority 
for it in the Bible. It must either be usurped, or be 
imposed upon him by the Church, over which he pre- 
sides. He is not entitled to it by virtue of , his ordi- 
nation, according to my views of scriptural order. 

Our General Conference waded through much 
business in a three weeks' session, in much good 
humor ; and the best of all was, God was with us. 

I came home before the conference arose, to super- 
intend a camp meeting at Tuckahoe, and the preach- 
ers returned so as to join us in the camp meeting, 
after the first day. This meeting was attended with 
the blessing of God, Many were converted, and the 
children of God were much quickened. O how hap- 
py my soul has been in this work. Hundreds fell 
under the power of God. The Lord made bare his 
arm. The meeting was large ; it was supposed from 
twelve to fifteen thousand were present. But this was 
not much over half as large as one at Croton, that 



294 



was supposed to consist of twenty-four thousand. 
Of our camp meetings, a stranger may at first think 
unfavorable ; for on coming upon the ground, he first 
meets with groups of people around, suttlers and 
hucksters, wagons and tents, that crowd themselves 
into the roads and field, as near the camp ground as 
they can. These may be called the tents of Cash, 
the father of Nimrod, whose spirit and principles they 
embrace* The people that frequent those places are 
such as come to camp meeting to make a frolic of it. 
There is swearing, gambling, and the whole vocabu- 
lary of Bilingsgate language : so that on hearing this, 
and then coming into the meeting, he is ready to 
conclude it is a profanation of religious worship. But 
if he stays with us in camp, he wull soon think other- 
wise. For the power of God is soon realized by all 
w^ho have minds to discern between good and evil. 
Many are so wrought upon, that they are deprived of 
their strength and fall to the ground. Various opin- 
ions were formed respecting this work ; some said 
" they w^ere weak minds only w^ho w'ere wrought 
upon in this manner." To reason with some men of 
such opinions, seems to be lost labor ; for they con- 
sider themselves possessed of strong minds and 
nerves. I left a camp meeting one time, and called 
to see one of this class of men, and he began to ask 
me about the meeting, when I told him, tiiat a num- 
ber fell under the power of God." He asked, 
with a sarcastic tone, if it was not some weak wo- 
men that fell? I said yes, and weak men too." 
He then asked with apparent seriousness, " why it 



II 



295 



was that those who fell were weak women ? for,^* 
added lie, seems there are more women profess 
religion than there are men ! And what can be the 
reason ?" " O," said I, weak women know very 
well that they could not stand it in hell ! they are too 
weak to stand hell-fire ; but you strong men can 
stand it very well T He blushed at this, and I 
thought it as good an argument as any for such men. 

But it was generally known that the change 
wrought in those weak men and women^ so called, 
made them very religious. And as they were known 
to lead pious lives afterwards, it was then thought to 
be a good means to reform weak minds. Such was 
the opinion of those who felt themselves above being 
religious in a humble manner. 

We had many solemn and precious times on New 
Rochelle circuit. It appeared, however, to me, that 
Satan was let loose in some places ; or rather Satan 
had let loose his servants to sell cakes, and beer, and 
rum, at our camp and quarterly meetings. At a 
quarterly meeting at White-Plains, in time of love- 
feast, on Sabbath morning, a number of hucksters 
paraded themselves in the road, to sell cakes, beer, 
and rum. I got the names of six, and made com- 
plaint to Esquire Sniffen, and he prosecuted and 
fined them. This made them angry with me. One 
of them swore, and talked big words, what he would 
do to me^ and sent me word that he would lick me, 
as he expressed it. I sent word back by the messen- 
ger, " to have him clean his tongue before he under- 



296 



look to lick me, for I did not want to be defiled with 
his nasty tongue." I had to ride by his house to go 
to my appointment, and some of our friends advised 
me not to go that way, but I quoted Nehemiah, 
" Shall such a man as I flee to save his life T No. 
So I passed his house as usual, but met with no dis- 
turbance ; and before I got around the circuit, he 
was awakened and converted. I heard that he want- 
ed to see me to make his confession ; he said, " he 
wanted to see me more than any man living." So 
when we met, it was a very loving time — no violence 
offered. Religion makes a great change in the dis- 
position. Our Gospel is a peaceful Gospel. Ene- 
mies are made friends. Many besides Saul of Tar- 
sus have been convicted and converted, though they 
breathed threatening and slaughter against the people 
of God before. 

At a quarterly meeting at Bedford, on the Sabbath^ 
two young men in the gallery stood with their hats 
on, and laughed and made attempts to make others 
laugh, in time of prayer. I saw them, and they saw 
I was looking at them. But one of them continued 
to squint and make antic motions to excite a laugh 
from others. I looked steadily at him, but he was 
not to be deterred from laughing by my seeing him. 
Many others saw him also. So when the presiding 
elder had done prayer, I arose, and pointing to them, 
desired the two young men that stood with their hats 
on, to walk out of the meeting-house. They looked 
at me. I said, "I mean you two young men with 



29? 



your hats on, who have been laughing in tinne of 
prayer* I wish you to walk out of the house. If 
any know their names, I wish them to inform me 
after meeting, who they are ; I will teach those young 
men better than to disturb the solemnities of the 
worship of God, by such conduct." After meeting I 
was informed who they were, and Bro. Hall begged 
me not to prosecute them until he could see their 
parents. One was the son of a respectable Quaker, 
and the other of a respectable man that was of no 
profession, but a good neighbor to Bro. Hall. 
And as I was to preach at Bro. H 's that Sab- 
bath evening, he got the two young men there, and 
the father of the one of no profession. But the 
young Quaker's father lived a little farther off, and 
was not present. So Bro. Hall acted the part of a 
father for him. After preaching, I retired to my 
room. They brought the two young men into my 
room, to settle the difficulty. The father of the 
young man of no profession, expressed a sorrow that 
his son should disturb the meeting that day, as he 
was informed by Mr. Hall that he had done, and 
desired to settle it without a prosecution. I then 
spoke to the young man and asked him^ if he did 
not laugh in time of prayer ?" He said, " yes." I 
asked, if he did not think it was improper ?" He 
said, **yes, and he was sorry for it." I asked him, 
'*if he thought he should do so again ?" He said, 
"he hoped not." I then turned to his father and 
said, " I am satisfied with the acknowledgments of 

13* 



298 



your son ; it is all I want of him ; I hope he will 
never misbehave again*'' This seemed to be quite 
affecting to many who had crowded into the room 
to see and hear how the difficulty would be settled. 
Then Bro. Hall, as a father for the young Quaker^ 
came forward, and desired to have the difficulty settled 
with him, and expressed great satisfaction that the 
difficulty with the other was so well settled. I then 
turned to the young Quaker, and asked him, if he 
did not laugh in the time of prayer ?" He said, 
yes, and others laughed too." *^Did you under* 
stand me to mean you, when I desired you to leave 
the house?" He said, yes." And did 3^ou not 
know that it was improper to laugh in time of meet- 
ing as you did?" "No, it's no worse for me to 
laugh than others" But," said I, don't- you 
think you have done wrong ?" Why, I believe,'^ 
said he, " I did VvTong in going to meeting ; it would 
have been better for me to have been at work to get 
money to buy grog with !" I turned to the company 
and said, " well, I have reproved negroes and In- 
dians and even dogs, and I never reproved a dog 
that was less conscious of his guilt, than this young 
man." Then turning to the young man, I said^ 
" young man, I will bring you to repentance before I 
have done with you." There seemed to be a sud- 
den transition in the company, from the meltings of 
joy to grief. But Bro. Hall, like a kind-hearled 
friend for his neighbor, went with me next morn? 
ing on my way, as far as Mr. Green's, a Quaker 
elder^ desiring me to call and see him and make s 



toniplaint first to th^ elder, that if they would bring 
him to repentance, it was all I wanted. So we called 
on Mr. Green, and related all that had passed. He 
was grieved with the behaviour of the young Quaker^ 
and acknowledged I was perfectly right, in insisting 

on a repentance in him. Mr. G desired to know 

how I would settle it, without a prosecution. I said, 
" if the young man will make confession of his wrong 
to the satisfaction of the Quaker-meeting, and to 
Bro. Hall, within twenty-one days from last Sabbath^ 
and send me word in that time ; and also will promise 
to attend my meetings at Bro. Hall's, and behave 
well for six months, I will not prosecute, otherwise 

I shall." Mr. G expressed entire satisfaction 

with the conditions. But I had stated also, as a part 
of good behaviour that he should not wear his hat in 
time of prayer, because it was contrary to the custom 
of Quakers in their own meetings : at other times he 
might. Mr. G — — , and Bro. H , engaged in 
the work, and brought him to repentance. So I 
had him for a constant hearer for six monchs, and he 
behaved well— thus ended the difficulty. This 
shows that people may be brought to repentance by 
-the law, when the Gospel will r^ot effect them. But 
law repentance don't convert the soul, though it keeps 
people from disturbing the worship of God ; therefore 
it is better than no repentance. Many a poor fellow 
has gone to law for some trifling dispute about a few 
shillings, and has been brought to repentance before 
the lawyers have done with him. Some Quakers 
think I hate them, but they are grandly mistaken. 



300 



They judge as those do, who say, if you love me^ 
love my dog." 

We had many soul-refreshing seasons on this 
circuit ; my colleagues were happy in the work. 
We had about three hundred converted in the two 
years I travelled here ; but there was not more than 
half that number to be reckoned as nett increase, be- 
cause of the many that moved away. In these 
limes it seems all will move to the Ohio ; great talk 
about that country. I fear too much. I often related 
an anecdote of a farmer in England, who was about 
to sell and go to America. He rode up to Lon- 
don one day to close the bargain for his farm, and 
seeing a sign hanging on a sign-post, with a golden 
crow painted on the side fronting him, he stopped 
to view it, and read these words wrote Under it. 

A foreign country is like a golden crow." He was 
highly pleased with it, and concliided it was a high 
recommendation of i^merica. He moved on to see 
the other side of the sign, and found it all painted 
black ; he saw wrote under the black paint : Bui 
when you get there, it is as black as it is here'' — 
This caused a demur in the English farmer. If 
America were as bUck as England, he might as well 
stay where he was ; so he turned home again, and 
related to his family and Iri^.nds the story of his ad- 
venture. But this anecdote, I fear, never hindered one 
from emigrating to the western cou\nries. We must 
have a large increase, to keep our numbers good in this 
part of the w^ork, while the western conferences have 
a great increase 



CHAPTER XIV, 



After the conference in May, 1809, I went to 
Reading circuit. Now again 1 was in New England. 
Law established religion is an abonfiination in my 
eyes ; well, I must bear it. The erroneous doc* 
trines of Calvinism could not long have such a per- 
nicious influence to delude souls, were it not for the 
partial restraints laid upon our liberties of speech by 
the laws of New England. By Calvinistic doctrines, 
I do not mean that all the doctrines Calvinistic min- 
isters preach are erroneous. No ; they preach many 
precious truths, and are many of them very pious, 
holy men. But the doctrines emphatically called 
Calvinism; are those included in the five points, dif- 
ferring from Luther and Arminius. In other doc- 
trines we agree. But first, unconditional election, in- 
cluding the idea, God decreed whatsoever comes to 
pass. Second, unconditional perseverance. Third, 
partial redemption, or that Christ did not die for all. 
Fourth, irresistible grace. Fifth, imperfection. 
These are the doctrines of the Calvinists of the pre- 
sent day. Whereas, we hold and teach the reverse 
of this. We say, first, election is conditional, and 
that God did not decree whatsoever comes to pass. 



302 



Second, a Christian can fall from grace^ and the pro- 
mise of his salvation is on the condition of his per* 
severance unto the end of his probationary states 
Third, Christ did die for all. Fourth, grace is often 
and may be at all tim.es resisted. Fifth, it is our 
privilege and duty to be made perfect in love in this 
life. But these doctrines were opposed as highly 
erroneous by the Calvinists, especially in New Eng* 
land. 

Now I vi^as on the ground again. But union was 
the song. Ah ! union ! thou sweetest daughter of 
peace : how beautiful and pleasant art thou in the 
land of steady habits ^ Thy garments look beautiful^ 
but they smell not of the perfumes made to embalm* 
Thou hast a golden girdle^ but Saul's javelin may be 
concealed under thy cloak. 

I came to Reading, and heard of the counsel the 
good doctor of divinity, in Yale College, had given 
in the association in Connecticut— to preach as near 
like the Methodists as they could, and not preach 
their own doctrines in their own towns ; but to change 
with a minister of another town, to preach doctrines. 
This made me think of the privateers in time of war ; 
when they see a strange vessel they hoist a different 
flag from their own, either to decoy the enemy into 
their hands, or to defend themselves the better. But 
this policy will not do for Christian warfare. Those 
who pass counterfeit money, often carry good money 
with them to show, while their design is to pass off 
their counterfeit, when they can do it without de* 
tection. But this policy will not do for ChristianSc 



303 



1 have known persons when they had counterfeit 
money passed upon them, and they knew not that it 
was counterfeit at the time, who feU themselves richj 
and well able to make a large purchase ; but 
when they came into market, and found their money 
would not pass, they felt very much vexed^ either 
with those who refused their money, or with those 
who passed it upon them. So it is with those who are 
deceived in matters of religion* 

I feel sorry for those who make such pitiful shifts 
to get along with their mistaken notions about reli^ 
gion. They discover their own weakness, and be* 
Iray a fear openly to avow their doctrines. The 
Saybrook Platform, which contains their articles of 
faith, has been almost hid for more than fifty years. 
This book of discipline, ivas printed in the year 
1710 : it contains the effusions of good, honest Cal- 
vinistSj mistaken as they werCj yet like honest men 
they professed what they believed. But this book 
is scarcely known among the people now. If 1 
quote the articles contained in it, as the doctrines 
believed by the Congregationalists in New-England> 
they deny it, and say I accuse them wrongfully.—- 
Then I come to the Westminster Confession, or Cat- 
echism ; that also they deny. Then if I ask them 
what do you hold to ? They say the Bible ; so do I ; 
then we believe alike, that Christ died for all, salva- 
tion is free, whosoever will, may come. But they 
don't like this neither. They cannot believe with 
me, in a possibility of falling from grace or perfec: 
tion. How then can we unite ? They are mani-* 



304 



feslly uneasy, in hearing my doctrine. But I hope 
to see the day, when those doctrines will be under, 
stood, and have their due influence on the human 
mind. 

Brother Isaac Candy was my colleague the three 
first quarters of this year. We had a good revival 
of religion in different places. In Readings Green's- 
Farms, Weston, Bridgeport, Stratford, New-Town, 
Danbury, Ridgefield, Wilton, Norwalk, and some 
other places. The nett increase was over one hun- 
dred and fifty i but I presume that more than three 
hundred experienced religion. Many joined other 
denominations. So that it was a time of ingather- 
ing of souls. 

In Danbury, the few friends we had there, com- 
menced building a meeting-house ; they had suc- 
ceeded so far, as to raise a frame, but when that was 
done, their funds were all expended. There stood 
the frame -of a meeting-house. Some began to laugh 
and say, the Methodists began to build, and are 
not able to finish." Dr. Starr informed me of this 
affair, when I came to the place, and desired me to 
beg on the circuit, for help to finish the house. 1 
had bsen around the circuit once, and I thought it 
impossible to raise money enough for this work from 
the members on this circuit. We concluded it would 
take at least two hundred dollars in cash, besides 
what was subscribed in materials. I made it a mat- 
ter of prayer to God, that night, and got an answer 
that I should succeed some waj^ or other. So the 
next morning, I said to the Doctor, I will engage 



305 



to raise you ivvo hundred dollars. When my rest- 
days conae, in which I could visit my family, in 
New Rochelle, I took a circuitous route through 
part of Croton and New Rochelle circuits, and beg- 
ged for the Danbury meeting-house. So that when 
I came to see the Doctor again, I was able to pay 
him more than eighty dollars, of what 1 had promised 
him. Upon this, the Doctor began to proceed to finish 
the house. The people were surprised, supposing he 
was about to do it at his own expense, and it might 
injure him. He was not then a member of society. 
But he informed them that the Methodists loved 
one another, and that they had sent him money, so 
that if he could get work subscribed, he should 
have money enough, with prudent measures, to finish 
it. This had a good effect. One or two merchants 
gave some glass, another some nails ; mechanics 
turned out from one to five or six days a-piece, and 
when I came around, I brought eighty dollars more. 
In all this, I had got but little from the circuit. Then 
I began to solicit donations on the circuit, and suc- 
ceeded in making up about two hundred and thirty 
dollars in all. The house was enclosed in good or- 
der, and the manner of our doing it, had a good effect 
on the minds of good people generally, and raised the 
character of Methodism in that place. Much credit 
is due to Dr. Starr for this good work. 

Our societies had been instructed by my prede- 
cessors to make their collections for the support of 
the preachers in the classes. But the collections fell 
short of a supply, and of course I wrs deficient, for 



306 



I still kept up my rule of paying my colleagues and 
presiding elder. Some of our friends thought if we 
had our collections in public, we should get more. 
1 thought otherwise, and would not alter the custom 
that my predecessors had labored to establish. But 
they prevailed on my colleague to notify a collection 
in public, to be taken up when I came around, as- 
suring him that they would get more. So after I 
had preached, the leader informed the people, that 
there w^as a collection to be taken up for the support 
of the Gospel. I supposed the members would make 
out theirs in class, as usual. So when he counted the 
money, while the people were going out, I perceived 
he had got almost half as much as the class used to 
give. I thought, surely we have missed it in not 
having public collections before. But when I had 
met the class, I said, " now brethren, you can make 
out your collection," and to my astonishment, they 
had all contributed in the public collection. Then 
I called upon the class leader to count the money 
before them. They were abashed when they saw 
there was not quite half as much as they used to 
make out in their class. 1 said, brethren, do you 
think to cheat the Lord ? It appears that you have 
given le^s, presuming that the congregation w'ould 
make up your lack ! You said, ^* if we would have 
pubhc collections here, we should get more money ? 
Instead of that, w^e have got less ! Here, take your 
money ! I will not carry it to the stewards unless it is 
as large as formerly !" I thought this reproof mild 
enough and severe enough, too. Upon their ex- 



807 



arninatioii of the collection, they found twenty cents 
was all that was given, besides what the members 
gave. 

At my next appointment I dismissed the congre 
gation, and ihey were going out, when a rich old 
man that only used to give one dollar per quarter, 
spoke, and said, there is to be a public collection." 
I said, " no, we will have the collection in the class." 
So after class, I said, as usual, " now, brethren, you 
can make out your collection," The good old brother 
spoke and said, we ought to have had the col- 
lection in public." I said have you brought 
your dollar ?" He said, no, I have only half a 
dollar." Then I have detected you this time," 
said I. But did you think to cheat the Lord 
out of half of the offering?" — O how I felt. — 

Now," said I, " I am convinced that the people in 
Connecticut are a stingy, deceitful people. Your 
wisest men have given you this character ; they 
knew that you would never support public institu- 
tions unless you were compelled to do it. There- 
fore they have made laws to force you to support the 
Gospel, and to build meeting-houses, and school- 
houses ; but you are so stingy that you would not do 
it unless by compulsion. How can you answer this 
to God ? It is not me that you are cheating, but 
you are robbing God of offerings which are his due. 
We Methodist preachers come to you in the name 
of the Lord — we have not stipulated with you for a 
certain salary- We have said in our discipline, 
what a preacher should have, and it is well known 



308 



that that sum is only sufficient to supply the bare 
necessaries of life, as times are. We are not sup- 
plied with the conveniences of life, much less the 
superfluities. Every one know^s that our allowance 
is too small, and we do not even raise this by taxation 
or coercive measures, because we trust in the Lord. 
We believe that God has called us to this work, 
and he will see us paid in such manner as shall be 
best for us, and most for his glory. The Gospel or- 
dains a support for its ministers, and that support 
must arise from the liberality of the members, not 
by constraint, but of a liberal mind. You have heard 
of some that had their last and only cow sold at 
vendue, to raise money to pay the [minister's tax. 
You say this is hard and cruel ; but the law demands 
it. And what of all this ? It is but a human law. 
The law of God demands that you should be liberal, 
and while he is prospering you, and giving you the 
means to contribute, if you do not do it, he will 
damn your eternally, and that will be worse for you 
than to have your cow sold to pay the minister's tax. 
God will not be trifled with in this manner. It is 
not your money that I am seeking, but it is you. I 
want you saved from sin and stinginess. You must 
be loving and kind , and if you don't love your preach- 
ers who are laboring night and day, for your good, 
whom will you love ? I hope 1 may never have oc- 
casion to speak so severely again. It hurts me ; but I 
must tell you, that if you trifle thus with God, you will 
surely be damned ! I hope you that are guilty will 
reform, and 1 pray the Lord to forgive you this sin. 



309 



I had none to oppose me or reply ; for as it was 
well known that I was the only preacher that was 
deficient, and their professed design in having a 
public collection, was to raise more money, and 
those best able to contribute were keeping back a 
part of the price, therefore, they could say nothing ; 
and those who were not guilty, did not want to say 
any thing, but appeared pleased with my severe 
lecture. I hope this lecture will be a means of 
saving many souls, not only in New England, but 
where ever a stingy spirit rules. A man that is 
stingy is more or less deceitful ; and like Achan, 
coverts what belongs to God. A miserable idolater ! 

From this time I began to preach more especially 
against stinginess. I must think the Legislators of 
New-England judge of the people as men, and as 
wise men generally judge. But it is a reflection 
upon the religious character of this people, to sup- 
pose that with their great profession of rehgion, they 
would not support the Gospel, but by the compul- 
sive power of taxation. The exercise of liberal 
principles are superseded where coercive measures 
are used to support the ministry. Toleration is not 
a religious principle, but a usurpation of power that 
is blasphemous in its nature. If the Governor and 
several Doctors of Divinity, were to present a bill to 

I the Legislature, entitled an act to grant liberty to the 
Almighty to receive the worship of the Methodists 
and Quakers, every one would startle and call it 
blasphemy; but toleration implies this. Thus our 

I forefathers, at Boston,^ would not suffer the Almighty 



310 



to receive the worship of the Quakers in Boston ; 
for it is certain the Ahuighty could not receive their 
worship in Boston, after they were hanged. Each 
individual stands accountable to God for himself. 
The Legislature cannot answer for me, or any one 
else. Therefore, laws respecting religious worship 
are unrighteous, any further than they secure the 
liberties of religious people, in what they view to be 
their duty to God, while they do not disturb others 
in their religious devotions. If a man will not wor- 
ship God, or pay freely to the support of religious 
worship, he must answer it to God for himself. If 
a man choose sin and death, when he might choose 
the fear of the Lord and life, it is not in the power 
of a Legislature, or even of ministers that could 
work miracles, to prevent him, and in attempting to 
do it, they might be a means of destroying others. 
Therefore my best plan is, to keep on my way as I 
have been instructed. I don't preach for the sake of 
the money I get, yet I need more than I get. But 
I look to the Lord whom I serve. I believe this 
Gospel will support itself, and though I suffer a little, 
if tlie principle which I am defending can obtain, 
true religion will be more acceptable, in the view of 
thousands who now see religion as through a glass 
darkly. In order to discharge my duty in the minis- 
try, I must preach against the erroneous principles of 
this government ; and the stingy, lazy, covetous, 
deceitful disposition loo much prevailing in the Meth- 
odists' societies. It is said in these parts, that 
many of those who join the Methodists, do so only 



1 



311 



to get clear of paying taxes, and I fear this is but too 
true : yet I say, if llie Methodists take the scum of 
the towns in New-England, to make a church of, and 
they become liberal and pious, and truly religious, it 
will be an high recommendation to the spirit we pro- 
fess, and the principles we teach. 

At the conference in the year 1810, I received my 
station on Courtlandt circuit. This circuit was 
made out of a division of Croton and New-Rochelle 
circuits. The work of the Lord had been so great 
and glorious that more laborers were required, so 
ibis circuit was both new and old. Here the people 
had got an idea that I was very rich, of course 
many thought they need not contribute to assist me. 
It seems an impostor came along through this circuit 
among the Methodists, and wanted to get entertain- 
m.ent for nothing, so he informed the people, that 
be had been to see me ; and that his father had been 
judge of the court, and v/as very rich, but had lately 
deceased, and left in his will a legacy to me, con- 
sisting of a farm and eleven hundred dollars in 
money, because I w^as the means of his conversion 
some years before ; and now, said he, I have been 
down to carry brother Hibbard (as he called me) 
the deed of the farm, and to have him come up to 
Sharon to take possession of it.'' This story pleas- 
ed my friends very much, so they entertained him 
in the best manner freely; but 1 never knew his 
father nor him. However, he knew that I was verv 
much beloved where I was acquainted ; so he con- 
trived this story to enable him to travel at my ex- 



312 



pense, and a great expense it was to me in the end. 
Frequent reports that I was dead, were circulated 
this year. It was reported at five different limes, 
that I had hung myself. Twice I made inquiry 
with regard to the source of these reports, and each 
time traced it to a Quaker family, who said, they 
had heard it some where, but could not tell where." 
Sol think the report originated with them, and there 
I let it end. I thought if the Quakers wnsh to take 
revenge on me for making a statement of their errors, 
this is a sly way to do it. But I shall live to dis- 
appoint them, without taking any farther notice of 
this matter. And it will be with them as it was with 
a fool I heard of ; the fool got angry with Providence, 
and spit up tow^ards the heavens, and the spittle fell in 
his own face. 

As 1 was riding to New York in the fall of this 
year, and crossing the bridge at Harlaem, I passed 

my old friend B from Rye ; I checked m.y horse 

to have him come along side of me. I looked around 
to see if he would come up, and I saw him reining 
his horse out one side of the road. He looked pale. 
I said, come, let us ride in company," His chin 
quivered, and his voice faltered. He spoke, and 
said, a-i-, a~i-, is it you ?" I said, yes, it is I 
myself." A-i-, is it possible," said he, as he rode 
up along side of me, is it possible, that it is you ?" j 
I asked, ''Why all this amazement?" "Why," 
said he, *'we heard that you was dead, and that 
you had hung yourself ; and it came so correct, that 
all our neighbors believed it." ''Why," said he, "we 



i 



313 



had a great time of mourning there, on your account, 
and one Baptist neighbor wept when he heard it, 
and said, ^' if this is true, I shall believe in the 
possibility of falling from grace." I said, well I 
have not hung myself ; and you may tell that Bap- 
list brother, he need not wait for that event, before 
he believes in the possibihty of falling from grace." 

But who brought the news ?" He said, " it came 
from the Quaker-meeting ; some of the neighbors 
had been there, and had heard it mentioned by 
some one at the meeting." I said well, the Qua- 
kers cannot get me hung yet ; I suppose it to be 
some of the little-souled Quakers that raise these 
reports." 

In Pawlings-Town we preached on the Sabbath to 
a large congregation, with a prospect of great good 
through my instrumentality. On the Monday he* 
fore my appointment there, a traveller, (nobody 
knew who) called at the door of a tavern in that 
place, and informed the family, that he was desired 
by somebody about twenty miles below, to call there 
and inform them that the Rev. Billy Hibbard was 
dead, that he died near Croton, of a typhus fever, 
very suddenly, and as his appointment was to preach 
there the next Sabbath, they thought it would be a 
kindness to inform them of it, so they might not be 
disappointed." This news was thought by many to 
be true. It seems I had died a natural death this 
time. But some doubted the truth of it, because it 
had been reported that I had hung myself so many 

14 



3i4 



times before. However^ I came to New-Fairfield, 
(bro. Mead's,) on Thursday, and it seems they had 
heard the news of my death, and believed it. So 
when I came to the gate, a little boy ran into the 
house, and soon came out again, so that he met me 
in the yard. Just then I heard the shriek of a wo- 
man ; and as I entered the door, I saw sister Mead 
had fallen into a chair, and appeared to be in a fit. 
I hurried to support her. Rebecca stood at the 
wheel, looked pale, and affrighted. I asked Re- 
becca what was the matter ? None spoke a word ! 
I asked again — but no answer. The little boy by 
this time came in with my saddle ; I asked him, 
what is the matter ?" He smiled and said, I 
suppose she will tell you," and went out. I could 
not discover by her looks, or pulse, any particular 
disease. But why is Rebecca so frightened ? thouglit 
I, she must think her mother is dying. I asked her 
again " what is the matter with your mother ?" She 
then spoke, and said, " I suppose she will tell you." 
This surprised me more, but perceiving she was not | 
in a fit, and that she was sighing and catching her 
breath, as though she would speak if she could, I 
shook her a little and raised her up, and spoke ear- 
nestly, "tell me what is the matter?" She spoke 
as well as she could, Why, d-o-n't you k-n-o-w 
t-h-a-t we heard you was d-e-a-d ?" "We!l,"said 
I, " Fm not dead, and if I was, I would not ap- ' 
pear to frighten or hurt you." **0," said she, " I 
am not frightened, but when the boy said you had 
come, and we had heard so correctly that you were 



315 



dead, I felt shocked that any person should lie so 
much about you. Last night we heard of it at our 
prayer-meeting, and the circumstance of a traveller 
calling at the tavern with the message, and to pre- 
vent a disappointment, my husband notified the peo- 
ple that you would not be here, and now to have 
this sudden shock, made me almost faint." 

To rectify all mistakes, I had to ride on to Paw- 
lings-Town to let them know I was still alive. I 
preached on this text, If they believe not Moses 
and the Prophets, neither will they be persuaded, 
though one arose from the dead." 

We had a good work of the Lord on the circuit. 
Our camp-meeting at Pawlings-Town was attended 
with the usual blessing of 'God, but no extraordinary 
increase. Many moved away, so that we about kept 
our number good. My mind enjoyed peace, though 
my family was sick a part of this year. This gave me 
some uneasiness; but the neighbors were kind-in 
New Rochelle, and Dr. Rogers was very kind to 
attend them in my absence, and even while I was at 
home. But through the mercy of the Lord we lost 
none. 

' At the conference in New-York, 1811, I received 
my station on Rhinebeck circuit. Here I had lived 
and travelled before. Brother Dunbar was my col- 
league, brother Candv, supernumerary. It was a 
heavy tax upon me to provide for two preachers. 
So the first quarterly-meeting the presiding elder 
and stewards, put their heads together • to make me 
alter my method of paying my colleagues, before I 



S10 



took any thing for myself. They stated their opin- 
ion of justice in this matter, and the stewards being 
put up to it by the presiding elder ; one said, il 
was his duty to divide the money to each according 
to their claims, and he would do so." I said, I 
will not contend about it, for it is written, * an elder 
should not strive.^ But/* said I, I shall not take 
any of your money until the preachers are all paid 
off." " Well," said the steward, " I will send it to 
your wife." *^ Ah !" said I, she will not take it, 
for we are agreed in this thing." Well, then," said 
he, " I will send it to the conference." I said, that 
you can do, but I shall not receive it from the con- 
ference. I make no claim there, though I have 
every year been nearly one hundred AoW^ixs deficient, 
and sometimes more than a hundred, but I have made 
no claims on the conference. You can do as you 
please this quarter, but as the discipline makes it my 
dnty to appoint stewards and change them, I shall 
appoint new ones for the next quarterly meet- 
ing. I must have stewards that will mind me." Upon 
this, they gave it up, though the senior steward said, 
" he would be glad to have me release him from the 
task." I said, I have nothing against you, if you 
will mind me ; but if you will not, I must appoint one 
that will. I am the only person that stands responsible 
for the disbursement of monies that come into the 
steward's hands." So they paid off the preachers, 
though they had said, there would not be enough 
to pay my colleagues, and that I should get nothing 
this quarter," yet they were mistaken, for I got 



317 



EIGHT CENTS ! ! I was happy with my eight cents ! 

Blessed are the poor." My soul was happy in God. 

The two years I was on this circuit was a season 
of great mortality. The spotted fever raged ; hun- 
dreds died suddenly ! Physicians seemed not to 
know how to prevent the evil at first ; some thought 
bleeding was the best remedy ; but nearly all died 
who were bled in the first stage of the disease. — 
Others thought stimulating remedies were best, but 
this would not cure over two in five. I perceived, 
that on approach of this complaint, the person was 
seized with langour, dejection of spirits, amazing de- 
pression, and loss of muscular strength, universal 
weariness and soreness, pains in the head, back, and 
extremities, the pulse small and hard. I advised to 
vomit freely, and physic with julap and calomel, and 
then promote perspiration by giving a solution of 
tartarized antimony, with leas of wild hyssop or 
hemlock boughs. This method I found succeeded 
in more than one hundred cases — so that not one died. 
Some supposed my patients were not attacked with 
the spotted fever, because they recovered so soon. 
But several doctors fell in with this mode of practice, 
and found it successful. Some physicians would not 
receive instruction, the bleeding system was their 
hobby. Three doctors died martyrs to their system 
of practice, and I thought some lives were saved by 
their deaths, for others forthwith altered their mode 
of practice. The pestilence was severe, I was 
called frequently to preach funeral discourses. In 
one house three lay dead, and four sick with the fever. 



318 



two of whom died within two or three days after. 
Though death raged among us, it seems but few go^ 
rehgion. However, we had peace on the circuit, and 
some increase during these two years. 

Our General Conference was held in New York, 
May, 1812. Here again we had to wade through 
much business, a variety of opinions were agitated 
about Episcopacy. I have often smiled to think that 
some of us view Episcopacy a thing so great and 
important, that we hardly know how important it is, 
when we even made it ourselves. If we give i^ 
pov^er enough, I presume it will be so important that 
we cannot govern it ; and if it can govern itself, it 
will be a great mercy to the Methodists. 

Our Annual Conference commenced in Albany, 
June 4th, 1812. My kinsman and dear brother Ro- 
bert HiBBARD, was desired to go to Canada— he 
came to me for advice. There was expectation of 
a war between America and Great Britain. He 
asked me if I thought there w^ould be war ?" J 
said, *'yes, our government must declare war, or we 
shall lose our independence." **Wel], in that case 
would you advise me 'to go to Canada?" I asked him, 

whether he could, in conscience, take the oalh that 
would be required ?" He said " yes." ** And are 
you sufficiently assured that you have friends there, 
that would support you ?" He said, " yes." I said, 
" then go, and be true to the government. Your 
business is to preach the Gospel, and save souls by 
the means God hath appointed. If we are enemies 
in a political point of view, remember our great work 



11 



319 



is to preach the Gospel. I shall be true to this gov- 
ernment, and you must be true to that; but above all 
let us be faithful to serve the Lord." Upon this we 
parted. But alas ! before the year was out he was 
drowned in the river St. Lawrence ! It seems, in 
crossing, his horse pawed, and stove a hole in the 
boat, so that it filled ; the horse then jumped over- 
board, and he held on to his horse ; they swam toward 
the shore, but he was soon disengaged from the horse, 
and sunk to rise no more ! This was the end of a 
v^ry holy man. I trust ho is numbered with the 
just men made perfect. 



CHAPTER XV. 



At our next Conference, held in Amenia, 1813, I 
was stationed on Pittsfield circuit. 

Here were troubles. A number of members in 
society at the west end of Pittsfield, had withdrawn 
and held separate meeting ; public opinion was in 
their favor. And nearly all that expressed an opin- 
ion to me, expressed a fear that they had been treated 
unjustly, and were a persecuted people. Their 
committee waited upon me, and stated the desire and 
request of the whole body of dissenters, viz., that I 
should form them into a class according to the Disci- 
pline of the Methodist Church. I agreed to it if they 
would conform to the said Discipline, and receive me 
as their minister ; they agreed to this. JSo I took 
them in on trial or probation, and at the end of their 
six months' probation, I staled to them that though I 
viewed their motives in withdrawing from the church 
to be pure, yet I considered the act wrong, and this 
error had risen from a mistaken notion of conducting 
class matters. I required of them a confession, that 
their act of withdrawing was wrong. This they all 
refused to do, but four or five, so the few that con- 
fessed, we took mto membership again. But the 



321 



Others went off very much displeased with me, be- 
cause I required of them a confession. I found they 
would neither receive me, nor the discipline to govern 
them, unless we could govern according to their opin- 
ion. But my sufferings and labor with them, were 
so well understood, that it changed public opinion 
respecting them, and their congregation left them ; 
this vexed them, and they accused me heavily. They 
said, you meant to break us up," I said, yes, 
that is true, and I am sorry I did not succeed to make 
you all good Methodists." 

These schismatics formed a coalition with others 
on different circuits, and made zealous struggles to 
establish themselves into a church under the name of 
Reformed Methodists. But wisdom was not justi- 
fied of her children" among them, therefore, they 
have not prospered. Confusion was in their counsels, 
and in many places they dwindled away, professing 
themselves to be spiritually wise, when they were 
not ; they became bold in their boisterous preaching, 
and having the name of Methodists, they were in 
good repute for awhile. But some have since joined 
the Shakers, and some the Christ-ians, so that now 
their number is small. 

At our next Annual Conference held in New-York, 
1814, I gave intimation that I felt it my duty to vol- 
unteer my service to supply the army with preach- 
ing, in all cases where I could, and that if the militia 
should be called out where I travelled, and wanted a 
chaplain, I should offer myself lo go with them. This 

14* 



322 



matter was talked over,- and it was thought to be right 
to aid the government, and especially to do all in our 
power to prevent wickedness increasing because of 
the war. Our prayers were fervent, that God would 
dispose our enemies to be at peace wiih us. Our 
government had offered peace offerings in the com* 
mencement, by sending out its ministers to treat for 
peace, and submitting to have the Emperor of Russia, 
to mediate between the two belligerant nations; but 
England thought to try the tug of war" awhile* 
and refused the friendly offer of Russia to mediate^ 
Therefore, war raged, a:nd many battles were fought, 
from the time war was declared on June 18, 1812, lo 
^January 8,. 1815 ; when the ever memorable battle at 
New Orleans, taught the British, that invading armies 
could not stand before American rifleman with our 
heroic Jackson to direct their course ; and the God 
of Heaven to aid the little band, with skill and force. 

I was informed that the Methodists from Kentucky 
and Tennessee, frequently held prayer-meetings in 
their tents ; and one day when general orders were 
issued, not to have any unusual noise in the camp, 
these Christian riflemen had prayers, and feeling 
pretty happy, they made some noise, at which an 
officer went to General Jackson, and asked him if 
be should stop them, as the General's orders were 
that there should be no unusual noise in the camp. 
The General answered, ''No, let them pray; God 
forbid that the sound of prayer should be accounted 
an unusual noise, w^iere I command." 
War is one of the four Bore evils that God brings 



323 



Upon nations ; pestilence, plague, and famine are the 
other three. And it is national wickedness which God 
designs to reform by sending those evils. The pesti- 
lence had long raged in our land, and the national 
wickedness was not reformed by us. I viewed the sins 
of our nation, to be the sins of its rulers ; and I 
viewed the rulers of this nation, to be the people. As 
to our President and members of Congress, ihey are 
but the servants of the people. And one part of the 
wickedness of the people, who are the sovereign 
rulers, consisted in speaking evil of their servants. 
This sin had so completely infested and infected 
every part of the community, that scarcely any were 
free from blame. Whether federalists or republicans 
were appointed to office, they were sure to be abused 
and spoken evil of. It might be expected that the 
ministers of religion would suppress evil speaking, 
by their united testimony against it. But alas ! 
though some discharged their duty faithfully, yet 
many fomented evil speaking. In New-England 
the clergy of the* established order, were generally 
opposed to a republican administration of govern- 
ment ; and some of them were vehement in their 
declamations against the President and General 
Council of the nation. Some Doctors of Divinity 
and eminent ministers, became notorious for their 
oratorical fulminalions. One sermon on a fast day, in 
1814, from which my friend Philom gives some ex- 
tracts, is sufficient to show that the preacher as well 
as many others, seemed to enlist their whole souls in 
the cause of public slander, and oratorical declama- 



32i 



tion. What then could be expected of the few who 
seldom or never spoke of the politics of the day in 
their sermons, to counteract this evil 1 Therefore, 
the sin of evil-speaking came upon us, like a wide 
breaking in of waters. 

At length Dr. M'Cleod, of New York, preached 
five sermons on the subject of the measures of gov- 
ernment, with the design of showing that our war 
was just. These sermons did much good, though 
they seemed to have come out at the eleventh hour ; 
yet they did much good, and they ought to be read 
by all ; I was much edified by them ; they contain 
unanswerable proof of the right and duly of a nation, 
under certain circumstances, to wage war ; and that 
our nation was then suffering more than a sufficiency 
to justify them in their declaralion of war, yet many 
hot-headed partisans roundly declared the war |was 
unjust. This opposition was very unpleasant, aris- 
ing out of ignorance and party zeal. The clergy in 
New England carried great influence, and were unt- 
ted in their efforts. They Imd prophecied many 
things against the administration, the most of which 
proved to be false ; but we had good ground to fear 
that their influence among superstitious mortals in 
exciting opposition, would end in rebellion. These 
were times that tried men's souls. It was important 
that every man that was friendly to the general gov- 
ernment, should show himself and avow his princi- 
ples. I did not hesitate a moment ; therefore, when 
the militia were called out to go to Boston, I volun- 
teered my services, and CoL Chambebi.ain appoint- 



32S 



ed Qie chaplain of his regiment. All was hurry. Or- 
ders were given to'march to Boston forthwith. Gov. 
Strong had been requested by the President to call 
out the number of troops assigned by Congress, as 
the quota for the state of Massachusetts, in order to 
defend Boston from an attack that was threatened, 
by a fleet and army of twenty thousand men, under 
the command of Lord Hill. But Gov. Strong 
knowing that if he called out those troops by the or- 
der from Congress, the chief command of them would 
devolve on Gen. Dearborn, who commanded the 
regular troops at Boston, at that time ; therefore he 
called them out by his own order, that he might keep 
the command of them in his own hands. I saw by 
this disobedience of Gov. Strong that there might 
be a secret design against the general government. 
I believed that if Lord Hill should come, Gov. 
Strong might join him, and so separate New Eng- 
land from the other states, and make himself a king 
in the land of steady habits. As soon as I had an 
opportunity, I opened my mind to the officers of the 
staff, and some of them were of my opinion. The 
Colonel declared, that the moment he discovered that 
the Governor did not defend the place, in case we 
should be attacked, he would command his regiment 
to turn their arms upon him. Our men were in high 
spirits. I had been ordered to join the regiment on 
the third day's march. By this time I was prepared 
for the campaign ; and the day I started I heard the 
news of the defeat of the British at Plattsburgh and 
Baltimore. So when I overtook the regiment in 



326 



WarC) and informed them of the news, the officers 
immediately informed the soldiers, and they gave six 
cheers that rent the air. 

When we arrived at Boston, we were ordered lo 
encamp at Cambridgeport, until further orders. This 
was a wetj sunken place, calculated to give our men 
remittent fevers. However, our good surgeon, Dr. 
BuRBANK, succeeded in curing all that were attacked 
with it, so that we lost none. Our regiment was 
called out every morning at nine o'clock, to attend 
prayers, and we had many solemn seasons. I gen- 
erally prayed about six or eight minutes, and would 
sometimes exhort them about ten minutes more. 
Sometimes many were in tears while I was pressing 
home the duty of the soldier to fear God and serve 
his country in the midst of war* I prayed also for 
our enemies, that God would dispose them to be at 
peace with us, and that he would perpetuate those 
just principles upon which our independence and gov- 
ernment as a nation were founded, and would inspire 
us to act up to the dignity of free men ; and thereby 
leach our enemies that God had given us our inde- 
pendence, and that our righteous laws afid civil pow- 
ers were ordained of God. I prayed that we might 
be blessed with a realizing sense of our privilege, un- 
der this free and mild government, and that God 
would forgive our enemies the evils they had done 
us, in robbing us of our sailors, and infringing upon 
our rights on the high seas. I believe my' prayers 
were heard in heaven, for we had an answer that 
solemnized our minds. Our soldiers generally man- 



327- 



ifested a desire to altend prayers, ai^id also to attend 
my meetings on week-day evenings. Thus we were 
employed, drilling by day, and attending meetings 
in the evening two or three times in a week. All our 
meetings were solemn assemblies. We were some- 
limes so crowdedj that none could sit down ; all stood 
in perfect silence to hear what I had to say. My 
practice was^ to sing a hymn, make a short pretyer, 
and then exhort them to duty. To do violence to 
no man : accuse none wrongfully, and to be content 
with their wagesy^ formed the foundation of my dis* 
courses, endeavoring thereby to cultivate a quietj 
loving disposition among officers and soldiers^ I said, 
we must discharge our duty as soldiers that fear God, 
and in all things act with a special reference to the 
glory of God, in defending tlie principles of justice, 
and the equal rights of man ; which God has ordain- 
ed as the grand pillars of the independence and gov* 
ernment of these United States. We ought not to 
suffer the haughty tyrants of Europe to break faith 
with us with impunity. But we must look to God to 
aid us, as he aided our fathers in the revolution. 
Our government is of God. The powers that be, are 
ordained by him. If we resist her just commands, 
we shall be cursed of God. We can live according 
to the dictates of religion and serve our God and 
country. Let there be no profane swearing, no pas- 
sions indulged that would violate the decorum of 
christian soldiers, but show to all that we fear God 
and honor our government. After some such short 
discourse, I would close by piayer. 



328 



Some have expressed an opinion that it was need- 
less to have chaplains in an army ; but from what I 
have witnessed, I think if rainisters can do good any 
where, they can in the army, if they are men fearing 
God themselves. There they have labor enough to 
prevent swearing, and many immoral habits that pre- 
vail. 

I believe I was instrumental of some good to the 
officers and soldiers. We had a very good under- 
standing with each other, and contracted such an 
affection, that when we were discharged and were 
taking leave of each other, our affections were mani- 
fested in a libeial flow of tears. And not long 
after I returned home, 1 had the satisfaction to hear 
of forty-three who were in our regiment, that had 
experienced religion, and joined our society. I met 
with no abuse from either soldiers or sailors while 
with them. But such was the habit of speaking 
evil of the President and Congress, that I met with 
several insults from gentlemen of those habits, — ^ 
One instance of insult happened on parade. A gen- 
tleman that often attended prayers outside of the 
hollow square, came to me while I was waiting for 
the regiment to form ; and the invalids were also 
standing with me. This gentleman came to make 
some acquaintance ; he asked for my name, and 
whether I was educated in Cambridge College, &c. 
He remarked lhat our country was once flourishing, 
but now it is wretched, *^ and all," said he, by our 
damned rulers." I said, sir, our rulers are not i 
damned." ''Yes," said he, *'they are damned rulers." 



329 



I said, sir, you insult me, no man that is acquainted 
with me, will treat me with vulgarity, nor curse the 
rulers of our land in my presence ; it is written thou 
shall not curse the rulers of thy people." He said, 

rf I have hurt your feelings, I am sorry for it, I 
meant Madison." I said, I feel myself insulted 
by you, and I owe you no conversation." He steer- 
ed off w^ithout another word. At a proper time I 
made my complaint to the officers of the staff. I told 
them, I could not hear the rulers of our land cursed 
without resenting it. There was such an interest 
taken in my behalf by the officers and soldiers, that 
soon it was noised about that the chaplain had^been 
insulted, and it became the subject of much conver- 
sation. Some concluded by way of apology, that 
the gentleman would not have made so free in my 
presence if he had not supposed that I vvas a chaplain 
of the same political sentiments of the clergy in gen- 
eral in New England. I said, if so, wlmt an account 
will those clergymen have to give, who have encour- 
aged the people m cursing the rulers of our land ; 
verily, this has been the cause of this war, and of all 
the blood that has been sHed. O tempora ! Omores ! 

It was soon known that I was a republican ; 
though we agreed among the officers of our regiment, 
to say nothingabout party politics, but all professed to 
be true Americans. Yet I heard much said among 
the inhabitants of towns around, and many things 
said, that I had to reprove. It surprised and^rieved 
me to hear people who professed so much religion. 



330 



speak evil of those rulers, who are but the servants of 
the people. 

It was this year, 1814, that Governor Strong and 
the assembly, gave the tone of rebeUion against the 
general government, by recommending and appoint- 
ing delegates for the Hartford convention. This 
was a mad affair, instigated in a great measure by 
the clergy of New England, who like Dr. Parish, 
vented their invectives against the administration of 
government, and fomented division. It was so gen- 
erally known that the clergy were opposed to our 
government, that it surprised many, when they learn- 
ed that I was a friend to the administration. There- 
fore I was unto them as a spy ; some went so far as 
to say, that I ought not to be a chaplain. But our 
regiment were all of one mind ; whether they were 
federal or republican, they were for defending the 
country like true Americans. And I heard no com- 
plaining from one of them. But some members of 
the assembly and some hot-headed politicians who 
were deceived with false prophecies, spoke against 
every thing that was of a republican character. The 
prophets of the day (such as they were) prophecied 
that great Britain would never make peace with 
America while Mr. Madison was President. There- 
fore, one zealous convert of those false prophets, pre- 
sented a motion to the assembly in Boston, to appoint 
a delegation from that assembly to wait on the Pre- 
sident,^nd request him to resign his office, or change 
his cabinet counsel, &c. But in their profound wis- 
dom they thought it best first to have a convention of 



331 



wise men to meet al Hartford. And when this was 
known through the state, the clergy proclaimed a 
fast ; and on the 14th of December, 1814, their con- 
vention met at Hartford, and the clergy called to- 
gether their flocks to fast and pray for them ; so they 
fasted and prayed, and formed moral societies to keep 
the Sabbath. But the secret design of these moral 
societies was to prevent the government teams from 
travelling on the Sabbath. Therefore, many broke 
the Sabbath, in laboring to make other people keep 
it. 

Such was the opposition of the federalists in New 
England, to the war, that many of 'them thought it a 
pious duty to speak evil of the Congress, and com- 
plain of every measure proposed to prosecute the war 
with success. They rejoiced at our discomfitures, 
and seemed to mourn on hearing news of our success. 
The prayers for our government offered up by many 
of them, were studied invectives. And on all occa- 
sions, they seemed to pride themselves in showing a 
dislike to every measure pursued by the Americans ; 
and of extolling the magnanimity of the English. 
Though this grieved me, yet T pitied them as delu- 
ded souls, and felt truly sorry for them. But I was 
pleased. v;ith the rebut some met with in their im- 
pious complaining. One day a number of gentlemen 
from Boston, went on board the Independence sev- 
enty-four gun ship that v^as fitting out for sea, in 
Charlestown harbor ; among them was one of the 
Hartford convention gentlemen. The sailors had 
just killed and dressed a fat hog, and this pious con- 



Z32 



vention gentleman was strutting about, not observing 
the dead hog, and when his full bosom was ready to 
burst with some pious slan^ against the measures of 
war; he at last sung out, " Fye fo fum, I smell the 
blood of an English mun.'' And was about to add, 
dead or alive I'll have some ; but turning around as 
he spoke, he saw the dead hog hanging near him, 
which had affected his olfactory nerve, and inspired 
his pious stomach, so that he cut short his remarks, 
on finding he had mistaken the blood of a hog for an 
Englishman. 

Col. Chamberlain had sent v/ord to the Governor, 
that his regiment was ready for service, or to march 
down to Castine, to drive off the British. I was re- 
quested also to inform those members of the assem- 
bly, then setting in Boston, who came from that part 
of the Maine, where the British troops lay, that our 
regiment were waiting for orders to march down and 
drive them off. And they petitioned Governor 
Strong for a suitable force of volunteers for that pur- 
pose. But our pious Governor loved our enemies 
so well, that he v^^ould not have them hurt or disturb- 
ed ; so he advised neutrality, and preached peace, 
with all but republicanism. I did not hear of his 
preaching any peace with that. 

These were times to try men's souls, but God 
overruled, and though they organized a convention to 
meet at Hartford, and the clergy with their flocks 
fasted and prayed, yet, He that sitteth in heavefi, 
had them in derision,^'^ Psalms ii. 4. Notwithstand- 
ing the opposition and prophecies that Englan 



233 



would not make peace with America, while Mr. 
Madison was President, so it was. In spite of the 
false prophets, a peace was concluded upon by the 
commissioners at Ghent, and signed by the Prince 
Regent, on the 24th of December, while the Hart- 
ford Convention were plotting mischief ; and it ar- 
rived here the forepart of February, and was ratified 
by President Madison, on the fifteenth of the same 
month. While the delegates recommended by the 
Hartford Convention, were on their way toWashing- 
toUj they heard this news of peace, and it was said, 
that when they first heard it, they were confused and 

confounded ; that Mr. 0 , when at table, was in 

a reverie, for when they passed the bread, he did not 
notice it. One asked him "if he would have a 
piece ?" He said, we can't have this peace, it will 
ruin the people of Boston !" Many other expressions 
escaped him that clearly evinced, that it was not 
peace that was desired by them, but the exaltation 
of their party politics, and gain by trading with the 
enemy. The people of Boston had improved their 
neutrality to run goods from the British lines, and 
this peace spoiled their prospects of gain, therefore 
the peace would injure the people of Boston. 

I felt thankful that God had confounded the wise 
in their craftiness, and brought to nought their 
schemes of mischief. 

After I returned from the army, I visited the pris- 
oners in Pittsfield. There were several thousand, 
that had been taken by Generals Brown and Scott, 
and others, on the lines of Canada. Many of them 



334 

were allowed to work for half a dollar per day, and 
they lived well. Thirteen of them professed to ex- 
perience religion while with us, and those in the 
prison informed me that they fared well, and had 
good rations. Some said they fared better with us 
than they did in Canada. One of those who had ex- 
perienced religion said, if I would say it was right 
for him to desert, he would do so, and live in this 
country. I asked him if he enlisted voluntarily? 
and if he had taken the oath of allegiance to the 
Prince Regent ? and if he had been paid his wages ? 
&c. To all these he answered, yes. I then said, 
you ought not to desert. The tears ran down his 
face when he heard this. I said, be of good cheer,' 
my dear fellow, you can live religion in the army, 
though it is more difficult ; but remember, it is prin- 
ciple that binds us to our governments. I am bound 
to support this government, and you are bound to 
support the British government, until you obtain a 
legal discharge from it, and then if you come under 
this government, you will be equally bound to sup- 
port this ; but you must discharge your duty by yield 
ing obedience to the government you are under, and 
serve God while so doing. He v^ept, and said, I 
will do my duty, painful as it may be, by the grace 
of God assisting me. Til do my duty." 

Some have said that soldiers cannot be religious, 
and that war is wrong in all cases. Such people are 
very contracted in their views of religion itself, and 
of the dispensations of God's judgments ; they little 
think that they indirectly say, God's judgments are 



335 



wrong. War is a judgment God sends upon a wick- 
ed nation, and though war originated first from the 
malevolent passions of men ; yet God designs that 
those who take the sword, shall perish with the 
sword ; therefore defensive war is always right, 
while offensive war is always wrong. But subjects 
mider all civil governments, are bound to obey those 
who have the rule over them, whether the war is 
right or wrong, at least so long as those who admin- 
ister the government, solemnly regard the constitu- 
tion that makes them lawful administrators of govern- 
ment and no longer. For if men who are set to ad- 
minister government, shall disregard the constitution, 
and attempt tyrannically to enslave their subjects, as 
the king and parliament of Great Britain did to the 
American colonists before the revolution ; by taxing 
America without giving them a just representation 
according to their constitution ; the subjects are right 
in such a case, in opposing such tyrants and rebels. 
I say such rebels, for the king and parliament rebel- 
led against the constitution of the nation, {if they had 
any,) at least what they called a constitution they set 
at nought, and^ therefore they were the rebels, and 
the colonists had a right to establish a government for 
themselves. Then the obligation of those subjects 
in the colonies ceased, and the only question to be 
decided by them was, the expediency of going to war 
against the king* and parliament of Great Britain, for 
as the wise man said, Prov. xx. 18, " Every purpose 
is established by counsel^ and with good advice make 
war.^^ This they did in the name of the Lord ; and 



336 



by the blessing of God, they taught the tyrants of 
England, that government consisted in principle, cor- 
rect principle that rules the rulers as well as the peo- 
ple. And I pray God that the principles of justice 
and equal rights, may continue to be the foundation 
of government in this happy country, while the world 
shall stand. 

But though England, after an eight years war, ac- 
knowledged us an independent nation, yet they en- 
vied us our peace and prosperity. They broke faith 
a number of times with our administrators of govern- 
ment; they labored to divide us, and sent John Hen- 
ry to Boston to negotiate with the Federalists to give 
the tone of rebellion in case of a w^ar. They had 
robbed us of many of our sailors, and violated our 
rights of commerce, contrary to the law of nations. 
These robberies of our seamen, and violations of our 
rights, were complained of by our nation for twenty 
years, without obtaining any redress. Our christian 
meekness as a nation, and our divisions in party pol- 
itics, only encouraged them to continue their abuses, 
until we despaired of mending their manners" with- 
out war. 

All diplomatic measures, it seems, only served to 
increase the difficulty. Justice and mercy are two 
glorious attributes of the Deity, but neither of these 
can be exercised in creation and providence without 
lionitation. Mercy ceases to be mercy over a certain 
degree of forbearance — so also of justice. Our wise 
administrators proved them in every way, and found 
that nothing would satisfy the haughty Enghsh, but 



337 



a surrender of our independence. Therefore the 
only alternative we had, was to give up our indepen- 
dence, or fight once more to maintain it, and like wise 
and good men, our administrators chose the latter. 
But now, for wise or learned men to say that this war 
was unjust or unrighteous, is only to be accounted for 
from the fact that they were deluded by a little insig- 
nificant spirit that governed some in the party politics 
of the day, called *^ love of office." This spirit made 
them so thirst for office, that it drank up all their 
patriotism, and left them in a high fever, which was 
like to terminate in desperation. 

I often prayed to the Lord to overrule this political 
madness, and to preserve our beloved America from 
civil war, well assured that if virtue and correct prin- 
ciples could prevail and rule over us, we should al- 
ways prosper. 

The gospel of Christ is apeaceful gospel ; it makes 
brethren of the same family love each other : soldiers 
of the same regiment or army love each other, in 
proportion as they love God and their country. And 
members of the same civil community, labor above 
all things to promote the peace and happiness of that 
community. My whole soul was delighted with the 
sentiments of religion expressed by General Marion. 
And I pray God, that his views of religion may be- 
come the governing principle of those who have been 
guilty of opposing the general government, and of 
such as cry peace, peace, when there is no peace ; or 
rather are at peace with our enemies, and at enmity 
with our own government. General Marion seems 



338 

not only to be a soldier, but a Christian ; not a bigot 
nor a hypocrite. When a friend of his informed 
him that the Methodists and Baptists were progress- 
ing rapidly in some parts of the state, he replied, 
well, thank God for that ; — that is good news." 
The same gentleman then asked him which he 
thought was the best religion ? '^I know of but one 
religion (he answered) and that is hearty love of God 
and man. This is the only true rehgion ; and I 
would to God our country w^as full of it ; for it is the 
only spice to embalm and immortaUze our republic. 
Any politician can sketch out a fine theory of govern- 
ment, but what is [to bind the people to practice ? 
Archimedes used to mourn that though his mechanic 
powers were irresistible, yet he could never raise the 
worlds because he had no place in the heavens, 
whereon to fix his pulleys. Even so, our republic 
will never be raised above the shameful factions, and 
miserable end of all other governments, until our citi- 
zens come to have their hearts like Archimedes' pul- 
leys, fixed on heaven. 

ioo7^ld sometimes makes such bids to ambi- 
tion, that nothing but heaven can out-bid her. The 
heart is sometimes so embittered, thai nothing but 
Pivinelove can svjeeten it ; so enraged that devotion 
only can becalm it , and so broken down, that it 
takes all the force of heavenly hope to raise it. In 
short, religion is the only sovereign and controlling 
power over man. Bound by that, the rulers will 
never usurp, nor the people rebel. The former will 
govern like fathers, and the latter obey like children. 



339 



And thus moving on, firnn and united as a host of 
brothers, tliey will continue invincible as long as they 
continue virtuous." 

These were the sentiments of General Marion, 
,one of the heroic officers of the revolution. But 
when I contrast his liberal sentiments of religion with 
those of the clergy, who have fomented evil speaking, 
and opposition to the general government, I am 
ashamed of New England, the land of my fathers. 
Where is thy boasted goodness? How are thine 
altars (sacred to religion) polluted by the minister 
preaching his party politics and vehement invectives, 
slandering the best of men ! Take a quotation from 
Dr. Parish of Byefield, Mass., in a sermon preached 
on the public fast day, April 7, 1814, as a sample of 
evil speaking. He said, " you may as well expect 
the cataract of Niagara to turn its current to the head 
of Superior, as a wicked congress to make a pause 
in the work of destroying their country, while the 
people v/ill furnish the means." Again, 'Mike the 
worshippers of Moloch, the supporters of a vile ad- 
ministration, sacrifice their children and families on 
the altar of Democracy. Here we must trample on 
the mandate of despotism, or here we must remain 
slaves forever."* 

After travelling Pittsfield circuit two years, I was 
appointed to Litchfield circuit. Here I travelled one 
year with brother Cochrane. The work of the 



v*^* For a farther quotation from this sermon, see Ammah Phi- 
lom's address to the people of New England, page 30 to 34. 



340 



Lord was glorious this year. I believe six hundred 
were converted, but many joined the Congregation- 
alists. In these days the Charitable Society (so call- 
ed,) issued an address to raise the sympathies of the 
people to give liberally for the education of indigent 
pious young men for the ministry of the Gospel. The 
Andover Institution was extolled as the best means 
to make ministers, and our country was said by the 
authors of the address, to be more deplorably desti- 
tute of rehgious instruction, than any other Christian 
nation under heaven. They set forth our country to 
be very wretched, and said, from every pulpit in 
our land, the trumpet must sound long and loudj the 
tracts and magazines, and even the press must groan 
in the communication of our wretchedness,''^ This 
harangue made a great stir. Mr. Beecher, of Litch- 
field, was chairman of their committee ; he wrote the 
address, and as it is stated that there were not more 
than three thousand educated ministers in our nation, 
to supply a population of eight millions, estimating 
one minister to a thousand — we were deficient five 
thousand ministers. Alas ! and a lack a-day, how 
wretched are we ! They allowed that there might 
possibly be one thousand five hundred nominal minis- 
ters, i. e. ministers only in name, that's all; and what 
made them worse than nothing, was, they said they 
were generally ignorant men, and despisers of learn- 
ing. On this account, my friend Ammah Philom, 
wrote an address to the good people of New England, 
in which he makes very free remarks on this address 
of the Charitable Society. And to give the reader 



341 



rny views of the subject, I will insert an advertise 
ment I wrote for him : 

ADVERTISEMENT, 

Philom was a little too severe, 
When first he did appear : 
It being then a time of frost and cold, 
That froze the printer's types, and made him scold. 
And Philom too, was hurried to the life, 
To view and review all the combined strife, 
Of philanthropic measures to engross 
Ail profit, honor, power and force ; 
To educate and qualify young men 
To preach, in missionary tours, 
And tell the people when 
God did decree their fate in woe or bliss, 
And if for woe they cannot miss. 
Though all unite their powers. 

But what, though Philom was severe 1 
He'd matter there and matter here, 
Enough to make a wise man mad : 
What I like oppression when it springs, 
From Priests and Lawyers, and from kings 1 

To drain our purse * 

And leave a curse. 
By teaching men to lie and cheat, 
In begging money to complete 
Their schemes, and make them glad. 

But then, a little too severe won't do, 
•— — ~- Though he speak true, 
For if to make 
A settled state. 

Some Priests run mad for gold ; 

And all combine 

To spend their time. 

In sounding trump both long and loud. 

In mournful strains to teach the crowd, 



342 



How wretched we 
Shall always be, 

Till church and state shall both agree, 
To warm us in their fold. 
All, airs alike the same, 

severe or plain. 

If God decreed all things that come to pass^ 

It makes no odds to them or me. 

To think as one or disagree. 

All, airs alike the same, 

None are to blame, 

As true as Romans tend to mass. 

=* * * * * * 

But Philom don't believe this creed, 
That all things were by God decreed ; 
No ! he believes no such a matter, 

Then read and hear him out, 

See what he's been about. 
Where combined institutions play. 
In sounding trump both night and day^ 

With groaning press, 

They cannot rest. 
But makes an awful clatter. 



CHAPTER XVL 



This year our Congregational brethren carried 
on the blockading system ; that is, when the 
Methodists had meeting, they would appoint their 
meetings near by, so as to prevent as many as pos- 
sible from coming to our meetings. This I call a 
blockading system ; and when we had a work of 
religion in any place, then they would come and set 
up meetings too, though they had none there before. 
This looked like a laudable opposition, for the 
Apostle saith, Phil. i. 15 — 18, Some indeed preach 
Christ, even of envy and strife, and some also of 
good will. What then ? Notwithstanding every 
way, whether in pretence or in truth, Christ is 
preached ; and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will 
rejoice." I was happy in the thought, that the 
^ Methodists had been instrumental of a general revi- 
val of religion throughout New-England. What a 
change, thought I, in twenty years. Our zeal for 
God, and his precious cause, has stirred up many, 
and provoked the Congregationalists and Baptists to 
love and good works. 

The Methodists under God, have been the instru- 
ments of a great work, in not only converting souls^ 



344 



but in provoking Christians to love and good 
works. In some places Congregationalists and 
Baptists are as zealous as the Methodists, only 
they are not willing to own that the Methodists are 
instruments in the hands of the Lord of this revival 
among them. Indeed some are unwilling to allow 
God any credit for sending the Methodists into New- 
England, or the Methodists any credit as instruments 
of the revivals of religion in any place. But they 
must come to it yet, they love the truth too well to abuse 
it without shame, and as they become more and more 
pious, and get acquainted with religious experience, 
so as to say something more than I hope I'm con- 
verted," or " I hope I've got a hope," they will know 
the truth, and the truth will make them free — then 
their love will be without dissimulation, their love 
will cast out the fear they have of the Methodists, 
and receive our love towards them. This work be- 
gins to show itself to the joy of my heart. We 
love all professing Christians ; I say we^ because I 
have heard my brethren in the ministry declare their 
sentiments, and I believe their profession of love to 
be sincere. But when any of them profess to com- 
mit sin every day and every minute, in thought, word, 
and deed, in love to their souls, we will exhort them 
to repent and get their souls converted. If this, our 
love, is not acknowledged by them, we must still ex- 
hort them, for we do not believe that men can be 
bond slaves to sin and Satan, and at the same time 
be Christ's followers. We are servants to whom we 



345 



yield ourselves servants to obey, whether of sin unto 
death, or of righteousness unto holiness. 

In 1816 and 1817, I travelled Granville circuit ; 
and here we had a good revival of religion. In West 
Springfield, SufSeld, Windsor, Symsbury, Barkhem- 
sted, Hartland, Granville, Granby, Southwick, and 
in many other places, manj^ were converted. Bro. 
David Miller was my colleague the first year. We 
labored to do all the good we could, by preaching 
what we viewed to be the pure doctrines of the Gos- 
peL I felt encouraged to bear down with all my 
might against the devil and sin, and preach the doc- 
trine of perfection, as the Methodists hold it, in every 
place. 

I changed with brother Merritt, and went to 
preach for him in Old Springfield, while he preach- 
ed for me in West Springfield. This was a time of 
refreshing to my soul and many others ; some were 
convicted and converted by this means. When I 
came around the circuit to West Springfield, I was 
informed that a man and his wife, by the name of 
Fletcher, were awakened under my preaching in 
Old-Springfield, and on Wednesday evening in pray- 
er-meeting, they were both converted. Fletcher!" 
said I, What Fletcher ?" O," said one, I 
don't know ; but he says he used to know you some 
where to the westward ; but he will be here to see you 
on Sabbath." The next day when I saw him, I 
learned that he was the son of Captain Fletcher- 
His brother Lemuel was awakened by my preaching 

15* 



346 



in Hinsdale, (as he informed me,) near twenty years 
before, and moved to a place west of Cherry-Valley, 
where he was a class-leader some years, and had died 
happy in the Lord. Lemuel, before his death, in- 
formed me also of his sisters, Lydia and Polly, who 
were awakened about the time he w^as, and now 
Enoch is converted through my instrumentality. — 
Surely, said I, these are thy marvellous works, O 
Lord, my God. When I was twelve years old, I 
had a revelation that I should be the means of the 
conversion of several of this family. And glory be 
to God, it has come to pass even as it was promised. 
Though I am without a college education, and the 
least of all Christians, yet the Lord has shown me 
the error of Calvinism, and the truth of His word, 
and made me instrumental in the conversion of souls. 
These things were revealed to me when young, and 
now they conspire to strengthen my weak hands and 
make me bold in God, to preach the Gospel of 
God with much contention." 1 Thess. ii ; 2. 

I was led to preach the doctrine of perfection, as 
the Methodists hold it. But many in these parts are 
still violently opposed to it, and some intimated that I 
was positive beyond the degree of evidence I offered. 
Evidence is a light thing with those who love sin and 
hate holiness. Others marvelled at the doctrine. Per- 
fection seemed to them to be such an attainment in the 
grace of God, as to free a man not only from doubts 
of his good estate, but from the fear of death. And 
none but the Methodists durst profess this ; though 
many of them were half-hearted in this work. But 



347 



while the Presbyterians hold the same doctrine in 
their confession of faith, on justification, adoption, 
and sanctification, yet they deny their own confession 
of faith in opposing the Methodists, But their doc* 
trines of adoption and sanctification, contain the 
whole amount of the Methodist doctrine of Chris- . 
tian perfection. The practice of the Congregational 
ministers in New England, in preaching against 
perfection, merely to oppose the Methodists, has 
confused themselves and their hearers, and done 
much hurt. I have often seen them labor to prove 
that Christians could not live without sin ; they 
did not say how much sin would keep a man alive, 
but in making out proof they quote the Apostle to 
the Romans, chapter seven. In doing this, they 
affirm that the Apostle when he wrote, was carnal^ 
^old under sin. But we believe this good apostle 
there wrote the exercise he had, when under convic- 
tion, and before he was converted ; therefore he, to 
illustrate his views of the use and excellence of both 
the law and the Gospel, personates one under the 
law, convicted, and finally converted. He begins by 
speaking in the past tense. was alive without the 
law once, but when the commandment came, sin re- 
vived and I died." Then he goes on to state his ex; 
ercise while under conviction of sin, until he cri^ 
-out, " O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver 
me from the body of this death." He, by the gos- 
pel, learned who could deliver, and says, TJ^nks 
be to God through Jesus Christ." The i^ospel 
leaches us who can save us ; the law kj^ws no^ 



348 



mercy, and therefore, teaches no salvation : and 
though by the law is the knowledge of sin ; yet it is 
the Gospel only that gives us the knowledge of sal- 
vation, by the remission of sins, through faith in the 
Lord Jesus Christ. Our Apostle having learned this 
salvation, was able to say from experimental know- 
ledge, There is, therefore, noio no condemnation to 
them that are in Christ Jesus," &c. For the law of 
the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus, hath made me free 
from the law of sin and death." But for my Pres- 
byterian brethren to confound liberty from sin with 
bondage to sin, is an inconsistency that learned 
men ought to be ashamed of. Though I am far 
from being a learned man, yet I am so much ashamed 
of their inconsistency, that I heartily wish I had no 
cause to reprove it, or to accuse them of it. 

Having taught the people that they sin in all 
they do, even in their best prayers ; to prove it 
they reasoned thus : conviction for sin, is a fruit of 
the Spirit; because it is written, ''He shall convince 
the tvorld of sin.^^ Therefore, if we w^ere not con- 
vinced that we committed sin in our most solemn 
prayers, we did not bear the fruit of the Spirit of 
God ; but if we were sensible that we committed 
much sin in our prayers, we were great Christians, 
md in a good way to live long ; for they said we 
c>uld not live long without sin. O how some pitied 
nrn^for my delusion, as they called it ; because I did 
not profess to commit sin. I had said that 1 lived 
withi.ut sin, and lived very comfortably without it.— 
And 1 viewed their notions and reasons as a delu- 



849 



sion, and told ihem so ; not being a learned man 
myself they were almost angry. Some said it was 
insufferable. But they had no law to whip me at the 
tail of a cart, as our fathers did the Baptists and 
Quakers. So they had to bear it as patiently as 
they could. Many of them manifested a good de- 
gree of meekness, and this I viewed to be a fruit of 
the Spirit of God. However, 1 did not believe they 
sinned in their prayers as they professed to. The 
text, He shall convince the world of sin," they 
ought to know cannot apply to Christians ; they 
are not of the world. If a Christian commit sin, 
he thereby changes his relation. ^' He that com- 
mitteth sin is of the devilJ^ Therefore, their mis- 
take arose either from a wrong application of Scrip- 
ture, or from a love of sin. I was not willing to 
believe that they opposed perfection because they 
hated it ; and to say it was because they were 
ignorant of the true sense of the Scripture, was 
mortifying to those who had been educated in 
theological institutions. This made it difficult to 
get along smoothly, and give no ofTence to saint 
or sinner. I often thought that if a man entered 
college a blockhead, he would come out a block- 
head. And as I never hew blocks with a razor, 
1 must, use such plain speech as should serve for 
a broad-axe, to dress the blockhead as well as I 
can, and make him ashamed to plead for sin in 
Christians. So I offended some, grieved some, and 
pleased others, and some stood amazed at what I 
said. 



850 



This year 1 had a singular dream. I thought 
lhat the judges and lawyers of the county had as* 
senabled together, and I was brought before them for 
trial for my life. I thought they talked among 
themselves, and said something I could not under* 
stand. At length, one said to the judge, your 
honor must pronounce sentence of death upon him." 
The judge then turned to me, and said, you are 
condemned to be hanged ; and I therefore sentence 
you to be hanged, and in three days from this, the 
sheriff must hang you by the neck until you are 
dead ! dead ! ! And may God Almighty have mercy 
on your soul !" He then whispered to the other 
judges and some lawyers, and turning to me, said, 

you are at liberty to go any where in this town, 
for three days, but not to go out of it at your peril." 
I said, I have three appointments that will detain 
me in this town three days, but when I have attended 
them, sir, I shall leave it ; as to your orders, I dis- 
regard them as I do the * idle wind' ; therefore, when 
I have attended my appointments, I shall leave the 
town, unless you prevent me by force." I then left 
them, but I soon began to think that they might hang 
me, and after I was dead, report me to have been 
guilty of some crime, for which they lawfully con- 
demned me, and thereby disgrace the Methodists and 
my family. So to prevent this, I sent for my wife 
and eldest son, that I might inform them of my inno- 
cence, and of the unjust sentence pronounced against 
me. I thought my wife and son came to me in great 
haste, just before the sheriff arrived to take me to the 



351 



place of execution. My son said, father, have 
you petitioned to the Governor for a pardon ?" I 
said, " no." O, father ! why didn't you ?" I said, 
I am not guilty of any crime, and therefore I'll ask 
pardon of no man." My wife said, but they may 
take your life, and I fear they will." I said, well, 
my dear, it is but to die, and I fear not death, it will 
be a consolation to you and the children, to know that 
I die innocent." Just then, while we were talk..ig, 
the sheriff came to carry me to execution. He said 
to me, '^you have but one hour to live, sir." I said, 
**my wife and son have just come to see me, and I 
wish to talk with them awhile." He said, " very 
well," and turning from me, he went to the judge 
and lawyers, wlio I perceived were standing a little 
way off. I heard him say to them, he is not fright- 
ened in the least." The judge said, ^' ask him if he 
don't want to be pardoned." The sheriff then turn- 
ed back, and asked me. I said, *^no, I have not 
transgressed any laws, and I ask pardon of no man !" 
He returned and informed themi. The judge then 
said, well, tell him he is pardoned." I said to my 
wife, this thing must not go so," and stepping up 
to the judge, I said, has my wife or son asked any 
pardon for me ?" He said, '^no." ^* Well, how is 
it, sir, you have condemned me without stating any 
crime^ and I declare to you, and to all, that as 
I have not sinned, I ask no pardon at your 
hands. Why have you condemned me without first 
proving me guilty ? and now pardoned me without 
my asking for it?" He said, you have professed 



352 



to live without sin, and you have preached the doc- 
trine of perfection so positively, which doctrine we 
do not believe. We therefore thought if we con- 
deuined you to be hanged, and you were not fright- 
ened, w^e could then believe in the doctrine, as we 
should have an evidence of its truth, if you were not 
afraid to die." I said, you would have believed the 
doctrine of perfection if you had believed the Scrip- 
lure, so that there was no need of this experiment to 
obtain the knov^ledge of it ; but now you have put 
me to the expense and trouble of sending for my wife 
and son ; therefore I think you ought to pay the cost 
you have put me to." But they would not pay any 
thing ; no, not even the turnpike-gate fees. I felt 
grieved. My son said, this is curious, but it is like 
the other treatment you have received ; if they can 
obtain knowledge, tliey care not how much trouble 
and cost they put you to." I thought sure enough? 
men seek instruction, but they are not willing to pay 
for it. So I awoke very happy in mind, and found it 
was a dream. But, thought I, if I preach the neces- 
sity of sin to the people, they will pay all my expen- 
ses freely, but if I preach perfection, I must bear my 
own expenses. 

The custom of the Congregationalists and Bap- 
lists, in preaching that Christians committed sin in 
all they did, was not only a grief to me, but it per- 
plexed me very much at times ; for I firmly believ- 
ed that many of them, both ministers and members, 
were good Christians, but they were always preach- 
ing or telling how wicked they were. They said 



353 



they sinned in thought, word, and deed, every day ; 
and this I heard again and again, so that I often 
felt ashamed for them, and perplexed to know how 
to manifest that Christian urbanity and fellowship 
that constitutes charity. For, if what ihey say of 
themselves be true, they are verily wicked sinners ; 
but if it be not true, they lie about themselves, or 
else they are deceived. I sometimes said to them, 

you are deceived." But this offended them, and 
they would dispute it warmly. Then I would say, 

if you were to talk of me as slanderously as you 
do of yourselves, I would prosecute you in the civil 
law for slander^ 

To smooth a life of sin, and make it consistent 
with Christianity, seemed to me at times, to be the 
ultimate design of the Calvinists and Universalists 
in denying perfection and moral agency ; and for 
this reason also, they deny conditional election. — 
But it is possible that all this may arise from mis- 
taken opinions ot delusion. We pity the heathen 
who perish for' lack of knowledge. But who among 
us, know their sins forgiven Is it those who 
commit sin evepr minute, and such as say they do 
not know, and cannot know their sins forgiven ? 
Verily no ; but if they cannot know this, how are 
they better than heathen ? They dance and gam- 
bol like heathen, and say to God, ^'depart from us, 
we desire not the knowledge of thy ways !" Job xxi : 
14. I must say, O the times ! O the manners ! But 
1 hope the time will come when at least men of can- 
dor will be ashamed to plead for sin in this manner- 



354 



1 am encoumged to hope/or this, because when one 
said he could not live without sin, and I asked hinn 
how much sin would keep him alive ? he blushed and 
appeared to be ashamed of his plea. And another 
who said, if he were to be without sin, he could not 
stay in this world one minute." I asked him where 
he thought he would go to, if he died without sin ?" 
He said " to Heaven, to be sure !" " Well," said 
I, *^ would you commit sin for the sake of living in 
this worldj^and for fear you should die suddenly, and 
go to Heaven ?" He blushed, and made no answer. 
I was glad to see him blush. Such things strength- 
en my hope that the time will come, when people 
will be ashamed of such pleas for sin. But as 
these were only men of common learning, and 
as I have never known men professing great 
learning, and who held this doctrine, to blush, it 
seemed to me that because they were so full of 
words, and had so much to say, that they had no 
room for blushes. And as words are arbitrary 
signs, and mean just what the learned please to 
have them, therefore, they w^ould often say, "you 
did not take my meaning, sir." ^hen they said, 
unconditional election, I supposed they meant, there 
was no condition in the covenant of electing 
grace. And when they said, "Christ did die 
for all, and that he did not die for all," I con- 
sidered it a contradiction. But they said, " you ^ 
don't understand my meaning, sir." And when they [ 
said, election was conditional, and it was not con- ^ 
ditional, I considered that also a contradiction.— 



355 



But they would say, '*you don't understand my 
meaning, sir." I was sorry that I had not learning 
enough to understand their meaning, for I had no 
doubt but they were honest good men, and had a 
sacred regard for truth. Yes ; I often thought, that 
they had so sacred a regard for the truth in itself, 
that if one of their sons or servants went about 
the neighborhood, telling as contradictory stories 
about the customs and fashions of the neighbors, as 
they did about God and Christianity, they would' 
flog him for a liar. But if they knew that their 
child had been led to the belief of what he said, by 
the instruction of an artful, cunning man, who was 
capable of instilling a belief of his stories into the 
mind of the child without the child's perceiving the 
falsehood, he would not whip him for a liar, but he 
would pity him as I do those ministers who have 
been to colleges and theological seminaries, where 
the presidents and professors had the faculty of in- 
stilling the principles of Calvinism into the minds of 
their pupils without their knowing it. 

And therefore, when the dear simple good man 
comes from the college or seminary, a candidate 
for the ministry, by the by, with instructions not to 
preach up doctrines ; but to preach as nearly like 
the Methodists as he can ; and yet to be sure and 
hold these Calvinistic sentiments as their great em- 
porium of Divine theology, though it is not intended 
by them to deceive, but to please the people for their 
good to edification ; yet I pity that kind of minis- 
ters, for they are straitened like one that has to go two 



356 



ways at once ; they mean well, but they seem to be 
meddling with things that are too high for them; 
Though as I was not a man of learning, and did not 
understand their meaning, I concluded I must never 
judge any one without mercy. They might mean 
more than they expressed, and something better. 
But for fear they should at some unguarded time, 
speak contrary to what they meant, I proclaimed the 
words of Homer, an old heathen poet. He who 
speaks contrary to what he means, ought to be held 
a common enemy, and hated as the gates of helL" 

0 how this sounded in New England ; some thought 

1 was a learned man, because I quoted an old 
author, who wrote in what is called a dead language ; 
but to undeceive them, I told them I read it in an 
English book. Well," said they, you have got a 
good memory." 0 learning ! thou sweet handmaid 
of the human mind ! How flauntingly thou art dress- 
ed up by some, who worship thee as a goddess and 
expose thy emptiness. But wisdom hath builded 
her house, and hewa out her seven pillars," while 
thy temples are airy castles, desirable in the eyes of 
those who love fulsome praise. But wisdom is the 
principal thing ; her seven pillars represent to me^ 
the seven cardinal doctrines of the Gospel : there- 
fore, O my soul, build thou on those seven pillars. 
The first, is the doctrine of the fall of man by sin. 
Second, redemption by the death and blood of Jesus 
Christ. Third, repentance and faith. Fourth, justi- 
fication by faith. Fifth, perseverance in love, and 
sanctification or perfection. Sixth, the resurrection 



357 



of the body. Seventh, the general judgment, and 
rewards and punishnnents. 

These are my seven cardinal doctrines ; the pil- 
lars of my spiritual house. On these I have firm 
foot hold. I preach as well as I can, to convince all, 
that first, man by nature is sinful and lost. Second, 
by grace he is redeemed and restored to agency and 
life. Third, repentance and faith are required of 
every one. Fourth, the Lord forgiveth him or her 
that believeth in Jesus. Fifth, pardon opens heaven 
to the soul ; and to persevere in love, ensures a re- 
ward of happiness. Sixth, though death may triumph 
over this mortal body awhile, yet Christ will come, 
and death shall be destroyed. This mortal shall put 
on immortality, and the saints will sing, O death, 
where is thy sting ! O grave, where is thy victory !" 
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ. Seventh^ 
the Judge will say to the righteous, " come ye bless- 
ed," and to the wicked, go ye cursed." Then will 
all see the difference between the righteous and the 
wicked ; between him that serveth God, and him 
that serveth him not. O my God, help me to pro- 
claim, 

*' Jesus the name high over all, 

In hell, or earth, or sky, 
Angels and men before it fall, 

And devils fear and fly." 

But I found Calvinists and Universalists opposed to 
the doctrines that proved man to be a moral agent, 
or capable of complying with the condition of salva- 
tion. Therefore, good works or faith, as far as it is 



358 



an act of ihe creature, must be preached down by 
them. Some spoke sneeringly of it, and labored and 
sweat hard sometimes, to guard their people against 
the erroneous notion of believing that works or faith 
were a condition of salvation. The Calvinists in 
New England, or more properly, Hopkinsians, or 
Congregationalists or Presbyterians (for they seem 
to be each and every one of these, so if one name 
won't do they can have two, or three, or four) som.e- 
times preach like the Methodists, and some good has 
been done while they continued it, without contradict- 
ing themselves.— But it seemed they were for having 
a streak of lean and a streak of fat" to feed their 
people with. And therefore, they would introduce 
a little Calvinism slyly in soft words ; but instead of 
making it better, they made their preaching quite un- 
savory. But some, not very ingenious, would preach 
in one part of a sermon that man hath an ability to 
come to Christ, and in the other part say he hath not 
an ability to come to Christ ; he hath a will endued 
with natural freedom, and yet it is not free ; for ac- 
cording to the Saybrook Platform^ the " will is na- 
turally free, But according to the Congregational 
theology, this same loill is under the control of a mo- 
ral inability y which supposes a total absence of free 
volition. It is the sinner's fault, they w^ould say, if 
he does not come to Christ, and yet he cannot come, 
because the Lord does not draw him quite hard 
enough. Christ died for all, and yet he did not die 
for all. At one time they deny holding to the doc- 
trine of unconditional election, and in other company, 



359 



they declare that election is unconditional. Then 
accuse them of a contradiction, and they will say, 
you did not take my meaning, sir." But Univer- 
salists stick to unconditional election, and utterlj' 
deny any condition in it. Therefore, they seem 
to be more consistent. How they will extol Christ 
as a mighty Saviour ! They say he died for all, and 
they have Scripture to prove it ; yes, and to save all 
he died for is the work of God, who dare deny this ? 
Ldare not. But, I would ask, how does God save 
sinners ? They would answer, by giving his Son 
to die for them, and he has promised to give him the 
heathen, and the uttermost parts of the earth for his 
possession, and the promises of God are yea and 
amen. And therefore he will do it." But, I ask, is 
there no condition required of the creature ? They 
will say no, the covenant was with Christ, and he 
fulfilled the condition of it for the creatures. O how 
they vv^ill insist upon such texts as these, As I live, 
saith the Lord, I have no pleasure in the death of the 
wicked," Ezek. xxxiii. 11. "Who will have all 
men to be saved." — I Tim. ii. 4. " God worketh 
all things after the counsel of his willT — Ephes. i. 
11. Then they expatiate on the loill and pleasure of 
God, and say a great man ygood things,^and leave 
out a great many more ; with a design to impress the 
mind with a belief that God must do all that is to be 
done to save sinners, just as though it was no part of 
the will of God that men should repent, and be freed 
from sin in this world through faith in Christ as a 
condition of their eternal salvation. This doctrine of 



360 



conditional election troubles them more than their 
sins do. Condition ! ! Stop, Universalist, don't run, — 
condition I say ; hear it, and think of it ! If it be a 
truth that God in working all things that he has 
wrought, did make a condition in the covenant of his 
grace with men, after the counsel of bis own will, you 
deceive yourselves, by not fulfiUing the condition on 
your part, in this day of your probation. But if it be 
truth, that there is no condition, then you are almost 
as right as a Deist, and neither so right as the devil. 
But if there is a covenant of grace with man, ordain- 
ed in the hands of a Mediator, and that covenant con- 
tains a condition for the creature to fulfil, then you 
and the devil are found in rebellion against God, But 
I believe there is a condition, and Universalists do 
not. Therefore, we are not agreed. Universalism 
has grown out of Calvinism, and is quite an improve- 
ment of that doctrine, inasmuch as it dashes out re- 
probation altogether, and allows the Almighty to de- 
cree the eternal happiness of all his creatures, devils 
and all ; and to make it easy for them there is noth- 
ing ^for them to do as a condition of their salvation. 
Christ has done all, and made their salvation sure ; 
as to sin, it is a kind of profitable evil, that does not 
hurt God at all, nor endanger the salvation of any one 
for whom Christ died. Whoever believes this with- 
out any doubt, is just as happy as though it weie 
true. A belief in an opinion, and a behef Jn Christ, 
are two things : Jacob believed the lies of his sons, 
in the case of Joseph, and it caused grief — so believ- 
ing a lie about going to heaven will create joy. And 



361 



while Calvinists and Universalists deny the condi- 
tions of salvation by grace, for the sake of maintain- 
ing eternal decrees, respecting unconditional election, 
I must view them as persons deceived in their opin- 
ions. And their pleading for sin, and preaching 
against good works, as they have done, render them 
suspicious characters. It is not wisdom to extol 
mercy at the expense of justice ; and it is impious 
to trifle with the justice either of God or man. Uni- 
versah'sts so extol the mercy and power of God, that 
they exclude all punishment, and all retributive jus- 
tice. It is trifling with common sense to suppose the 
sufferings of this present life, and the death of the 
body only, is all the punishment impenitent sinners 
are to receive as their reward for wickedness : and 
trifling with common sense or justice, is a sure mark 
of dishonesty. If there be no future punishment of 
the wicked, and their suff*erings in this life are all 
that is meant by punishment for sin, then there can 
be no retributive justice ; for the righteous are as 
really punished for righteousness, inasmuch as they 
suffer for righteousness' sake, as the wicked are for 
wickedness. Besides, this trifling withcommon justice 
and sense, represents civil rulers as the most ungodly 
set of beings that ever existed ; for they punish men 
for crimes ; some with imprisonment for life, some 
they hang. If they were like the Universalists' god, 
they would forgive them all and put them into posts 
of honor ; but they are not like such a god ; there* 
fore they are ungodly, 

16 



362 



I hope the Universahsts will not be angry with nie 
for exposing them as triflers with justice and common 
sense, so as to damn me, as they do others that do 
not please ihem. But triflers are always inconsis- 
tent, therefore I have no confidence in them or 
their god, while they trifle with justice. 

Calvinism in New England, as displayed by Con- 
gregationalists and Hopkinsian Baptists, was to my 
.mind like Pandora's box, full of all manner of evils, 
with hope at the bottom. They preached a little of 
every thing, good, bad, and indifferent ; but their mo- 
tives I believed were goodc However, their profes- 
sing to commit so much sin, even in their most holy 
things, puzzled me sometimes to know whether they 
were professors of sin or of religion ; and a little 
pious fraud was not considered any more sinful by 
some, than dancing. Some expressed an opinion that 
they could dance without sin, though they could not 
pray without sin. So a little pious fraud in preach- 
ing up the doctrines of the Methodists, when they 
wanted to proselyte or share a part of the benefit of a 
revival of religion among the Methodists was no sin ; 
or rather their consciences told them that it was no 
harm to claim and publish a revival of religion as the 
fruit of their own labors, w^hen it was manifestly 
through the labors of others. 1 saw many instances 
of this, and I was frequently grieved on reading re- 
ligious newspapers and *jnagazines, containing their 
accounts of revivals of religion in places where I 
knew all about them ; but I apologized for them as 
well as I could. I often thought, if I was sinking I 



363 



should catch at straws too, and if pursued hard by an 
enemy, I also might run into some filthy place to hide 
myself. But this would not do. The question is, 
how would you conduct yourself if you had pronoun- 
ced a sect of ministers, wolves^ or only nominal* 
ministers^ and yet saw that those ministers were evi- 
dently owned of God, and instrumental in the conver- 
sion of souls ? Well, thinks I, this would be a hard 
question, if I had no religion, or if I were a minister 
that had no fruit of my own labors. But as that is 
not my case, I can answer it like an honest man, and 
not catch at straws. I would confess I had been 
mistaken in my opinion of them, and say to them, 
brethren, forgive my former mistaken notion of you, 
and let me have your right hand of fellowship and 
your prayers. Some individuals of the standing or- 
der in New England, have done this towards the 
Methodists, but it has not been done by the associa- 
tions officially. However, it seems the learned min- 
isters in this land of steady habits, have such respect 
to Calvinistic doctrines, and the Methodists are so op- 
posed to the least dreg of them, that they say we are 
not sound in the faith ; besides, we preach the wit- 
ness of the Spirit, or the knowledge of salvation by 
the remission of sins, which they very properly call 
an assurance of faith ; but they notwithstanding deal 
out this doctrine very sparingly. Few, very few, 



* Rev. Mr. Beecher's address by order of the Charitable So- 
ciety. ' 



364 



according to them, ever attain to this knowledge ; 
and as they (the ministers) have been to college, and 
yet have not attained it, therefore it is rather presump- 
tuous for common kind of people even to expect, 
much more to profess it. But the Methodists also 
preach Christian perfection and a possibility of fall- 
ing from grace, and these doctrines are so contrary 
-to their notions, that they will not ask for the right 
hand of fellowship just yet. 

I often asked myself, would the Methodists doc- 
trines of assurance and perfection, be denied by the 
ministers in New England, if it were not that they 
have formed erroneous notions of the true character 
of God ? I think not. I apprehend that their no- 
tions of unconditional election, and infallible perse- 
verance have blinded their minds. Would they teach 
that sin must and will possess Christians during the 
term of life, if they believed that the blood of Jesus 
Christ cleanseth from all sin ? No ! and to be clean - 
sed from all sin, is perfection. To love the Lord 
with all the heart, is also perfection. The perfection 
contended for by the Methodists, and taught us in the 
Scripture, is not a perfection in knowledge, nor the 
perfection of angels, who are in a state in which they 
cannot sin ; but the perfection of men in a state of 
probation and moral agency. It is a reconciliation 
with God, and such a conformity to him as the Gos- 
pel requires. They can commit sin, but they need 
not. Such is the deliverance of the soul from sin, 
that sin has not dominion over it. I cannot believe 
they preach against this perfection because they hate 



365 



it. or plead for sin because ihey love it ; but they 
don't see into it, their candle is put out. The extin- 
guisher on the wick, is their notion of divine sov- 
ereignty, or unconditional election. Now faith in 
the all-purifying blood of Jesus Christ would light 
up their candle, but not with the extinguisher on it^ 

1 trust they will not be offended with nne if I remind 
them of the expediency of removing the said extin- 
guisher. 

To teach and believe that there is no condition, 
destroys the obligation of faith and obedience. If the 
civil powers in New England did not particularly 
countenance and support those teachers, would learn- 
ed men preach the doctrine as essential to salvation 
as some have done ? No ; I presume not. Truth 
is mighty. Let the truth have fair play, and not 
trammel it with legislative partiality and influence, 
and let those who preach, preach the truth vi^ithout 
disguise, like the Apostle who said, We are not as 
many which corrupt the word of God," &c., 2 Cor. 
ii. 17. Nor handling the word of God deceitfully," 

2 Cor. iv. 2. Like the Apostle, lei ministers preach 
Jesus Christ, and him crucified, and sure I §im that 
they will not preach unconditional election and re- 
probation. Conditional is the opposite of uncondi- 
tional. The same thing cannot be both conditional 
and unconditional, because one contradicts the other; 
and I defy any one to believe that both sides of a 
contradiction can be true. If one says he does be- 
lieve thus, it only proves his consummate ignorance 
of himself, and that he opposes both reason and the 



366 



true sense of Scripture. Confusion is the badge of 
error, and the mind gets confused when it embraces 
contradictory ideas, or ideas that have not a due 
weight of evidence to prove them reasonable. 

That the Methodists have been instrumental in do- 
ing good, is not denied by many that are Calvinists. 
One eminent writer, speaking of the Methodists, says, 
" as to their success in doing good, it is evident, that 
though many ignorant enthusiasts have been found 
among them, yet no people have done more to mo- 
ralize mankind than they ; nor have they rested 
there ; they have not only contributed to render thou- 
sands better members of society, but have been the 
instruments of promoting their spiritual and eternal 
interests. By simplicity of language, fervor of ad- 
dress, patience in opposition, unweariedness in labor, 
piety of conduct, and dependence on Almighty God, 
they certainly have been the means of doing as much, 
or more real good tlian any other denomination what- 
ever." Another shrewd writer, who cannot be sus- 
pected of Methodism, very justly says of them, ''that 
these people have, in the last fifty years, instructed 
more of the lower orders of people in the obligations 
of Christianity, and have called more from gross vice 
to piety and virtue, than the church has ever done 
since the reformation ; while at the same time they 
have not cost the government one farthing, but have 
been treated with insult and contempt." 

I trust the time will come, when some will not 
only acknowledge that we have not only instructed 
the lower orders of people, but that we have also in- 



367 



structed many of the high orders, and even prevented 
many of the clergy from preaching contradictory sen- 
timents in their sermons ; in consequence of which 
many have been reformed. 

But I must drawr this narrative to a close, though 
I have not recorded all the important events, nor 
given my views of all the matters and things that 
transpired ; yet I must come to a close, or I shall 
swell the cost to be more than 1 have promised the 
book for. But I have still many interesting events 
that I might, and possibly may publish, in another 
volume. I travelled Chatham circuit in 1818, where 
we had a good revival of religion, and many inter- 
esting events transpired. I was then appointed to 
the city of New York, where I labored from June, 
1819, to the last of May, 1821. Here I ruptured 
a blood-vessel while preaching in Forsyth-Street 
Church. After this, I was appointed to Petersburgh 
circuit, where I labored one year, and the blessing 
of God attended my labors in some good degree, 
but I suffered much from weakness and the aflfection 
of my lungs ; though I preached with as much mode- 
ration as I could : I felt myself worn-down. It was 
my design to ask for a superannuated relation at the 
next conference, but my presiding elder desired me 
to continue effective, at least so as to fill the station 
in Dalton ; and my desire also was to continue in 
some easy station, in hopes I might recover my health, 
and not entirely break down. But all seemed in vain, 
my labors in Dalton, though moderate, frequently 
brought on an inflammation of my lungs. Where- 



36B 



fore, at the next conference, I asked for a superannii- 
ated station, in hopes by abstaining from preaching 
awhile, I might recover so as to preach and labor as 
formerly. To do good is my most ardent desire ; 
and while I live, I design to witness for my Lord ; 
that by faith I am justified, and by grace I have a 
faith to live holy, and serve God in spirit and in 
truth. Though I have but little religion, yet that little 
enables me to triumph in the Lord. I fear not death, 
hell, or the devil, for T have reverently thrown myself 
under the wings of the cherubim before the mercy 
seat. This is my city of refuge, and my abiding 
place, so that I know in whom I have believed, even 
in Jesus, the name all precious to believers. And it 
is my desire and design— 

His only righteousness to show, 
His saving truth proclaim, 
'Tis all my business here below, 
To cry, 'behold the Lamb 

Happy, if with my latest breath 

I may but gasp his name, 
Preach him to all. and cry in death, 

* Behold ! behold the Lamb !' 



ENP OF FIRST EDITION. 



CHAPTER XVII 



The abtruse subject of metaphysics, I found, was 
generally rendered perplexing, by the ambiguity of 
certain words, the writer would introduce, and though 
the word had a variety of definitions, the writer 
would fix on the one that best suited his purpose. 
The doctrine of fate, or that God had decreed what- 
soever comes to pass, was in my view the most erro- 
neous. I found the Deists and Universalists believ- 
ed the doctrine as firmly as the Calvinists did, and 
from the doctrine they drew a different conclusion 
from that of the Calvinists. The Deist would not 
believe the Scripture, nor man's accountability to 
God, so as to endanger his future state of happiness. 
As he had decreed all events, there could be no such 
a thing as sin, as man could do nothing contrary to 
God's decree. Therefore, they conclude that there 
is no punishment after death, and the Bible was all 
priestcraft to frighten ignorant people. 

The foundation of their arguments, to prove that 
God had decreed whatsoever comes to pass," was 
founded on the fact that God foreknew all things. 

16* 



370 



This I never denied, but for years llie subject en- 
grossed my attention. In 1797, in answer to a ques- 
tion the Calvinists often proposed, viz., *'Did not God 
foreknow that Adam would fall V led me at that 
time to note and write down the arguments they used, 
and the views I embraced of this all-important sub- 
ject, which will be seen in the following chapters. 
I have given credit to some authors by inverted com- 
mas to whom I am indebted for many arguments. 
But as some arguments I altered to suit my own views 
of the subject, I have not so designated ; desiring 
to clothe the subject in the plainest manner 1 could, 
and make what was perplexing plain to the reader. 

The subject of Divine foreknowledge v^^as fre- 
quently alluded to by the Calvinists, whether Pres- 
byterians, Baptists, or Universalists, to prove their 
doctrine, that '' God had decreed whatsoever comes 
to pass." I found they were particular to affirm, that 

God knev/ certainly and eternally^ all " that would 
come to pass, by his own agency,, and also by the 
agency of his creatures ; and this certain knowledge 
of future events precluded all contingency, or possi- 
bility of failure, and therefore, it was the same as a 
decree, or it implied a decree." This m.ode of argu- 
ing was calculated to confound all that objected to 
their doctrines of decrees ; for no one was willing to 
deny that God knew all things. I therefore paid 
close attention to this subject. At first they said, 

God could not know certain w^hether an event 
would happen unless he had decreed it." To which I 
replied, if God could not know unless he had de- 



371 



creed, then before he decreed he was ignorant, and 
how can an ignorant being decree things wisely ?" 
Another mode of expressing their doctrine was, by- 
asking, "did not God foreknow that Adam would 
fall ?" I answered, ''not so." What," said they, 
" do you deny the foreknowledge of God?" "No. 
I beheve that God foreknew that Adam could (or 
might) fall." " Well, what is the difference ?" "Why, 
sir, the difference is this, would fall, implies cei'tain- 
ty^ and might fall, implies contingency.^'^ " Well," 
they would ask, " do you not believe that God's 
knowledge is certain knowledge?" "Yes, sir, I 
believe that God knew certain that x\dam might fall, 
therefore he admonished him, and God knew certain 
that he might not fall. But if, as you say, that he 
knew certain that he would fall, he could not know 
certain that he loould not fall. He knows every thing 
as it is in fact." Some would answer, "Well, you 
are right, this is a new idea, and a very consistent 
one." At another lime, I would ask, " Does not all 
knowledge in God or man imply actual existence ?" 
For instance, non-existence is what we call nothing ; 
and what will not certainly exist, is nothing, and what 
cannot possibly exist, we call nothing, and to know 
nothing is no knowledge at all. To know what will 
certainly exist, or what can possibly exist in future, 
is what we call* foreknowledge, and to know what 
will certainly exist in future, may imply a decree in 
some cases, as certainty and necessity are cognate 
ideas, or related to each other. So also are possibil- 
ity, contingency y and freedom, related to each other, 



372 



the one implies the other." Bui afier awhile, I found 
some that believed that contingent events were 
known to be as certain as those events that were 
decreed, and yet they were contingent. I confess 
this was the most difficult subject I had met with. I 
then examined the arguments from the best authors 
on the subject of certainty, and contrasted thern with 
the arguments for contingency, that I had met with, 
and I am confident it will be interesting and profitable 
to the reader to peruse them carefully. 

It would seem that no weight should be given to 
the arguments of the Calvinists, namely, that ''God 
did not know that an event would Certainly transpire 
unless he had decreed it," inasmuch as he did not 
know certain until he had decreed, which would 
argue that he was ignorant before he had decreed. 
But you wall notice that certainty in their view im- 
plies necessity, and as an effect cannot exist without 
a cause and without an existence it is nothing, and to 
know nothing is no knowledge. But if the cause 
existed in the Divine decree, the eft^'ect was certain. 
But I considered the cause of all moral actions to 
exist in the creature, that possessed moral agency or 
freedom to act. He therefore might obey or disobey 
the comtnand of God : his obedience or disobedience 
was a contingency. The one was no more certain 
than the other until they existed. 

In reading my Bible, I found that those prophecies 
of certain events that would come to pass, such as 
the coming of the Messiah, and the destruction of 
Babylon, the birth of Cyrus, and the destruction of 



373 



Jerusalem, were all decreed : as also the rejection of 
the Jews, and calling of the Gentiles. But sonie 
prophecies were on conditions, and though the condi- 
tion was not always expressed, yet it was implied, as 
in the case o£ Nineveh. Jonah the prophet was 
angry, when he saw that his prophecy was not cer- 
tainly fulfilled. 

My mind having been deeply impressed with the 
subject of foreknowledge, called jpresdence, I read 
many authors, and no one author that I could fully 
agree with, until I met with an extract on foreknow 
ledge, in Mr. Wesley's American Magazine, ninth 
volume. With that I fully agree. I shall here in- 
sert the w^ords of that author, and then some of the 
best arguments from other authors that I have met 
with, as well as my own. 

Extract from Mr, Wesley^ s Magazine, 

*'It is true, that God by his own Omnipresence, 
sees necessarily all that is ; because all things lie 
open and bare before him. Rut this can be said only 
of what is already existent^ necessary and inevita- 
ble, and not of what is contingent, possible and free ; 
because there is no reality existent in matters purely 
possible, that can be the object of the Divine percep- 
tion. When God, therefore, forms the idea of a free 
creature, he forms that of an intelligence, whose 
determinations he leaves unconstrained : they may 
be, or may not be ; and, consequently,^their happen- 
ing is only contingent and possible. Now, to see in 



374 



the nature of the creatures, or in his own decrees, 
what is only contingent and possible, as infallible 
future, and inevitable, is a perfect contradiction. It 
is to create and annihilate, to form and to destroy, to 
establish and overturn his object -^y the^ame in- 
dividual act ; it is producin^^ a triangular circle. — 
Wherefore as we do not derogate from the Divine 
ornnipotence, by denying that he ca?2 produce the 
one, so neither do we impeach the Divine omin- 
science, hy denying that he can see the other. In 
both cases, the ideas are incompatible, and their 
union is impossible, and so that they cannot be the 
object of the Divine power or knowledge." 

(In relation to the actions of intelligent and ac- 
countable beings,) '*He sees by one single unsucces- 
sive act, all their possible directions, and all the com- 
binations of free and necessary, of moral and physi- 
cal causes ; but he neither foresees, foreordains, nor 
fixes' immutably any one succession of events, that 
can destroy their free choice. He foresees not all 
that loill happen, but all that can happen, and pro- 
vides for all possible contingencies. This is far more 
perfect than to foresee infallibly only one sort of 
events, and exclude all the others, by an omnipotent^ 
irresistible power. It is therefore absolutely false to 
maintain that all the particular actions, passions, and 
crimes, that all the inspirations, virtues, and graces, 
that all the wanderings, returns, and determinations 
of each individual, are so foreseen and fore-deter- 
mined that one link cannot be broken, without dissolv- 
ing the whole chain of Providence. Such a fatal 



375 



chain, far from being necessary to the acconnplish- 
ment of God's great design, would entirely destroy 
them, by converting free agents into spiritual 
machines. 

Though God does not foresee, nor foreordain, as 
absolutely certain, and infallibly future, all the deter- 
minations of free agents, yet he may foresee and 
foretell, when he pleases, all the natural and neces- 
sary consequences of their free determinations." 

" He saw the dangers into- which we hurry, and to 
hinder us from, falling into them, he is represented in 
the Holy Scriptures, as admonishing, threatening, 
exhorting, and weeping over his creatures ; yea, ex- 
hausting, as it were, all the efforts of his own powder, 
wisdom, and goodness, w^ithout success. * What 
could I have done more for my vineyard,^ says the 
Holy Ghost, * that I have not done ?' All these 
solicitations, admonitions, and vehement expostula- 
tions, would be useless, if we were not free, and if 
God acted upon us by an omnipotent, irresistible 
will. Yea, they w^ould be illusory, if he foresaw 
from all eternity, that free agents would certainly, 
infallibly, and absolutely do what he exhorts thern 
not to do." 

The system of prescience, when rightl_y under- 
stood, answers all objections, w^ithout darkening the 
matter, by the subtleties, palliations, and subterfuges 
of the schoolmen. It is by this scheme alone, that 
we (are able to) confound all the Socinians and Epi- 
cureans, as also those of the Fatalists. The two 
first maintain that God can foresee and foretell none 



376 



of the actions of free agents, and so destroy pre- 
science ; the last assert, that God sees all the deter- 
minations of intellectual agents in his own absolute 
will, and so destroys liberty. The true medium be- 
tween these two extremes, consists in maintaining 
that God can and does foresee, foreordain, and exe- 
cute whatever he pleases in heaven and in earth ; but 
that he neither foresees nor foreordains as infallibly 
future, what he leaves to the free choice of intellec- 
tual agents, because this is repugnant and contradic- 
tory." 

This extract I fully approved, while I viewed the Cal~ 
vinist doctrine of certain prescience to be an attempt 
to advocate an unoriginated knowledge, as one author 
observes : 

The doctrine of prescience, in all probability, 
has formed an integral part of every system of pagan 
theology, and has been a prominent feature in almost 
every theological system in the world ; except in 
that fair, and lovely, and rational system of salvation 
by Jesus Christ, which has been given to mankind 
by Divine authority." 

*'ln every theological system, which has been 
formed on ihe principles of moral necessity, whether 
pagan or professedly Christian, the doctrine of pre- 
science and fate have been associated as cognate 
ideas, which have uniformly and of necessity pro- 
duced each other." 

" Whether the doctrine of prescience was origi- 
nally the parent of the doctrine of predestination, or 
predestination the parent of prescience, it is, at the 



377 



present time, extremely difficult to say ; and espe- 
cially so, as they both belong to that prolific species 
of error, which has the power of reciprocal genera- 
tion. A certain anticipation always implies a neces- 
sary issue, and an absolute and eflfectual purpose, a 
certain anticipation, inasmuch as it is not possible for 
a certain prescience to be separated from a necessita- 
ting cause." 

In the days of Augustine, the doctrine of pre- 
science, and the consequent doctrine of an uncondi- 
tional predestination, were introduced into the Chris- 
tian world ;* or if they were not propagated by him 
in the first instance, it was under his authority that 
they received the stamp and credit of Orthodox, were 
adopted as articles of Christian faith, were incorpo- 
rated in the Christian creed, and were introduced into 
theological writings. 

Since the days of Augustine, the doctrine of 
an eternal prescience has been generally and very 
naturally identified with that of unconditional predes- 
tination. But subsequent to the darkness of the 
middle ages of the Christian church, and especially 



* Augustine once was a Manichee, and left thenri, so the doc- 
trine niight first have been preached by the Manichees, and there 
Augustine learned it. The Manichees professed to believe that 
there was two principles in the God-head, the one good, by which 
all the good was decreed ; and the other bad, or evil, by which 
all the evil was decreed. Augustine was first a Manichee, but 
after awhile left them, and refuted their doctrine, but he retained 
the essence of it in his notion of election and reprobation, that 
John Calvin afterwards improved upon. 



378 



since the art of printing has been invented, and more 
particularly, since the right and the competency of 
private judgment in the interpretation of the Scrip- 
tures, has been understood and acknowledged, many 
religious bodies have disclaimed their belief in the 
doctrine of predestination, as being incompatible 
with human responsibility, and the moral government 
of God." 

^' The popular, and indeed, the only systematized 
notion of their doctrine of prescience, is one that 
would imply a7i unoriginatecl^ eternal^ and infallible 
anticipation of all things that ever have existed^ that 
are at this moment in existence, or which will ever 
be in existence hereafter ; and. ivhich alike encircles 
• in the unbounded range of its perfection, every action^ 
and every volition, every vice, and every virtue, 
every pain, every pleasure, of every individual crea- 
ture which was ever in existence, and which is now 
in existence, and lohich loill ever be in existence : 
whether that creature be human or angelic, rational 
or irrational, animate or inanimate, and to whatever 
order or species it may belong.'''^ 

The question at issue is not, whether the Deity 
may not possibly anticipate many future events, even 
ages before they have any actual existence, because 
the possibiHty and even the fact of such cases are 
actually demonstrated, by the previous delivery and 
the subsequent fulfillment of Scripture predictions ? 
but the question is, whether the prescience from 
whence those predictions emanated, w^as eternal or 



379 



recent, unoriginatecl or acquired, coeval or subse- 
quent to the Divine existence ; and whether that 
prescience existed per se, or by consequence ; and 
whether, as evidence, it contains data a priori, or is 
only involved b}^- deduction a posteiHoi V 

'*The consequences which depend upon the fore- 
going alternatives are exceedingly numerous, and 
unspeakably important. I will readily concede that 
it is not possible for an infinite intelligence to be un- 
conscious of anything which is in actual existence, or 
be unable to recognize at every point of duration, all 
which at that moment would be abstractedly possible ; 
but the notion of an eternal prescience would oblige 
me to believe that tlie total sum of the actual know^- 
ledge of the Deity^ was of precisely the same amount, 
before the heavens and the earth were created as it 
is at the present moment. I must believe that the 
knowledge of the Divine nature does not originate or 
depend upon that .nature itself ; I must believe that 
the knowledge is unoriginated and eternal, while 
events themselves are subsequent and successive. 

The certain prescience of all certain events, is 
what every person must believe, w^ho receives the 
doctrine of an infinite intelligence in the Deity ; but 
the doctrine of an eternal prescience would imply 
that the Divine intelligence possesses the power of 
making contingencies in re to become certainties in 
perception ; and the power of making those things to 
stand up altogether at one single moment, as the ob- 
ject of an actual and certain perception, which would 



380 



require a boundless duration of being for their actual 
and real existence. 

" I can readily receive the doctrine of prescience 
as a consequence, because I can easily perceive that 
if God has formed certain determinations, and has se- 
cured the issue by an effectual causation, the issue 
must become thereby an object of a certain pre- 
science ; but if I receive the doctrine of prescience 
per se, I must regard his prescience as being a cause, 
and not as being an effect or consequence. 

^^But in reviewing the doctrine of an unoriginated 
prescience, I am not to impute the cognizances of the 
Deity to any species of causation whatever, inasmuch 
as they must be absolutely without cause. I must 
believe, also, that although the acts of the Deity, and 
the existence and actions of created beings, are sub- 
ject to constant and perpetual accession, it is not pos- 
sible for the know^ledge of those things in the Deity, 
to receive any accession in quantity world without 
end. I am to believe that the certainty of the Divine 
anticipations must always extend to every future act 
of his own, through the endless duration of his inter- 
minable being, and equally so to all the volitions and 
actions of created beings, both mortal and immortal, 
I must not only believe in a certain prescience in re- 
lation to all physical events, and to all animal, and 
vegetable, and mineral, and elementary occurrences, 
but I must firmly believe in the certain prescience of 
all moral actions and mental contingences, embracing 
all their evolutions and consequencies, world without 
end. And in particular, I must believe in the certain 



381 



anticipation of the period and issue of human Hfe, in 
relation to all the decendants of Adam, and the whole 
of their future and eternal condition. In short, I 
must believe, that however contingent the actions of 
human beings, and the issue of human life may 
appear to be, or may be in reality to us, they are all 
as certain as the throne of God, in the anticipation of 
the Divine mind." 



CHAPTER XVIII. 



The 7iature, and acquisition^ and bounds of 
knowledge, and the competency of knowledge in 
human beings. 

" Knowledge in God or man, is a conscious per- 
ception, acquired by an intelligent being, of any posi- 
tive or relative existence, either in himself or in the 
person of any other being. Human knowledge is 
not direct in its nature, neither is it immediate in its 
modes of acquirement. We acquire knowledge, by 
means which are extraneous to the objects of our 
knowledge. But the knowledge of the divine being 
is direct in its nature, and immediate in its mode of 
acquirement. The physical hypostasis of all things 
is under his immediate cognizance, (or omnipresent 
eye,) and therefore, the knowledge of the Deity can- 
not be limited by the properties and the facts of 
things, but must extend to every thing that is know^- 
able, both in actual existence, and in abstract possi- 
bility. 

But even human knowledge, although it is 
neither direct in its nature nor immediate in the mode 
of its acquirement, yet all its legitimate notices must 
of necessity be correct, and its decisions must uni- 



383 



formly possess the authority and stamp of truth. 
Every hypothesis which would deny the competency 
of the human understanding, to judge of truth and 
error when presented to the senses, and brought fair- 
ly before the mind, must iuvolve, in its consequences, 
all the horrors of a universal scepticism, or subject 
the human understanding to all the vassallage of an 
implicit credulity ; we must, in such a case, either 
give credit to every thing, or else we naust not be- 
lieve any thing at all. The competency of the hu- 
man understanding in relation to truth and falsehood, 
and especially in relation to right or WTong, is the 
only solid foundation upon which the doctrine of hu- 
man responsibility can be made to rest. Divine 
revelation confirms the truth of this argument ; a 
revelation was given to us because we were compe- 
tent to judge of its truth ; audit invites an investiga- 
tion of its sadred contents, and builds its authority on 
the rational convictions which it is adapted to pro- 
^nce on the human mind. 

Even the faculties of brutes, and much more the 
intellect of man, must always be adequate to answ^er 
the purposes for which they were originally bestowed ; 
and within the limits prescribed to them by the great 
Author of all crea^.ed existence, both the suggestions 
of brutes' instincts, and the dictates of human reason, 
must be always of paramount authority. The in- 
stinct of an oyster, and the intellect of a cherub, must 
be equally perfect in their kind, and equally adequate 
to the purposes for which they were given ; and 
within the sphere of their respective operations, the 



384 



notices of the one must be as competent a standard of 
the truth, as the convictions of the other. 

"It is, I presume, agreed on by all parties, that in 
the order of nature, the knowledge of any fact or 
event, must always b^ subsequent to its occurrence ; 
because the fact or event itself, must support the 
knowledge of its existence. It is true indeed, that 
knowledge must always imply the actual existence of 
an intelligent being, who is the possessor of that 
knowledge, and it is equally true, that the existence 
of knowledge must always demonstrate the actual ex- 
istence of the object of that knowledge. But we 
read oi foreknowledge^ and we believe in the exist- 
ence of foreknowledge ; and especially we believe 
that the Deity has a prescience of future events. 
How then is the subject of foreknowledge to be un- 
derstood, so as to be in unison with the sentiment at 
the beginning of this paragraph ? When the pur- 
pose of bringing about a future event, and the causa- 
tion that is to secure the issue, are now in actual ex" 
istence, and are the real objects of the divine cc^ni- 
zance ; the future event, which is in realit^^ che ob- 
ject of his purpose, and therefore of his anticipations, 
is expressed as though it were purelj an object of 
perception. And for this reason, although foreknow- 
ledge, in strict philosophical propriety, would be ab- 
solutely inadmissible, yet its application to an antici- 
pated issue, is perfectly admissible and quite intelli- 
gible. 

" It is also agreed, that the knowledge of an event 
cannot possibly possess any influence whatever, in 



385 



giving either existence or character to the event which 
^ it perceives ; and that the existence of the knovi^ledge 
nnust always demonstrate the existence of the event 
which is the object of the knowledge ; and that the 
predictions of the knowledge, if competent and 
true, must demonstrate the properties of the event 
which is thereby presumed to be known. That 
which such a knowledge predicates of the event, must 
actually belong to the event itself. And therefore, if 
the knowledge predicate necessity, the event must be 
necessary : if it predicate certainty, the event must 
be certain ; if it predicate possibility, the event must 
be possible ; and if it .predicate contingency, the 
event must be contingent. Now, if the foregoing 
chain of reasoning be not legitimate, let the objector 
have the goodness to detect the fallacy, 

*^ Lest my reader should misapprehend ,what I 
have said above, on the difference between the com- 
petency and the infallibility of human knowledge, it 
-m.ay be well to add a few remarks, which may ren- 
der my meaning a little more intelligible. I mean 
by competency, something that may possibly be ade- 
quate and successful, but at the same time, may pos- 
sibly fail. I mean by infallibility, that which must 
of necessity be successful, and cannot possibly fail. 
The competency oi human knowledge stands on pre- 
cisely the same ground, as does the competency of 
human integrity ; and they are both of them so in- 
dispensable to the righteous probation of human be- 
ings, that without them there can be no moral agency 

17 



386 



in man, nor any rational or adequate testation of iui- 
man character." ^ 
The above extracts satisfied my mind that the 
knowledge of a contingency and certainty were dis- 
tinct ; for to know an event would certainly be, and 
to know that same event might possibly be, was as 
distinct as to know a truth was not a falsehood. Be- 
sides, if God made any thing to be contingent by con- 
stituting man a moral agent, He did not know that 
contingency to be a certainly, and if he did not know 
that contingent events of moral agents were not con- 
tingent, then he did not know all things as he had 
made them. These views of the subject led me to 
a chain of reasoning, which enabled me to answer the 
objections of the Calvinists on different points of the- 
ology. One objection they ingeniously brought for- 
ward against the possibility of falling from grace. 
At one time they remarked, that it would imply a 
severe reproach on the divine government, to sup- 
pose that God would ever bestow the blessings of 
grace upon any person whom he foreknew would 
certainly be unfaithful in the improvement of it, and 
would finally be eternally miserable.'' This argu- 
ment I considered perfectly tenable on their pre- 
mises. But in answer to this ingenious argument, I 
would ask, whether the Creator of the world would 
not employ as much integrity in our creation as in 
our redemption ? And if he would not convert a 
man in vain, would he create a man in vain ? If he 
would not bestow the blessings of his grace upon any 
nian under a certain prescience of eternal misery ; 



387 



would he bestow the boon of existence under a car* 
' lain prescience of eternal nnisery ? And does jiot the 
one reflect on the government of the Divine Being 
as niuch as the other ? If the doctrine of a certain 
prescience of the moral acts of free agents be true, 
then, in reality, the real evil in the case would lie in 
their being created under a certain prescience of their 
eternal destiny, and not in any subsequent occurrence, 
for no occurrence of conversion or unconversion, of 
penitence or impenitence, could possibly alter a cer- 
tain and eternal anticipation. No man can reconcile 
it with the goodness or justice of God, that he should 
bring any man into existence under a certain pros- 
pect of misery, and especially of eternal misery ; of 
such a being it could never be said, that " He is 
. good to all, and his tender mercies are over all his 
works." Such a doctrine of prescience in relation to 
the finally impenitent, is as utterly incompatible 
with every notion of righteousness in the Deity, as 
the most unconditional and eternal reprobation can 
be. 

But even if it were to be conceded that a righteous 
and benevolent Creator, upon the certain prescience 
of final and eternal ruin of any creature that he was 
about to bring into existence, would rather forbear 
the act of creation, than bestow existence under such 
a certain prospect of misery ; yet such a supposition 
would evidently involve a contradiction, such a for- 
bearance would be absolutely impossible. The cre- 
ation of such a being would be as eternally certain, as 
I his destruction would be, and all contingency would 



388 



be as totally inapplicable to the one as to the ather. 
Any event that is the object of a certain and infallible 
prescience, mast be absolutely and infallibly incapa- 
ble of failure in its anticipated issue^ neither can it 
be in the power of an omnipotent Being to defeat or 
prevent its ultinnate occurrence, or to effect any kind 
of commutation in its final result. If, therefore, the 
doctrine of an eternal prescience be true, there is an 
end of all moral agency or freedom in the human 
mind ; and there can be in reality no moral agency 
in existence, either in the Deity or any of his crea- 
tures. 

The doctrine of an eternal prescience, is not only 
inconsistent with the free agency of God, but it is 
equally inconsistent with the efficient exercise of 
every divine perfectiouo Admit a certain and infalli- 
ble anticipation of the final issue of human life, and 
then tell me what it is possible for any, or for all of 
his natural and moral perfections to do in altering or 
defeating the anticipated result ? Could even an 
eternal prescience itself inform the Deity how he 
might alter the anticipated issue? Could infinite 
wisdom devise any successful expedient ? Could 
infinite power do any thing towards altering an issue 
that is certainly and infallibly anticipated ? Justice 
might poise her scales, and brandish her flaming 
sword, but she would not be able to strike one suc- 
cessful blow ; mercy might yearn with pity, and 
burst into tears, but she would not be able to put 
forth a single hand to save ; the wailings of Divine 
compassion w^ould be as unavailing as the shrieks of 



389 



ihe frantic mother on seeing her child comnnitted to 
the devouring flames. On the assumption of an eter- 
nal prescience, the moral government of the world 
would be only a wanton delusion or popular credulity. 

The error that the human mind is often confused 
with, consists in supposing that the acts of the Divine 
Being are infinite acts. The acts are truly the acts 
of an infinite being, but the acts are finite, except 
those that are in himself. Creation is the work of 
an infinite Being, but creation is finite. The law of 
God is the law of an infinite being, but the law is 
finite. To know is an exercise of the attribute of 
wisdom in God, which attribute is eternal and infinite, 
by which he perceives, and sees all things that he 
has made. To know, then, is an act of a being that 
existed before the event existed that was the object of 
that knowledge. 

By an attrihute we are to understand those perfec- 
tions of the Divine Beinof, which are essential to his 
existence ; and those perfections that are not essen- 
tial to his existence, are perfections of character ; or 
acts of the Divine Being by which he reveals to his 
creatures his true character, in a manner best adapt- 
ed for their understandings. But that we may not 
confound distinct things, and that we may be fully 
aware of the difference between existence and action^ 
and between latent energy and power in actual oper- 
ation, it will be necessary to pursue the following 
chain of reasoning. 

Existence is absolutely necessary to the Divine 
Being, because non-existence is impossible , but 



390 



creation is not necessary to his existence, because 
there was a period in duration, when creation did not 
exist. Intellect, or wisdorrij is necessary to the 
Divine existence ; but the actual knowledge of things 
beyond his own hypostacies, is not necessary to his 
existence. The attribute of an infine moral integri- 
ty, is absolutely necessary to the Divine existence ; 
but the active exercise of that integrity beyond his 
own person, is not necessary to the Divine existence. 
An infinite benevolence is necessary to the Divine 
existence, but an infinite beneficence is not necessary 
to the existence of the Deity. A creative energy 
is absolutely necessary to the Divine existence : a 
creative energy is universally and eternally necessa- 
ry ; but a universal and eternal creation is neither 
necessary nor possible. 

The active operation of the infinite energy, must 
be subsequent to the Divine existence, and every act 
of the Deity must be voluntary and unconstrained, 
and therefore if every active operation of the univer- 
sal and eternal mind, must be subsequent to his own 
existence, then every volition of the Deity must be 
subsequent to his own existence*, and also, every act 
of the Deity must be subsequent to his own existence, 
and then by consequence, all consciousness, percep- 
tion, and knowledge of those volitions and actions, 
must be, of necessity, subsequent to his actual exis- 
tence. 

To confound the acts of the Divine Being with his 
own eternity, is not reason or argument. Jf all the 
purposes of God, and all his actions were as unorigi- 



391 



nated and eternal as his own existence, such an as« 
sumption would deify his acts and volitions, and by 
that very means, it would rob the Deity himself of 
his own Divinity ; for if all the volitions, and all the 
acts of the supreme Being are indeed eternal and un- 
originated in their existence, then it must follow that 
he never did conceive any purpose, or execute any 
design, and it will equally follow that he never will 
have it in his power either to conceive any purpose 
or execute any design. The volitions and actions of 
the Deity are indeed the efforts of an infinite being ; 
and yet the efforts of even an infinite being must them- 
selves be finite. Supposing the acts of the Deity to 
be infinite, the existence of the first act would pre- 
clude the possibility of a second, since the idea of a 
second infinity is as gross an absurdity as ever was 
presented to the human mind. A proper idea of in- 
finity must imply a universality of existence, as well in 
the amplitude of space, as to the perpetuity of a 
boundless duration. I will repeat this ; I say then, 
that infinity must always imply an unbounded ex- 
panse of space, and an unbounded extent of duration, 
and therefore, it is no more capable of being included 
in any single act of the Deity, than in any single vo- 
lition of the human mind. But if divinity belong of 
necessity to any of the acts and volitions of the Di- 
vine perfections, it must of necessity follow that the 
properties of divinity belong to every volition, to 
every act, and to every production of the supreme 
Being* For if Divinity may be predicated of the 
knowledge of his volitions^ it may be more truly pre- 



392 

dicated of the volitions themselves ; if Divinity may 
be truly predicated of the knowledge of his acts, it 
may be more truly predicated of the acts themselves ; 
and if Divinity may be truly predicated of the know- 
ledge of his created productions, it may be more tru- 
ly predicated of those created productions themselves. 

Will those Christians who advocate this doctrine 
of eternal prescience, ever hereafter wonder that Pa- 
gans, destitute of Divine revelation, should deify the 
heavenly bodies, and the powers of nature I While 
they themselves continue to attribute divinity to every 
volition, and every act, as well as every production 
of the Divine Being ? Tell me not of the gross idola- 
try of Pagan worship ; we have millions of gods for 
every one of theirs ; if all the volitions, and all the 
acts, all the pm^poses, and all the cognitions of the 
Deity, are themselves so many infinite and eternal 
divinities! They are as numerous as the drops in 
the river, as the atoms contained in the whole mii- 
verse ! ! 

Little do the advocates of this theory think that 
they deny the infinite free agency of God, and also, 
that they impugn the wisdom, veracity, and the good- 
ness of God, by confounding contingency with cer- 
tainty ; and thereby also, they deny the moral agen- 
cy of man. If God knew certain that Ad^m would 
fall, he would have been disappointed if he had not 
have fallen ; inasmuch as he knew certainly and ete?^- 
nally that he would transgress. If their notion of 
prescience be true, we may also infer from it, that 
prescience rules the Deity, inasmuch as he could no 



593 



fiinder Adam's transgression, vvliicli was as certain in 
his mind as the throne of God. Therefore it is, that 
prescience is only another word for fate. 

The Deists believe this doctrine of prescience, and 
make it the foundation of their systeai of infidelity. 
They draw their conclusions from the premises laid 
down, which is a just mode of reasoning ; the premi- 
ses laid down by the Calvinists are, a certain, un- 
originated knowledge of all future events and things. 
It could not be known to be certain, unless it was 
fixed in the Divine mind, and if it existed in the Di- 
vine mind eternally, then it was never created. Cal- 
vinism teaches that God knew eternally^ that there 
would be human beings, and that he would make 
laws to govern them, and that the Bible contains those 
laws ; but he knew certainly that xhej would trans- 
gress those laws and be damned. But the Deist arises 
in abhorrence of such doctrine, and cries out, No ! — 
God's goodness governs him if he is governed at all, 
not his prescience ; though we believe he is all-wise, 
and knov/s all things, w^e don't believe God will con- 
demn his creatures for doing what he knew eternally 
they would most certainly do, and what he could not 
prevent. No, your notion of the moral government 
of God is wrong, all wn'ong ; we believe that what- 
ever is, is right. We believe that ail events and 
things were eternally as certain in the mind of God 
as they ever can be ; yea, the certainty of the events 
were so fixed in the mind of God, that he could not 
prevent them, a^id they are all right. Therefore, 

17^ 



394 



your Bible laws is all priestcraft to frighten weak 
minds. Everything existed in the mind of God, eter- 
nally ; there was nothing created. Thus argues the 
Deist. Thus his conclusions are drawn from the 
premises laid down, that knowledge implies existence, 
and if God knew certainly all the events and product 
of all human hearts, and that knowledge was unorigi- 
nated, materialism is then evidently implied in such 
a theory. 



CHAPTER XIX, 



That the Divine omniscience must include a per- 
fect knowledge of all abstract possibilities, we are 
ready to admit, and we are as ready to acknowledge 
that the Deity must know, not only all that is possi- 
ble to be done, both by himself and by every other 
being ; because such a knowledge is inseparable from 
that Divinity that is unoriginated. But although his 
knowledge of what is possible be itself necessary and 
underived, yet the certain knowledge of finite acts 
and things themselves, can only be co-evil and co- 
existent with these facts in existence. It is a fact, 
|hat in relation to the Jews, in causing their sons 
and daughters to pass through the fire to Moloch,'^ 
the Lord does most emphatically declare, it did not 
even come into his mind, that they should ever com- 
mit such abominable idolatries." — Jer. 32 — 35. 

It is evident from the holy Scriptures, that the pre- 
sent fallen state of human beings is what the infinite 
mind of God had not with certainty anticipated ; and^ 
indeed, it would have been a moral impossibility for 
a being of infinite benevolence to have created the hii- 
man race under such an anticipation, and have re- 
mained benevolent. It is written in the Bible, " God 



396 



saw that the wickedness of man was great in the 
earth ; and it repented the Lord that he had made 
man upon the earth, and it grieved him at his heart." 
Gen. vi. 5 — 6, It is evident that the Lord acted 
upon the dictates of this repentance, and destroyed 
all the inhabitants of this earth, excepting only Noah 
and his family. Agreeable to this doctrine are the 
words of our Lord, of his betrayer. Matt. 26 — 27, 
It had been good for that man if he had never been 
born." And how much more truly might the same 
be said of any being, who should be born under a cer- 
tain prescience of eterhal misery ? But of a being 
whose final misery is only possible, and his final hap- 
piness has many more possibilities for happiness than 
for misery, it can never be said of him while under 
such circumstances, and faithful to his trust, that he 
had better not to have been born." And to infer that 
the creation of such a being could have been a blun- 
der in the Divine economy, alihougb he should be 
unfaithful to his trust, would be about as correct an 
inference, as that the abuse of God's mercies bv our 
own voluntary wickedness would imply any just re- 
flection upon the character of that gracious being b} 
whom they had been bestowed. 

On the subject of opposite possibilities, it aughi 
always to be kept in mind, that although two oppo- 
site propositions niny both be abstractedly possible, 
they may not be equally feasible. Thus, it is possi- 
ble for any human being, ihat enjoys freedom in mo- 
ral action, to be saved, and it is possible for any such 
human being to perish ; but these two possibilities 



397 



are not equally feasible. The motives on one side 
are greater than those on the other ; the agency on 
the side of salvation, outnumbers those on the other 
side, as far as may consist with moral liberty, and a 
single possibility of ultimate failure. Therefore, 
there is a large overbalance of motive on the side of 
salvation ; yet notwithstanding, any incorrigible sin- 
ner may possibly remain finally impenitent. 

On the subject of possibilities, one author says, 
Every supposable thing, the actual production of 
which would not involve any real contradiction, either 
physical, mental, or moral, must, in itself, be abstract- 
edly possible ; but, on the contrary, it is equally 
plain, that every supposable thing, the actual produc° 
tion of which would involve any real contradiction, 
cannot be in itself even abstractedly possible, but 
must be absolutely and eternally impossible. 

That abstract possibility itself must have defina- 
ble bounds and immutable limits, beyond which it 
cannot pass ; and that there are supposable things 
which the power of an infinite Being could never be 
able to bring into actual existence, is a clear, and pal- 
pable, and intuitive truth. And thus it will appear 
that the human imagination is able to produce imagi- 
nary associations, which no power in earth or heaven 
is able to associate in fast and actual existence. The 
human fancy can associate happiness with impiety 
toward God. It can presume on final happiness, af«* 
ter a life of incorrigible rebellion, and final impeni- 
tence. It can believe that this material world had no 
immaterial and eternal creator ; it can believe that a 



398 



future event may be the object of a certain anticipa* 
tion, while the real, and actual existence of that event 
is perfectly fortuitous ; it can believe a thousand other 
things, that are equally supposable to the human im- 
agination, but would be equally contradictory. 

" In relation to the existence of opposite possibili- 
ties, it may be argued that before the creation of this 
world had taken place, it was abstractedly possible 
for such a world as this to be created, and it was 
equally possible that such a world as this might never 
be created ; but its creation, and its non-creation are 
perfectly incapable of co-existence, and therefore, 
since this world has been created, it is no longer pos- 
sible that such a world as this may not be created. 

" The sophism which would argue an actual cer- 
tainty from an abstract possibility, may claim a mo- 
ment's notice in this place. Jt has been speciously ar- 
gued, that since the reader is now actually perusing 
what I have written, it was therefore certain from all 
eternity, that at the present moment he would be so 
employed. It does not much excite our wonder, 
when we hear illiterate people talking away in such 
a random manner ; but it is, I confess, more than 
marvelous, to hear grave and learned doctors pro- 
pound such a sophistical proposition in the name of 
argument. If a person would only distinguish be- 
tween abstract possibility and actual existence, the 
case would be perfectly intelligible. It would then 
stand as follows :~since my reader is now actually 
perusing what I have written, it was always possible 
that at this present time he might be so employed; 



599 



but It was, prior to the present moineut, equally pos-^ 
sible that at this time he might not be so employed ; up 
to the present time, both alternatives of the possibili- 
ty were equally possible ; bat since my reader is now 
actually perusing the productions of my pen, it now 
is no longer possible that at the present moment he 
may not be so employed, for by the actual transpira- 
tion of the positive possibility, the negation therefore 
has been actually annihilated. 

Here, then, we come to the final conclusion, 
which is, that between the alternatives of abstract 
possibilities, there is always to be found a mental, or 
a moral, or a physical contingency ; since both the 
negative and positive alternations are equally capable 
of being brought into actual existence, and each of 
them is just as capable as the other of being com- 
pletely destroyed by the actual transpiration of the op- 
posite alternative. It is possible I may be eternally 
saved ; such are the advantages of my probationary 
state, and such are its awful responsibilities, that it is 
equally possible I may be eternally lost ; and be- 
tween this appalling alternative, there lies a momen- 
tous contingency which will continue to hang in fear- 
ful suspense over the issue of my life, until my hap- 
piness or misery shall render one of these possibili- 
ties an everlasting, reality, and annihilate the other 
possibility for ever and ever. But until one of these 
events shall actually transpire, the issue of my life 
will be as much a contingency to the infinite mind of 
God, as to the narrow intelligence of my own finite 
understanding. Contingencies are identified with all 



40^ 

moral agency, whether created or uncreated, aivd 
every attempt to subject them to the rules of rigid 
certainty, or reduce them to the regular proportions 
of physical causes and effect, would be nothing bet- 
ter than an outrage on human liberty, and a libel on 
the moral government of God." 

On reading these extracts, I concluded that the Di- 
vine Omniscience was clearly vindicated, without con- 
founding it with predestination. But another difficul- 
ty was, to understand the arguments of the anti-pr€- 
destinarians in their laboring to prove a certain know^ 
ledge of an events that was in fact a contingency^ 
I had embraced the doctrine, that God knew all events 
and things ; if an event was certain, God knew it 
was certain, if it was contingent, God knew it was 
contingent. Also, I had embraced the doctrine that 
God knew all possibilities, and if they only meant by 
certain knowledge to know all that can possibly be 
done by God himself, and all that his creatures can 
possibly do, though all has never been done, that 
might have been done ; in this sense, the word 
certain knowledge, would not have mihtated 
against the free agency of God, nor the mo- 
ral agency of human beings. But to know an event 
to be certain, and that same event to he contingent, 
appeared to me to be a contradiction, or a confusion 
of language. But onQ author, in defending the cer- 
tain knowledge of an event that he allows to be con- 
tingent, says — • 

^' The great fallacy in the argument, that the cer- 
tain prescience of a moral action destroys its contin= 



401 



gent nature, lies in supposing that contingency and 
certainty are the opposiles of each other. It is, per- 
haps, unfortunate that a word which is of figurative 
etymology, and which consequently can only have an 
ideal application to such subjects, should have grown 
into common use in this discussion, because it is 
more liable on that account, to present itself to differ- 
ent minds under different shades of meaning. If how- 
ever, the term contingent in this controversy, has 
any definite meaning at all, as applied to the moral 
actions of men, it must mean their f?^eedom, and 
stands opposed not to certainty, but to necessity. A 
free action is a voluntary one ; and an action which 
results from the choice of the agent, is distinguished 
from a necessary one, in this, that it might not have 
been, or have been otherwise, according to the self- 
determining power of the agent. It is with reference 
to this specific quality of a free action, that the term 
contingency is used ; it might have been otherwise, 
in other words, it was not necessitated. Contingency 
in moral actions, is, therefore, their freedom, and is 
opposed not to certainty, but to necessity. The very 
nature of this controversy fixes this as the precise 
meaning of the term. The question is not, in point 
of fact, about the certainty of moral actions, that is, 
W'hether they will happen or not. Those who advo- 
cate this theory, care not about the certainty of ac- 
tions, simply considered, that is, whether they will 
take place or not ; the reason why they object to a 
certain prescience of moral action is, that they con- 
clude, that such a prescience renders them necessary. 



402 



It is the quality of the action for which they contend, 
not whether it will happen or not. If contingency 
meant uncertainty, the sense in which such theorists 
take it, the dispute tvoidd he at an end,'^ 

On reading this, I paused to consider it ; the dis- 
pute would be at an end so then, the whole dis- 
pute turns on the definition of the word contingent ; 
I then began to analyze the subject. Our author says, 
1st. It is perhaps, unfortunate.'^^ Well, ^'perhaps^^ 
and unfortunate^'^ both imply contingency. 2d. 

That a word of figurative etymology. Why, all 
words are figures of speech. But, 3d. If, however, 
the term contingent has any definite meaning at aZZ." 
Is there a doubt of its meaning ? The dictionary de- 
fines it to mean any thing falling out hy chance, or 
any thing in the hands of chance, ■ Is not chance an 
uncertain thing ? But, 4th, our author says, " it 
7/ieans their freedom, and stands opposed to necessity^ 
and not to certainty. Again, our dictionary tells us 
that certainty means exemption from doubt, that 
which is real and fixed. " Freedom agrees with con- 
tingency," they say, but how does certainty agree 
with freedom ? Necessity and certainty agree well 
together. For we apply the term necessity to any 
thing which cannot be avoided ; and we apply the 
term certainty to anything that will infallibly take 
place ; we regard necessity as being applicable to 
causation, and we regard certainty as being applicable 
to issue ; we say of anything which is necessary, 
that it must be ; and we say of any thing which is 



403 



certain, that it will be. So that there is only a philo- 
logical diflference in the terms. 

But our author, in another place, quotes the Scrip- 
ture : Known unto God are all his works, from the 
beginning of the world," he adds, " or rather from all 
eternity." If from all eternity, we must consider the 
knowledge of God as unoriginated as God himself. 
Eternity has no beginning. When we say God's 
knowledge, or his decrees, or his acts, we understand 
something that originated from him, and not a some- 
thing that is unoriginated ; for none but God is un- 
originated, none but God is absolutely Divine or eter- 
nal. The Calvinists talk of eternal decrees, as though 
a decree was unoriginated, and not an act of him who 
alone is the only unoriginated being that existed be- 
fore his acts. They might as well talk of an eternal 
creation, and so rob the Deity of the glory of his works. 

But, inasmuch as some words are considered by 
some of figurative etymology ; it may be proper to 
define my meaning of the words wisdom and know- 
ledge more particularly. I have said, wisdom was 
essential to the Divine existence, but the knowledge 
of any thing beyond his own hypostasis was not es- 
sential to his existence. I consider wisdom a power 
to judge rightly, or to perceive. But knowledge is a 
perception of what is, or may be. The Divine Be- 
ing can exist without the existence of his creatures ; 
but he could not exist without wisdom. These fig- 
ures of speech, I hope, will be profitable to the reader. 

The advocates for eternal prescience, refer to the 
predictions of our Lord, concerning the destruction 



404 



of Jerusalem by the Romans. This, one author says, 
" was predicted most circumstantially ?" But all the 
circumstances in the case, they have not noticed. 
Our Lord, in reference to the time, says, ** of that day 
and that hour, knoweth no man, no, not the angels, 
neither the Son, but the Father only." They say the 
Father knew. If the Father knew, and the Son did 
not, then the son was not Divine, " Ah !" they said, 
'*he knew as God, but he did not know as man." 
No, sir, not so ; Christ never calls himself the Son of 
God, without meaning his Divinity. The true sense 
of this passage is this, it was with the Father to fix the 
day and hour, and he had not fixed it. Oh," they 
would say, " yes he had." Well, if he had fixed the 
day and hour, and had not shown it to the Son, then 
this text cannot be true, which says, The Father 
loveth the Son, and showeth him all things that him- 
self doeth." — John 5 : 20. He had not showed this 
to him. It w^as evident that great trouble and dis- 
tress would attend the destruction of that city ; there- 
fore our Lord said, ^'Except those days be shortened, 
no flesh (that is no human life) can be saved ; but for 
the elect sake he will shorten the days." Now, I 
ask, which time, did even the Father know certain, 
the final event would lake place — the longest time, 
or the shortest time ? And here I would remark, 
that the prophecies in the Scriptures were not design- 
ed to prove an eternal prescience, but to demonstrate 
the infinite agency of God, in the government of the 
world. Why do we pray for blessings ? If all is cer- 
tain, as the Calviuists hold it to be, our prayers won't 



405 



alter it ; we have no encouragement, no ground for 
our faith. The Deists don't pray, because ihey also 
believe that all things are as certain as the throne of 
God, or as their own existence ; they have no faith in 
prayer. 

Why is it, that none of those who advocate both 
certainty and contingency, have not marked a distinction 
between them, is to me very surprising ; as it was 
men of great classical science that wrote. I thought 
Dr. A. Clarke would mark the distinction. But alas ! 
I was astonished, that after allowing that God was 
an infinite free agent," he solves all into an eternal 
NOW." And concludes that God lives in all past 
eternity, and in all future eternity the same, at the 
same time." He therefore know^s most certainly, all 
the past events, and he must know as certainly, all 
the future events ; this is called unsuccessive exist- 
ence. Therefore, this is allowing all that is contend- 
ed for by the advocates of eternal prescience. All 
events, past, present and to come, are as certain as 
now. 

In paying particular attention to this notion of eter- 
nal NOW, I perceived it involved the same doctrine, of 
those that contended for a certain prescience of an 
event that was in fact contingent, and that there can 
be no such thing as foreknowledge in the Divine Be- 
ing, nor afterknowledge. It is all present knowledge. 
I thought my labor to explain this subject of fore- 
knowledge would not be clear and plain, unless I re- 
futed this notion of an eternal now. And if I have 
succeeded to make it plain to the reader, I hope it 



406 



will be an everlasting quiescence to the notion that 
confounds certainty with contingency. 

Those who advocate the notion of eternal now, pre- 
tend to say that the difference between tinae and eter- 
nity is that which lies between successive and unsuc- 
cessive existence. As it has been strangely conceiv- 
ed, that as an infinite being must occupy at once ail 
the infinitude of unbounded expansion, so an eteimal 
being must occupy at once, and in one indivisible 
point of duration, all the infinite continuity of an eter- 
nal existence. Whereas, every person's common 
sense would tell him, that all which possibly can be 
implied in an infinite and eternal existence, may be 
easily expressed, in these intelligible words, " Living 
everywhere at 07ice, and livii^g every lohere forever,''^ 
Buttotalkof living always and every where in one indi- 
vidual point of present duration, which is the notion 
of unsuccessive existence, is to talk unintelligibly, 
and to assert what no man living is able either to ex- 
plain or understand. 

Space is measurable, and so is duration ; that is to 
say, all finite quantities are measurable, both of space 
and duration. But measurable quantities are reduc- 
able to an indivisible point, either of space or dura- 
lion ; and much less would it be possible to compress 
an inaugmentable quantity into an indivisible quanti- 
ty, either of space or duration, either of extension 
or continuance of being. x4nd yet the notion of un- 
successive existence in the Deity, involves these, and 
many other contradictions equally obvious and equal- 
ly absurd. A cubic foot is a real part of the Divine 



407 



eternity, and a single hour is a real part of the Divine 
eternity, and the person who would be able to anni- 
hilate the space occupied by a single cubic foot, or 
the duration of one hour, would be able to annihilate 
the Deity hinaself. Parts of infinite duration, and in- 
finite expansion are obviously real, and for this plain 
reason, that if they were but deducted from the whole 
sum, the remainder would be less than infinite, and 
yet no numerical collection of finite quantities, w^ould 
amount to an infinite sum. 

The most imposing form in which the notion of un- 
succesive existence has been proposed, is the follow- 
ing : Eternal existence, they say, must exclude 
both beginning and end, and consequently there can 
be no first, and no second, and no third." But why 
do they not add, and so on ad infiniliim 1"^^ This 
argument has been received with such implicit sub- 
mission, and has been rendered so popular, that its 
advocates are quite astonished to hear its validity call- 
ed in question. It is true, w'here there is no begin- 
ning of existence there can be no first existence ; and 
yet we are perfectly certain, that the actions of an 
infinite being, must admit of a numerical augmenta- 
tion, or otherwise there w^ouldbe an end tohis actions, 
j and consequently to his being. Unoriginated exis- 
\ tence precludes the bounds of number, but it cannot 
I preclude the order of succession ; we are certain that 
i existence cannot be stationary, that it must be suc- 
i cessive, and for these reasons, the flow of existence 
must be uniform and unceasing, and that cannot re- 
, main for two successive moments the same. And 



408 



although it cannot be said of any act performed by 
an eternal being, that it stands in an ordinal'relation 
to the first act, yet it must stand in an ordinal 
relation to the act that went before it, and to 
the act that may follow after it, in the conduct of 
God. 

The erroneous notion of an eternal noiv, arises 
from not distinguishing between the eternal necessity 
and stability of the Divine conduct. Action implies 
existence, and successive acts implies successive ex- 
istence. But confounding indefinite with inaugment- 
able quantities, the mind is betrayed into the most 
egregious blunders. The quantity of the past exis- 
tence of the Deity is infinite and inaugmentable, be- 
cause it is unoriginated, but it is not for that reason 
infinite in quantity and therefore inaugmentable ; for 
although its present aggregation is immeasurable, 
yet it must admit of augmentation, world without 
end ! One of the best conceptions which we are able 
to form of the eternity of the Divine existence is that 
which is suggested to us by the Psalmist in these 
words, Thou hast been our dwelling place in all 
generations,'' and therefore the Deity must have ex- 
isted along with all those successive generations. 
Again, he says, from everlasLting to everlasting, 
thou art God." No words could possibly convey a 
more clear and decided conception of progressive ex- 
istence, than these words, from everlasting to ever- 
lasting," 

Those who advocate the notion of eterrial now^ 
pretend to say that the difference between time and 



409 



eternity is that which lies between successive and 
unsuccessive existence. I would ask such persons 
whether they really mean by the word successive^ 
any thing else than continued existence ? For my 
part, I employ these terms as being synonymous^ 
And therefore I attribute it alike to finite and infinite 
existence. The Greek word eonion translated ever- 
lasting, signifies continued, or any thing that is con- 
tinued, the Greeks call eonion. A preacher of Uni- 
versalism challenged me to produce one text in the 
Bible that demonstrated an interminable punishment 
of the wicked. 1 quoted these words, " They shall 
be punished with everlasting destruction." *'Ah! 
sir," said he, the Greek word translated everlast- 
ing is eonion^ I asked if the Greeks did not have a 
signification to their words ? and if the word eonion 
did not signify any thing continued? He allowed it 
did. I then asked him to explain to me when con- 
tinued punishment would end ? He declined an an- 
swer. So I think those will do who advocate 
eternal now, by pretending to unsuccessive exis- 
tence. 

But even if the point of unsuccessive existence in 
the Deity were fully ceded to the advocates of anin- 
augmentable knowledge, they would still have a for- 
midable difficulty to get over, before they would fair- 
ly establish their doctrine. They must not only 
prove their assertion of unsuccessive existence in the 
Deity, but they must prove that every other being 
exists alike in the past, the present, and the future, 

18 



410 



and that the Divine knowledge is like himself, the 
subject of an unoriginated and unlimited existence* 
Before the Deity could have a present knowledge of 
my future existence, I myself must have an actual 
existence, and a present existence in the future. If 
all eternity, as they are pleased to say, is nowpresentto 
him, then of course all eternity must have a present 
existence. Thus it appears that the doctrine of eternal 
noWi like the doctrine of a certain knowledge of a 
contingent event, must be equally applied to all exis- 
tence, created and uncreated, and to all occurrences, 
past, present, and to come ; and therefore the follow- 
ing alternative must await the abettors of these theo- 
ries, and upon one of the horns of this formidable 
dilemma, they must eventually be transfixed. Either 
they must deny a continuance of existence, and also 
deny that actual existence is essential to a certain 
knowledge ; or else they must believe that all exis- 
tence, both past, present, and to come, possesses 
an unoriginated, unchangeable, and everlasting 
being. 

The following Scripture has been quoted for the 
purpose of supporting the notion of unsuccessive ex- 
istence, and also for supporting a certain prescience 
of contingent events ; but how adapted it is to such 
purposes, we shall know hereafter. The Apostle 
speaks of the faith of x\braham before God, who 
quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things that are 
not, as though they were."- — Rorn.4 : 17. Now if 
the Scripture had affirmed in plain words, that God 
tctually mak<=^ih things to be, ^nd not to be, gt th^ 



411 



same lime, it might indeed have been a fortunate tes- 
timony for the doctrine of an inaugmentable know- 
ledge in the Deity ; but since it only says, the Deity 
speaks of future events, as though they had actually 
transpired, the theory of unsuccessive existence falls 
to the ground ; for although the Deity, in all absolute 
prophecy, speaks of future events, which he has de- 
creed should take place, as though they had actually 
transpired ; yet he does not, by such predictions, 
give a present existence to those predicted events, 
neither does he affirm in those predictions that such 
events had actually transpired, but being the objects 
of an absolute decree, they therefore become the ob- 
jects of certainty, and may be spoken of and acted 
upon with as much confidence by human beings, as 
things may be spoken of and acled upon which have 
already taken place. 

To talk of an act that has no real existence, neither 
was it decreed of God that such an act should exist, 
is to talk of nothing> If it had have been decreed, it 
would have had a seminal existence. But to talk of 
a certain foreknowledge of a future event, that is not 
decreed, is to talk of an event that has no cause of 
existence ; it may be, and it may not be, ^therefore it 
is uncertain — as they acknowledge that a contingent 
act " is one that may be, or may not be." And to 
clear the subject from any necessity of a certain act, 
they represent man as possessing freedom to act, and 
this " freedom stands opposed to necessity but not to 
certainty." Truly, a well made clock possesses free- 
;dom to run, and the maker of it may know certain 



412 



that it will strike every hour ; and that it will not 
strike twelve when it strikes one. 

This eternal prescience, after all, is nothing but 
fate in disguise. How shall I form an argument to 
prove there was no want of wisdom, and goodness, or 
power in the Divine Being, in creating men that he 
foreknew certainly and eternally would be miserable, 
and he could not prevent it ? And how can any won- 
der that the Deists, and UniversaRsts, who thus be- 
lieve in a certain prescience, should deny all future 
punishment of sinners ? 

The advocates of eternal prescience, apart from 
predestination, are far more inconsistent than their 
predestinarian brethren. They believe in the antici- 
pated certainty of the issue of human life, and main- 
tain it with as great tenacity as any fatalists on earth 
can possibly do ; and therefore, they have not only 
got the formidable task of reconciling the certainty of 
the issue with the righteous government of God, but 
they have a task which is equally formidable, that is, 
of reconciling the certain issue of life with the free- 
dom of man. And thus we see, the advocates of 
eternal prescience are brought within as perplexing a 
dilemma as the abettors of predestination, and upon 
either one or other of its horns they must be trans- 
fixed ; and I call upon them as ingenious and honest 
men, either to reject their notion of a certain pre- 
science gf a contingent event, or to renounce the doc- 
trine of human liberty. 

After arranging the above arguments, I was better 



413 



satisfied in my own mind, on the all-important sub- 
ject of the Divine foreknowledge, than I had ever 
been ; I considered that the infinite free agency of 
God, in the government of the world, was better vin- 
dicated by these arguments, than by any other that 
had been introduced ; and also, the moral agency of 
man was better established. I often had to contend 
for the free agency of God, against the doctrines of 
fate, held by the Calvinists,Universalists, and Deists. 
I sometimes said to them, when they appealed to fore- 
knowledge to strengthen their argument, "God knows 
just what he has a mind to know, and what he has 
not a mind to know, he lets alone. And he does just 
what he has a mind to do, and what he has not a mind 
to do, he does not do it." Some would start at this, 
and cry out, why, God knows all things !" " O 
yes, God knows all things, and more too." 0 no ! 
not more than all things." " Yes, sir, all things is 
made up of parts, and all the parts make the whole, 
thereby you set bounds to his knowledge. Creation 
and providence are all things, beyond that is immen- 
sity, that precludes the bounds of number ; God 
knows this and that too. God knows all the particles 
that compose this vast creation, and can number them 
as he numbers the hairs of our head ; but he does not 
know one particle to exist, more than does exist ; yet 
he might make four or five more and tuck them in if 
* he chose to, and then he would know there was more 
than he knew before. Who will set bounds to the 
omnipotence of God ? Yet there are some things 
that he cannot do. He cannot lie ; he cannot make 



414 



a triangular circle. It no more derogates from the 
omniscience of God, to say he cannot know nothing 
to be something, or a lie to be the truth, than it 
derogates from his omnipotence to say he can- 
not lieo" 



CHAPTER XX. 



After three years in a superannuated relation, I 
had gained such a degree of strength of lungs, that I 
thought I could supply an easy circuit. I therefore 
wrote to the Bishop, stated nmy case to him, and 
named five circuits, either of which I thought I could 
supply. But I was not favored with either, for at the 
close of the Conference, I received my. appointment 
to Petersburgh circuit, where I had seventeen ap- 
pointments every two weeks ; this was a severe trial 
to my faith, therefore I concluded I must favor my 
self. So I went on, and informed the people that I 
should come to them once in two weeks. They w^ere 
all willing, and seemed pleased that I could preach as 
often as that ; two local preachers volunteered to aid 
me, so we made a four weeks' circuit of it, and the 
Lord poured out his spirit upon us, and the work in- 
creased to such a degree that we had to employ an- 
other preacher before the year was out. 

When the presiding elder came to my first quarter- 
ly meeting, I asked him who was the cause of my ap« 
pointment to this circuit, and why the Bishop had not 
egarded my request. Ho said, I was the cause, for 



416 



the friends on this circuit urged me to have you ap- 
pointed here. I knew the circuit was at a low ebb, 
and if any one could raise it up it would be you, and 
I believe I acted for the good of the cause." That 
may be, but I doubt whether it will be for my good. 
I have been sick for three years, and now scarcely 
able to preach three times a w^eek, much less seven- 
teen times in two weeks ; besides, I am in debt, and 
my recent sickness has much increased my debts. — 
This circuit cannot afford me half the Conference al- 
bwance, so I see nothing but distress and privation 
before me. I have made a four weeks' circuit of it, 
and the friends are well satisfied." Well," said he, 
" go on, we will do the best we can for you." We 
did so, and I found much to be thankful for — about 
eighty professed to be converted, and we had about 
sixty net increase that year ; so the circuit prosper- 
ed, and has been increasing since, so that now they 
have five preachers to supply them, and pay each of 
them double to what they paid me. 

The next year I was stationed with brother P. 
Cook, on Salisbury circuit. This was a prosperous 
and pleasant circuit. Here we got our quarterage in 
full, w^hich was the first time I had ever got it on a 
circuit ; this helped me some out of debt, as I was 
enabled to pay a little more than the interest. We 
had a good revival of religion, and good fellowship 
among the brethren. The next year I had brother 
N. Bigelow for my colleague ; he had the charge, 
and we had prosperous times, both spiritually and 
temporally. On this circuit, sister Church, and sis- 



417 



ler Brinsmade, proposed, that as I was then owing 
$900, that ninety of the brethren and sisters should 
each give $10, and so clear me from debt. They 
came short of it. However, they succeeded to raise 
$332, and I saved $80; so that I paid near $400 be- 
sides the interest. This was a great help to me. But 
my health declined, I had many turns of bleeding 
from the lungs, which weakened me so that when I 
had done preaching, I was not able to meet class. 
This was a great grief to me. 

The next year I was stationed on Tyringham cir- 
cuit. Here also I had to preach three limes on 
the Sabbath, which so increased my disease, and I 
bled so frequently, that I was laid up for several 
weeks, and disappointed my congregations. This also 
was a great grief to me. 

At this time my son Freeborn was called to preach, 
and had attended some of my appointments when I 
was sick. The presiding elder wanted him on the 
Pittsfield circuit. I knew not how to spare him. He 
was then seventeen years old, and the only son I had 
to work on the farm, and be company for his mother. 

I said to the presiding eld^r, " if you take him, you 
will deprive me of his services on the farm, which I 
can now illy afford, as I am unable to hire a man to 
supply his place. But before I give my full consent, 
my wife must be consulted, and her consent obtain- 
ed, forasmuch as she has suffered by my being so 
much from home in her younger days, and as he is 
the only son I have left to be with her in her old age, 

18* / 



418 



1 cannot think of leaving her alone as 1 have done." 
He said, that's right, she ought to be consulted." 
I mentioned this request to her, and after a long and 
serious consideration, she said, ^* Well, he must go." 
" Why, how can you spare him Well, how did 

I spare you, thirty years ago ?" " Why, then you 
were young, and the children were with you, but now 
you will be left alone and unprotected, and I am fear- 
ful you will suffer as you have done heretofore — your 
age, too, demands society and assistance." Well," 
said she, it is evident that the Lord calls him to 
preach, as much so as that he called you, and we 
must not oppose the Lord. No, no, we must not op- 
pose the Lord," But," said I, how are we to 
equip him for the w^ork, or even furnish him with a 
horse ? We have hut two ; I require one^ and if the 
other is taken how can we get the corn ploughed out? 
and if he goes too, how shall we even get the corn 
hoed ? I am not able to pay a hired man." Well,' 
she replied, ^* I don't know now how it will be, or 
how we shall get along, but we must trust the Lord- 
he has been to us a sure help in time of need, and his 
promises have never failed us." So she not only 
consented, but urged his departure for the work of 
the ministry. 

Freeborn thought that he could work on the farm, 
on his rest days, sufficient to secure the fall crops, 
but his rest days were rainy days, or devoted to the 
studies of his calling. So the corn got neglected, 
and we lost the crop. 

He travelled the circuit for three months, aiad re- > 



419 



ceived $17. This was poor pay for the loss of the 
corn and other fall crops — besides, my own receipts 
were much diminished from what they were on the 
circuits in Connecticut, and I said, this will not do, 
I preach for half pay, because the friends on my cir- 
cuit are not able to contribute more, yet I do not com- 
plain of my short allowance ; but I do not see how I 
can afford to supply another circuit on the same terms« 
So Freeborn came home. 

About this time he was very desirous to get to the 
Wilbraham School, for the purpose of perfecting his 
studies, and particularly in Greek and Hebrew, This 
could not be done, as I was not able to bear the ex- 
pense. I therefore advised him to carefully study 
Fletcher's works, Reid, on the Mind, Watson's The- 
ology, Mosheim's Ecclesiastical History, and Wes- 
ley's works ; these to be read through in course, 
three times, and carefully noted. He acceded to my 
plan, and from October to May, devoted his attention 
principally to these authors, and at the Conference 
of that year, was received on trial. 

In thus giving up my son at the age of seventeen^ 
we were depriving ourselves of much of the comforts 
of his society, independent of the value of his services 
on the farm. Four years of his services, at that 
lime, and at his age, was a matter of no small moment 
to us, but the vineyard of the Lord had need of more 
laborers. 

Our beloved sister Garrettson wrote me word 
about this time, that she would give $100, if Freeborn 
was received by the Conference. This provided him 



420 



with a horse, saddle and bridle, and $5 over, to pay 
his expenses to his circuit. This supply was a time- 
ly relief to me, for which I thanked God, and sister 
Garrettson. 

My health declined. The inflammation of my 
lungs increased to that degree, as to deprive me of 
speech. I therefore, again, asked for a superannua- 
ted relation. I had served the Church over thirty 
years, and during that time, never disappointed a con- 
gregation, except from sickness, or causes beyond 
my control. 

I now employed my time in preaching as often as 
my health would permit, and writing for the good of 
others. 

When I travelled on Petersburgh circuit, I had many 
pleasant seasons with some Baptist ministers, as well 
as with my Methodist frienxls. Some of those Bap- 
tists were not onl}^ pious, but well informed in the es- 
sential doctrines of the Gospel. Elder Lealand, and 
elder Hull, I was most acquainted with. Elder Hull 
was a very pious clergyman, and of good information, 
in all the essential doctrines of the Gospel and ordi- 
nances, except baptism^ its mode and the subjects of 
baptism ; that I thought him deficient in. He would 
often introduce the doctrine of infant baptism, and de- 
sire me to defend it. 1 would say, O, brother Hull, 
you had better not talk with me on that subject, nor 
on the mode of baptism, for if you do, I shall cer- 
tainly convert you." I added, some make too 
much of baptism, and some make too little of it. I 
never thought baptism was essential to salvation. It 



421 



IS only essential to church mennbership ; and as I 
never thought that the weakness of any man's head 
would hurt the goodness of his heart, therefore, a lit- 
tle difference of opinion, in what is not essential to 
salvation, ought never to mar or disturb Christian fel- 
lowship." This pleasantry put off a conversation on 
that subject several times, as I often called to see 
him. At last he said, ^' I fear you will go off the 
circuit, and you won't convert me." " O, now, 
brother Hull, if you will be converted, don't blame 
me for it, for if we converse on that subject, I shall 
certainly convert you, because you are a candid man, 
to yield to the weight of argument, and the force of 
truth. And as I shall take you in a way you never 
thought of before, you will yield to the truth of it." 

Well, I want to hear it." *'Well, then, in the first 
place, you believe that all children that die in infan- 
cy, go to hell." ^' No, I don't." Ah ! I thought 
you would deny it, because it is not so expressed in 
your articles of faith. But it is imphed ; you don't 
baptize infants, because you say they are not believ- 
ers." " Yes, that is correct." Well, then, they 
must be damned, for our Lord saith, ' He that believ- 
elh, shall be saved, and he that believeth not, shall be 
damned.'" ''O," said he, that was not spoken of 
infant children ; neither was it spoken of women, for 
it is in the masculine gender, he, so women can go to 
heaven without faith as well as infant children." 

Well, but," said he, do you think infant children 
are believers ?" In our Lord's account of them-, 
they were, but in your account of them the}^ are not, 



422 



50 you and our Lord don't agree/' Well, but, sir, 
have you any Scripture to warrant your assertion ?" 

Yes, if you please to look at the 18lh chapter of 
Matthew, and see if I read right, * At the same time 
came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, who shall be 
greatest in the kingdom of heaven ? And Jesus call- 
ed a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of 
them, and said, verily I say unto you, except ye be 
converted, and become as little children, ye shall not 
enter into the kingdom of heaven.' Now if we don't 
get into heaven, we cannot be great there. But we'll 
read on, ^ Whosoever, therefore, shall humble him- 
self as this little child, the same is great in the king- 
dom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such 
little child in my name, reaeiveth me. But whoso 
shall offend one of these little ones that believelb in 
me.'" At this word, believe in me," I stopped re« 
peating. and as he looked over, he rephed, O, that 
child meant a young convert." ''Well, then, let us 
read it so as to suit your young convert. ^ At that 
time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, who shall 
be greatest in the kingdom of heaven,' and he took a 
young convert, a man about six feet high, and placed 
him in the midst, and said, ' you, my disciples, have 
been converted too long to go to heaven, and you 
have too much religion to go there, you must have 
but a little, like this child.'" O," said he, "that 
won't-do." " Then the adverb little, must apply to 
an infant, or a very smal! child, that was distinct from 
an adult." 

After a short pause, he said, But how can they 



423 



believe on him of vvhomlhey have not heard, and how^ 
ean they hear v^ithout a preacher." Well, sir, thai 
is the text I wanted you to' bring forward. Now, 
sir, please to look down to the 10th verse, and see if 
I quote it right : * Take heed, that ye despise not one 
of these little ones,^ this I will apply to you, brother 
Hull, take heed that you think not light of the rights 
and privileges of little children, * for I say unto you, 
that in heaven tlieii' angels do always behold the face 
of my father.' How is that word spelt, t-h-e-r-e, 
there in that place, or t-h-e-i-r, theirs." Well, real- 
ly, it is t-h-e-i-r, but I never noticed it before. Then 
it means the angels of these little children," An- 
gels are ministering spirits, sent forth of God, to min- 
ister to those that shall be heirs of salvation,' as the 
apostle saith. Why, sir, the guardian angels know 
how to preach Christ to a little child, and the child 
knows how to understand the angel better than you 
and I do.' 

God has provided means for the salvation of little 
children. Angels are their guardians and teachers, 
and watch over them. If parents die, the civil au- 
thority appoints guardians over their children, to take 
care of the property that is left them ; and though the 
child don't know the value of property, neither can he 
sue you for taking it from him, yet his guardian can. 
So, if you deprive a child of his spiritual privilege, the 
guardian angel will accuse you to the father. Chil- 
dren were inducted into the church at eight days old, 
by circumcision, under the law, and w^e have no ac- 
count in the New Testament, of their being deprived 



424 



of churcii membership, and children could no more 
understand the typical meaning of circumcision, or of 
purification under the laWj than they now can under 
the Gospel, as taught by man ; and, if God did make 
it the duty of parents to devote their children to the 
Lord, under the law of Moses, in the ordinances of 
that dispensation, can we reasonably suppose they 
would be deprived of church membership without as 
plain a command to forbid parents to devote their 
children to God in the ordinance of the Gospel ? Pe- 
ter said, repent, and be baptized, everyone of you, 
in the name of Jesus Christy for the remission of 
your sins." Then he gives us the reason why they 
should be baptized, viz., ''For the promise," he says, 

is to you and to your children." If there was no 
promise of God's blessing to us, in attending his or- 
dinances, there would be no reason in being baptized. 
But as baptism is one of the prerequisites to the for- 
giveness of sins, as we see expressed in Acts 22 : 16, 
the remission of sins is not necessarily a prerequis- 
ite to baptism. Here you will see your mistake in 
putting conversion before baptism, and as angels are 
guardians of little children, they will accuse you w-iih 
depriving them of their spiritual rights. Besides, if 
they are the legal members of the church, they enjoy 
the prayers of the church, and certainly the prayers 
of the church are worth something. 

Moreover, you make too much of the mode of bap- 
tism. Immersion is not commanded as the mode ; 
indeed, there is no command in the New Testament 
for any mode. Neither does the Greek word Bapto, 



425 



or Baptizo, signify only innmersion. It signifies also, 
to wash — to purify — to sprinkle — to wet — to stain — 
as it is said, I will stain," or baptize, " all my rai- 
ment." — Isaiah 63 : 3. The " washing," or baptiz- 
ing " cups," or divers washings, in Hebrew 9 : 10, 
and also sprinkling, as in the 19th verse. So you 
see, the definition of a word does not amount to a 
command, unless the thing signified is command- 
ed definitely. In John 3 : 25, it is said, Then 
there arose a question between the Jews and some of 
John's disciples, about purifying ; and they came 
unto John, and said, Rabbi, he that was with thee 
beyond Jordan, the same baptizeth, &c." Now, this 
question was about baptizing, which was called in the 
law, purifying. So then purification under the law, 
was John's baptism ; and John decided that Christ 
would increase^ or would rather regulate the ordi- 
nance. So he did, by commanding his disciples to 
baptize in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy 
'Ghost." But not a word about the mode in which water 
was tobe used in purifyingdifferentfromunderthelaw. 
And that ordinance was first commenced when God 
said to Moses, Exodus 19 : 10, "Go unto the peo- 
ple, and sanctify them to-day and to-morrow." This 
was to prepare them to wait on the Lord, who said 
he would come down, on Mount Sinia, and speak unto 
them. This ordinance sanctified, or prepared the 
people to wait on God, and receive his law. So 
John's baptism prepared the way of the Lord, or pre- 
pared the people to wait on Christ, and hear his gos- 
pel. John was under the law, and administered the 



426 



ordinances of the law ; so also, was Christ under the 
law, and kept the law. When, therefore, Christ came 
to John, to be consecrated high priest, or to be bap- 
tized of him, John knew Jesus, though he did not 
know that Jesus was the Messiah that was looked for, 
but he knew him to be a prophet, and a very holy 
man, therefore he said, I have need to be baptized 
of thee, and comest thou to me ?" Jesus said, it 
becometh us to fulfill all righteousness," which is the 
same as if he had have said, it becometh us to keep 
the law." And this baptism of Christ was a conse- 
crating him into the high priest's office, according to 
Leviticus, 8th chapter ; at least as far as water was 
used in the ceremony of consecration. The purifying 
with blood was not necessary, because Christ was 
not a sinner, neither was he baptized unto repentance, 
neither was it necessary to anoint him with oil, as 
Aaron was, because it was before intimated to John, 
(that he might know who the Messiah was) that the 
Holy Ghost would descend upon his head in the 
shape of a dove, to anoint him. This variation of the 
mode of consecration, demonstrates that he was a 
priest after the order of Melchizedek, and not after 
the order of Aaron. 

Purification, consecration, or sanctification, are 
words that are relative, and to purify, the mode com- 
manded by the Lord, was to sprinkle, either clear wa- 
ter, or blood and water, or water into which they put 
the ashes of the heifer, as we learn from Numbers, 
19th chapter. And that the priest might convenient- 
ly purify with blood and water, he was commanded, 



427 



Lev. 14, 4th verse, to take cedar wood, and scarlet, 
and hyssop, the hyssop being lied on to a cedar staff, 
with a scarlet thread. This was dipped into water, 
to sprinkle the unclean, or to purify in any way. 
There were three things required of a man, to become 
a legal member of the church, under the law. 1st. 
circumcision ; 2d. purification, and 3d. offering. 
And for a female, two things were required. 1st. 
purification ; 2d. offering. And if any person was 
not purified, they were to be cut off from the con- 
gregation of the Lord, because the waters of sep- 
aration were not sprinkled upon him. Therefore, as 
purification w^as an essential prerequisite to church 
membership under the law, so baptism is essential to 
church membership under the Gospel ; and as purifi- 
cation was, by John's disciples and the Jews, confoun- 
ded with baptism, they understood them to be the 
same. And, inasmuch as our Lord left the mode of 
applying the water, without altering it from that 
practiced by John in purification, we consider sprink- 
ling, as the Scripture mode commanded. John said, 

I baptize you with water," that is, I apply the wa- 
ter to you, and not you to the water. All the altera- 
tion our Lord made in the mode of purifying, or bap- 
tizing, was to perform it in the name of the Father, 
Son, and Holy Ghost. 

I also mentioned to him the improbability of John's 
baptizing by immersion. Seeing all historians agree, 
even Mr. Robertson, the Baptist historian agrees, 
that John baptized only six months before Jesus was 
baptized, and it is written, that all Judea, and they of 



428 



Jerusalem, came unlo John, and were baptized of 
him in Jordan, besides those inhabiting the region 
around about Jordan, that were baptized. There 
must have been a large number, for Josephus informs 
us that Herod put John in prison, because he was 
afraid he would cause a rebellion, for all the people 
followed him. I think there must have been at least 
eight million in the whole nation of the Jews at that 
time. Herod would not have had just cause of fear 
unless a majority followed John, but if we say only 
four million were baptized by him, in six months be- 
fore Christ wras baptized, as it is written, and when 
all the people were baptized, then cometh Jesus/' 
If, then, four million were baptized by immersion, he 
must have baptized more than thirty in a minute, to 
baptize them in six months, and baptize twelve hours 
in a day. But he could baptize that number by 
sprinkling, in less than half the time. Moses conse- 
crated or sanctified six hundred thousand in two 
days. Exodus 19 : 10. I believe immersion is 
baptism, when performed by a proper ordained min* 
ister, in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy 
Ghost. And if it is not administered in the name of 
the trinity, it is profane mockery. 

This conversation convinced him of the impropriety 
of making so much of baptism, as some do. I never 
knew him to speak against infant baptism while he 
lived, afterward. And many years after we were 
very intimate. He lived a Christian life, and died 
happy. 

There are some tenets in religion, or some form, 



429 



that distinguishes one denomination from another. 
The Episcopal Church are fond of power, arising 
from their notion of a succession of Bishops. The 
Presbyterians are fond of Calvinian decrees. The 
Baptists of immersion for baptism. The Methodists 
for hoHn^ss. Many among. these denominations, are 
80 weak in intellect that they believe their peculiar 
•notions are essential to salvation. Though if the 
Methodists do beUeve holiness to be essential to sak 
vation, it cannot be from weakness of intellect. Be- 
sides, if they enjoy what they believe, they will have 
less bigotry, and a better foundation for charity, than 
the others have from their notions. This doctrine of 
holiness I embraced with a clear conviction that it 
was scriptural, and the privilege of all true believers. 

Be ye holy, saith the Lord, for I your God am 
holy." "When I first embraced the doctrines of Meth- 
odism, I was animated with a hope, that by the time 
I was an old man, if I should live, I should be strong 
in faith, and not weak, as I then was. But though 
fifty years have passed by, I still feel myself to be a 
child, weak, and wholly dependant on the Lord. 
What good I have been instrumental of doing, appears 
as nothing. Past blessings are as nothing to supply 
my present wants. I am now as dependant on God, 
as ever I was. My confidence is in God alone, 
through the atoning blood of Christ. I think my con- 
fidence is stronger than it used to be, otherwise I am 
a child, weak and feeble, hoping in the Lord. 

After travelling Petersburgh, Salisbury, and Ty- 
ringham circuits, my health failed. I had so many 



430 



turns of bleeding from the lungs, that my voice fail- 
ed me for some weeks, that I could not speak above 
my breath ; so that again I was superannuated. I had 
been able to do effective service in the church for a 
little more than thirty years. Now, weak and feeble, 
I again returned to my small farm in Canaan, Co- 
lumbia county. Here I must work or suffer ; it was 
a peculiar trial of my faith. But after some weeks, 
I could preach once in a week ; the brethren pro- 
posed to change works with me, — they would plow 
my ground, and I must plow the fallow ground of the 
heart, and sow spiritual seed, so we did very well 
the first year. I preached once in two weeks, and 
the circuit preacher once in two weeks, thereby w^e 
had preaching every Sabbath, and the brethren help- 
ed to plow and sow my ground, and mow my grass. 
But the tax was too heavy on the society in that 
place. To pay the travelling preachers, was a 
heavy burden enough, without paying me anything. 
I then devoted my time to making pills, salve, and 
tincture, and preach as often as my health would per- 
mit, which was about once a week, for which I re- 
ceived nothing, except the profits arising from the 
sale of my medicine. To do good temporally and 
spiritually, had ever been my most ardent desire. I 
attended protracted meetings, in which many were 
converted. 

I had desired to spend a winter in the South, be- 
lieving it would be a means of healing my lungs. 
At least so far as to prevent a hemorrhage. But the 
want of means to pay rhe expense, prevented, until 



431 



I had got my medicine prepared for market. I then 
took with me, so much of medicine and books, that 
the profits arising from what I believed 1 could sell, 
w^ould pay the expense. In the summer, I went to 
Boston, and in December I started for the South. 
But the winter came on before I reached Philadel- 
phia. I tarried there until the river opened in the 
spring. I then went to Baltimore and Washington, 
and returned. But it had no good effect to stop the 
bleeding from the lungs. The next fall, I start- 
ed in October, and spent the most of the winter 
in Washington, Georgetown and Alexandria. To- 
ward spring, the bleeding stopped ; that I have had 
none since. Though I do not think it was wholly 
owing to the climate, yet I believe that it was a great 
means of relief. Still I find, when I preach too 
often, or too long, or loud, it brings on an inflamma- 
tion of the lungs. So lam disabled from doing effec- 
tive service. 

The disputes that have agitated the Church for 
ages past, has produced many polemical essays. 
Fletcher's works were the best I ever read. From 
those and the Scripture, I settled my mind on 
the seven cardinal doctrines. 1st. — Man's lost 
estate, by transgression. 2d. — Redemption through 
the blood of Christ. 3d.— Repentance and faith. 
4th. — Justification by faith. 5th.— Sanctification. 
6th. — The resurrection of the body. 7th. — A 
fjeneral judgm.ent and rewards and punishment. 

These seven doctrines T considered as containing 



432 

the whole Gospel, or all that the Gospel requires 
of us to believe, as essential to salvation. — 
Other points were theories of speculation, involv- 
ing metaphysical perplexities. 

Religious experience, though related in a simple 
manner, is more instructive and encouraging than 
metaphysical subtleties. I wrote some years ago, 
the experience of a Dutchman, as nearly (as he relat- 
ed it in a love-feast,) as I could, prefacing it as fol- 
lows : — 

The testimonies of our brethren who have tasted 
that God is merciful and good, as I often heard them 
in our love-feasts, are not only instructive, but also 
always animate and cheer my soul. And although 
some of our Dutch brethren cannot speak English cor- 
rectly, yet to hear them relate the means of their con-^ 
version, as I have heard some, at once evinces their 
sincerity, and is an evidence of the work of God's 
grace in their hearts. I wish I could relate one as it 
was spoken in a love-feast more than thirty years 
ago, when the Methodists first began to preach 
in the northern part of the State of New York. I 
have forgot his name, but the substance of his tes- 
timony was as follows, He said, Mine dear breth- 
ren, 1 want to tell you some mine experience. When 
de Metodists first came into dese parts, I tot I was 
doing bery well ; for mine wife and I had 'two sons, 
Ned and Jim ; and we had a good farm dat Neddy 
and I could work bery well, so I let Jim go out to 
work about fourteen miles off from home. But de 
Metodists come into our parts, and Neddy w^ent to 



433 

♦ 

dare meeting, and he got converted, and I tot we 
should all be undone ; so I told Ned he must not go 
to dese Metodist meetings, for so much praying, and 
so much going to meeting would ruin us all. But 
Neddy said, * O fader, I must serve de Eord and save 
my soul.' But, I said, you must do de work too. 
So I gave him a hard stint on de day of dare meeting; 
but he work so hard dat he got his stint done, and 
went to de meeting after all. While I set on my 
stoop and smoked mine pipe, I see him go up over de 
hill to de Metodist meeting, and I said to my wife 
Elizabet, we shall be undone, for our Ned will go to 
dese meetings ; and she said, 'What can we do?' 
Well, 1 said, den I will stint him harder ; and so I 
did several times when de meeting come. But Ned- 
dy worked hard, and sometimes he got some boys to 
help him, so dat he would go off to de meeting while 
I set on mine stoop and smoked mine pipe. I could 
see Ned go over de hill. I said one day, O mine Got, 
what can I do — dis boy will go to dese meetings 
after all I can do. So when Ned come home, I said 
Ned, you must leave off going to dese meetings, or I 
will send for Jim to come home, and turn you away. 
But Neddy said, ' 0 fader, I must serve de Lord, 
and save my soul.' Well den, I will send for Jim ; 
so I sent for Jiiii ; and when he come home, den I 
heard he had been to de Metodist meeting where he had 
lived, and he was converted too. And Ned and Jim 
both said, ^ 0 fader, we must serve de Lord, and 
save our souls.' But I said to mine wife, dese Meto- 

19 



434 



dists must be wrong, da will undo us all, for da have 
got Nfed and Jim both ; I wish you would go to dare 
meeting, and you can see what is wrong ; but Ned 
and Jim can't see it. So de next meeting day de old 
woman went wid Ned and Jim. But I set on mine 
stoop, and smoked mine pipe. But I said to mineself, 
I gess dese Metodists have got dare match, to get de 
old woman, and she will see what's wrong. So I 
smoked mine pipe, and lookt to see dem come back. 
By and by I see dem coming ; and when da come 
near, I see de tears run down mine wife's face. Den 
I said, O mine Got, da have got de old woman too. 
I tot I am undone, for da have got Ned, and Jim, and 
de old woman, and when da come on de stoop, mine 
wife said, * O we must not speak against dis people, 
for da are de people of Got,' But I said noting, for I 
had not been to any of de meetings, so 1 was in 
great trouble. But in a few days after, I heard dat 
dere was a Presbyterian missionary going to preach 
a little ways off ; so I tot I would go, for 1 tot it 
would not hurt any body to go to his meeting ; and I 
went wid Ned and Jim, and mine wife, and lie 
preacht, but dere was noting done till after de meet- 
ing was over, and den dar was two young men in de 
toder room dat sung and prayed so good as any 
body ; and da prayed for dar old fader too. And 
many cried, and I tot da prayed bery well. After dis 
I was going out of dedoor to go home, and a woman 

said to me^ * Mr. , you must be a happy man, 

to have two such young men as dem dat prayed.' I 
said, was dat Ned and Jim? She said, * yes.' 0; 



435 



I felt so mad to link da had prayed for me, and ex-= 
posed me before all de people. But I said noting, 
but went home, and I went right to bed. But now 
mine mind was more troubled dan ever before, for I 
began to tink how wicked I was to stint poor Neddy 
so hard, and try to hinder him from saving his soul ; 
but I said noting, and mine wife said noting ; so I 
tried to go to sleep ; but as soon as I shut mine eyes 
I could see Neddy going over de hill to go to his 
meeting, after he had done his hard stint, so tired and 
weary. Den I felt worse and worse ; and by and by 
I groaned out, and mine wife axt me what's de mat- 
ter. I said, I believe 1 am dying. She said, 'Shall 
I call up Ned and Jim V I said, yes. And Jim 
come to de bed, and said, ' O fader, what is de mat- 
ter?' I said, I beUeve I am dying. And he said, 
^ fader, shall I pray for you V I said, O yes, and 
Neddy too. And glory be to Got, I believe he heard 
prayer ; for tough I felt my sins like a mountain load 
to sink me down to hell, I cried, 0 Got have micrcy 
on me, a poor sinner ; and by and by I feel some ting 
run all over me, and split mine heart all to pieces ; 
and I fell so humble and so loving dat I rejoice and 
praise Got ; and now I am resolved to serve Got wit 
Ned and Jim, and mine wife, and dese Metodists." 



CHAPTER XXI. 

After I had commenced printing the second edi- 
tion of my Memoirs, and while in this city, superin- 
tending and editing the same, I received the painful 
and disheartening inteUigence, that my house and 
home in Canaan, Columbia county, N. Y., was burnt 
to the ground, together with all its contents, excepting 
a very few articles^ that with much hazard were res- 
cued from the flames. 

The fire occurred on Sabbath night, the 24th of 
September, 1843. I got the news on the 26th, and 
on the 27th arrived at what was once my home, but 
now, alas ! a mass of smouldering ruins. However, 
in the midst of all I could but rejoice and give thanks 
that my dear wife and the other inmates of my house 
had escaped with their lives ; as from the situation of 
the rooms of the house, and the place where the fire 
originated, or was kindled by some incendiary, I can- 
not but view their escape as truly providential. 

The fire was first discovered by Mrs. Hows, the 
wife of Professor J. W. S. Hows, of this city, who 
had been staying with us for some weeks past, and oc 
cupied a bed-room in the south-east corner of the 
building. At about one or two o'clock she was awak- 



440 



ened by the light of the fire shining into her room ; 
the fire was discovered in the wood-house, situate on 
the north-east corner of the house, and fiprming an L 
with the main building ; when first seen, the flames 
were already curling over the roof of the wood-house^ 
and rapidly approaching the dwelling. She imme- 
diately gave the alarm, and aroused the family, con- 
sisting at that time of only three persons, besides her- 
self and her little son, viz : my w^ife, and grand- 
daughter, and Henry Fowler, a young m.an that as- 
sisted on the farm ; for this signal service of Mrs. 
Hows to m.e and mine on that dreadful night, I am 
truly thankful. Indeed, I am at a loss for words 
properly to express my gratitude. Yet I am thank- 
ful, and pray our heavenly Father to have her and 
her dear family always in his holy keeping, and pre- 
serve her and them from a similar calamity. 

Their first efforts were to subdue the fire ; but it 
had by this time got such headw^ay that all their ex- 
ertions were unsuccessful ; they then turned their at- 
tention to saving the furniture, and succeeded by the 
assistance of the neighbor, S» H. Marks, who by this 
time had come to the rescue, to save only one bed 
and one chest of drawers from the back room, and a 
carpet, some chairs and a looking-glass from another 
room, andoneofMrs. Hows' trunks of clothing ; these 
formed the bulk of what was saved, leaving the rest 
of our furniture and beds, all our clothing, bedding, 
and provisions ; together with my library of books, 
and about two bushels of my manuscripts and writ- 
ings ; many of which f had lately revised, corrected 



441 



and laid by, oarefully labelled ;* and also all my slock 
of medicines, to the ntiercy of the devouring elenfient. 

We had lived in that house upward of thirty-one 
years, and had accumulated very many of the com- 
forts, though few of the luxuries ©f life. My wife 
was, and is yet, an excellent housekeeper ; by her 
industry and untiring application in spinning and 
weaving, bleaching and dyeing, and the other quali- 
ties of good housewifery, our house was well supphed 
with beds, bedding, clothing, linen, carpets, and such 
like articles, the labor of her own hands. 

When I take a retrospect of the past, and remem- 
ber the days of privation and toil we have passed 
through, and the zeal she has uniformly manifested 
to promote the cause of religion, at home and abroad, 
and the cheerfulness amid all her trials with which 
she would exert herself to support me in the ministry, 
so that I might continue my labors in the service of 
the Church ; and then, that after half a century of 
hard work and strict economy, she had been enabled 
to surround herself and fill her house with all, or near- 
ly all the comforts of life ; and when w^e had hoped 
to pass the evening of our days in the enjoyment of 



* I had frequently, in conning over and correcting n^y writ- 
ings, flattered myself, that they would one day or other, if pub 
lished, afford some light to the world ; but I never thought they 
would be doomed to support a blaze, and especially the blaze that 
destroyed my dwelling. But so it is ; all the good or harm they 
ever could have done, is, by this event, /or ever prevented. 1 
am now too old to think of ever reproducing them as they were, 
even if I had the ability for so doing. 



442 



those comforts, and so far from being burdensome lo 
the Church, or dependent on any one ; but rather to 
have it in our power to relieve and encourage the af- 
flicted and the distressed. And now, to realize the 
fact that all is gone, burned up, and forever dissipat- 
ed, w^eighs down my spirits, and makes me sad. 

We are growing old ; indeed, we have been grow- 
in"g old for many years past, and this calamity has 
placed us in a situation we have been for fifty years 
striving to avoid ; it has reduced us to want, and 
made us dependent ; but shall I therefore despond, or 
even distrust the goodness of the Lord ? No, by no 
means : God forbid. Although in my long life I have 
never been subjected to so great and so calamitous a 
pecuniary loss as this is : yet I am not unacquainted 
with the flavor of the bitter dregs of the cup of af- 
fliction even in these matters. And yet hitherto the 
Lord has been my shield, my support, and my help- 
er, and brought me out of all my former troubles. 

Although I cannot now see how, or from what 
source my future help and support are to com.e ; yet 
I feel confident, that the same Providence that has 
watched over me, and over the Church, for so many 
long and prosperous years, will not now forsake us» 
From this source I draw largely for consolation, and 
blessed be God, I feel that my reliance shall not be 
in vain. 

When I arrived in Canaan, I was much comforted 
in the kind sympathies of my neighbors. They not 
only commiserated with me in my severe loss, but 
were arranging plans, and devising means to rebuild 



443 



my house — they had already supplied my family with 
the immediate necessaries of life, and in this labor of 
love, I saw no difference between Methodists, Bap- 
tists, Presbyterians or Shakers, or those of no denom- 
ination ; all seemed ready and anxious to do what 
they could, and many were grieved that they could 
not do more. 

Such kindness as was manifested by them, and 
such readiness to assist me; could not but cheer my 
spirits and inspire me with a hope that all would yet 
be well. But my Canaan friends are not a rich peo- 
ple ; they are however industrious and prudent, and 
will do all they can, but my loss is too great for them 
alone to make good. 

It has been quaintly observed by many of my breth- 
ren in the ministry, that I am a " good beggar 
that is, that I am very successful in raising money, 
and have a rare knack of obtaining supplies. Now I 
will just remark, that to this charge I shall not now 
plead, but merely observe, that any poor abilities I 
do possess in placing a good cause in such a light be- 
fore a liberal and discerning public, as to secure their 
patronage and support, has been, and still can be, ex- 
erted in the services of the Church ; but cannot be 
called into action in my own behalf. I have yet to 
learn howl can thus employ my powers of persua- 
sion ; and I am apprehensive that I am now too old 
to learn. My wife too, says, she can yet work, to 
beg she is ashamed." 

My brethren in the ministry, and many of my 
friends in New York, have expressed their sympathies 



444 



for me in language that cannot be misunderstood. 
Some of the Churches also, have shown theirs in 
deed- and, in truth, and have manifested by their 
liberal donations, that their sorrow for my loss pro- 
ceeds from a heart that knows how" to feel, and how 
to manifest their feelings, — their movements and ex- 
ertions, prompt me to believe that my house will soon 
be rebuilt, and I shall again have a home for myself 
and family, and my friends that visit me. 

If I possessed the means of rebuilding and refur 
nishing my house without aid from any one, I should 
do so without expecting, or even permitting the as . 
sistance of my friends or the Church ; but it is far 
otherwise. At the time of the fire I was doing all in 
my power to pay my debts — my farm was yet under 
mortgage, and I v>7as behind hand with the interest, 
and I had also other debts, to pay which required my 
every exertion. The admonition of Owe no man 
any thing," was constantly in my mind, and I was 
straining every nerve to fulfil the command by secur- 
ing the means of paying my debts. Yet, in the midst 
of all this anxiety and exertion, many thought I was 
rich, and so expressed their belief. For why they 
should indulge in this fancy I never could divine, un- 
less it was to add to my excellence in their estima- 
tion ; for some do think that riches and virtue, v^'ealth 
and wisdom, are inseparable companions. Some 
have intimated to me that if I was not already rich, I 
should be soon, from the fact th.at I had a great deal 
due me for pills and salve, sold on credit. Well, this is 
encouraging as far as it goes, but the facts of the case 



445 



are likely to give very indifferent encouragrnent to 
my creditors — they are these : I had trusted out a 
large amount of these articles some years ago, when 
credit was in fashion, and the times were supposed to 
be good. But when the time arrived for a return of 
the avails of those sales, instead of money, I got no- 
lice of bankruptcy, and in many instances had to pay- 
the postage on these, when I expected remittances in 
good lawful currency. Thus leaving me to pay my 
own debts — and the resources on which I reHed for so 
doing, entirely exhausted. . ^ 

My confidence in God, and the integrity of my 
friends, adn-ionishes me that no adventitious aid is re- 
quired to call forth sympathy or supplies. The elo- 
quence that would excite to action, is heard in the 
roar of the flames that destroyed my home, and de- 
voured my substance — in the bright blaze that arous- 
ed my wife and family from sleep, in the middle of 
the night, and drove them from the shelter of my roof 
and the comforts of my fireside, and at one fell swoop 
reduced to ashes my means of temporal support and 
domestic comfort. 

Thus I have given a plain statement of facts, that 
has reduced me to poverty and want. I am admonish- 
ed by thai Gospel I have preached for forty-nine years, 
that it is my duty to be resigned to my lot, and still 
be diligent in business, and fervent in spirit, serving 
the Lord ; hoping this narrative will do good, and 
encourage the reader to trust in the Lord, and serve 
him with a perfect heart, in all the ordinances of his 
Church. 



THE 

SOUL-CHEERING DOCTRINE 

OF 

THREE PERSONS IN ONE GOD. 

CLEARLY PROVED 

FROM MATTER OF FACT 

AND 

FIRST PRINCIPLES OF REASON^ 

IN A LETTER TO MR ALLEN, 

Printer of the Pittsfield Sun, 

BY HIS SINCERE FRIEND, 
B. HIBBARD, MINISTER OF THE GOSPEL. 



Prove all things ; hold fast that which is good.--! Thess. v. 21 



TO MR. ALLEN 
Dear Sir :~ 

Jt is a long lime since I wrote you any thing for 
your useful paper ; having been absent from these 
parts for some time, but having occasionally seen 
some subjects on Unitarian sentiments, by some an- 
onymous writers of that faith and order, and printed 
in 37-our paper, I presume for the express purpose of 
exciting attention to the all-important subject of a 
Trinity of persons in the Divine essence ; but I have 
no thought of answering those anonymous writers in 
this communication to you ; but of expressing to 
you, sir, that on reading them, my attention was call- 
ed up to examine the subject of three persons in one 
_God, more minutely ; which it seems they have set 
at nought, as erroneous. And having read many 
learned authors, and found none who have arranged 
their arguments so as to exactly suit my mind ; pos- 
sibly because my train of thinking is peculiar to my- 
self, and because they allowed the Unitarian, that 
three persons in one God could not be proved from 
the first principles of reason, as though the doctrine 
was contrary thereto. This I could not allow ; I 
shall therefore attempt to show from first principles 
of reason, that the doctrine is not only scriptural, but 
perfectly reasonable. I first define what reason is, 
and how it may be known in its latent and manifest 



450 



forms. And, first, reason is ihat properly of the iiu - 
man mind, that enables us to mark a distinction be- 
tween one thing and another. And reasGning, which 
is also called reason, (in the plural) is known by not 
confounding distinct things. When a man is delir- 
ious, he talks incoherently — we say he has lost his 
reason, or has no reason in exercise. If we draw 
wrong conclusions from propositions laid down, it is 
not reason, but a confusion of the mind, or a want of 
integrity. A deceived man, or rather one who de- 
sires to deceive, labors to confound distinct things in 
such an artful way as to confuse the mind of the hear- 
er. This important doctrine of three persons in one 
God, I shall explain in the following manner ; taking 
for granted that all believe in the existence of a God that 
possesses natural and moral perfections, and that he 
is eternally the same ; a spirit, without body or parts, 
omniscient — everywhere present, beholding the 
evil and the good." We argue that God is without 
body or parts, from the fact that two bodies of sub- 
stance cannot occupy the same place at the same 
time. But God is omnipresent always, in all places. 

Now, if God exists indivisible, and possesses 
natural and moral perfections— which he most cer- 
tainly does — then we argue he must have those natu- 
ral and moral perfections in constant exercise, or they 
would be useless, and a useless property would be an 
imperfection. It would be absurd in us to harbor such 
a thought of the Divine Being. One of his natural 
perfections is life. If he had not this in exercise at 



451 



all limes, he would be sometimes dead. Another nat- 
ural perfection is efficiency^ or power to begin motion, 
and to do what he has a mind to do, without control. 
Another natural perfection of the Divine Being is 
speech^ but who did he speak to before angels or 
men were made ? If God be infinite in possessing 
the properties of his Divine essence, then he must have 
an exercise of all those perfections, or he could not 
be perfect and happy in himself. To notice his poll- 
er, wisdom, cmdi goodness, ii he possess more than 
he has a use for, or than he has in exercise, the re- 
dundancy would be useless ; and a useless property 
would render him imperfect, which is absurd in us 
to think of the Divine Being. But God is not im- 
perfect, and therefore he must exercise all his pow- 
er, wisdom, and goodness. But this cannot be done 
in creation; though he should create ten thousand 
such worlds and systems as this, he would not exer- 
cise all his power. His power is infinite and eter- 
nal ; should he therefore attempt to exercise in crea- 
tion, he must make an infinite and eternal substance, 
and this could not be. because he who created would 
exist prior to the creature; therefore God could not 
exercise eternally his infinite power in creation. But 
he must exercise all the infinite properties of his Di- 
VmQ essence, or he cannot be perfect and immu- 
table. And as he cannot exercise them in creation, 
he must exercise them in himself. And this argues 
two things. 1st. An agent acting ; and 2nd, an ob- 
ject acted upon. An object must be able to receive 
and sustain the operations of the agent, and therefore 



452 



must be equal to ilie agent, and as eternal as the agent; 
and be as able to give, as receive from the agent ; and 
their operations must harmonize, which will argue a 
third, which is the spirit emanating from the two, and 
personates a third mode of subsistence in the one Di- 
vine Being, or three persons. For I understand mode 
of subsistence to be the same as person, and is really 
identity in the Divine essence. Now, then, these 
modes, or persons, are equal. And the perfect union 
of the two first, implies a third person, or mode of 
subsistence, that partakes of the nature of the two, 
and is equal to either.* And the three are essential 
modes for union, and an exercise of all the properties 
or perfections of the Divine essence. The actions of 
an indivisible agent supposes something to act upon ; 
and that something must be able to receive, enjoy, 
and sustain the action. But before time or creation, 
there was nothing to act upon, and even now, 
all creation is not sufficient to receive an act or dis- 
play of all infinite power. God measured out his 
power in creation. He set a compass, as we read 
in Proverbs, chap. viii. Creation has bounds some- 
where, that the infinite God did not exercise all his 
power in this work. He might have added to crea- 
tion ten thousand such systems as this; or he could 
strike this system into nothing again, should he please 



Agreeable to this view of the subject, the apostle expresses 
himself, Ephesians 5 : 20, " Giving thanks always for all things 
unto God and the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." 
In like manner also, in Col. 3:17. 



453 



to do it. He doeth whatsoever seemeth him good : 
but he must exercise the infinite power that he pos- 
sesses, or it cannot be eternal or immutable ; and if 
he subsist in one indivisible mode onl}^, as the Uni- 
tarians say, there is nothing to act upon, or to re- 
ceive and sustain an infinite act ; — three modes oi 
subsistence or persons must be understood to exist 
in the divine essence, to constitute the perfections of 
action in harmony. And these are not three separate 
modes of subsistence ; but I say three distinct modes. 
And the priority seemingly indicated, is not a priori- 
ty of time, of dignity, or of nature, but a priority of 
order only. This being premised, and keeping in 
mind always, that these distinct modes of subsistence 
constitute personalities only. And as the divine na- 
ture is simple, uniform, and indivisible ; it must par- 
take of personalities, otherwise the Divine Being 
could not know his own immutability. For if the 
Divine Being subsist in one single mode only, and 
can subsist in no more than one, as Unitarianism 
teaches us, how can he know his own immutability, 
or his omniscience ? How is it possible that he 
could ? It could not be by memory ; it could not be 
by comparison, or by both united. Where could 
memory begin ? Where could it end, in that which 
is necessarily immutable? If God possess infinite 
wisdom, which he most certainly does, he must 
exercise it, or it would be useless. God must know, 
or it would demonstrate an imperfection in him ; but 
to only know all things in creation, though creation 
were ten thousand times larger than it is, it would be 



454 

finite knowledge. But God must know hinnself to 
have an exercise of infinite knowledge. And to be 
perfect, he must exercise all the attributes or proper- 
ties of the divine essence. But how can this be done, 
unless it is done in himself? And how can that be, 
unless he subsist in three distinct modes, or persons ? 
He must not only have an exercise for every proper- 
ty of his natural and moral image now, but he must 
have had an eternal exercise of them. Or it might be 
said he was once what he is not now, or that he is 
imperfect. And to say this of the Divine Being, 
would be absurd and impious. 

You see, sir, that I have got into a deep subject, 
but do not be frightened ; I am not lost, neither have 
I lost my Bible. My train of thinking arises still from 
that blessed book, for there we are inforrned that God 
made man in his own image ; and as I can safely 
reason from the creature up to the Creator, though I 
cannot reason from the Creator down ; because I can 
only know the Creator by the works of his hands, 
and the revelation he has given of himself. Now 
then, as man was made in the image of God, I sa}^, 
that what God gave him to constitute the natural and 
moral image of God in him ; that also God must pos- 
sess himself, with only this difference ; the creature 
is finite, but the Creator is infinite. V/ell, then, God 
gave to man not only the power of reason, and to 
know and understand ; but the power of speech, to 
communicate to others. God must have possessed 
this power of speech himself, or he could not have 
endued his creature with it. And as he is infinite, he 



455 



must have possessed il eternally ; and if he had no 
use for it, it was a useless perfection of the divine es- 
sence, and must have rendered him imperfect and un- 
happy. To suppose this, is a contradiction and an ab- 
surdity. But if he used it, to whom did he speak be- 
fore angels and men were made, unless there were 
three persons in the divine essence ? Therefore, 
three distinct modes of subsistence or persons are es- 
sential in order to reasonably account for the exer- 
cise of the infinite perfection or faculty of speech. 
And therefore God, before he made man, spake and 
said, Let us make man in our image herein he 
spoke to the Trinity. And the image of God in man 
is most clearly mianife^t, in this, that man was made 
male and female ; here is two distinct persons, and 
an immortal soul, or invigorating principle called spi- 
rit, which is a third person, and yet their name was 
called Adam in the singular. Now we see in man 
the image of God ; three distinct persons, or modes 
of subsistence, viz. male, female, and spirit ; and yet 
but one man that was alone, and had not an help mate ; 
and God said it is not good for man to be alone. But 
God called their name Adam in the day when they 
were created. Gen. v. 2. 

I think this is a scriptural and rational demonstra- 
tion of three persons in one God, And though the 
names of Father and Son, are now applied to God, to 
distinguish two persons in the Deity, yet these names 
were not eternal ; they had a beginning. Yet, the 
divine essence will never cease to be known to angels 
and men through all future eternity, but by those 



456 



names. So the name Creator was not without 
beginning : he who created was not Creator, until he 
created something, so he who is Father, was not 
Father until he had a son, or child ; and he who is 
the Son of God, is so emphatically, because he is 
very God, and very man ; so we are to understand 
him, Matt, xxvi.63, 64. 

Therefore, he who is the Son of God, did subsist 
in the divine essence, before he was a man or son. 
And he who is Father, also subsisted in the divine es- 
sence before he was Father, and yet but one essence. 
And still they subsist in one divine essence, and will 
never cease to be Father and Son, through all future 
eternity. And therefore it is^.proper to say eternal 
Son ; but not eternally begotten. - 

I am aware that Unitarians will object to three 
persons, or modes of subsistence in God ; because the 
Divine Being exists indivisibly. I grant he is neces- 
sarily indivisible. But he possesses perfections of 
Divine life, intelligence, moral excellence, and effi- 
ciency, as w^ell as the other properties or perfections. 
I shall establish the axiom of three modes of subsis- 
tence or persons. But of efficiency, the opinions of 
those who believe in a Trinity, and those who do not 
are very different. And in arguing this point of dif- 
ference, it is necessary to lay aside all views of crea- 
tion and providence. For the word efficiency, when 
speaking of the perfections of the divine essence, is 
not to be understood as the beginning of motion, but 
of motion without beginning. 

But Divine efficiency, as it is a perfection or pro- 



457 



perty of the divine essence, we must consider it ener- 
getic within the divine essence itself, in a way con- 
sistent with necessary existence, perfection, and hap- 
piness. But creating efficiency is only a certain 
modification of active energy. God possessed effi- 
ciency before creation and providence. And also he 
possessed life, intelligence, and moral excellence. 
And theojgh creation has not been from all eternity, 
yet it does not follow, that there ever was in God the 
absence of any ability to display a creative power, 
any more than there has been the absence of life or 
goodness. He can live to himself, and hath hfe in 
himself ; so also had Christ life in himself, as we 
read, John v. 26. It must therefore follow, in order 
to preserve the idea of the absolute, eternal, and im- 
mutable perfections of the Divine Being, that the Di- 
vine efficiency ever was, now is, and ever will be ex- 
erted or manifested in the divine essence, without va- 
riation, change, or diminution, from everlasting to 
everlasting ; unceasingly, by the law or economy of 
the Divine essence and perfections ; constituting the 
Divine Being necessarily absolute, independent, and 
altogether perfect within himself ; and that as much 
so before creation and providence, as since ; and would 
still continue to be so, were creation and providence 
forever struck out of existence ; otherwise the Divine 
Being must be mutable. 

But, as it is a positive law or axiom, that the es- 
sence of every being must partake of the nature of its 
necessary and essential perfections ; therefore, the 

20 



458 



divine essence must necessarily, and essentially, par- 
take of the activity, energy, operation, and influence 
of tliese divine perfections, which necessarily inhere 
in it ; and which is efficiency. And considering this 
efficiency as eternal, immense, and immutable ; and 
as necessary to the very existence, perfection, and 
happiness of the Divine Being, as hfe ; we may 
therefoie safely affirm, that it is a necessary law of 
the divine nature, to be active, energetic, operative, 
and influential ; without which, the Divine Being 
could not be perfect and happy in himself. 

Now to find identity in a being possessing such 
properties as has been described, is by no means dif- 
ficult. And to find distinct identities, as power, wis- 
dom, speech, &c., which are all identities ; but to 
prove him indivisible, and at the same time possess- 
ing such properties, we shall find somewhat difficult, 
unless we are carefulto use the word distinct instead of 
the word diff"erent ; therefore to subsist in three dis- 
tinct modes, is the statement in this subject : In 
speaking of modes, as applied to the personality of 
the divine essence, all that I mean is, that such is 
the perfections of the divine life, and moral excel- 
lence, that it is as natural, and necessary for the di- 
vine essence to subsist in three distinct modes, as it 
is for that essence to exist. All that we are to un- 
derstand by a divine person is, the divine essence and 
perfections subsisting in a distinct, moral, and incom- 
municable manner of subsistence ; which I call mode 
or person, at pleasure. 

With regard to three modes of subsistence m 



459 



the divine essence, I say, there are three, and there 
can be no more than three ; and that there are three ; 
— notice^ 

1st. The agent. 

2d. The object. 

3d. The union. 

Or, 1st. God subsists in essence. 

2d. He subsists in perfections. 

3d. He subsists in harmonious action. 

These distinct modes of subsistence are also dis- 
tinct offices, yet all equally partake of the one divine 
essence ; therefore there are three, and there can be 
no more than three, for if the first operate in a way to 
form a fourth, it would do away by superseding the 
necessity of the second, and if the second operate in 
a way to form a fourth, it would do away the first ; 
and if the third operate in a way to form a fourth, it 
would do away, by superseding the necessity of the 
first or second. Therefore there are three, and there 
can be only three. 

Now three distinct and incommunicable modes of 
subsistence of the divine essence and perfections with- 
in the Divine Being itself, discover to us how the 
Divine Being does necessarily subsist in the full and 
perfect exercise of the divine efficiency ; and also of 
all the other divine perfections through every point of 
eternity and immensity. And upon no other princi- 
ple is it possible for created intelligences to have just 
and becoming conceptions and notions of the Divine 
Being, and of all the divine perfections, natural and 
moral ; as for example, notice the four following : 



460 



1st. The divine intelligence. 

2d. Eternity. 

3d. Immensity. 

And 4th. Immutability. 

1st. Of Intelligence- — If intelligence be according 
to the natm'e of every being possessed of it, it must 
be so in the Divine Being, and if the Divine Being 
subsists in one mode only, the divine intelligence 
must also subsist in one mode only ; and if the di- 
vine intelligence subsist in one mode only, the divine 
ideas must all be directed one way only ; and if the 
divine ideas be directed in one veay only, it is impos- 
sible for the Divine Being to be omniscient ; because 
the divine intelligence could not operate in all direc- 
tions at the same time. But grant that there are three 
distinct modes of subsistence, or persons ; and at 
once we discover how it is possible for the Divine 
Being to be omniscient. Hence, the perfect exercise 
of omniscience leads directly to the doctrine of the 
Trinity. 

2d. The idea of eternity embraces both past and 
future, and is simple and indivisible ; and if fully 
comprehended, must be comprehended all at once ; 
which the Divine Being cannot do, if he subsist in one 
mode only ; for one mode only of subsistence can 
trace one idea only in one way, at the very same mo- 
ment. Therefore, if the Divine Being subsist in one 
mode only, and can subsist in no more than one, he 
cannot comprehend his own eternity. 

3d. The idea we have of immensity embraces a 
boundless circumference, and is simple and indivisi- 



461 



ble ; and if comprehended fully, and perfectly, it must 
be comprehended all at once. Now if the Divine 
Being subsist in one mode only, and can subsist in 
no more than one, he can direct his thoughts only in 
one way at the same moment ; and therefore cannot 
comprehend his own immensity. 

4th. The idea also of immutability, is perfectly 
simple and indivisible ; and when applied to that 
which is eternal and immense, embraces all directions 
at once, and must be comprehended all at once, if 
comprehended perfectly. And if the Divine Being 
subsist in one mode only, he can direct his thought 
only in one way at the same moment, and therefore 
cannot comprehend his own immutability. 

But if God subsist in three distinct modes or per- 
sons, he can direct his thoughts from all the extremes 
of eternity and immensity in the very same moment, 
and thereby perfectly comprehend his own immuta- 
bility. — 'Therefore there must be three persons in the 
divine essence, otherwise the Divine Being cannot 
perfectly comprehend his own immutability, immen- 
sity, eternity, and intelligence. Hence the full and 
perfect knowledge of those, leads directly to the doc- 
trine of the Trinity. And these four propositions 
run directly into one another, and support the general 
argument with the most clear and convincing evi- 
dence. 

The absolute perfections of the divine essence is the 
foundation of its own distinct personality. We, sir, 
who believe in a Trinity, presume it is not possible 
to prove, by fair reasoning and demonstration, that 



462 



absolute and imderived self-existence and perfection^ 
both natural and moral, can subsist in one mode only, 
and can subsist in no more than one ; and we pre- 
sume most respectfully, to call for proof. 

If by fair reasoning and demonstration, we have 
proved that the divine essence must necessarily sub- 
sist ia distinction and union, we hope that those who 
deny it, will favor us with demonstrations equally 
clear ; but this we presume they cannot do. 

The correctness of our views is demonstrated from 
the absolute perfection of the divine essence. To 
pursue the subject a little further, we discover that 
there is in the Divine Being, a power or perfection, 
by which the Divine Being is able to express his will, 
or make a promise, or give a command ; but if the 
divine essence subsist in one single mode only, and 
can subsist in no more than one, how is it possible 
for him to express his will at all, or to give a com- 
mand, or make a promise 7 Can the same single 
mode of subsistence be both agent and object at the 
same tigie ? No, that is impossible ; but as the di- 
vine will was as perfect in its operation and energy 
before creation and providence, as since ; and as it 
would still continue to be as perfect as it now is, 
should creation and providence be for ever done 
away ; it is of the greatest importance that we should 
study the divine will, according to its own nature ; 
and in doing so, we discover, that it is as necessary 
that the divine will should he expressed, received, and 
ratified^ as it is for the Divine Being to exist. And 
this cannot be done perfectly, only in himself by three 



463 



persons or modes of subsistence ; and if the divine 
will be not expressed, received, and ratified, there 
can be no perfect image of the divine perfections, in 
consistency with the diving nature, in all the extent 
of eternity, immensity, and immutability. It is utter- 
ly impossible for creation and providence to receive an 
absolute, eternal, immense, and immutable impres- 
sion of the divine image. And if there be no such 
impression of the divine image in creation, there must 
be one in the divine essence itself, otherwise the di- 
vine will could never operate in the unlimited extent 
of its own nature. 

It is well known among men, that a command sig- 
nified by one to another, implies neither superiority 
nor inferiority in many thousand instances. It is 
equally well known, that inequality of office, in many 
instances, impHes no inequahty of personality. In- 
deed it is impossible that there can be inequality of 
personality where the essence is equally perfect. 
Therefore no objection can arise to three distinct per- 
sons in one God, on a supposed ground that one 
would be superior to the other. 

I have taken care to so study the perfections or pro- 
perties of the Divine Being, that I may clearly view 
each ; having exercise according to their nature and 
eternity. The exercise of those divine properties in 
creation and providence, are all by measure, and there- 
fore those who believe that God decreed all things 
that come to pass in* creation or time, make difficulty 
for themselves and others, and confound physical with 
moral causes. I am sorry for those learned scholars 



464 



who say, they cannot see any difference in the fore- 
knowledge God has of things that come to pass by 
the moral agency of his creatures ; and a decree that 
such things should be. With regard to this, we ought 
to consider God to be an infinitely free agent himself ; 
not dependent on creation and providence for a dis- 
play of any of the perfections of his divine essence ; 
he displays them all freely without. 

We have often heard about an eternal decree, and 
this is true that there is an eternal decree when ap- 
plied to that perfection of the Divine Being, by which 
he can express his will, make a promise, or give a 
command. For in order that the Divine Being should 
be perfect, his will must be expressed, received, and 
ratified ; but this cannot be done in creation and pro- 
vidence ; it can be only done in himself; because 
he alone is eternal. Creation and providence cannot 
receive nor ratify an eternal decree, or expression of 
the eternal will. 

Therefore, to account for an eternal decree in crea- 
tion, is absurd ; it is a wrong application of a truth. 
I apprehend that those who have puzzled their own 
minds about eternal decrees, will feel relieved when 
they consider that an eternal decree can only have its 
accomplishment in the Divine Being himself ; by 
three modes of subsistence in the one divine essence. 

It is absurd to suppose that the Divine Being should 
express any more of his will to his creatures for them 
to receive and ratify, than what they were able to re- 
ceive and ratify. They cannot be accountable for 
any more of the will of God, than they can obey. And 



465 



h is a fact, that some expressions of his will in crea- 
tion and providences are ratified only by the agency 
of God without his rational creatures ; and sonie by 
th« agency of God with his rational creatures ; the 
sun, moon, and stars, all run their courses by the 
agency of God alone. But the worship of God is not 
performed by rational creatures without the agency 
of the creature ; therefore we are obligated to do his will 
thus far ; and though we, by reason of sin, have ren- 
dered ourselves incapable of performing one act pleas- 
ing or acceptable to God without his agency or grace ; 
yet we are capable of performing those acts of repen- 
tance and faith pleasing to God, which he requires of 
us, because the fact is, the quickening grace of God 
is freely imparted to every one in sufficient measure 
for the work of repentance and faith that God re- 
quires of all men every where. 

This is one of the most obvious truths contained in 
revelation. And yet this truth is always a subject of 
cavil and unbelief, by all those who wiish to live in 
their sins, or excuse themselves by intimating that 
their sins were an effect of an eternal decree. 

We see by what has already been said, that God 
could not exercise all his infinite power and wisdom 
in creation, and therefore he must exercise it in him- 
self. Knowledge and power, and will, are measured 
out in creation and providence, just so much, and no 
more. God is an infinitely free agent ; therefore he 
knows as it respects creation and providence, just 
what he has a mind lo know, and w^hat he has not a 

20* 



m 

mind lo know, he lets alone. But some have asked 
me, doth not God know all things ? I answer, yes, 
and more than all things ; he not only knows all that 
is in creation and providence, which is all things that 
are numbered ; but he knows immensity, that is not 
numbered. Yet he knows just what he has a mind 
to know, and what he has not a mind to know, he lets 
alone. But 1 have been asked again, what might he 
know that he does not know ? or what does he not 
know ? I answer, he does not know that you are 
dead, seeing you are alive ; but he might know it, if 
he would. He does not know that there are two 
moons to this world, seeing there is but one ; but he 
might know there were two, if he would make ano- 
ther, and who dare to say he could not make ar^other 
moon to this world ? But he has not been pleased 
to do it, and therefore we ought to be thankful for 
one, though we are not benefitted with moonlight 
but half the time. God doeth whatsoever seemeth 
him good, and it is for me and others to be thankful 
for what he has done, and to magnify his name; 
which 1 have endeavored to do, by exhibiting the 
reasons for three persons in one God, in which I think 
bis name is magnified. 

I have now expressed my mode of thinking on 
the important subject of the Trinity, and the divine 
perfections. But I have not stated all my thoughts. 
I will, however, add this : that by whatever names 
the Divine Being has been pleased to make himself 
known to Ws creatures, they cannot serve the Unita- 
rians to disprove three persons in one God; but the 



467 

Trinitarians have just claim to those names, to prove 
three persons in one God. 

I am, dear sir, yours, and the public's 
humble servant, 

B. HlBBARD, 

Canaan, Oct, 12, 1832. 



My friend, Mr. Allen, was not a Unitarian, but a 
gentleman of a liberal mind, and fond of research ; 
and having published some remarks of a Unitarian, I 
^ thought it best to give my views of three persons in 
one God, thereby at least I could put a stop to the 
publication of Unitarian principles in his paper, as I 
believed Mr. Allen would publish the arguments 
against Unitarianism, as readily as for it, and if he 
admitted theological discussions, it would change the 
political character of his paper. He saw this at once, 
and very handsomely declined publishing any more 
polemical essays. Besides, he objected to the one I 
had written, as being too lengthy for a newspaper. 
So I was requested to have it printed in pamphlet 
form. It was so w^ell received by the Trinitarians 
that I thought to preserve it, by inserting it in my 
Memoirs, And as there is no being that is eternal, 
and unoriginated but the Deity himself, and as it is 
generally believed, even by the Unitarians, that he 
possesses attributes or perfections, the exercise of 



468 



vvliich must demonstrate that he subsists in a mode 
that he could exercise them himself as an agent that 
acts in conjunction with another agent, that receives 
the command of the first agent, and their acts must 
be in Irarmony, Therefore, it is said of Christ, the 
second agent, Lo, I come to do thy will, O God," 
— Heb. 10 : 9. And as Christ is said to be in the 
express image of his person, the person of God — 
Hebrews 1 : 3, it is therefore proper to apply the 
word person to God and Christ. And as the pro- 
noun he^ is applied in the Scripture to the Father, and 
Son, and Holy Ghost, the word person is therefore 
properly applied to the Holy Ghost, as the third per- 
son in the Trinity. The relative nouns of father 
and son, I have said were not eternal — yet he that 
is Father, and he that is Son, did subsist in the divine 
essence eternally. The manifestations, or acts of 
the Divine Being, do not possess Divinity in them« 
selves, though they are tlie acts of a Divine Being- 
confounding the acts of the Deity with Divinity^ was 
the error of the heathen in introducing a plurality of 
Gods. Many authors, in refuting the errors of poly- 
theism, have inadvertently Deified the acts and per- 
fections of the Divine Being, by calHng many things 
infinite, that is not infinite. None but God is infinite, 
and yet how often we hear the word infinite used in 
an unguarded manner. One in his solemn address 
to the throne of grace, said, We are under infinite 
obligations to thee," as though his obligations were 
as eternal and unoriginated as the Divin3 Being. 
It may be thought that the good word infinite would 



469 



do no harm if it was used unguardedly ; it is a 
word that sounds eloquently, and to say this or 
that is infinite, it will make this or that worthy 
of attention. But it may not always be the 
truth. 



TABLE OF CONTENTS. 



Page. 

Birth, and Early Education, ... . 5 

First deep Conviction of Sin, . . , .15 

A Despairing state of mind, . . .22 

My first sense of Deliverance from the guilt of sin . . 24 

Joy and Peace in Believing . . . .25 

Constant Prayer and Watchfulness, . , .27 

Great trouble of mind, about Election and Reprobation . 28 
A desire to know if I was Elected, and tried experiments to 

find out— all in vain, . . .30 

A Chastisement for Unwatchfulness, . , .32 

Again Election troubles me — Reasons for, and against it . 35 
A Revelation from God, that Unconditional Election was not 

true, . . . . ,40 

Close of the Revolutionary War, . . 47 

Attempts to Dissuade me from Seriousness, . . 49 

Insurrection in Massachusetts, . . 52 

Attention to Military Subjects, . . . 56 

Warlike Notions wore ofFin a fit of Sickness, . 59 
My Health Restored, and the Methodists first Preached at 

fathers*, . . . . .61 

The Religious Dance, , . . 63 

Attended the Methodist Meetings; . . .65 

Opposition to the Methodists— and I was suspected of favor- 
ing them. Embraced their Doctrine, . . 67 
More Opposition to the Methodists, . . 69 
Deep Convictions for Neglecting my former Experience, 71 



472 



Marriage, . . . . . 75 

An agonizing Struggle for Pardon and Salvation, . 79 
Deliverance from a load of guilt, and made very happy, . 83 
Went to the West, .... 84 
Bargained for a Farm, . . . .84 

Found the Methodists were the people revealed to me when 

I was twelve years old, as in page 40, . . 85 

An Impression to Preach, ... 86 

First began to hold Meetings and Exhort, . ; 87 

Disputes about Election, . . . 91 

Obtained a Clear Witness of Conversion, and joined the Meth- 
odists, . . . . .95 
Held Meeting, and many came to dispute me, . ,99 
Closely Watched, and Strange Views of Methodism, . 103 
Success in Reproving Swearing, . . 104 
Many came to talk with, and dispute me, . , 109 
Peace and Harmony in the Class, and Conviction of my wife, 117 
Conviction to Preach increased upon me, . , 121 
Yielded fully to the Conviction, . . 128 
nvited to Preach in the house that was revealed to me when 
I was twelve years old, would be the house 1 should first 
be invited to Preach in, . . . 129 
Received License to Preach, . , . 132 
Preached in different Towns—many Converted, . 136 
One Conversion very Singular, . . 137 
Opposition to my Travelling, . . . 142 
Travelled Pittsfield and Litchfield Circuits, 1797, . 144 
Many Converted, .... 147 
Travelled Cambridge Circuit, . . 148 
Peculiar Trials, .... 151 
The Work of God very powerful^Perfection, &c. 153 
An Extraordinary instance of the Power of God, . 161 
A curious Debate on Metaphysics . . 165 
The Sufferings of ray Wife, , . .168 
On Granville Circuit— Strange pleading for sin, . 170 
Some Persecution prevented, . . .174 
Great Revival of Religion, ... 178 



473 



Policy and Union of Church and State, . . 183 

The Revival increased, . . .187 

Some Conversions very Extraordinary, . .190 
Some of the Calvinists' Doctrine consistent with Methodism, 193 
Stationed on Long Island Circuit, . . .194 

Renewed my Study of Physic, . . 195 

Removed from Bethlehem to the Island, the parting scene, 196 
Had a Dispute with a Deist on board the Boat, . 197 
Description of Long Island, . . . . 300 

Quaker Customs, . . . 201 

Attempt to Persecute at Hempstead Harbor, . , 204 

Offended a Presbyterian Church, . . 206 

A Journey to Berkshire — Extraordinary Rencounters, . 208 
Thoughts on Dress, . . . . 212 

The Meaning of the Word -Pow^a/, , . ,214 

A Scrutanutory Case, . . . . 216 

My Family afflicted with Sickness — myself sick, ; 217 

Stationed on Dutchess Circuit, and Ordained Elder at Rhine- 
beck, . . , . . 218 
Moved my Family to Rhinebeck— almost all sick, . 220 
Continued Affliction, .... 223 
Given over to die — Extraordinary Manifestation . 224 
Attend the Conference in Cambridge— Great time . 227 
Difficulty and trouble to render accounts of presents, 233 
Resolved to take no money until the Preachers were paid, 238 
Brothers Garrettson and Sands laid down the plan for my 

support, .... 239 

A Great Revival of Religion, . . . 240 

Some Persecution by the Quakers, . . 244 

A Ceremony of Hat Wearing, . . . 248 

Heaps of Incurables and Unaccountables, . 250 

A Queer Settlement of a Difficulty, . . 251 

James Horton rode around the Circuit with me, . 253 
In 1805, appointed to Croton Circuit, . . 255 

Affecting Scene on leaving Rhinebeck, . . 256 

Concert of Prayer, . . , , 257 

The Circuit greatly Blessed with Revivals, , 260 



474 



Uneasiness of my Wife, about what was to happen to me, 264 
My Son John Died, .... 266 

Wrote the Errors of the Quakers, . . 271 

Good Revival in New Rochelle, . . . 281 

Great cry for Union, . . , 285 

Hatred of the Doctrine of Perfection, . . 287 

General Conference, . . , 289 

Camp-Meeting at Tuckahoe, . . . 293 

Brought a Quaker to Repentance, . . 297 

Stationed on Reading Circuit, . . .301 

Great Revival of Religion, . . . 304 
Reproof for Stinginess, .... 306 
Stationed on Croton Circuit, and suffered by an Impostor, 311 

False Reports of my Death, , . .313 

Great Mortality in 1811, . . . 317 

General Conference, 1812, . . . 318 

Stationed on Pittsfield Circuit, 1813 . . 320 

Served as Chaplain in the Army, in 1814, , . 321 

Some Account of the War, . . . 322 

Appointed to Litchfield Circuit. . » . 339 

Blockading System, . » . 343 

In 1816-17, travelled Granville Circuit, . . 345 

Contention about Doctrines, « . . 346 

The Cardinal Doctrines, . . .357 

Pandora's Box, . . . . .36^ 

More Pleading for Sin, . . . 364 
Some Calvinists acknowledge the Methodists do good, . 866 

Abstruse Subject of Metaphysics, . . 369 

Serious Thoughts on Foreknowledge, , , 373 

The Subject Continued, . . , 382 

Of Eternal Now, . . . .405 

Travelled Petersburgh Circuit, . . 414 

Travelled Salisbury, and Tyringham Circuits, . . 415 

A Debate on Baptism, , , . 419 

Health Failed, . \ . . ,428 

Travelled to the South for my Health, . , 429 

Experience of a Dutchman, . . . 432 

Suppliment, .... 447 

Remarks on Three Persons in one God, . ; 567 




Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. 
Neutralizing agent: iVIagnesium Oxide 
^ Treatment Date: May 2006 

y 



:^ f« -i^* PreservationTechnologiej 

' '•^ -V ^* A WORLD LEADER IN PAPER PRESERVATIO 

* 111 Thomson Park Drive 

« ^UkT • Cranberry Townshfp, PA 16066 

* ZJ^ *^ (724)779-2111 ^ ^ 




